Disclaimer: All characters/registered names are not mine, and owned by their respective owners, and are used for entertainment purposes...
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Bold underline indicates a caption on the TV screen
Special Thanks to my buddy NewLyfe06 for editing/proofreading for me...
(When we left off, Shinobu had just discovered the secret of the day's abnormalities. The show is still in commercial break)
Drew: Hey Shinobu, all you need to do is ask the guys questions during this game…
Shinobu: Anything I want?
Drew: As long as it's suitable for a PG-13 type audience… It's 'Let's Make A Date.' Can you handle it?
Shinobu: I remember that game, and I think I can handle that!
Drew: You got it kid! Hey, did I hear that you like Wayne Brady?
Shinobu: Yes I do……
(Wayne Walks Up, Shinobu's in shock)
Wayne: Very nice to meet you!
Shinobu: T-the p-p-pleasure's all mine…
Wayne: I hope you have fun with us today!
Shinobu: I will!
Drew: Alright, ready to start the show, Shinobu?
Shinobu: I sure am.
Drew: Ok, here we go.
(Show resumes from commercial break)
Drew: Welcome back to Whose Line is it Anyway: Love Hina edition—the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter, all in Hinata-Sou outside of Tokyo, Japan. Move over, Godzilla, because Whose Line is taking Japan by force!
(Guys chuckle)
Drew: Ok, before the commercial break, one of Keitaro's tenants, Shinobu Maehara, who is one of the sweetest girls here at Hinata-sou, discovered us. She is also the resident chef and does all the laundry for everyone. Shinobu, what exactly gave us away?
Shinobu: Ummm, well, Naru was being really irrational like she always is towards Keitaro, and I had had enough, and as I came upstairs towards my room, I saw Keitaro and Tama along with Ryan and Colin running into this room, so I had to investigate.
Drew: That's right, I get to baby-sit Tama for a little while… Well, there ya have it. Shinobu agreed to play along with us against the other girls and it just so happened that I had a backup plan, so Shinobu is going to star in our next game with all the guys—Wayne, Colin, Ryan and Keitaro. This game is called 'Let's Make a Date' and in this game, Shinobu is going to appear on a dating type show and the guys are going to be contestants hoping to be picked by her. Now, each one of them has a card that they've never seen before with a strange characteristic or identity that they have to act out, and Shinobu will have to guess who they are at the end of the game. Now, there will be four contestants instead of the regular three in this game. Now, as the added Hinata-Sou bonus, the other girls are still watching crap on TV, and this is gonna follow a dating show they are watching. Sound funny? It is! Now Shinobu, whenever you're ready, take it away…
(As the guys look at their suggestion cards, Wayne giggles, Keitaro laughs, Colin gives a small chuckle, and Ryan just give his a strange look)
-Meanwhile-
(The girls are watching the end of 'Blind Date' on TV. After the show is over, a quick commercial made by Drew pops on screen advertising the 'new' show that is really the 'Let's Make A Date' game.
Drew: Stay tuned for the premier of 'Let's Make A Date' coming next.
(The screen goes to a commercial)
Mutsumi: Ara! Wow, a new dating show. Sounds exciting.
Suu: Wow, let's watch it!
Naru: But I wanted to watch cartoons! Scooby Doo is coming on.
Motoko: I wanted to watch Scooby Doo also…
Sarah: Can it girls! We always watch Scooby. I wanna see this new show.
Naru: No!
Sarah: (grabs the remote) Too bad!
Suu: Yeah! We wanna watch this one!
Kitsune: (Walks in) What's this about? Oh boy, a new dating show. I wanna see this for sure!
Naru: (mumbles something like 'Damn kids' under her breath) Alright, but if it's stupid, we're changing it!
Sarah: Deal!
Motoko: (Whispers to Naru) Sometimes, I wish Seta were here to set her straight…
Naru: Shhhh!
Motoko: Anyone seen Shinobu?
Suu: Not since Naru made her mad!
Naru: I made her mad?
Suu: When you were yelling at Keitaro and that bald guy earlier, she got upset and left.
Naru: Shinobu…mad?
Sarah: Shut up! It's starting..
Kitsune: Alright! Enough, y'all!
(Show starts, Shinobu is pictured as the bachelorette)
Girls: SHINOBU!
Naru: Oh my God, Shinobu's on TV!
Motoko: I'll bet I know who she's with, too!
(Before anyone can say another word, Motoko's questions are answered as Wayne, Colin, Ryan and Keitaro appear on screen…
Drew: Welcome to Let's Make A Date,' the show where one lucky bachelorette gets to pick from four peculiar bachelors to go on a date with her. Our lucky bachelorette is none other than Ms. Shinobu Maehara from Hinata City! How are you doing today?
Shinobu: F-fine… I am excited to be on the show, Drew!
Motoko: Isn't that Drew Carey?
Naru: Yes it is. When did he start hosting a dating show?
Motoko: I don't know.
Naru: Hey look, Tama's on his desk too.
Suu: So that's where they took that pesky turtle! That means Keitaro knows Drew Carey!
Sarah: Shhhhh!
Drew: Good! Well, we have picked four lucky bachelors for you today, and you get to ask them questions—two rounds of them, and then make a choice of which one you want to go on a date with. Are you ready to start?
Shinobu (more confident this time) Yes I am!
Drew: OK then, take it away!
Shinobu: OK! Bachelor number one: If I was cooking you your favorite dish, what would it be and why?
Wayne: Drive-Thru Speaker Operator KZZZZ… (In a muffled voice) Welcome to Wa-ZKKKKKKKKK-can I take your order?
Shinobu: What? I can't seem to understand you. Did you hear my question?
Wayne: KZZZZ.. You asked for my favorite dish….KKZZZZZZZ…I would go with the number one and a Coke…KZZZZ!
Sarah: Wow that guy was weird!
Suu: He needs my special wireless mic clarifying invention, perfect for those older microphones, like his. It is highly radioactive though making it too hazardous for humans use…
Motoko: Then what good is it!
Sarah: Shut up, I wanna hear this…
Shinobu: Thank you Bachelor number one. Bachelor Number Two! If you were going to take me somewhere fun, where would it be?
Colin: Drunk Elmer Fudd (Swaying the entire time side-to-side) Huhuhuhuh! I wooowd ta-a-aake youtago haaaave some fwiiiiiied-WABBIT! (Throws his arms in the air as he sings the next line) Kiww the wabbit, kiww the wabbit, kiww dat skwewwy wabbit! (Acts like he is pulling out a shotgun and starts shooting everywhere) huhuhuhuhuhuh! Uh oh! No moooooowa buwwets, butI-I-I-I-I gothis--huhuhuhuh! (Acts like he is drinking a bottle)
Shinobu: Wow bachelor number two, you are quite a handful! Bachelor Number Three!
Ryan: (In a redneck voice for this game) Yes!
Shinobu: If I had my dream car, it would be a sports car, but if you could have your own dream car, what would you have?
(Drew Laughs at how close she is to Ryan's suggestion without knowing it)
Ryan: Untrustworthy Auto Mechanic Well, if you quit breaking this one here, you would have the money to buy your sports car! You gotta discombobulator gasket here that is leaking some red stuff here. I've never seen that stuff before. (A/N: Auto-Transmission fluid) What the hell is this here? Hmmmmm--This looks like about 4-500 dollars worth of parts, lets see in my book… hmmm—ah yes, here it is: Windshield Wiper Blade, (mumbles) that's too inexpensive. I won't make money off of that.
Shinobu: What was that, Bachelor Number Three?
Ryan: (Looks back up at Shinobu) That there is the Engine that cleans your windows. It's very expensive and you will have to replace that along with the spark plugs—all twenty of them. It's gonna cost you about 2 thousand dollars!
Suu: NO car has 20 spark plugs! What is he thinking!
Shinobu: Well, at least if I was to go with you, I would never have to worry about my car breaking…
Ryan: Hang on, I'm sure I'll find more stuff that's broken!
Shinobu: I'm sure you will! Bachelor Number Four! (Thinking) Ooh, it's Keitaro, maybe I'll tease him—he's so funny when you take him by surprise… What do you think I'd look cuter in—an outfit that shows some skin, or covers me up?
Sarah: Look, it's the dork's turn!
Naru: He'd better not try to say anything perverted on TV! (Thinking) Especially to Shinobu…
Motoko: That's right! He better not be perverted around her! She's only in Junior High, and he has you…
Keitaro: Has Taken A Powerful Aphrodisiac By Mistake Well, I don't know. Boy this headache is killing me, I hope that aspirin kicks in soon! Hmm, let me think now… (Sits for a moment, gets a nice soft expression on his face) Something that covers you up to leave you're beautiful body a mystery, or something that shows your every curve, and sexy legs…. Mmmmm yeah, I like the sound of that…… (blood starts running out of his nose)
Girls: WHAAAT!
Naru: (thinking) What is he thinking, taking an aphrodisiac for her? I thought he was supposed to do that for me…
Suu: Wow, Keitaro's bein' naughty…
Mutsumi: Ara, looks like Keitaro's not being too shy today…
Kitsune: I knew Keitaro couldn't hold himself back, that sly devil! Naru, you're so lucky!
Naru: And you're so terrible, Kitsune. Keitaro is too shy to do that to me… (Thinking) Although I probably wouldn't mind…
Kitsune: I'd say he just might, judging from how he is here…
Shinobu: Goodness, you're feisty Bachelor Number Four. Do you have adult desires like this all the time? I didn't know you had it in you… Bachelor Number One—would you take me to an expensive restaurant or a cheap one?
Wayne: KZZZZ! That'll be one super size number one, and an expensive restaurant! Is that all for you today? KZZZ!
Shinobu: Umm, yeah I guess…
Wayne: KZZZZ…That'll be f-KZZZ-ninety nine. Please pull around to the window to pick me up…KZZZZ!
Shinobu: Okaaaay. Bachelor Number Two: I want a fur coat so badly I can taste it! If you were to buy me a fur coat, what would it be made of and why?
Colin: (Still Swaying Side-to-Side, and slurring his words even more) WABBIT! I woowd wiiiike tooo kiwwdatwascawwywabbit! Uuuuuuh! (A/N: groaning) I don't feeeeew soo goooooooo…..BLAAAAAAUUGH (pukes) Eeew, I dooon't wemembeww eating thaaat! Wait, wait, huhuhuhuhuhuh, yes I do noooow…huhuhuhuhuh.
Girls: EEEEEEWWWWW!
(Drew Laughs)
Shinobu: You're a little too sick for me! Literally! Gross. I prefer my dates not to throw up all over the place. Bachelor Number Three: I think I know what makes you tick. I love to cook, and always select the healthiest oil for my food that still makes it taste good. When you are working on your car, do you always select the best oil for it, and why?
Ryan: Oh, yes. The blacker the oil, the better the car runs. I like to reuse oil, and I do so by running it in my car after it comes out of another. Aged is the best, especially if it's real thick and chunky, plus, it saves money…
Shinobu: Are you sure? I have always seen commercials on TV for clean oil that keeps for less wear and friction…
Ryan: I do it all the time, and my car runs perfect! By the way, your muffler bearings are out and you need some more blinker fluid. That will add another, eh, 500 dollars to your bill. That ok?
Shinobu: Bachelor Number Three, you sound a bit… confused. Bachelor Number Four: If you could find a woman with all the perfect looks, what would they be?
Keitaro: Mmmmmm… Silky long legs, oh yeah… Long flowing hair and a beautiful smile… Mmmm yeah, that is it, and soft smooth skin… Yeah… Mmmmm, that's nice and-(Shinobu cuts him off)
Shinobu: (blushes) That's enough Bachelor Four this is supposed to be a family show…
Keitaro: Not after I'm through with you…
BUZZZZ!
Drew: Alright Shinobu, ready to guess who they are?
Naru: Oooh, I could just kill that Keitaro for saying that!
Sarah: Calm down, Naru, it's just a game…
Naru: That's true—that looks like his theater teacher there, so they might just be acting…
Motoko: I thought that looked like his teachers. Why does Shinobu need to guess who they are?
Naru: Isn't she just supposed to pick one to go on a date with? I wouldn't want to date any of them like they are now if I were her…
Mutsumi: Ara, I hope she picks Bachelor Number Four, er, Keitaro, because he's cute…
Sarah: Shut up! I wanna hear this!
Shinobu: Alright… Bachelor Number One sounds like someone in a McDonald's Drive-Thru Speaker…
Drew: Yes!
Shinobu: Bachelor Number Two I can't seem to figure out. He sounds somewhat familiar, like someone hunting maybe…Bugs Bunny… Is he Elmer Fudd?
Drew: Elmer Fudd who's what?
Shinobu: Elmer Fudd who was hanging out with Kitsune too long?
Drew: Close Enough! He's Elmer Fudd who's drunk!
Shinobu: As for Bachelor Number Three, he sounds like a retarded car repair man… Even I know well enough there is no such thing as muffler bearings and blinker fluid, and the dirty oil thing was just silly…
Drew: Yes!
Shinobu: (giggles) And as for Keitaro, he sounds like he is acting the way Motoko and Naru always accuse him of acting--perverted…
Drew: Kind of… but he said he took something for a headache first and instead he felt perverted. What would make you feel like acting like that?
Shinobu: (blushes) Maybe something like Viagra?
Drew: Yes! It says here that he took a powerful aphrodisiac by mistake…
Shinobu: (Laughing) I just couldn't see Keitaro doing that… He's too sweet!
Keitaro: Awww, thanks, Shinobu.
Drew: I know some of your friends could see him doing that. (TV Screen goes dark and then to a commercial)
Sarah: Awww man! I wanted to see who she picked!
Naru: (completely forgetting about what her and Sarah last talked about) That damned Keitaro! Who does he think he is acting like that towards a younger girl and betraying me?
Sarah: Uh, Naru, I'm pretty sure he was just acting. Like you said before, wasn't that his Theater teacher there?
Naru: Oh yeah... That's right…
Motoko: I thought that was Colin there, and the assistant, Ryan. Who was the other guy?
Naru: I don't know. I'll have to go bug Keitaro later… Also, when did Shinobu get so up-front? She's usually so shy!
Mutsumi: Ara Ara, Shinobu is a little different.
Motoko: She's probably finally outgrown that shyness. Hey, did Drew mean 'us' when he spoke about 'Keitaro's friends?'
Sarah: I'm pretty sure he was referring to you and Naru.
Naru: He doesn't even know us… I'll bet Keitaro and maybe even Shinobu told him how we treat him…
-Meanwhile-
Drew: Alright, excellent job there, Shinobu. I noticed you didn't seem so shy in the game. Were you acting?
Shinobu: I sure was. I've seen the game before, several times in fact. I figured, since it wasn't real, I could have some fun and not worry about any negative consequences…
Keitaro: Wow, you had me wondering too…
Drew: That was a wonderful performance by Shinobu! Give her a round of applause!
(Everyone applauds)
Drew: 1 million points to Shinobu on that one!
Shinobu: Wow that was really fun!
Drew: Alright, on to the next game, it's for Colin and Ryan and it's called 'Infomercial'… In this game you are gonna be two guys doing an infomercial about a new miracle product, but they have to use all of these items in this box…(Colin retrieves large box of stuff from next to Drew's Desk)…as part of the pitch to sell the product… Now, Shinobu since you are here, I need you to give me a suggestion of a bad habit, like from someone you know…
Shinobu: Hmmm, Keitaro's Aunt Haruka smokes a lot, so how about a stop smoking product...
Drew: That would work great. So Ryan and Colin, the infomercial for the new stop smoking product.
-Meanwhile-
TV: 'The Young and the Restless' will continue after these messages.
Kitsune: Must they cut to a commercial during such a critical point in the program?
Naru: Kitsune, it's called a 'cliffhanger.' It is meant to keep you from changing the channel because you will not want to miss anything.
Kitsune: Of course, but I just can't stand it!
Suu: I'm hungry. I'm gonna go get a snack! Anyone want anything?
Mutsumi: Ara, watermelons will do.
Sarah: How about some ice-cream?
(Haruka Enters)
Haruka: Hey ladies. Has Keitaro returned yet?
Naru: Yes, but he is out with his theater teachers, Colin and Ryan right now.
Haruka: (giggles) Theater teachers, eh? Ok.
(The infomercial starts)
Ryan: We interrupt your favorite soap opera because it's ten o'clock and it's time to shop, shop, shop!
Colin: Does the fire department chase you around because they think you are on fire all the time? Do people often refer to you as a human smokestack?
(Drew Starts laughing)
Ryan: Well do we have the solution to stop that dreaded cigarette smoking. 15 easy steps that are less stressful and more creative than your typical stop smoking products. (Just then, Tama flies in, and lands on Colin's shoulder)
Colin: It's so easy, even our little turtle-friend Tama could do it… Right, Tama?
Tama: Myuh!
Haruka: Will someone change this crap?
Kitsune: Here we go, (click…click…click) WHAT! It's on every channel…
Haruka: Just great! I am in NO way thinking of quitting smoking—EVER! (Thinking) Damn those guys!
Ryan: Oh, and by the way, this is such a big sale that we're on every channel!
Colin: That's right! No matter how many times you change the channel, you can't get rid of us!
Ryan: Hey Colin, what do you suppose this is? (Pulls out a foam lawnmower air filter)
Colin: Why that looks like something that would clean the air running through it.
Haruka: These guys can't be serious…
Ryan: Right you are! You see if you put it between your cigarette and mouth, and smoke the cigarette, none of the smoke and nicotine can get through, and thus, you trick yourself into thinking you are smoking when you really aren't.
Colin: Wow! And when you are done, it makes a nice little pillow for your cat! (Pulls out a can of beans) Hey Ryan, what do suppose this is?
Ryan: Why, it looks like an ordinary can of beans to me.
Colin: No silly, it is a powerful tool for stopping smoking!
Ryan: (Smiling, fighting back giggling) How so, Colin?
Colin: Well I'm going to tell you. (Pause) You see…these are twenty times more potent than normal beans, and as you eat these, you will become very gassy.
Ryan: Is that so! I think I know where you are going with this…
Colin: You're right! If you smoke while the effects of the beans cause you to fart uncontrollably, you will set your surroundings on fire.
Ryan: (Laughing) Wow, and if you eat them all the time, you won't be able to smoke, without the fear of setting everything on fire.
Colin: Exactly.
Ryan: Say, my ex-wife smokes 4 packs a day. Maybe I should send her a few cans of these…
Colin: (Shakes his head sideways) I don't know what I'll ever do with you… (Pulls out a bicycle seat with tube) Hmmm, don't know what the hell this is.
Ryan: (Pulls out an upright metal sprinkler that is shaped like a periscope) Also, if your friends are allergic to cigarette smoke, you don't want them running around breathing through this, do you? (Colin puts pipe in his mouth to breathe)
Colin: (Pulls pipe out of mouth) Also, if you are the smoker, and you smoke through this, your friends might confuse you for a semi-truck…
(Drew Laughs)
Tama: Myuh, Myuh…
Colin: What, Tama? Tell them it's HOW much? Are you sure?
Tama: Myuh!
Ryan: How much did Tama say it was?
Colin: Why, she said she'd pay upwards of $49.99 for it…
Ryan: Wow, $49.99?
Tama: Myuh!
Ryan: Wow, that's much cheaper than most of your store-bought stop-smoking products…
Colin: Exactly! (Pulls out a garage broom brush) Hey Ryan, open wide. (Ryan opens his mouth) After you quit smoking, you have to get rid of the stains, (acts like he is brushing Ryan's teeth with the brush) so you will need this special toothbrush to get rid of all those years of unsightly tar stains…
Ryan: OW, OW, OW, that feels good! (Grabs brush from Colin and throws it away) Hey Col, what do suppose this piece of something is? (Pulls out a plunger without the handle)
Colin: I dunno…
Ryan: Neither do I. I wonder how that got in there…
Colin: (Pulls out large spring) Oh, for extreme cases of smoking. If all else fails, we must root out the nicotine from your lungs. Ryan, open your mouth. (Ryan sighs, and opens his mouth) Now, you thread this spring into your throat and down into your lungs, (Stands next to and slightly behind Ryan, and makes it look as if he is actually twisting the spring into Ryan) and the tar and nicotine are extracted away on this. (Quickly untwists spring out of Ryan)
Ryan: I feel better already, and I don't even smoke.
Colin: Not anymore you don't.
Ryan: And if you act right now, we'll send you this special bonus item. (pulls out a CD-Spindle cover, holds it upside down like a bowl) It's a special bowl for you to vomit in after the withdrawals kick in.
Colin: BLAAAAUGH! BLAAAAAUGH! (Starts chuckling)
Ryan: (In an upset tone of voice) Unfortunately it looks like we just used the last one…
(Drew Laughs)
Colin: (Pulls out a fake ball and chain) And if all else fails, and I can assure you it won't, but if it does, just put this around your legs and you won't be able to reach your cigarettes, and will be forced to quit cold-turtle…
Tama: Myuh!
Colin: Er, Turkey… Cold Turkey! Sorry 'bout that, Tama…
Tama: Myuh!
BUZZZZZZZZZZZ!
(TV goes back to 'The Young and the Restless' just in time)
Naru: What in the hell was that?
Mutsumi: Ara, It looks like Tama is also in the showbiz with Keitaro…
Kitsune: Alright, we didn't miss anything… Hey, Haruka, do you think that was a real stop-smoking aid?
Haruka: I don't know, but if it were my guess, probably not. (Thinking) Keitaro, that was pretty good, but did you guys have piss me off by doing it on quitting smoking?
Naru: I agree. It was just Keitaro's theater teacher and the assistant. I'll bet they made the commercial stay on all our channels. I'll bet that they are close by, because Tama was on Drew's desk earlier, as well as in that 'commercial.'
Suu: My special ultra-TV capturer does what they did by holding one's TV hostage so you can make yourself seen on all channels, and I just saw it this morning, so I know they didn't steal it. Anyhows, I had to use parts from it for my latest invention, my Mecha-Tama 37.990, so I know it's not in working order.
Sarah: And I'm helping her with it. It's gonna um, uhhh, ummmm-hey Suu, what does it do?
Suu: I'm not sure yet.
Naru/Kitsune/Haruka: WHAAA!
Mutsumi: Ara, does it make watermelons?
Suu: No.
Naru: How can you make something and not know what it does?
-Meanwhile-
Drew: 10,000 points to Keitaro's Aunt Haruka, since she smokes so much, and for having to put up with that infomercial, and another 10,000 to Tama for that special appearance. That was pretty funny. Man, Haruka got mad after the commercial came on and stayed on every channel.
Keitaro: That's because she really does smoke like a human smokestack.
Shinobu: Does she know what's going on here?
Keitaro: Yes, she was the only one other than me that knew until you found out.
Shinobu: Wow, Tama did a good job.
Colin: I know, although I was scared she would poo on my shoulder.
(Everyone laughs)
Ryan: Could you understand her?
Colin: No, but I think she was playing along after that first part…
Wayne: Let's hear it for Tama and a job well done! (Everyone Applauds)
Tama: Myuh Myuh Myuh! (Bows)
Drew: Alright! Don't go anywhere; we'll be right back with more Whose Line: Love Hina Edition after this.