[ IV ]
Leah's eyes meet the old man's as she turns from the silver car pulling away down the road. She knows he's been listening to their conversation but doesn't make light of it as she walks slowly up the old concrete slab the pack had lay over three years ago. She'd thought it a much better way for Billy to manoeuvre around, seeing as he was left in the big old house by himself, with Charlie and her mother the only real people who regularly visited besides the pack. It's mouldy and needs a good scrub so she makes a mental note to get one of the boys to pop around with some bleach and a hose before it becomes worse.
He'd been a tough old man to begin with, pushing away any helping hand that was held out for him, but Leah didn't like taking no for an answer, so their stubbornness met equally in the middle like fire and water, extinguishing each other's intentions. Just like the stubborn asshole that was the old man's son.
As she makes her way closer and up onto the wooden porch she can see that he is wrapping an old fishing line, baiting it with new sinkers and a colourful lure, hoping to reel in the biggest catch of the day. The way he holds the lure magnifies it's blue and orange hues, the sunlight hitting the tip before rolling across the rest of the mirage of colours. It reminds her of the oyster shells she'd collect as a child, the way once the flesh was peeled back, the shell itself would shine.
Looking toward the old man his brow is pressed and she's not sure if he is merely concentrating or thinking of ways to begin a conversation with her. They talk easily normally, the familiarity always present from years of common ground between them. But since Jacob's arrival, it has become somewhat – harder. She knows that Billy would go to the ends of the earth to protect Jacob, his only son, but there is a certain point in which she wishes he would just stop. Jacob doesn't need his protection. He is his own man and is accountable for his actions and reactions from those actions.
"I'm still not so sure about allowing one of the Cullen's on reservation land - especially Edward. Where there is one, many follow." He sighs out as he threads the last loop hole on the line.
Tying it off he places the rod to the side and looks over at Leah who sits upon a wooden chair, her legs drawn up and the face of contemplation she always wears, present. He wonders how he missed her transformation from girl to woman as he looks over her face. The way her lips have filled out, the light sprinkle of freckles on her nose and cheeks are not as prominent as they once were when she was a happy ten year old child. Her hair has grown out again, framing her almond shaped eyes and her slender nose, reminding him of her mother who was the most beautiful girl on the reservation once upon a time. And if he was truthful with himself, besides Sarah, had been until they all lost her.
"But if you say you still need him-," he lingers on the sentence turning what shouldn't have been, into a question.
"I do." Leah admits simply, shrugging her shoulders and casting a look back to the ground.
Even after the status in her pack ranks her the highest, the Chief's position remains solemn and in its rightful place; the very top. She knows he is uncertain and untrusting of Edward, especially after all of the things that had gone on in the past. Never the less, she knows that if she still needs Edward, the Chief would willingly oblige its pack leader.
"August is here."
Billy tries to smile, lightening the mood for only a moment. He knows how she changes for the boy, how the instinct of paternalism shines through and he knows how happy she is when she is with him.
"I know. I asked his mother to send him."
"Leah-" Billy starts with a sigh, his old eyes looking weary and tired, much more tired than she would like to notice.
"She says he is failing in school. He's just so angry. I don't know what to do." Leah continues without looking at the older male, her sights set intently on the road as a car drives past the house with a wave of the occupants, and slowly disappears again.
"He should know who he is - who he truly is," Billy grumbles, knowing it's the last thing Leah wants.
"Not yet, it's too soon."
She knows he wants to reach out and take her hand, reassure her of life, of what challenges lay ahead and how much she should be grateful of what she has, but she doesn't want to hear it. Doesn't need to hear it. His words of encouragement, of hope, always leave her feeling worse for wear. His words always seem to build her up before the inevitable crash back down to earth.
'It will always be too soon'
Shaking her head Leah rises from her spot, intent on greeting the pack and making sure Jacob is holding up his end of the deal. To be asked to guide some of the younger boys for the time he was back in LaPush seemed too light for his punishment from the council, but Leah had gone with Billy's idea, especially considering the thought that August could use all the help he could get from the disappearing Alpha male.
"Thank you Billy, for everything," she mumbles before ducking her head and disappearing inside the red wood house.
.
August walks into the living space; his long legs making the distance from the back yard to the living room seem shorter than it really is. Without any invitation he sits on the floor, nestling himself between his Alpha's knees, her legs stretching wider out to make room for him.
His back presses up against the bottom of the couch as his long legs stretch out in front of him, probably making the position rather scandalous because he looks like a man and not the unsure, often angry young man he really is on the inside.
She feels smaller than she really is when she sits behind him, but he likes the feeling of talking without the pressure of her dark eyes on him. He knows she'd never judge him, but the liquid hazel pools make him feel as though he was letting the pack down for his outbursts. Letting her down.
Without saying anything he feels her long slender fingers start to comb through his long silky black hair, one of the few traits he has picked up from his mother at birth. He also shares his father's green eyes and dimpled cheeks but the discomforts of the last months have made it so no one ever has a chance to see them between the scowls and glares he shoots out. No one understands him, except for her, not even his own mother.
He almost purrs as he rests his cheek on her knee, careful not to crush any ligaments and listens to the way she breathes as she strokes her palm against the top of his head.
"What did you do?"
Her voice is sweet and but a whisper, lacking the aggression he hears her use on the others in the pack. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knows he is her favourite but never mentions as such for fear of being pushed away. He knows she keeps up the metal façade, the metal heart, because after everything that has happened; only metal can keep her together just enough to go on.
"Mum doesn't want me at home anymore."
He can feel her shuffle closer as she splays her hands through his hair, tugging gently on it to get any leaves or broken branches that maybe caught in the tangles. He loves when she babies him, when she takes it upon herself to be more of a mother than his own ever could.
"Is it her boyfriend?"
He closes his eyes and sighs, clinging partially to her knee, knowing that she is the only one that could ever understand being second best. He wants to whimper when she brushes his cheek with the back of her hand, but holds it in for fear of looking weak and useless. He wants so desperately to be a good son but he feels awkward and out of place with his foster mother and finds it hard to connect on any emotional level with her.
"He told her that I am just a waste of space and should disappear like my father had when I was born."
Leah can feel her teeth grind together aggressively with the sudden uptake of beats her heart seems to be pushing out. She can feel her fingers tighten on his skull before she realises that the grip should not be aimed at the young boy but rather the stupid woman that had taken him in as a child.
"I'll figure something out," she sighs as she lays her chin on the crown of his head and hugs his neck. "Let me ask around, we'll find you somewhere."
August sighs and clutches her forearms which wrap around him.
"Thanks," he grumbles.
His sights had been set on staying with Leah but it's a well-known fact that she doesn't stay in one place too long. Most of her stuff is at Charlie's place but he knows that she hasn't stayed a night there for the past few weeks, mostly opting to sleep as a wolf in the forest. Sometimes when he can't sleep at night, he phases in the forest and attempts to find her. He can see her swirling dreams through the mind link but can't ever seem to find her physical form.
.
Seth stands in the doorway, his shoulder propped against the frame, watching the two embrace. His leg aches for a moment before he clutches the thigh muscle and rubs it down with his palm. Today has been a good day, but most are not as pain free as this one. Maybe it's being with the rest of the pack, maybe just being with his sister - he isn't really sure. He hopes that tonight will be the same, it's the only thing he truly asks for anymore once the sun goes down and he's all alone in the big old house from his childhood.
"Hey," he says quietly, walking toward the couch and sitting down next to his sister who continues to embrace the young wolf.
"Hey Seth," Leah smiles as she turns her head toward her brother. The cuts across his lips and forehead are now healed, leaving only red lines as proof of what had gone on between him and Jacob only a day before.
"Seth."
"How are you holding up kid?" The older wolf asks the younger one to gauge today's emotions.
Eyes blink at him for only a moment before he shrugs and closes off the deep green orbs. Seth already knows August has been having a tough time with his foster mom and her boyfriend, but he wants to hear it from the young boy.
"Good, I guess." His voice is drawn out and weary, earning another hug from Leah before his sister slumps back into the couch, though close enough to play with the ends of his hair.
Seth knows August has grown up so fast in this abnormal world in which they all find themselves, much like he had to, but the extra stress placed on the young wolf is often daunting and overwhelming. August's life centre's so much around secrecy it is often hard to remember that the kid barely knows anything about himself. Only a select few of the pack know about him and his past - knows his ancestry and his bloodlines, and few further agreeing to allow him into the pack. If it hadn't been for Leah-
"I think it's time for you to eat." Leah smiles, slapping August's arm to shift him from his spot between her knees and to stop the prominent frown and worry lines creasing on his face. "Go on. We'll be out soon," she promises, needing to speak with Seth alone for a moment.
Nodding and pulling himself up August makes sure to kiss Leah's cheek before he leaves the living room.
"Thanks."
He's learned over time that arguing with the Alpha female of their pack was useless. Leah's word was law, at least it had been until Jacob Black showed up with his pale face girlfriend.
Seth leans back, angling slightly to the side to be able to look at his sister's face. She seems calm to an extent, but there is an underlying pain in her hazel eyes, flickers of green and black sparkles in the orbs she's had since she was born. He can see that the purple bruising around her neck inflicted by Jacob is finally starting to fade and turn a light yellow colour against her tan skin.
Unconsciously rubbing at his thigh, Seth conjures up the courage to begin the conversation much to his displeasure. The subject is taboo at the best of times, just the way his sister prefers it, but the blinding intrigue and worry is killing him and he needs an answer.
"How is Edward?"
Seth's voice is low, but not low enough to wonder if Leah hadn't heard the question. He can see the cogs in her head moving to think of an answer that would end the conversation between them, could see the mask she tried to keep on desperately, afraid of being found out.
"Fine." She answers lowly, her hands tightening on the arm of the couch.
'He's still in love with Bella'
Seth shifts closer to wrap a loose arm around Leah's shoulders and kiss her temple. Her tears haven't fallen yet but he can smell the faint resolute distinction of salt as she shakes her head. He wonders why she's always believed that strength and anger are the most reliable emotions of the spectrum. While he loves her, he doesn't appreciate some of the choices she's made.
"And how are you Leah? Have you slept yet?"
He knows she hasn't. The small puffy pockets of dark skin under her eyes proving so. Seth doesn't have the luxury of calling sleep his friend either the last couple of weeks due to the throbbing pain of his leg and the recent passing of his mother, but his suspicion tells him, it's twice as much as she's gotten over the same period.
"Sleep is overrated Seth, or haven't you heard?" she snorts, laying her head on his shoulder and taking a deep breath.
Seth wants to ask since when had she decided that he couldn't be trusted with her feelings. Since when had he become too weak to burden the load of her problem's or fears? Since when had the big steel wall erected itself between their kinship?
"Plus – I can't sleep. I'm just too damn busy," she chuckles but the sound falls flat as he glances over to her, opting to take his gaze from the several family photos and old fireplace in front of them.
"Share the load Leah. That's what the pack is for. We all know you can't do it by yourself. If you would just ask some of the-"
Leah cuts him off with a small sigh. "I can't ask them to give up time with their families Seth, and those without families are still either in high school or are making the transition into college. I couldn't stop this life happening to me, or to them for a matter of fact, but I can ensure their futures change."
"And what about your future, sis? Have you contemplated that? What are you going to do to change your own circumstances?"
Leah remains silent while Seth waits for an answer. A long time ago before Sam Uley, their father's passing and prior to being a wolf, his sister had dreams. Big dreams. Dreams that would see her leave the reservation and probably never return. He used to love watching and hearing her talk about how she was going to go to New York, go to college, go out with her friends and walk down the pavement shoulder to shoulder with movie stars. Phasing had put a stop to all of those dreams, rendering her a prisoner of the pack. With her tenancies to a quick rising temper she never even had a chance to turn her problems around. She was going to stay on the reservation forever, and there wasn't a damn thing she could do.
.
Edward crouches down as he touches the petals of a single weed that has grown in the cracks of the pavement. The small white flower attached to the weed is pretty and soft, soft enough for it to crumble under the pinch of his fingers.
Picking it up tenderly, he stands, twirling it in his fingers as he heads inside the deserted house. The house is no longer alive, no longer thrives like it once had. Once filled with family, the house lays bare, white dusty cloth covering each piece of exquisite furniture. Furniture from each corner of the world, wood from the rainforests of South American, old teak settings from Thailand's ever diminishing hills, silver and glass from France and it's neighbouring countries, even mahogany from the snowy mountains of Australia.
Glancing only briefly at the white shadows in the space Edward makes his way toward the stairs. Grey cloth covers each photo on the wall and he wonders how his family is, whether they are happier, whether they are still living blissfully and ignorantly as before? He wonders if he could ever leave this place and not regret the decisions his made, the decisions that had been inadvertently made for him.
Sitting on the edge of the bed he looks to the photo on the mantle, the only true photo he has that reminds him why he is still here, why he doesn't pack up and leave to join his coven in Europe. While he detests the many mistakes he has made in the past, the person in the photo is not one of them.
He wishes somehow that had life been fair, had life had any status quo that maybe his sins would have dissolved by now and that his slate would be wiped clean so the sins of the father would not be passed down to that of the son.
Thumbing the photograph he lets out a disheartened sigh and closes his eyes. Years from now he will wonder where time went, why things couldn't be normal and that had he been given the chance, that maybe, just maybe – he could have loved her more. At least enough to have raised a family together.
.
Grabbing the corner of the wooden table from the back of Embry's truck, Jacob nods at his old friends hoping that the help he gives is received well by them. He'd been waiting for Quil and Embry to arrive and as soon as the table hits the ground he smacks Quil on his back earning him a punch to the chest.
"How you been, boy?" Quil hollers, his chin length hair in desperate need of a cut.
"Good man. Really good," Jacob chuckles, shaking his head at the playfulness that is his best friends. Even though it's been a long time between drinks Jacob can feel the ease of familiarity build around the trio. "And you Embry?"
Embry purses his lips and gives out a crocked smile as he holds his left hand up. Jacob is confused at first until he notices the plain silver band around his friend's fourth digit. It strikes him as odd at first until he can see a curly haired girl sitting in the passenger side of the beat up blue truck.
"Oh shit. You got married?" Jacob shouts as he gives Embry a well-deserved hug. He can't believe four years has changed so many things while keeping them all so familiar and warm.
"Yeah. Last spring. Woman of my dreams."
The smile on Embry's face is genuine and Jacob wonders if he is ever going to feel the same with Bella. They've contemplated marriage before but Bella seems content with just keeping things the way they are. She had admitted that marriage wasn't for her and that being the centre of attention was the last thing she would want as a bride with the white dress.
While Jacob hopes that in the future her mind will change, he isn't as hopeful as most would be.
"Honey?" A sweet voice calls from the passenger side of the truck making Embry perk up and slide back to the door. With whispered words a casserole dish is passed through the window and tucked under Embry's arm as his other opens the door handle which has the tendency of getting stuck.
"Hi guys," the girl smiles and waves as Embry helps her from the truck by her hand.
"Hey Charlotte," Quil waves before wiping his brow with the back of his hand, removing the pent up sweat from moving furniture for most of the morning.
Her brown eyes wander over the group until she spots Jacob and cocks her head to the side a little. Her curly brown hair bobs on her shoulders as she looks from Embry to Jacob with a little smile graced upon her lips.
She is shorter than Jacob would have imagined Embry's partner would be. Her nose is slightly turned up and her chin has an amazing looking dimple smack bang in the middle. She's cute and the fact that his friend has gone for a fuller figured woman makes him chuckle.
"I know you," she accuses, pointing at Jacob with a knowing look on her face. "There are photos of you guys down at First Beach and you're in all of them."
Embry wraps his arm around his wife and kisses her temple softly, showing her as much tenderness as he possibly can. "Char – this is Jacob Black. Jake, this is my beautiful wife Charlotte, soon to be my baby momma."
Embry huffs out a breath as soon as the woman's elbow connects with his stomach. With a small cute glare she turns back to Jacob to shake his hand. "Nice to finally meet the one and only Jacob Black. I've heard a lot about you."
Taking her soft hand Jacob grins. "Whatever he's told you - it isn't true. So – pregnant huh?"
Charlotte's face pales for a moment before she shakes her head. "No. But we're trying." There is a slight tone of disappointment in her voice but she manages to shake it off before it becomes noticeable to the group.
"But like they say – practice makes perfect right?"
Embry doges another attack to his side and laces his hand with his wife's before dragging her over to the table to lay down the delicious smelling casserole and potato salad she's brought along, made from scratch.
"See you around Jake." Charlotte laughs out as Embry drags her further and further away.
"Sure, sure."
Turning to Quil, they both proceed to pick up the opposite ends of the table and carry it over to join the others. Picking up one of the table cloths Jacob spreads it out over the table and continues on to do the next. With five tables lined together they have managed to create a table long enough for all the pack members to be seated while they eat lunch, together as a pack, for the first time in a long time.
He sweeps his eyes around the yard to check for Bella, who seems content in sitting at a table chatting to one of the young wolves, before turning his attention back to his friend.
"She's native right?" Jacob asks as he straightens out the edge of the table cloth, pegging it under the edge to make sure it doesn't fly away in the slight breeze.
Quil answers with a raised eyebrow, probably curious at the random question. "Yeah man. She's a Raven from out west."
"Wait! As in Darryl Raven?"
"Yeah man. But don't worry. Charlotte isn't a prick like Darryl was in school. She's actually perfect for Embry."
"Good."
Jacob remembers the way Embry used to run home from school and hide in his bedroom until his mother came home. With Darryl Raven, Embry was an easy target. The boy was much larger, older and stronger and would find any reason to pick at Embry whether it was his hand me down clothes from other families on the reservation or the food in his lunch box. Darryl made Embry's life hell.
"How's Claire?"
"She's good man. She just started first grade at the beginning of the year and she loves it. Who doesn't like pasta shell necklaces and ABC's?"
"That's great. Hey – do you mind if I ask you a question? I mean, you don't have to answer it if you want but-"
"Spit it out Jacob. Whaddaya want to know?" Quil laughs as he spreads the next sheet out and flattens it across the table.
Taking a deep breath, Jacob nods feeling the pressure building in his back. "When Leah phased back, she had something on her back, like scars or whatever. I didn't get a close look but – they're everywhere."
Jacob can see that Quil has paled significantly and that his eyes are trying desperately to look anywhere but at him.
"I just wanted to know what happened is all. But like I said, you don't have to say-"
"When she was taken by the vamps, they did things that none of us would have ever survived. They wanted information she wouldn't give so they literally tore it from her skin. She – it took months for her to be able to walk again, they broke just about everything."
"Why did they take her?"
"Man look – I'd love to tell you why but none of us know. We've asked, trust me. But she hasn't told anyone why. She's good at hiding things Jacob and I don't think you want to be the one uncovering what's trapped inside that girl. She was getting better, but you coming back has just tipped her reality. She – she's hurt Jake"
"You've seen it in her thoughts?"
"I don't need to read her mind bro. Girls are different from us, man. They fucking remember everything. It's like their brains are set in stone and anything that has happened throughout their lives becomes relevant in certain situations. You know for a fact that Leah doesn't forget anything. And if she can't forget, she can definitely not forgive. She's had it tough, you know?" Jacob can see Quil's thoughtful face and knows that maybe his once naive friend has finally grown up.
Letting out a shake of the head and chuckle, Quil slaps his back and pulls him toward the rest of the group. "So just, enjoy your holiday and then go back to your life in Phoenix man. Once you are there you can forget all about us again and go on doing what you're doing."
"Quil, I-"
"Don't sweat it, Jake. We all know the deal. You're in love with Bella and you want to be happy. I'm sure we'd all do the same for the right girl."
"I never meant to leave any of you behind."
"But - you did. Look, I gotta go get Claire from her kindy swim classes alright. I'll come back later, we can talk or whatever it is old friends do."
Before Quil bounds off he glances at Jacob and shrugs his shoulders. Jacob doesn't expect the hug but takes it in stride anyway. It draws salty tears to his eyes and he can't help but draw his attention to the back door of the house as a tall lean woman steps from behind the rickety screen door and onto the porch.
"I missed you, man."
"I missed you too, Quil."
"It's good to have you back. Even if it is for a short while."
"It's good to be back," Jacob nods, pulling away and out of the hug he's needed since he arrived.