(Tris's Point Of View)
As I rummage through my wardrobe for something else to wear, my thoughts turn to Tobias. I hope he understood where I was coming from. I would love a child of my own but it would only work if we were both truly happy, and if I just tried to convince him that would never be the case. At least now his decision will hopefully be his own.
Finally, I find a baggy black dress which I often wear when either lounging about or when I'm ill or tired and after that action packed race I'm defiantly one of the above. I shower and then pull the dress on and shiver dramatically, I grab my black cardigan to cover the cold creeping up my arms from before and shove that on too before walking back out to Tobias.
As I step into the living room again I see no sign of Tobias. I'm worried. What if he's done something stupid? What if he's left me? Questions fill my head and before I know it I'm sitting on the top of the bandstand again, I like it here. I can see people walking around the park and gardens but they can't reach me and almost never come anywhere near the structure anyway. It is only when I've lay down on the cold late for the second time today that I feel a cold wind rip through my dress and realize I'm still only in my dress, cardigan and trainers. I sit up and stand, shifting from foot to foot to try to warm up my bare legs. That's when I see it. As I turn around I see, out of the corner of my eye, Tobias. But he's not alone.
My eyes fill with tears as I stare I the sight now in front of me: Tobias and a tall brunette kissing in the dark light of the evening. The structure of the street lamps casts a shadow over the woman's face but I can see her clothes clearly: A revealing yellow crop top, baby blue shorts and neon pink cork-wedge heels. I can see his face clearly too. His chiseled chin and cheek bones and his mysterious eyes and his strong arms holding hers. I know it's him. Everything falls into place now, maybe this is the reason he was so reluctant to have kids, maybe this explains everything. I'm crying now. No noise, just tears. The Dauntless inside of me reacts quickly and I spring off the roof, looking like a ninja in my black dress and jacket. I race across the grass to where the couple are stood pausing about two meters away, I stand breathing heavily. Neither of them notice me and Tobias, although not holding the girl like he would with me, is not pulling away. Something inside of my clicks and I choke out some words:
"Tobias?" He pulls away and it is defiantly him. I feel my heart break inside of my chest as he looks at me with a look of shock, embarrassment and shame. My tears fall thick and fast and I don't wipe them away.
"Tris. I…" He starts but I cut him off.
"No," I swallow the lump in my throat and continue. "No, save it. I understand now, why you don't want children or marriage. It's not Marcus at all, it's her. Well, that's fine. If she makes you happier than me then that's fine, but you should have told me…" My voice fades and I sob into my hands, I try to continue but I stutter and start so the words come out in chunks. "You should have… just… just told me! I would have let you… let you go. Go be happy!" Tobias walk towards me and takes my hands in his, I stare at him with anger, confusion, sadness and hurt.
"Tris," His voice is low and deep, I glance behind him and see the brunette standing with her hands on her wide hips smugly. I want to rip that smile off her face. "I didn't cheat. You have to believe me, I…" I slap him hard in the face, he lets out a small moan but I know it didn't hurt him that much. Why does this keep happening to me? First Celeb now Tobias, I am that easy to trick? I turn and walk back towards the flat I hear Tobias following me and quicken my pace.
When I reach the flat I grab my survival bag from under my side of the bed, during the resurrection of our city me and Tobias both made these bags in case the attempt at settlement here failed again and we had to run. Tobias got rid of his, I never did. Throwing my rucksack over my shoulder I stride towards the door just as Tobias walks through it. He blocks the door way.
"You're not going, are you?" He ask, there is worry and hurt in his voice but I ignore it.
"I'm going to go to…" I realize I don't actually have a plan. I run through the options quickly in my head:
· Evelyn
· Christina
· Cara
· Zeke?
· Celeb?
I quickly remove Celeb from the list. I am not that desperate! I decide Christina is my best friends and therefore the best for me at this time. "Christina's." I tell Tobias, fake confidence brewing in my voice. He nods, but still blocks the door.
"Tris, please just listen to me…" He sounds tired, annoyed with angers me further.
"No! Listen to me! I saw you, Tobias. With my own eyes. You didn't pull away!" He stares at the floor and I take my chance. Securing my bags on my hand and shoulder I run at him, swinging myself over his outstretched arms and into the hallway beyond. I land in a crouched position but quickly straighten up. "I don't want to leave you. But, I have to for now, until I've made up my mind." Then I run all the way to one of the Hancock buildings highest floors, Christina's apartment.
As she opens the door I see the concern on her face. My face is red and puffy from crying and tears ate still slowly dripping down my cheeks. The sight of her just makes me cry more, I think about how she must have felt when Will died. I wasn't there for her, and yet she is for me now.
"Tris, what's wrong?" I can't speak so I just shake my head, as if to read my thoughts she quickly realizes my problem. "It's Tobias, isn't it?" I just nod, she gathers my bags from my feet and guides me inside. "You take my bed, I'll take the sofa." I nod again, too tired to argue.
When I wake in the morning, I quickly dress and shower I need to be feeling fresh and ready for confronting Christina. The thought of telling her makes me sick and I try to convince myself what I saw was nothing, but… I saw it. Surely the ashamed look on Tobias's face confirmed it too?
"Hey, Tris." Christina says, helping herself to breakfast. "Now, spill." I start from the top, telling her about me confronting him, his reaction, the kiss and everything after and in-between.
"Wow." Christina says when I'm finished. "You had a lot on your chest." I shrug, I've has worse. Christina thinks for a moment before finally speaking. "You need to talk to him. Find out his side of the story. You never know, I might have not been what it seemed." I nod.
"I guess, can you come with me though? For back–up…"
"Sure, I'll beat his head in so hard he'll-"
"Emotional back-up, Chris!" She smiles sneakily,
"That too."
When Christina and I reach my apartment I feel too scared to go in. I stand by the door stunned. Chris obviously notices because she simply pushes me to one side and knocks on the door-hard. I hear movement behind the door and so must Christina because she shifts so I am even further behind her, like she's shielding me from whatever's to come. Finally the door creaks open and I see Tobias standing behind it, he looks rough. His eyes look over us and he stares at Chris, avoiding eye contact with me.
"Four." Christina says with confidence I wish I had. "May we come in? Tris would like to get some fresh clothes and she and I would both like a chat." Tobias nods his head silently and steps to the side to let us in. We enter and Christina crashes down on our long sofa while I stand awkwardly in the centre of the room.
"Tris, grab some clothes. Four, sit." She gestures to a seat, we both follow her orders. Tobias is still avoiding eye contact with me.
As I enter the living area again I see arguably the two most important people in my life right now sat opposite each other awkwardly, not speaking.
"Finally Tris!" Christina exclaims. "How many clothes did you pack?" I manage a small laugh and sit down next to her. "So Tobias, Tris has packed her clothes so now it's time for our chat." Tobias shifts in his seat but says nothing. "Please explain what happened last night in the park with this brunette person." Christina states clearly. Then Tobias looks at me for the first time and it's directly in the eye. I stare back, waiting for an answer.
"Her name is Opal Reyes and she's Johanna's niece." My mouth falls open slightly, he continues. "I met her one time at work, Johanna introduced her to me. She was obviously interested in me but I made it clear that I only loved you." I feel my cheeks go red and curse myself for it. "She kept going though and I became overwhelming. Then we had our argument and I went outside for some fresh air, some time to think. Then she appeared, she asked if I was okay and I said I wasn't. She gave me a comforting hug and I thanked her, then I turned to go but she pulled me back and… you know what happened next." He gives me weak smile. I don't care, I thought. I don't care who she is or why she was there! My only thought exploded out of my mouth before I could stop it and, to be honest, I didn't regret it.
"You didn't pull away though. You're stronger than her, you could have stopped her! You could of…" I'm crying again and Christina is holding me tight. I keep talking but it comes out it in hysterical chunks. "She didn't make you! You could've… you could… you should have done something! I trusted you! I loved you… I still love you! Why did you do it… why?"
"Tris." Tobias's voice pulls me back to reality. "I didn't pull away, you're right." This just makes another sob escape me. "But it wasn't because of the reasons you think. I was confused, scared and lost about what had just happened between you and me. I was scared I was going to lose you. Instead of pulling away I was thinking about you and what to do and what I wanted. Opal made me think and it sounds horrible but I forgot to pull away. I was too busy thinking about you." I stare at him, do I believe him? I don't know and I don't have time to think because there if a knock at the door. Tobias sighs and answers the door.
It's her. It's the brunette. It's Opal. Tobias stares in shock as she saunters' into the room, giving him a wink as she passes him. I glare at her in her and her dress, her revealing dress. I glance down at my baggy dark red top and leggings and then back at her in her silver stilettos and tight fitting dress. I feel ugly and worthless. She stands with her hands on her hips and her legs wide apart, she is wearing a strapless blue dress which leaves nothing to the imagination and a tiny silver cardigan which she has casually thrown over her sholders.
"Hi everyone!" She smiles brightly, showing off perfectly straight and white teeth. "Hey Toby!" She winks at him and then looks around the room, I can feel anger brewing inside of me. "Oops! Did I interrupt something?" She says innocently, looking at my red, blotchy face. Then I launch myself at her. My fingernails claw at her face and I can tell she was never dauntless as she screams. I punch and kick and she wobbles on her heels finally falling to the floor where I continue my attack. Then I feel warm, strong arms wrap around me and lift me off the ground. They pin me against the wall so my feet only just touch the ground. Finding my legs and arms now useless I shout abuse at the top of my lungs. I watch from whoever arms I'm in as Christina picks Opal of the floor and drag her outside out the door. Opal staggers away, barefoot, scratched, bruised and with a ripped cardigans hanging on her tanned arms.
Tobias finally lets me go and as my feet hit the ground I fall into him, exhausted. Emotionally and physically. He hold me in his arms and stares at me, I stare back. After what seems like forever I let go of him and sit on the sofa again, holding my head in my hands. The clothes from the survival bag that I'm wearing are ripped and torn by Opal's sharp nails but I think I caused her more damage.
"Tris." Tobias is watching me from across the room and I feel embarrassed, I let him know how much I care. "She means nothing to me, I swear." Deep down I know that, but I'm still hurt. I nod but feel the tears fall silently down my cheeks. "Tris, I'm sorry." I nod again but the crying doesn't stop. Tobias makes his way over to me and sits down next to me. He pulls me into his arms and I reluctantly let him, he smiles gratefully and I manage to give him one back. Then he leans in, his nose brushing against mine, and I shiver. This is wrong. I forgive him, but we need to regain trust again. I push him away.
"Sorry," I mumble, "I'm not ready, I need to build up trust again…" He nods silently and I smile, maybe Opal really does mean nothing.