Chapter 2
I could only shake my head as I slowly walked up old path in the valley leading up higher. I wonder if the Monk even knows what he wants?Leaving him at the table gasping for breath, I had to go for a walk to clear my head all I could see was the past slowly lifting its old ugly head once more to show me my mistakes again and my joys and pain. Some soft and some not or as hard but others where just as harsh that they left a sting deep in my heart making me ache like no other an single beat of my heart in my chest for each heartache I left behind.
Taking a deep breath moving up slowly to the old monastery castle on top long left behind by man only animals lived there. Wasn't I animal just like them looking for shelter in a time of need? Nothing more then shell of something might have been great at one time just a ghost of times past.
I remember the first time I stumbled upon the castle that rested up on top of the mountain in valley cutting down the wind and snow that came in the winter, I was looking for place to hide from my pains of trying to live a human life. However the cold air nipping at my skin making me wish, I brought a heavy coat if I was going to be staying here. I still didn't want to think of the past not the early years, or the years in between. Too many memories too many hurts too many regrets to want to remember even now.
I just had to stop here I always did when I walked by, I still walked this way even when I tried to avoid this spot I still found my self here even after all these years. The markers gone a long time ago, but I knew where they still laid my family I once had a long time ago when I was still young and fool to think I could be still human after all that time.
Crouching down in front of the spot the grass never regrew over the spots at all, made me wonder was loving a undead such a terrible thing to not allow a soul in that heaven? Running my hand slowly through the dirt I could feel the grains that made his grave he was nothing more then bones almost just dirty now. How long had it been since I had been up here to even say hi to him? To many years ago that is for sure.
"I still miss you. I love you." chocking out softly trying to not break down from the pain watching him die in my arms at sixty-five. His eyes begging me to change him, but his heart it was so weak that it would kill him instead of save him. I had to let him die that night, just like I buried my children up here. After they died I had to leave them there was nothing for me. My family was gone the family dead from the plague and yet I still lived while they died.
A deep sigh left my body if still clinging on to the past would help me right now. Slowly moving up the trail, yes I did say trail it was here long time ago when I first found my self trying to find a way to die.
"You would have to call me won't you?" I grumbled under my breath walking again slowly making the steady climb up to the valley where the castle hides. Turning around before I made my way in to the valley to look down what I just climbed, the trail grown over from lack of use over the years. It was still green as the day I left to go back in to the world a more harder colder person not wanting any human contact for watching friends and love ones died over and over again I couldn't deal with it. Maybe it was really what drove me deep inside of my self to lock away the human that I was.
But as I came out of the wilderness back in to the world I found I couldn't lock away my love or my want to be around humans. They made me feel alive mostly on stage when they didn't know who or what I was but just actor on the stage.
Looking to the East to see once more the sun coming up, I couldn't move I couldn't breath I had to sit down watching the sun slowly coming up. So this is what I missed all those years wasting away in the night, this glory of colors touching the mountains around me, it just took my breath away looking at the site.
Reaching up to rub my eyes to look at finger tips covered in blood, I was crying. Why? I had to ask myself. Why did this site bring tears to my eyes now when in past times it didn't before? Then I knew as I heard the songs of new day waking up Carlos were not here to see it with me, or was others. Only one of my lovers still lived and that was a bitter pill swallow for me, hearts pain is real even for vampire.
Sighing sadly to slowly climb to my feet once more to enter the valley the sun was a site, but after a while it even can hurt me in time. Walking past the big boulder that uses to block the entrances of the valley, it had moved over the years so it made it easy for me to get where I was going.
"You came back…." It seem to whisper in the air around me as I stepped over door or was it gate I don't remember funny how I would forget something like that a gate that use to hang now fallen to the ground eaten by age and weather of time.
"Yes did I not say I would come back?" people would really think I was nuts for talking to the thin air around me.
"Yes…." That was his only answer to me; bring a sigh of relief that he was still here after all this time.
Stopping just after the opening to look at the castle built in to the rock of the mountain running deep in to caves that people could hide in and no one find you. The mortar slowly crumbling down, big blocks that used to keep the castles walls up where falling down the weather had not been nice to this place.
However it still held the charm of saying go away unless you want to die here. How did a castle do that, it didn't scare me then and didn't scare me now as I made my way to the main gate. Well once what was the gate moving careful around watching heavy part of the gate swing slowly back and forth over head if ready to fall any second.
Just as my steps lead me away from the gate hearing creek spinning around to be hit by the gate full force in the chest and face throwing me back against the outer wall still. Gasping for breath to end up coughing from the dust that was created, pushing the full ton of gate off me looking around to hear laughter echoing and die away. Well someone or some ghost didn't like me that was for sure, pushing my self slowly up off the ground away from the wall to look at the gate that did hit me, that was laying on the ground I had walked over it for there on the one side were my shoe prints still etched in the dust to slowly cover up again if I never walked cross it in the first place.
If your asking, yes strange things are always happening to me, in one way or another mostly when I go back to a place like this ghost didn't like me all that much. Which I didn't blame most of them for it. I understood better then they thought only if they knew only if the world knew my story. Frowning pushing the big ton door open to the main hall, why should I tell people my story what would it do, nothing.
"You never know it would give people a new look out only what it really means to be vampire and woman growing up in this world." He still knew what to say, but it didn't help my mind or calm the old memories that kept wanting to over whelm me and take me back to time I did want to forget and never visit again.
"I don't want to talk about my past. It's only hurt master." I only called two people in my life master. One was the man that bought me while this man or more to it ghost I called by my own free will master.
"And that is how you heal?" Smart ass thinking moving deeper in to the main hall walking slowly around looking to see where master was staying.
"And what if I have healed enough and I just want to forget?" I couldn't help asking to see his room the same one I found him in years ago.
"Can you forget the past? Can you forget the pain?" no he was right it was all still strong in me mostly now after all these years, thinking about my past to have this Monk want to hear my life.
"No, I still carry the scares on my heart." moving to sit cross legged in front of the rug watching master form in to solid almost real person.
"I missed you Leda. Time has moved slowly with out your presences around here in these old walls." I couldn't help but smile at him, no barriers just me smiling at an old friend.
"I would of wrote to you, but they would have never reached you." That was a lie, when I was down or just needed to spill my guts I wrote master never sending them but burning them and praying over the notes as I was taught to do.
"I know you did." His wise voice saying as his arm sung around to show a pile of letters aged and old sitting by him.
"How…?" I was lost for words to what to say, there in nice neat pile were letters the pages yellowed showing burn marks at the edges.
"I have my ways child." Groaning I hated when he went mystery on me like that and not telling me how he did that. I could only look at the letters years and years of my writing in Latin sat there my pains, glories, pit falls all in them, I poured my heart out in them.
"Now tell me child how did you come by able to now walk in the sun with out getting burned?" that question brought a smirk to my lips see him roll eyes at me this time.
"That master is a very long story." I wasn't ready to talk about that yet, it the pain of the last few years was still fresh and deep inside of me.
"You room is still as you left it." He didn't go in to what I didn't want to answer sometimes I think this ghost could read my mind with out me knowing it too. Funny I could always be at ease with him, but when it came to telling the story that always took time. And he understood and would wait for me to tell my story or cry out my pain while he try to be there to give me shoulder to cry on, when only I was still truly alone.
Nodding my head, "I thought it might be." Slowly standing up bowing to master very low, "I think I will lay down for it." He just nodded his ghost head going on reading some book that laid in front of him his ghost fingers turning the page. I couldn't help but smile at him, he would wait until I was ready talk not before, that I would have to say was a good friend even if he was dead and I couldn't touch him.
It was just as well for me. Walking slowly down the hall to climb up the steps to the second level my mind in whirl of emotions wanting to over run my mind, but I was keeping it back, holding on to the small grip of sane mind to open the door stepping in to close it as tears started falling along with rocking gut wrenching sobs of hurt.