Episode Four – Aithusa
Why does no one have spellable names anymore?
Okay, brief recap: The shiz, as they say, has gone down. Lancelot pulled a Sirius Black (Gwen blames herself), then Uther copped it (Merlin and Arthur both blame themselves), it's all Morgana's fault, unexplained!Nathaniel Parker is still unexplained and Arthur's king now.
Got all that?
Also, I'd like to mention that the I-Player screenshot for this episode is of a wet Bradley and Colin. Thanks BBC :)
I – Sleeping people. At least, I hope they're sleeping. If there's one thing this show doesn't need it's a higher body count.
Someone wearing an awesome coat climbs down a rope and knifes his way into a box containing... a smaller box. What is this, pass the parcel?
His eyes are very wide. I imagine this box has something interesting/cool/magical/all of the above inside it, such as a curly amulet thing covered in runes which I think is supposed to look like a dragon but kind of looks like a snail from a certain angle. Awesome coat man has an identical curly metal amulet which he sticks to the other one, but there's still a piece missing. He turns round and...
Well, that's creepy.
FORMERLY SLEEPING PEOPLE *staring*
AWESOME COAT MAN Well, that's creepy *runs for it until he reaches a cliff*
SOUNDTRACK *is dramatic*
CLOAKED PEOPLE *zombie walking*
Awesome coat man grabs one of the cloaked not-zombies. One of them attempts to persuade him not to be an idiot and give up.
AWESOME COAT MAN *totally not obsessed or anything* Ha! I already know where the third piece is! See ya, bitches! *shoves cloak man away and leaps over cliff like a boss*
Anyone wanna take a guess as to where this third curly metal snail amulet is.
Anyone who didn't say "Camelot" is sentenced to go sit in a corner and read Twilight.
OPENING CREDITS (Ooh, Nathanial Parker gets a credit in place of Anthony Head now)
II – It's raining
That doesn't happen often in this show, but it least its accurate weather for England. Gaius is minding his own business when awesome coat man knocks wetly on his door. Merlin and his bed hair are interested.
AWESOME (WET) COAT MAN So, yeah, back-story, execution, Uther, etc, etc, can I have a towel?
UNIMPRESSED!GAIUS *patiently awaiting an explanation for this bullshit*
AWESOME COAT MAN I has an amulet
Well, now Gaius is interested.
Oh look, the amulet has a confusing name and leads the bearer to another place with a confusing name where there is a dragon's egg which awesome coat man totally wants. Only problem, he kind of needs the third part of the amulet first.
Gaius doesn't agree.
AWESOME COAT MAN Well, I'll be at the tavern then. Also, I'm totally a changed man and not evil or anything *leaves*
Merlin and his bed hair continue to be interested because he wants to save the dragons. Also, he can't keep his nose out of anything plot related for more than five minutes. And, Merlin, dear, this whole "saving the dragons" thing kind of depends on the baby dragon being female because, you know, biology and all that.
ANGRY!GAIUS *is angry*
But bed-hair Merlin can't leave well enough alone because he smells plot, so he sneaks out to go find the Great Dragon and tell him about the egg.
Nah, Great Dragon, you can't be the last of your kind. That's Sean Connery's job
GREAT DRAGON You must retrieve the egg
MERLIN Dammit. Mixed signals suck
GREAT DRAGON Screw Gaius. I'm totally going to guilt trip you by mentioning your father now
MERLIN GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH FINE!
III – I cannot help laughing at the shot of Merlin entering the tavern...
Because I've seen the outtake where Colin Morgan decides to cartwheel for some reason. It's awesome :) All the Merlin outtakes are awesome.
BORDEN I has a knife!
MERLIN Why does everyone attack me when I come over to help them?
Why do I feel like Borden has anger issues.
MERLIN I want to see a dragon's egg, because it's awesome
BORDEN Go away
MERLIN I can totes get you into where the amulet is kept
Ah, I do love that being king now does not eliminate Arthur's weird need to sleep shirtless. However his awareness appears to have increased as he actually wakes up for once when Merlin is going through his keys. And his expression is awesome.
I think it might be classic Merlin-excuse time!
ARTHUR Get out
I love sleepy Arthur.
ARTHUR Also I kind of need that belt with the convenient keys on it
MERLIN Why must you make everything so difficult?
I smell wacky hijinks!
I cannot describe the next scene in words. I can only surmise that the writers of Merlin know exactly who their fanbase are. But Merlin gets the key and Agravaine looks suitably bemused throughout.
IV – Later that night...
BORDEN I'm beginning to like you, Merlin
Dammit, Merlin, why must you have chemistry with EVERYONE IN THE WORLD?
And so, down to the vaults do Merlin and Borden and Borden's awesome coat go. Luckily, Merlin appears to have grown some common sense and will not go any further than necessary, meaning Borden has to get past the guards himself. Apparently his tactic for this is throwing a coin.
BORDEN I'm Two-Face now
And then he punches a guard in the face. Like a boss. Through a gate covered in cobwebs and down to find lots of boxes. He plays search-the-boxes for a while before finding his amulet and laughing in a half-hooray and half-i-might-be-evil way. He and Merlin then escape and...
BORDEN Backstabbing times! *thwacks Merlin on the head and knocks him unconscious through the door*
Yup, evil.
V – Merlin wakes up the next day and goes to return the key...
More wacky/slashy hijinks ensue.
ARTHUR I'm getting slightly concerned about you
But the alarms have sounded and it's time to investigate what has been stolen. Time for Gaius to explain everything to Arthur and Agravaine (who I swear has suddenly sprouted grey hairs).
ARTHUR We're going on a dragon hunt! KNIGHTS OF THE ROUND TABLE, ASSEMBLE!
ANGRY!MERLIN *is angry*
ANGRY!GAIUS *is angrier*
Gaius has a point, you know. I wouldn't trust Borden, he kind of thwacked you in the head. But no time to dwell on that, it is time for the Knights of the Round Table Bromance to ride off on their quest.
VI – Luckily the CGI smoke in the CGI forest will show them where to go!
But it is time to rest for the night.
Ah, I *heart* the Knights.
However, Merlin senses something suspicious! Not that we get to dwell on that, the Knights are too busy being amusing. However, with that little detour of random over...
MYSTERIOUS VOICE Emrys...
MERLIN Gah!
Merlin follows the voice through the trees...
VOICE Emrys...
MERLIN Be patient!
And he finds... The creepy staring not-zombie druids all standing around
MERLIN Wow, how do you just appear like that? It's cool... Kinda creepy, but cool
DRUID LEADER Borden went this way about three hours ago. Also, the tomb is totally booby trapped so be careful about that. Also, we has riddles.
MERLIN Useful.
DRUID LEADER And the image of a Weeping Angel becomes an Angel
MERLIN ... thanks?
Next morning... Frustrated!Merlin is frustrated.
MERLIN He went east, I can sense it
ARTHUR Sense is not a word I associate with you, Merlin
KNIGHTS Actually, sir, he's kind of right about this...
ARTHUR ... damn
They come across a cave... WHICH THEY TOTALLY HAVEN'T USED IN ANY PREVIOUS SEASONS WE SWEAR *shifty eyes*
MERLIN Let's go into the cave
ARTHUR Let's not go into the cave
SIR JEFF Actually, we kind of need to go into the cave
ARTHUR ... damn
VII – So through the cave they trek to a waterfall...
Which Arthur walks through. Like a boss. Cue wet Knights.
If only briefly. And the music soars as they reach a pretty tower of prettiness
ARROWS We think not
SIR JEFF *arrowed in leg*
NOOOO! Not Sir Jeff!
BORDEN I'm Hawkeye now, bitch.
MERLIN *teh magics crossbow out of Borden's hands*
BORDEN Well, crap *runs off before Arthur can find him*
SOUNDTRACK *suspiciously similar to Jaws theme*
Merlin then almost runs into a spiky branch, which Arthur suspects Borden has left as a trap. Or, you know, it could just be a spiky branch. Maybe spiky branches are the Arthurian era equivalent of that classic invisible-cheese-wire-at-neck-height trap.
Once again the Knights make camp, only for sneaky Borden to sneak up on them with something weird to slingshot into the stew.
WRITERS See? Merlin's awesome cooking is a plot point!
Because Borden's slingshot thing sent them all to sleep/poisoned them. Luckily Merlin has anti-poison magics...
And now he shall run to the tower of doom, following Borden.
BORDEN *uses amulet key* Haha! I win.
MERLIN No!
EVIL GARGOYLE HEAD I hope you've got a gas mask
BORDEN Why?
EVIL GARGOYLE HEAD Because of the gas
BORDEN What gas?
EVIL GARGOYLE HEAD This gas *gasses Borden*
MERLIN *drives gas away with teh magics* Well, he's probably dead *wanders into pillar-filled chamber with pretty, blue, tear-shaped dragon's egg at the end*
BORDEN Not dead! Give me the egg! We can rule the world together
MERLIN You know, that argument was far more persuasive when it was Nimueh giving it and I kind of exploded her with lightning. Also, how are you supposed to split a dragon half ways metaphorically?
BORDEN But... My meaningless life...
MERLIN Erm, how about no.
BORDEN I'll totally kill you with this torch and take the dragon myself
MERLIN I am the last Dragonlord. Bitch.
BORDEN Oh bugger
And Merlin magics Borden to go flying across the room and land in a heap.
MERLIN Well, he's probably dead now
So he removes the egg from the plinth and I don't think Merlin's ever seen an Indiana Jones film because doing that never ends well. Such as the gear noises that are suddenly filling the air.
Also, isn't this place supposed to be a guy's tomb? Where's the coffin?
I love it when the booby trap is basically "entire building falls to bits." How does that even work anyway? Meh, teh magics probably.
So, Borden's definitely dead now.
MERLIN And the egg totally died too
VIII – Back in Camelot, in the pretty sunset...
GAIUS So, you didn't save the egg?
MERLIN No
GAIUS *bitchplz face*
MERLIN *lols* Yeah, I totally saved the egg!
Gaius then attempts to guilt trip Merlin about thinking before he acts. Now, what is he supposed to do with this egg now? And keeping it for a pet and calling it Norbert is out of the question...
IX – So Merlin takes it to a tree stump and summons the Great Dragon to be impressed
GREAT DRAGON So, you kind of have to make it hatch now
It's not the best breeding cycle, relying on a Dragon Lord to make the eggs hatch.
GREAT DRAGON You must give the dragon a name
MERLIN Well, this episode's title hasn't come up yet so... Let's go with Aithusa
And the egg hatches (fairly quickly, I might add) into the most adorable baby dragon - no, make that most adorable dragon in general - I have ever seen, ever. Apart from Toothless. And the best part is, it's a good omen for Albion :D
AND WE FINALLY GET A HAPPY ENDING! THANK YOU MERLIN WRITERS!
I still want to hug everyone though.
Next week... Lindsey Duncan is not happy. Oh dear.