A/N: I'm extremely interested I knowing what you think of the story. Please review. It's disheartening writing a story you think no one is reading.

Chapter Four: A Mile Above

I see the needle and the damage done.
A little part of it in everyone.
Every junkie's like a setting sun.
-Neil Young

He felt like he was a mile above Scarsdale, balanced on the wind's forward edge. In reality, he was sitting upon a bed of crabgrass, white and yellow dandelions sprinkled around him, among some other various weeds. He took a deep and cleansing breath, washing away all of the horrible things that had been thrust upon him the last few years. The breath exits his mouth, and it mixes with the smoke from his cigarette, the burning end of the white stick getting nearer and nearer to his fingers. The stick is simply resting there; he has only taken one drag of it since he lit it. It's really only lit for the smell. He loves the smell of a burning cigarette more than he likes the taste of it, and he also feels the smell of nicotine on his person makes him come off as more of a badass. It helps his image.

His emerald green eyes scan the grassy knoll. He watches butterflies flutter around, smirking as he remembers what his older brother used to tell him: "Butterflies used to be called flutterbies." It makes sense.

God, how desperately Roger wishes Mark were here with him to take in this beautiful sight. He's never seen Scarsdale looking this beautiful before, and he knew that if anyone would really appreciate this, it would be Mark Cohen. Unfortunately, his wishes for his companion won't be answered today. He ditched the graduation party to come here and relax. He couldn't be around all of those people, not today, not ever, which is weird. Roger liked performing because he loved the social aspect of it, but he hated being around mass crowds of people with no escape. It's different when he's onstage. He wishes he had invited Mark.

Mark… Roger sighed. He loved Mark, he always had, but lately he'd been starting to finally understand that he was IN love with him, which was something he certainly could not deal with, not ever. He couldn't go around with that gay...stigma attached to him. He didn't want to approach those feelings. He was afraid to.

Roger gently hit his head against the ground a few times, hoping that would clear his mind, but it just made his head hurt. He chewed on his lips, deep in thought about his life and about Mark. Roger was a terrible reclusive person, and kept most of his feelings inside. He didn't enjoy talking about how he felt, which left a lot of people frustrated when they had problems with him. He always felt that he was a nuisance, so when Mark and Roger had their annual fights about how they needed rework their friendship or else they couldn't be friends anymore, Roger would sit and take it while Mark yelled at him about all the things he was doing wrong. Astrologically speaking, a Mark and Roger ANYTHING relationship was doomed from the start. Mark and Roger were a Scorpio and Gemini relationship, respectively, and not that Roger really believed in horoscopes, but those signs were endlessly incompatible. Those signs were practically a, "Let me count the ways," if you will.

With a heavy sigh, he picked himself up and took a long, final drag of the cigarette before putting it out on the bottom side of his boot. He didn't want to further damage the area with the cigarette butt so he put it back into the box and then stashed that into his backpack.

"Roger?"

He jumped and whirled around to face the voice. He felt himself grinning widely. "Mark! Mark, how did you find me?! Why are you here?!"

"You came here when your mom died. I figured that you'd be here rather than anywhere on a day like today." Mark grinned and stepped forward, taking his cap off and sitting next to his best friend. The sexual tension could be felt immediately, but neither boy could really understand what that meant. "So, um…why'd you take off? Maureen's parents are letting her throw a huge party. No alcohol, but Collins said he would try and score some-"

"Mark, I'm scared."

"Wait, what? Why? You're scared?! Of what?"

He sighed, running his hands through that long, shaggy blonde hair. It really was like golden silk, like Collins had said. "I'm scared of myself; of what's going to happen. You're going off to Brown, and I'm going to be stuck here."

"Collins will be here," Mark replied, putting a gentle hand on his friend's shoulder. "Maureen will be here. I thought you were going to New York with the Hungarians?"

"Well, I-I want to, but what if it doesn't work out? What if I end up homeless or…dead? What if we won't be friends anymore? I can't lose you, Mark, I-I…" He put his hand on Mark's knee. Mark felt an electric shock of something when Roger's hand touched him. It felt wonderful. "I love you so much. I truly care about you. I know I'm only 17 and I don't know shit about anything, but…still. I care about you." Roger's voice was wavering, ready to crack any second.

Mark had never seen Roger so scared before. It was jarring. "Hey, Roger…come-come here." He held his arms open and Roger gladly accepted the hug, wrapping his arms around Mark tenderly. He buried his face into the crook of Mark's neck and inhaled deeply. He smelled like honey. It was delicious. Before he really knew what he was doing, he pressed his lips to Mark's neck, kissing him gently.

Mark gasped. "R-Roger, what are you doing?"

"Mark, I…I'm in love with you."

He pulled away and looked Roger in the eyes. "Tell me to my face, Roger!"

Roger suddenly looked very scared. "I-I love you, Mark. I'm in love wi-" Mark cut him off by crashing his lips onto his. It almost hurt, because their teeth and lips crashed onto each other's so forcefully, but both boys fully returned the kiss with much needed passion. It was a beautiful kiss.

Roger pulled away, his breathing quick. He could not catch his breath. "Wow…"

"You couldn't have told me this BEFORE the summer I'm supposed to leave for Brown?!" Mark laughed and kissed him again. "I am so deeply in love with you, Roger…"

He grinned, placing another kiss upon Mark's lips. "I love you, too, but…"

"But what?"

"I'm scared."

"Come on, Roger, you'll always be scared. But, I'll try my hardest to make you feel better."

Roger looked deeply into Mark's eyes and quickly pulled away. "I have to go home." He gathered up his things and ran away before Mark was able to stop him or say anything.