That night he sat up in bed looking glumly at Ser Pounce-A-Lot, who seemed to have forgiven him finally for his absence. Although an extended time in King Alistair's company on their recent trip to Tevinter had mellowed the relationship somewhat, Anders didn't relish the thought of interacting with him again. Their first meeting had ended pretty much as badly as any meeting could, and he couldn't help the sharp flood of jealousy he felt whenever he saw him. Spiky haired ponce, He thought resentfully.
For his part, Alistair cordially ignored him. He could cope with that, if it wasn't for the fact that Miranda found the whole thing hilarious. Her initial anger over their first meeting had dissolved fairly quickly into amused tolerance.
He stroked Pounce behind the ears. "You're lucky there are no lady cats at the Vigil, Pounce," Anders said to him. "They just make life complicated."
On top of that, the joining was tomorrow. The recruits had spent the past few days testing each other's skills in front of the wardens, learning everything they could learn about the deep roads and the darkspawn without learning any of the significant details of the joining, and Anders knew he was going to feel it keenly if they lost any of them. Even the templar, Colin, had his appeal. No one deserved to die that way.
He remembered Mhairi, so eager to become a warden, coughing and convulsing on the floor as the life fled from her. If he'd seen that - before Varel had offered him the cup - he would have refused it. And he probably would have died at Miranda's hand. She'd told him what had happened at her joining - when Duncan had killed Ser Jory. There was no turning back.
The new recruits didn't know that. He felt sorry for them, but there was nothing he could do. As long as the darkspawn were a threat, they needed wardens.
He was delaying going to sleep. He knew that. He didn't think he was the nervous type, but the dreams the wardens had been having lately were anything but reassuring. No archdemon, no darkspawn as such, just a lurking, shadowy presence that seemed to want something. It wasn't even exactly frightening, but it seemed to sap energy so that often the wardens woke more tired than they had been when they went to sleep.
Food helped. As did strong drink (Oghren hadn't complained of any dreams - except the rather disturbing one about the pants - which said which worked better). Anders liked a drink as much as the next man, but after six or seven days straight of hangovers he'd decided he liked waking up tired better.
He bashed his pillow and lay down, blowing out the candle by his bed as he did so and closing his eyes.
Sleep was a long time coming.
He stood at the edge of a forest. It felt like night, but there was too much light - he could see the outline of every tree. He felt very small, as though he were a child again. A wind started up - so fierce that it bent the trees towards him, whipping his hair around his face and stinging it with cold.
He was aware of the blackness before he could see it. A formless mass somewhere behind and above the forest. It filled him with dread. Who was he to think he could combat it? He had nothing at his command - no magic, no weapons. He was just one man.
It was getting closer.
Anders woke in a pool of sweat. Dreams again. This one wasn't any different to the ones he'd been having the past few months, save that the nameless dread was greater each time. No darkspawn, none of the familiar tingling nausea that accompanied the arrival of those creatures, but something, something was waiting for them.
"You will be heading into the deep roads," the Commander said to them. "As a group, you will be expected to work together to fight darkspawn and collect a vial of darkspawn blood each. This should not be difficult," she added. "There are plenty of them down there." The recruits shifted uncomfortably. "Anders and Nathaniel will accompany you," Sigrun continued. "It's their job to sense any darkspawn before you come across them, so pay attention to their orders and make sure you bring them back to the Vigil alive. Your chances down there without them are not good."
Neria looked at the other recruits. They all looked nervous. She flexed her fingers and checked her staff was secure on her back. This was going to be interesting. Since her harrowing she hadn't been tried in battle at all, and it was frustrating that despite her age she was technically the least experienced of the three mages. Practicing in the library had its limits.
She found there was a hard kernel of fear in the pit of her stomach and examined it, intrigued. She hadn't felt real fear since Jowan's escape, and that was tinged with despair. Here it was like a ball of lightning, feeding her nervous energy, making her thoughts spark in all directions. It could be used, she knew. Or it could use her.
There was an entrance to the deep roads under the keep. "Handy," she said to Michel, the rogue recruit. He grinned at her.
"This is where the darkspawn came out and overran the vigil," he replied. "Just after the Queen was appointed warden commander."
She raised her eyebrows. "Someone's done their homework," she said.
He shrugged, looking a little bit embarrassed. "I... always loved to hear those stories," he said. He was young, probably only around eighteen or nineteen, so it wasn't too surprising that he was in awe of the wardens. Everyone had been - after the Blight.
The first thing that hit her was the smell. Decay and dust and a sharp tang of metal - and something else that crept along the edges of her senses and set her nerves even more on edge.
"Charming, isn't it?" Anders said. He had a way of sneaking up beside her that was fast becoming annoying.
"Fragrant," she replied.
"When we find our pet darkspawn," he said, "you and the other mages need to stay back if you can. Use ranged spells. But try not to fireball us all? Nathaniel, Colin, Michel and I will handle the melee stuff."
She cocked an eyebrow, taking in his robe. "You're not exactly dressed for melee fighting," she said.
His eyes ran over her mage robes. "Standard issue circle robes," he said clucking his tongue. "They look just as ravishing as I remember, but are certainly not good against a darkspawn blade."
"I happen to be a battlemage, not a spirit healer like the other two."
"Well, what a coincidence. So am I. And I'm used to this. You haven't been into the dark roads before, do me a favour. I don't want to lose any of the recruits before the joining."
The way he said before made her ears prick up, but she didn't have an opportunity to ask him more, because the group was moving out of the courtyard and into a nearby building and he took off to walk beside the templar recruit, Colin.
They made their way down to the basement of the building, and indeed, there was a large hole that led to a cavern. They picked their way through what looked like an underground city - in ruins, but ruins that were well maintained until they reached a large, round metal door with two grey warden guards posted at it. They saluted.
"Any activity?" Nathaniel asked.
"We can sense some movement on the west fork, ser," one of the guards said. "Not a large group - probably only four or five."
"Should be more than enough," Anders said softly.
"The west fork it is then," Nathaniel said. "Open the doors."
The smell intensified as soon as the door shut behind them. "This is a quick mission," Nathaniel said to them. "We kill this group, then we leave as quickly as possible. The darkspawn sense when we attack them, and often they'll come to investigate if a group of them have been exterminated. We need to be quick, get what we want, and leave."
The recruits didn't say anything. There didn't seem to be anything to say.
"It will take us about half the day to get to the west fork," Anders said. It's a relatively easy journey, but don't touch anything - especially if it looks... unusual. The darkspawn taint is unpredictable. There are things other than darkspawn down here as well, so be on your guard - we can't warn you about those."
Neria found she was walking next to Armand, who had a look of curiosity on his face as he looked at Anders.
"I don't recognise him," he said to her as they walked. "Was he even in the tower before? Did he come from Orlais or something?"
She grinned. "Not with that accent. He was in the tower, just... not very regularly."
Armand looked puzzled.
"Surely you heard of Anders? He was the one who kept escaping...."
The younger elf drew in a sharp breath and his eyes flashed.
"What's eating your goat?" she said.
"Don't you know who he is?" he hissed at her, then rolled his eyes. "Of course you don't."
"I know he ran away a few times."
"The last time he ran away was during Uldred's rebellion," Armand said, almost spitting. "Irving went down there to release the little snake from solitary so he could help us, and he ran away."
She opened her mouth to defend Anders, then shut it. Really her testimony would only hurt the warden mage in any case. Armand and Branwen had been coldly polite to her since her recruitment, but she knew they thought her only one step removed from a maleficar. Still, it was worth letting Anders know what Armand thought about him, especially since he was supposed to be their commanding officer.
They stopped for a brief rest around mid-morning and she managed to sit herself near him.
"I had a little talk with my fellow elf," she said to him as they shared a drink from a water canteen. "He said the last time you left the tower was during Uldred's rebellion."
He had been humming as she spoke, a cheery tune she didn't recognise, but he stopped as soon as she mentioned Uldred.
"Ah," he said. "So you didn't know about my final escape then?"
"I knew you'd escaped. I just didn't know exactly when."
"Yes well." He looked very uncomfortable. "I don't really have much of a defense for that. I saw an escape route and I took it. I'd been in solitary for a year by then." He tapped his forehead. "It does strange things to you, being on your own for that long. I didn't even know why Irving was there to let me out." He grinned sheepishly. "It seemed a waste of good running time to wait for his explanation."
"I'm pretty sure I would have done the same thing in your position," she said frankly. "But that's not why I brought it up. Armand was spitting a bit when he told me about it. I don't think he's pleased to have you as his commander."
"Has a perception of me as a deserter? A failed comrade at arms? A traitor?"
"We lost a lot during that rebellion," she said. "A lot of good mages died."
"I assume you stayed around to help," he said, looking down at his hands.
She snorted. "I didn't have a handy escape route. How did you get out of the tower so many times?"
"Trade secret," he said. "Any way, you're out now. You don't need to know."
"I never really thought it was worth running," she said, a little bitterly. "They find you, no matter what you do. And it's worse when they do."
"Ah, but that to have those few brief breaths of free air - it's always worth it."
"Worth a year in solitary?" she said.
His face clouded and he fingered the gold earring he wore for a second before getting to his feet. "Possibly," he said finally. "I'm free now, aren't I?"
"You have a strange definition of freedom."
"You're not the first person to tell me that."