"No, Phil. Leave me alone…please"

I just stared at him as the words left his mouth. He tried to sound intimidating. Like he really did want me to leave him alone. His eyes didn't say that though. His brown eyes had this little twinkle of fear in them as he gazed at me.

"Dan-"

I lifted my hand, placing my hand on his cheek. He didn't react at first but soon looked to the ground and moved away. My hand fell to my side again as I watched his eyes well up with tears.

"Please don't…please" he mumbled before quickly getting to his feet and scurrying away. I watched him go, biting my lip as my options ran through my head.

I could follow him, confront him. I could tell him to stop being such a baby and that we needed to fix this situation. Or I could do what I always do. Lock myself away in my room and cry. I was so weak, I knew I was. It's no wonder he doesn't love me.

I just sat there, staring at the doorway he had fled out of more than five minutes ago now. I didn't even have the energy to move.

How did we even become like this?

We used to be able to just act like best friends. Of course there would be the odd awkward glance when we'd accidentally touch or got to close but that was it. How did we get from that to this. It just didn't make sense to me. How we got from being best friends to not being able to be in the same room as each other. It was breaking my heart just watching how he reacted to me. He'd flinch if even my arm brushed against his.

Of course we had to pretend everything was fine though. The fans were always extremely over analysing every single thing we did. We had to pretend to be super happy and energetic every time we knew people were watching us.

It really worried me. I just wanted everything to go back to how it was before. I wanted my best friend back.

Is that too much to ask?

************************************************** *******************

So here we were again. Dan laying back against the couch with his arms folded across his chest. He's leaning away from me as much as possible, his gaze fixed on the TV screen. I'm sitting beside him, my legs curled underneath me as my tired eyes skim over the words of the book I'm reading. I glance up a few times to see his eyes have wandered from the screen to me. Of course as soon as he realizes I'm looking he turns his attention back to the colourful picture on the screen as a frown takes over his features.

My arm brushes against his as I move to try get comfortable position. Then there's this moment of deadly silence between us. His head snaps around to look at me. His eyes are wide with the same look from before of fear. That tiny little twinkle that shows me, no matter how much he doesn't want to admit it. He's scared. I know exactly what he's scared of, or more, who he's scared of.

Me.

It's as simple as that.

He knows how I feel about him and it scares him. I don't know if he still has feelings towards me or if he hates me but something about me scares him. Maybe it's that he's scared of what he did to me. Maybe he doesn't want to hurt me anymore and really is just scared that every time we touch I hurt more. He wouldn't be exactly wrong if he thought that. Every time our hands brush against each other I fell that same stab of pain at my heart. The pain that stabs sharply then turns into a dull ache of longing.

I want him more than anything else in the world. I just want to hold him in my arms and wipe that scared look off his face. I want to reassure him that everything will be fine. That we'll be fine.

But I can't.

We might be a lost cause after all.

He looks away awkwardly before coughing in an just as awkward manor. "I…um" he sighs deeply, closing his eyes for a moment as if you collect his thoughts.

"We better get to bed"

I pause for a moment, just letting his words sink into me completely before reacting. I give him a quick nod before folder the corner of the page I'm on and closing the book.

"Alright, mum"

He looks at me blankly, obviously not grasping that fact that was a joke. If things were like they used to be, Dan would have laughed and shot back with some witty 'your mum' joke. But this Dan isn't like the old Dan. The cute little ecstatic kid I fell in love with. He's just a spiritless man now. A boring guy who never laughs or smiles. He used to at least smile but he now just has a permanent frown on his face.

Just a 22 year old man who can't smile nor sleep. I say can't sleep because he constantly has dark circles under his eyes. I mean I know he stays up on the internet all night, I do too. But this is beyond a joke now. He's just like a zombie he's so tired. Wandering around and mumbling to himself to stay awake. Why is he even so scared to go to sleep?

What could be waiting for him there that's worse than this?
"Yeah…" comes his quiet reply as he rubs his eyes.

"Well…" I stand up, holding my book tightly in my hand as I come face to face with him "…Goodnight"

"Night"

We both make our way upstairs after turning off the TV and lights downstairs. The awkward silence from before has returned as we now stand close enough to touch but don't. I just had to go into my room and sleep. That's all I need to do.

…So why can't I?

It's just that sad look Dan's giving me. It's almost as though he doesn't want me to go. "Dan?…" I asked softly.

He lifts his head, his eyes meeting mine. He looks just as scared as before, maybe even more so. "…Yeah?"

I lift my hand to touch his arm. He flinches, cowering away from me as if he thinks I'm going to hit him. We both just stare at each other with shocked expressions for a couple of seconds before I snap back to reality. "You…Try get some sleep, okay?"

He nods quickly, his eyes falling to the floor again. "Okay"

************************************************** *******************

My eyes shot open as I woke with a start. For a moment I lay there in my half asleep state trying to figure what had woken me when I heard a loud thump. I sat up, rubbing my eyes and making a grab for my glasses on my bedside table. I closed my eyes for a moment while my phone illuminated the room with it's bright light. I peeked at the screen, wincing several times at the brightness.

4AM.

What could have been making such a noise at this time in the morning. It couldn't possibly be the French builders or whoever they were. The earliest they ever started was six or seven.

…So what could it be?

I groaned softly to myself while stretching my legs out and tumbling out of bed. It was only when I was in the hallway that I heard the quiet sobs. "…Dan?" I asked gently knocking on his bedroom door "Are you okay in there?"

There was a small break in his sobs before they began again. No matter how he felt about me I had to go in there and comfort him. It was absolutely breaking my heart listening to him like this. I quietly opened the door and creped into his room, not expecting to see the scene in front of me.

His covers were laying on the floor next to his tipped over bedside table. His lamp lay on the floor in shatters with the contents of his 'miscellaneous draw of crap' scattered around it. The thing that shocked me most about this was Dan laying in the middle of all this chaos.

He was curled up in a ball, his knees to his chest. He had his head buried in knees as he rocked back and forth slightly while sobbing and whimpering.

"Dan?…What's wrong?"

As I slowly approached him I realized his little whimpers and murmurs were actually my name.

"P-Phil" he quivered slightly more clearly than before.

I dropped to my knees and quickly wrapped my arms around him in a tight hug. He immediately latched onto me, his head now resting on my shoulder as his sobs became loud wails.

"It's okay…I've got you" I soothed softly as I gently ran my fingers up and down his back. "Please tell me what's wrong, Dan. I want to help"

His cries only increased in volume as he clung onto me with an even tighter grip than before.

"Dan…"