Three Little Words

Chapter 4

FOUR MONTHS LATER

"Okay, so you two still want to be surprised?"

Jethro and Allison exchanged a look that was mostly raised eyebrows and quizzical smirks.

"Up to you, Ali."

"Yes, we want to wait. Okay?"

"Yeah. Okay by me."

The technician smiled at the seemingly happy expectant parents.

"In that case here's a picture that won't give it away."

She handed them each an ultrasound picture that sure enough, did not reveal the gender of their baby.

"You have one that show's the sex?"

"Sure Agent Gibbs. But you don't want that one. Right?"

"Right. No, of course we don't."

"Okay, I'll see you in a couple of months then."

"Thanks Cheryl, we appreciate it."

"My pleasure. Take care and call us if you have any problems or questions."

Jethro and Allison left the doctor's office and walked together to their cars. They had arrived separately from their respective jobs for the six month check-up. So far all was well with the baby and Allison was experiencing a remarkably easy and uneventful pregnancy for which they were both grateful. After all they had enough stress in their lives without having health problems intrude.

"Are you heading home or do you have to go back to work?"

"I'm finished at the office. I have some files with me so I'm going home. To the house. Any idea when you'll be home?"

"Probably by six at the latest. Just need to check in with Ducky and make sure everything is what we expected. Want me to pick up something for dinner?"

"I was going to fix pork chops if that's okay with you."

"Sure, that sounds good. Okay, I'll see you later."

Before he could get away, Allison snagged his hand and held on.

"Jethro are you alright? You seem very distracted and I don't know, you just seem like there's something bothering you."

"I'm fine. I'm a little worried about this case but that's it. Don't worry Ali."

He leaned down and kissed her softly on the mouth and looked her in the eyes. He knew she didn't believe him and he also knew she was right. There was something bothering him but he couldn't explain it to her. Mainly because he couldn't explain it to himself. He wanted to feel something more than he did with her and he was beginning to fear that wasn't going to happen. He wanted to feel a thrill when he saw her, an ache when she was away or at least something more than the complacent feeling he had these days. He kept telling himself things would get better but nothing was changing. Jethro began to think maybe he was what needed to change. All he had to do now was figure out how.

"Be careful on the way home and I'll see you later."

"Bye."

Allison let go of his hand and they parted. On the way home they both reflected on the months that had passed since that fateful night when Allison had told him she was pregnant.

The past four months had been challenging for both of them but they were working through things as they came up and for the most part they were happy together. Allison was living most of the time with Jethro but still had her apartment. They had discussed her moving in totally but until now that decision had not been made. After the initial shock of the pregnancy had worn off and they agreed to stay together, Jethro had asked Allison to marry him. She said no. They were up almost all night one Friday night talking about it and while they both said they thought eventually they would get married neither of them were determined it had to be right now.

Allison spent a good deal of that night convincing Jethro she didn't care about his previous marriages and did not worry about them getting divorced down the line. She told him over and over again that she trusted him, believed in him and knew he would always be there for their child and for her. It always amazed her that a man so confident in almost everything he did suffered so much self doubt in his personal life. Somewhere in that conversation Allison told him she loved him. Jethro didn't respond and she was okay with that. She knew she was ahead of him in the feelings department but she had every confidence he would catch up.

They had spent Thanksgiving with Jethro's father so he could meet Allison and Jethro could tell him about the baby in person. Jackson seemed pleased to meet Allison and of course, he was thrilled a new grandchild was on the way. He wondered about the relationship because he didn't think Jethro and Allison seemed to be in love. At least not the way he had seen his son in love with Shannon. He told himself this was different; Jethro was a different person now and times had changed. Jackson thought Allison was nice enough but he was surprised Jethro had taken up with a lawyer. After Allison explained what sort of work she did he felt better about her and the fact she was an attorney. All in all they had a nice holiday and Jackson agreed to join them in DC for Christmas.

When Christmas rolled around Jethro considered asking Allison to marry him again but he didn't. Again, they had a nice holiday and enjoyed the time off work but there wasn't really any magic in the house. Jackson worried that Jethro and Allison were not going to last but Jethro assured him things were okay. That pretty much described things; they were just okay. Nothing special and nothing particularly bad either.

After learning of Allison's pregnancy and ending things with Jethro, Ziva had gone back to Israel for two months to care for her father who it turned out was dying of cancer. After his funeral, she came back to the States but to the chagrin of everyone involved at NCIS she did not go back to work. At least not there. She went to work for the Secret Service and seemed very happy there. At least that's what Abby reported after every time they went out together. Jethro had seen her when she first came back of course and they talked about her situation and the fact that she didn't think she could continue working with him every day. He was disappointed but understood and secretly he was relieved. He gave her the name of a friend of his at the Treasury Department who helped her get a great job as a security consultant with the Secret Service. Her citizenship application was being fast tracked so she could eventually be a Federal Agent.

After Ziva had been back for almost a month, she and Jethro met for lunch one Thursday. They talked about her father's death, and work and of course, Allison and the baby. They considered themselves friends and they never spoke of what might have been. Ziva thought Jethro seemed happy and she told him she was glad to be back in the United States and loved her new job. She was able to put her Mossad training to use working with advance teams to plan and secure sites where diplomats or important politicians would be visiting. She worked mostly in the US but was able to travel as well. She promised to stay in touch with the team and so far she was. Jethro made her promise to be careful and be happy. As he watched her walk away that day he felt the familiar tug on his heart he always felt in her presence. He missed her but he knew he was where he was supposed to be.

When Jethro got home that night he was greeted with the aroma of dinner actually cooked at home instead of delivered. Truth be told he and Allison didn't eat much take out any more because it wasn't healthy for the baby. Coming home to real food was one thing Jethro definitely liked about their situation. Allison was a good cook and Jethro was always an appreciative eater.

"Smells good. Anything I can do to help?"

Allison turned around from the sink and Jethro leaned in and gave her a kiss.

"You could set the table and then we can eat. Your timing was perfect."

Their dinner was, as usual, shared in a mostly comfortable silence. Allison usually tried to engage Jethro in conversation about the case his team was working on or something mundane that she thought he might talk about. Lately, he was less talkative than usual and that was saying something. She was feeling more and more like Jethro was pulling away from her instead of growing closer. She had hoped the baby would bring them closer and in some ways it had but try as she might, Allison could not shake the feeling that Jethro was not really committed to them. He was at every doctor's appointment and certainly paid attention to her every need but something was missing. She tried to tell herself she was nitpicking and maybe she was. She loved Jethro and wanted him to be happy. Her fear was he was not going to be happy with her.

Jethro watched Allison during dinner and knew she was picking up on his lack of feeling or enthusiasm or whatever he was lacking. He felt like they were going backward in their relationship and it was his fault. He knew Allison loved him and he wanted to love her. He just couldn't figure out how to make that happen. He was excited about the baby but he knew he wasn't showing her that. If he could only figure out why he was shutting down he would do something to fix it but he couldn't. In the past he always blamed his emotional distance on his feelings about losing Shannon and Kelly but he and Allison had talked about that way back in the beginning of their seeing each other and he knew that was just an excuse now. He kept telling himself he wanted a family but he felt like he was letting it slip away.

That night as they get ready for bed Allison made a decision. When Jethro came to bed she put her book down and said a silent prayer that she was doing the right thing.

"Jethro, I'm moving back to my apartment tomorrow."

Jethro froze next to the bed. This was what he was afraid of; the woman he cared for was leaving. And this time she was taking his child.

"What? Why?"

"Because you need to figure out what you really want, Jethro. You're not happy and I want to give you some space so you can get your head together. You know I'm right."

"But Allison I don't want you to leave. I know I've been off lately but I don't want to lose you and the baby."

"You won't lose us if you really want to be a family Jethro, but I'm not sure you really, truly want that. I'm not giving up on us but I need to see if I can be alone in case you decide you can't make a commitment to us."

Jethro felt a sense of desperation seeping into his psyche. He did not want to lose this chance for a family, for happiness, but he knew Allison was right; he needed to get his head straight.

"Promise you won't give up on me, Ali. I know I haven't been what you deserve but I want to be. I want to be the man you and our child deserve. Please don't give up on us."

"Jethro, I love you, I think you know that. This is not about the kind of man you are. You are the best man I have ever known. I have known from the moment I told you I was pregnant that you were struggling with how you felt about us. To be honest I had the feeling that night that if I hadn't told you I was pregnant you were going to break up with me. Am I right?"

Allison had not intended to ever have this discussion but tonight she felt like she was fighting for her future and she wanted all the cards out on the table.

Jethro sat down on the side of the bed and reached for her hand. He didn't want to look her in the eyes but he knew she deserved his honesty.

"Yes. I was going to end our relationship. I'm sorry Ali."

"Don't be sorry, Jethro. It was because of Ziva wasn't it? It's okay, I've suspected from the very beginning that the two of you had a special bond."

Jethro just sighed and hung his head. He didn't need to say anything but oddly enough he did.

"Yes, Ziva and I had figured out that we had feelings for each other while you were gone. I was going to break up with you so we could see where that went."

Silence reigned in the bedroom for an uncomfortably long time and all either of them could hear was their own breathing. Jethro took a deep breath and tightened his grip on Allison's hand. He knew he had hurt her again and he desperately wanted to make it better.

"Ali, I want you to know that as soon as you told me you were pregnant I knew I wanted to stay with you and our child. I was shocked, yes, but I never considered for a moment not being here for you. When I left that night I went to tell Ziva we couldn't be together. I admit, that was hard for me to do but I swear to you, I never once considered leaving you."

Allison saw the pain in his eyes and heard the sadness in his voice and she knew he was telling her the truth. It all made perfect sense; Ziva going back to Israel and then coming back and going to work for the Secret Service. They apparently knew enough to stay away from each other. She knew Jethro would never cheat on her because that was not the kind of man he was. His sense of honor and responsibility was just part of why she loved him.

"I believe you Jethro. But I still think we need some time apart. I know you say you want us to be a family but you have to admit you're having trouble with the idea. Right?"

"I don't know what's wrong. I do want us to be a family. Maybe you're right. Maybe some time apart will let me get my head together. But I worry about you Ali. And the baby."

"I'm very capable of taking care of myself and this little one for a while. I will talk to you every day if that makes you feel better. We're both in perfect health you heard that for yourself today. Jethro, take some time off. I know you have plenty of vacation time and Tony can handle things for a while. Go to the cabin. Go see your dad. Get away from here and let yourself breathe for a while."

"When will you come back?"

"Let's see how things go. A minimum of two weeks. Don't put a deadline on this, Jethro. I want you to be sure of what you want before we do anything else."

"Okay." Jethro looked at her and searched her face for any sign she didn't want him to stay. "Do you want me to sleep in the other room tonight?"

"No, absolutely not! This is not about me not wanting to be with you Jethro. I love you. I want you with me. What I'm trying to tell you is I want ALL of you, not just the part of you that tells you this is where you're SUPPOSED to be. You know I don't like to sleep without you."

"I don't want you to go Ali."

"Jethro, please, you know we need to do this."

"Alright. But let's not think about that anymore tonight."

"Agreed."

Jethro did exactly as Allison wished that night; he made love to her and held her until she fell asleep in his arms. He was tender and considerate and as always made her feel cherished and drove her out of her mind at the same time. Their sex life had never been any sort of issue or problem for them. They enjoyed each other and were happy to give of themselves to satisfy the other's needs and desires. Tonight had been no different. As Jethro lay there thinking about their future he knew he didn't want to lose Allison.

For so long he had tried to keep her at arms length; just in case something happened, but now he realized, he couldn't imagine his life without her. He didn't need to go to the cabin or to visit his father to know that what he had wanted for so long was right there in his arms; a woman who loved and accepted him and their child growing inside her. It was very clear to him that he wanted to stay with Allison and now he knew he had to show her how much he wanted them to be a family. Talking was not how he and Allison communicated best. They were people of actions not words and Jethro began that night to plan the actions he needed to take to convince Allison he was serious about them and happy in their relationship.

Sleep didn't come easily to Jethro that night and unfortunately just three hours after he finally dozed off his phone woke him up. There was a dead Marine in Rock Creek Park and his nights rest was officially over. Jethro quickly dressed and when Allison roused and looked at him sleepily he sat down beside her.

"Hey, sorry I woke you . I gotta go. Go back to sleep."

"What time is it?"

"Just after four. I'll call you later, okay?"

"Okay. Be careful, Jethro. I love you."

"I will. Will you be here when I come home?"

Allison looked at him and knew he was taking advantage of her sleepy condition. But, she didn't care; she loved him and wanted to be with him. She simply wasn't strong enough to send him away or leave him.

"Yes. I'll be here. Go on."

Jethro leaned down and kissed her and then kissed her again. He brushed her hair back from her face and looked at her and felt for the first time in a long time that he was where he not only needed to be but wanted to be.

Allison had closed her eyes and he thought she was asleep. He brushed one last soft kiss across her forehead and said, "Love you". Then he was gone.

Allison didn't move until she heard the front door close. Then she covered her face with her hands and cried with relief. It wasn't the glorious declaration of love most women would want but to Allison it was more than enough. It wasn't the first time Jethro had said those words to her but it was the first time she thought he really meant them and wasn't just saying them to make her feel good. She rolled over and fell back to sleep with a smile on her face and peace in her heart.

TBC