You can all curse me if you want, I know I deserve it. I'm really sorry it took me so long to update but I had a really nasty case of writer's block in this chapter. Anyway, next chapter is almost done, I just have to write the first scene and I'll post it. Please continue to read and review, I love to read what you are thinking about this fic.
DISCLAIMER: You know the drill, they don't belong to me, I really wish they did but FOX owns them...
After an entire day moping in bed Reba forces herself to get up, take a bath and continue with her life, even though the simple task of waking was more than she could actually manage at the moment. Today she was going to have a talk with her older daughter. Her PREGNANT older daughter. How did things turned out so bad? How could she not notice something as huge as this?
With a sign she finished her bath and went downstairs to prepare breakfast to her kids. With the table set, the eggs already scrambled and waiting in plates she managed to gather enough courage to call Brock at the condo he was now living in before anyone came to the kitchen. He answers the phone after the third ring with a voice laced with sleep. She feels a little bit of satisfaction at having woken him up.
"Hello?"
"Who is it Brock?" – A woman's voice asks from the other side of the line and Reba freezes, feeling tears gathering in her eyes.
'We are not even divorced yet and he is already living with her' – She thinks bitterly.
"If you don't say anything I'm going to hang up." – Brock's grumpy voice sounds in her ear.
"Brock…We have to talk to Cheyenne…About the pregnancy. Can you come over when the kids are back from school?"
"Reba? I…Of course I'll come."
"Good…And try to come alone." – She says coldly before hanging up. Soon the kitchen is filled with noise as the kids come down to breakfast. Reba ignores them and the food on the table in favor of doing the dishes; she's not the least bit hungry. At the sound of the School bus horn has everyone gathering their things and running to the door is seconds and before they are all out the red-head calls Chayenne back.
"Chayenne…I expect you and your boyfriend here after school…We have to talk." - She ignores the grimace on the blond girl's face and shoos her out of the house.
When she is finally alone she lets her face crumble and sits on the sofa dejectedly, already feeling out of energy even though the day has only began.
As soon as Van and Chayenne are out of the house she runs into the kitchen, trying to control the turmoil of emotions consuming her. Did her family think she was made of steel? There really was only so much she could take until she became irrevocably broken and she was so close to that breaking point, so close she could feel it coming.
Trying to disconnect her mind from all this she plunged herself into the mindless task of preparing dinner, letting her mind rest while she used all her focus into cutting ingredients, boiling water and frying meat. She was so concentrated that she almost jumped out of her skin when she felt a hand touching her arm. Turning around her eyes met the concerned gaze of her ex-husband.
"Reba, you are crying." – He says so softly it almost felt like a caress. Confused, she touches her cheek and is shocked to find it wet.
'Again with the tears. Will I ever stop crying?' – She thinks tiredly.
"The onions make my eyes burn, it's nothing."
Brock chooses not to point out the fact that there were no onions in the kitchen, instead he studies her, seeing for the first time how frail and tired she looked, how dull and dark her beautiful blue eyes were. For the first time in weeks he really looks at her and notices how lifeless the red-head looked. He doesn't flinch at the stab of pain he can feel in his heart; he deserves every bit of it.
"What are you doing to yourself?"
"I'm not doing anything, what are you talking about? I'm fine."
She speaks with so much conviction that he would've believed her if he hadn't noticed the trembling in her body. She looks so fragile that he is afraid of hurting her when he grabs her by the elbow and guides her to a chair.
"Reba, you don't look so good. When was the last time you ate something?"
"I-I don't remember. Day before yesterday?" – She finishes lamely, closing her eyes and resting her head against the back of the chair as she feels the exhaustion and lack of food finally catching up to her.
"Reba?"
"I'm just…Tired." – The red-head answers with a sigh before sitting straighter to stare at the table in front of her.
The warmth of his hand against her cheek is unexpected and in an unguarded moment she closes her eyes in unconscious appreciantion nuzzling Brock's hand very softly, silently reveling in the way this most insignificant touch was still able to make her skin tingle, wondering why it couldn't always be like this between them.
"Why are you doing this to yourself? Don't you see the only one you are hurting is you?"
Her eyes snaps open and she wrenches her face away from his touch, glaring at him as she stands up.
"I'm living my life Brock, what do you think I'm doing?"
"This is not you Reba, you are so much stronger than this…"
"No I'm not! I'm not strong. Right now I'm anything but strong."
"You can't continue like this Reba, you've got to take care of yourself. Think of the kids."
"I am thinking about them, they are all I'm thinking about. What about you Brock, do you think about them? Did you think about them whem you decided to have an affair?"
"This is not fair." – He whispers angrily, eyes shining with guilt.
"Not fair? Oh I'm sorry, I'm always so UNFAIR with you!"
She laughs, the sound harsh and dripping with bitterness and he can't look her in the eyes. He thinks about the time the two of them met, the innocence he could still see in every aspect of her and the sweetness that made him fall in love with her, but now none of it is there, instead, he can see pain and desilusion and he knows it's all his fault.
"You can't keep doing this Reba."
"What do you want from me?" – She asks, broken, tired.
"I want you to start taking care of yourself! I want to know you are going to be alright."
"I'm doing the best I can Brock! Do you have any idea how hard all of this is? I'm really trying, but it's so hard! You are leaving me for your pregnant mistress and my sixteen year old daughter is pregnant! It's too much to take! I'm using the last scrape of strengh I've got to keep it together, but it's too much…It's too much!"
"Reba-"
"No. Don't say anything, just…just go away Brock…Please…I can't take anymore."
She grabbes the counter more forcefully, trying to hold on to anything while she fells herself sliping away, breaking in peaces.
"We have to talk, about everything that happened, to us. About Chayenne and her plans to marry Van."
"No."
His hand touches her cheek in a soft caress and she takes a shaky step back, trying to get as far away from Brock as possible, she would probably have an away if not for the tight grip he has on her arm.
"Let me go."
"Look at me."
"No, let me go. Please!"
"Look at me Reba" – He asks again, warm hand grasping her chin tenderly, turning her face towards him when she refused to meet his eyes.
"I'm always here for you Reba. We may not be husband and wife anymore, but you'll always be my best friend. As a friend, I'll always be by your side when you need me."
His hand moves to touch her in such a sweet way that it crumbles with whatever bit of control she had managed to gather. Tears full of longing, pain and love falls from her eyes.
"I'm really sorry about everything, I really am." – Brock whispers as he leans forward and presses his lips against her forehead kissing it softly. When she wraps her arms around and bury her face in his shirt he just holds her tightly, hands carding through her red hair as his own tears stain his cheeks.
"Why did you have to go and do this to me, to us?" – She asks amidst sobs, finally voicing the question that's been eating at her. He hesitates a little before he lets go of her.
"I don't really know. We were growing apart, you and me. We wouldn't touch anymore, we wouldn't talk anymore." – He was looking anywhere but at her.
"Why didn't you talk with me about it?"
"How could I? We couldn't be in the same place together without fighting!" – Brock said, finally looking at Reba.
"One night I was so pissed off at you…and BJ was just there, willing to touch me, to let me touch her…she was willing to listen to me, to my problems…It was a long time since I talked to someone without them yelling at me…I think I've got overwhelmed…It was the first time we…We had sex."
She felt herself shaking with a million pent-up emotions: Rage, hurt, betrayal…She turned away, embarrassed by her weakness, terrified of her thoughts, more so of the feeling of hate flooding her as Brock watched her.
"After that it was easier to have sex with BJ than it was to come home and fight with you. Later I just couldn't seem to let go of her, It was like I was addicted…"
"You love her." – Reba whispered painfully. Brock, thoughtfull.
"I think I do." – He confessed.
She doesn't know what to say to this so she just stands in front of him, shocked.
"Reba, please say something. Talk to me." – He almost pleaded.
She could hear the tears in Brock's voice and it made her feel guilty.
"I don't really know what you are expecting from me Brock, what can I say after all this?"
"That you forgive me?" – He says tentativelly and his voice is so ridiculously hopefull that she laughs.
"You really are a moron Brock. What exactly have you done to deserve my forgiviness?"
"I did say I was sorry didn't I?"
"Sorry isn't enough, not this time."
Brock grabs her hands in his.
"Then tell me what is. What can I do to make you forgive me Reba? Just name it, I'll do anything, I'll say I'm sorry a tousand times untill it's enough for you."
"Don't touch me." – She snapped wrenching her hands out og his grip. – "I can't think when you touch me."
"Reba, please. Talk to me." – He almost pleaded.
"I don't want to talk anymore. Please leave."
"Reba, I'm really trying but you've got to work with me."
"I don't have to do anything to make things easier to you Brock! I'm tired to make things easier for other people! You screwed up, you really screwed up! And you lost the right to apologise when you decided to have an affair."
"Reba don't do this!." – He started in a rush, desperate.
"This conversation is over Brock. Just get out of here, please."
"What? Are you really going to end this here? We have to work this out."
"GET OU!" – She yells angrily and without another word Brock leaves. Reba calmly resume dinner preparations, refusing to let her mind wander further than the recepy she is making, the only aparent sign of her distress is the shaking of her hands.