Chapter Four: I'm Riley Matthews, and I'm going to fix this.
In the two weeks that followed, Riley skipped every session. I wasn't mad or disappointed, how could I be? The Thursday of the third week came around and Riley was still a no show. Maya found out that Topanga had taken her home after Riley claimed to be sick and so I gave chase. I drove over to the Matthew's home and walked up to the door just as Topanga walked out scaring me.
"Murray!" Topanga insisted,
"Topanga!" I said gasping for breath as I stood on the verge of a heart attack.
"What are you doing here, shouldn't you be at work?" She inquired closing the door behind her.
"Free period, here to see Riley" I said still catching my breath.
"Why, what's wrong?"
"It's just, well, things aren't getting better"
"I can see that"
"Yes, of course you can. So I've decided to take a new approach and that is working with them individually, to lay the foundations for when I work with them as a group."
"That's a smart idea,"
"Well of course it is, I thought of it!"
"Okay don't get too cocky, how are you handling with Mr. Arlen?"
"Oh, just great, he came into the school the other day demanding my resignation saying that I should be arrested."
"Yeah Cory told me, if you need us you clearly know where we live"
"Of course thanks, so Riley?"
"She's inside go ahead and good luck"
"Thanks" I concluded before Topanga opened the door for me before walking off, I walked inside and up to the Matthew's apartment. I opened the door and I closed it behind me, Riley was in the kitchen pouring a glass of juice. "Riley" I said gently, she turned around and was caught off guard by my being there.
"Murray, what are you doing here?" She asked surprised,
"Well since you've been religiously skipping our group sessions, I thought that I should come to you."
"I'm sorry, I've just been busy with other work and…"
"It's okay Riley, you don't have to lie to me. I get it you don't want to face them"
"I, I don't know why it's suddenly so hard" Riley insisted on the verge of tears, I walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table, she sat in the chair opposite me.
"When you wake up in the morning, you don't have the energy or motivation to get up, the thought of the day ahead drains you even further. When you do eventually get up you look in the mirror and don't know who it is looking back at you, but you put on a smile and wear it all day. Even though deep down inside of you there is a cold darkness slowly eating away at and all you want to do is break down and cry." I stated looking at her straight in the eyes and watched as tears ran out of the corners of her eyes and down her cheeks. She lowered her head and nodded a few times. "You can't face your friends because you can't face yourself. You skip out on group sessions because you know what we will be talking about." I continued,
"I just feel so empty" Riley cried,
"It's okay, but you have to let me help you"
"Why, why do you want to help us, to help me?" She attacked throwing her head up and staring at me.
"Because Riley, I'm being harassed by a father who's son killed himself because I failed him, I wasn't able to help him and he killed himself Riley, I wasn't able to be there and help him, I failed him. I'll be there for you and your friends, and I will help you all, and no matter what I won't fail you guys." I explained to her, the anger in her eyes vanished and she wiped away the tears.
"I'm sorry" she whispered,
"Don't be sorry, you've done nothing wrong." I assured her. "Now on Monday, I want you back in our sessions because the six of us are going to work together and get through this, they're your friends and they want to help just as much as I and they can help. You just got to let us." I continued, Riley nodded
"Okay, I will" she insisted, I put my hand into my pocket and pulled out her friendship ring.
"Start by taking back this ring, putting it on and remembering what you've got, who you've got. Start with remembering that you are Riley, next that you're part of Riley and Maya and you'll always will be." I said smiling at her but I could see she was deep in thought.
It was Monday and we all sat quietly waiting for Riley to arrive.
"Murray, I thought you said you talked to her" Isaiah said,
"I did, she said she'd be here today." I replied,
"Well where is she?" Farkle called out throwing his arms out to either side of him.
"Did you want me to go look for her Murray?" Lucas asked,
"All of you split up and search different areas of the school, I'll wait here in case she arrives." I instructed and they jumped into action leaving the room in an orderly rush. I rested my head in my hands and slowly drifted off to sleep. When woke up, I rubbed my face with my hands and look up to see Farkle and Isadora sitting in chairs whispering to each other.
"Murray you're awake, this is…" Farkle began
"Isadora I know, we've met, I talked to her before our sessions started. I invited her to join but she felt this didn't include her." I interrupted drowsily, "Where are the others?" I asked,
"Maya and Lucas found Riley, she was being harassed by those older student we had a run in with a couple of weeks ago. One of them apparently hit Riley because she deserved it. Cory took both Riley and Maya home, while Lucas' Mum came to pick him and Zay"
"Why?"
"Because Lucas' Dad had a heart attack this morning and didn't make it" Farkle rather coldly answered, I wiped my eyes with my left hand and sighed.
"Things aren't okay are they Murray?" Isadora asked concerned, I looked up at them both,
"No, it seems this is an incredibly rough time, but we will get through it and you will all be best of friends again I assure you."
"How can you know that; Riley is depressed and is having an identity crisis, Lucas just lost his Dad; we barely talk to one another, how can you know that we will be best friends again?" Farkle asked, his voice full of emotion and tears on the verge of flooding from his eyes as he stared angrily at me. Isadora gripped his hand tightly,
"Because Farkle, we're going to work together and get through this, all of this." I answered him calmly.
We didn't have another session that week; if I spoke the truth I would say that I was loosing hope. For the rest of the week I watched from afar as those who were still at school drifted further apart. Maya was lost without he best friend, Farkle and Isadora spent more time with each other alone and away from everyone, as for Riley she faded in with the crowd, depressed and searching for who she was. It was a Saturday night; I sat in the armchair with my book of notes and a pen reading through old notes on each of them, with a glass of vodka and ice on the small coffee table next to me. A knock at my caught my attention, I placed the book and pen on the larger coffee table in the middle of the living room before walking over to the door. When I opened it up I saw Lucas standing there with a plastic bag in his left hand.
"Lucas!" I welcomed trying to sound warmly,
"I heard what's been happening; may I come in? I brought snacks" Lucas replied, I stepped to the side and opened the door up further gesturing with my left hand for him to come in. As I closed the door Lucas walked over to the couch and sat down placing the plastic bag on the table where my book and pen rested. "Going over our notes are you?" he inquired, I walked over to the arm chair and sat down.
"Yeah, looking for a new angle to start again from, so I can fix things." I explained,
"Why not start with me?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well I just lost my Dad, I could really use someone to talk to, who'll listen, who can relate"
"I can do that for you" I assured him; he smiled at me and waited a few seconds before he started talking. We lost track of time and talked for hours, Lucas fell asleep on my couch. I called his Mother and explained the situation to her,
"Yes Mrs. Friar, it's okay for him to stay but if you want I can drive him home." I assured her
"No, if it's alright with you, I don't have a problem, it is late. How is he?" she asked
"He will be just fine, just needed to talk to someone"
"Yeah, I guessed as much didn't do much of that or really anything in Texas, but I'm sure he got it all off his chest with you with you, he looks up to you"
"I will let you go Mrs. Friar"
"Okay, goodnight and thank you again Murray"
"It's okay really." I hung up the phone and went into the second bedroom, getting a spare blanket and returning to Lucas, covering him with the blanket. I sat back down in the armchair going over the notes I took down, there wasn't a moment Lucas wasn't crying tonight and in truth I don't think he even realised that he was.
I was cooking eggs and bacon for breakfast the following morning when Lucas awoke. He walked into the kitchen rubbing his eyes,
"Morning sleeping beauty" I happily said,
"Morning" he replied drowsily
"There is some juice on the table, apple and orange. The egg and bacon will be ready soon."
"Thanks," Lucas said walking over to the dining table, filling a glass with apple juice. Lucas sat down in a chair; I brought over a plate full of egg and bacon. I made an egg and bacon roll for myself from the buns and the butter that were also in the middle of the table.
"Have you come to a decision yet?" I asked having just swallowed a mouth full of food.
"It would be pretty bad timing to do so wouldn't you think?" Lucas asked taking a sip of his juice,
"I don't see you all day everyday so I cannot help you make a decision, this is all up to you Lucas" I assured him,
"Yeah I know, wasn't really my question but okay," Lucas acknowledged but gave me a funny look, "what? It looks like you have an idea" he insisted as I looked at him with a cheeky grin on my face.
"You" I said evilly
"Me?"
"You"
"Me?" Lucas looked at me suspiciously as I knew exactly what to do in order to help Riley.
"You, Maya, Farkle, Isaiah hell even Isadora. Her friends, you guys are the key. Riley hasn't had her friends around to help her find out who she is"
"Because of what has been going on"
"We are who we are because of the people around us, except in Riley's case her friend's aren't around her because of what's been going on"
"Then all we have to do is" Lucas started and I looked at him with a great big smile on my face and nodded.
The following day I sat up in my chair behind my desk eagerly waiting for their arrival like a dog waiting for its owner. Lucas was the first through the door our smiles met and we could tell how excited we both were, next was Maya, Farkle, and Isaiah who all took their seats. Finally Riley made a silent entrance sitting down in her seat. I calmed myself, hid my smile and stood up, walking to the front of my desk,
"Well it feels like forever since we last were together like this" I began and smiled at everyone, Riley raised her hand above her. "Yes Riley?" I asked and she lowered her hand.
"Would I be able to speak please Murray?" she inquired, her voice gentle and quiet,
"Of course Riley, please go ahead." I insisted leaning on my desk.
"We all know what's wrong, and we all know what's at stake here. It's us, we all know that when Lucas makes his choice someone is going to get hurt and it will be the end of us. I'm Riley Matthews, and I'm going to fix this!" Riley proclaimed, I gave her a concerned look as I watched her walk over to Maya who smiled up at her but quickly stopped realising it wasn't a time to smile. Riley put her hand in her pocket and pulled out her ring offering it too Maya, in shock Maya offered out her hand and Riley dropped it into it.
"Riles…" Maya whispered stunned,
"You're Maya Hart, you've grown up so much. So much so that you don't need a nobody like me anymore, I don't deserve to be your best friend Peaches." Riley paused for a moment as she became emotional, Maya looked up at her with tears in her eyes. "I want you to find someone who is worth being your best friend and when you do give this to them and be happy" Riley instructed, she closed Maya's hand around the ring, Maya looked down and watched her do so. Riley gently guided Maya's hand up to her chest, Maya looked up again at Riley her tears now running down her cheeks.
"Riles" Maya whispered,
"Maybe even give it to him" Riley insisted looking over at Lucas who sat stunned to his chair, Maya also looked at him but only for a moment before returning her gaze upon Riley. Riley walked over to Lucas, he slowly turned his head following her and looked up at her as she came to a stop in front of him.
"You couldn't decide, you couldn't choose, so I chose for you. And I choose to step aside, I choose her. You two balance one another out, and you fit perfectly together, you're a good guy Lucas and you wouldn't have been able to ever choose knowing what could happen, what was happening." Riley explained, the pain clear in her tone.
"Riley…" Lucas softly said standing up and looking her in the eyes. With a few steps Riley backed away from him and into the middle of the room.
"I need time, and space to get through what's going on, to work out, who I am. And to get over you, maybe see other people but I know most of all I want you guys to be happy, so I'm ending this problem we're having now and letting you all move on and be happy." Riley concluded she wiped away the few tears that broke through her defences. Lucas stepped forward and reached his right hand out for her,
"Riley" Lucas repeated his tone more saddened than before, Riley turned around and walked away, over to her seat. She picked up her bag and walked out of the room, my jaw had dropped open from shock and the room was stunned into silence.
"Well there goes our whole positive what we like about Riley intervention we had planned, none of us saw that coming" Isaiah pointed out trying to break the tension in the room. Lucas hurried over to me,
"This is where you doing something isn't it, aren't you going to do something?" Lucas questioned, I slowly closed my jaw; still in disbelief and trying to process what just happened, I attempted to speak but only strange noises came out. Farkle stood up and ran out the door
"Riley!" he called out once he had left the room, next Isaiah stood up and walked towards the door.
"I'm going to follow him, cause y'all need to talk about what just happened." Isaiah insisted before giving chase after Farkle and Riley. I slowly made my way around my desk;
"See this is why they need to legalise drinking for teachers at school, for moments exactly like this" I complained, then sitting down in my chair looking passed Lucas and at Maya. She sat there looking down at her hands; in one hand was Riley's ring while on her finger of her other hand was her friendship ring. Maya sat looking at them both with a look a pure horror, tears fell from her face down onto her hands. Lucas turned around and looked at her before hurrying over and crouching down in front of her.
"Hey, Maya?" Lucas said trying to get her attention.
"I just lost my best friend, I did this too her" Maya whispered in shock, Lucas grabbed hold of Maya's hands tightly, comforting her,
"This isn't your fault, and don't worry we'll get her back, we'll fix this. Wont we Murray?" Lucas assured her looking over at me, I sighed and looked over at the other side of the room for a minute before looking back at them.
"Riley said that she was going to fix this, and in a way she did. Riley put the happiness of her friends first and her own second, she did what she thought was best for her friends not for herself. She made the choice, so that Lucas wouldn't; she walked away so that her friends could be happy. Find some comfort in knowing that the old Riley is still in there and what we just saw was evidence of that." I explained, Maya jumped up and Lucas fell backwards,
"How am I meant to find comfort in any of this?" Maya asked filling with anger,
"Maya sometimes in the real world…" I began,
"Screw your real world, she is my best friend, my sister!" Maya interrupted.
"Well your sister just walked out of here, walked away from her friends and the boy she has strong feelings for, again for you. Your sister is lost with no clue of who she is, but despite that and how broken she has become, your sister continued to do what she's done for years. Put you and her friends before herself, no matter the cost or the pain it caused her. She's walked away from all of you not just so she can try and figure out who she is but so you all can be happy, this is her solution to this problem, one last sacrifice for the friends she loves and is letting go of. In the real world, you have too work with the hand you've been dealt, this is our hand and we will work with it, so I will say it again: find some comfort in knowing that." I argued trying to remain as calm as possible despite Maya's hostile attitude and tone. Lucas stood up and approached Maya,
"Maya, Murray isn't the enemy here, and he's right" Lucas gently said to her,
"It's good you felt comfortable to let your emotions out on me Maya, I encourage you all to do it, that's part of the job. Maya you have to remember that we are working in a very delicate area; one I didn't think we'd reach for months, but you've all made astounding progress. Riley's made a decision and we've got to work with it, I've got to work with it, and I will, so you keep that ring and hold onto it tightly because you will be giving it back to her I assure you." I said Maya with a smile on my face. Maya and Lucas picked up their bags before picking up Farkle and Isaiah's and carrying them out of the room after the bell rang a short time later. I rested my elbows on my desk and buried my face into my hands. "I'm not going to fail them, I'm not going to fail them" I repeated several times over quietly trying my best to stay calm and not cry, "it doesn't matter how hard it is or how much work there is, I'm not going to fail them!" I assured myself.