Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or series listed below
Omake:
Dressed in a blue patrol man's outfit Tenten looked confused. The light from the camera was attracting a lot of fireflies and moths and she tried to focus on the camera man but the light, heat, and insects were making it difficult for her.
"Do I have to wear this?" She asked.
" . . . "The camera man answered, but it was edited out in the studio.
"I get that they wear this on the America version of the show, but do I have to wear it? I mean were in uhm Japan/ancient japan/mythological Asian place. I'm not even sure if there is an America in this universe."
" . . ."
"Okay, then and uhm what's up with that music you're playing. I mean it's kind of catchy but are you guys going to play it the whole time."
". . ."
"Oh, so it's kind of a trademark of the show, but it doesn't even have the shows name in it. You know what, whatever." Turning around Tenten began stalking through the darkness she was outside of a walled fence patrolling around landscaped green grounds.
"Konoha is a great place to live you know. It's got excellent schools, parks, and playgrounds, and is really welcoming to families. Still, even in a place like this you get lowlifes. The night is a magnet for the sickos you know, people who think they can get away with anything. I put them back in their place though, right behind bars." Suddenly Tenten paused in her musing and turned sharply to her right. "My perv sense is tingling." She bolted and the camera chased after her the heavy breathing of the camera man adding to the creepy sensation of chasing perverts. A few yards away Tenten ground to a halt and yelled and two wiggling bushes.
"Hey, you two what do you think you're doing!" Tenten said threateningly with her night stick as she kicked over one of the bushes.
A blonde haired man with pixels covering his face pointed to the camera. "(bleep) I'm on TV. Hey Sakura, look I'm on T.V.," he yelled as he waved his hands in front of his pixelated face. Tenten wacked him with her night stick.
"What the hell do you think you're doing? Didn't I tell you not to come back here?"
"I wasn't doing anything I just got a little lost is all. I didn't even know I was near the hot springs, honestly."
"Yeah really and what is your buddy their doing?" Tenten said a foot prodding the other bush. Suddenly a figure with frizzy brown hair erupted from the bush with pixels over his face and crotch and his pants at his knees.
"Well hello there officer, aren't you looking hot tonight. I'm feeling like a horn dog care to feel something of mine that is just as a hard as your night stick." He soon felt how hard the night stick truly was as Tenten introduced it to his head repeatedly. He was saved though when Naruto tried to run. Tenten bolted after the fleeing boy leaving the brunette comatose to the floor.
"You (bleep)hole," Tenten screamed, "you put him up to it."
"I would never do that, believe it. I told K(bleep) to never use those lines on the dykey looking girls. It's not my fault that he didn't listen."
"You Mother(bleep)!" The camera swung high and stared at the stars as the sound of metal hitting flesh filled the air. After a couple of minutes the sound stopped. There was the crunching of foot prints walking through the forest. The camera panned back to a sweating and frazzled Tenten who was wiping a mysterious red substance off her baton.
"Like I said the pervs come out at night!" She said huffily and then froze. "(Bleep) another one, and this one is close by."
Parting another bush she found a long dark hair young woman. "Epp!" The young woman screamed and stood on trembling feet.
"What the (bleep) are you doing here H(bleep)."
"I wwwwas j j just lllooking for a a friend." The dark hair girl spoke.
"Hey, H(bleep) it's me. Why are you stuttering and hiding in bushes? The only time you stutter and hide is when N(bleep) is near." Tenten said laughing before something clicked in her head. Suddenly she was back to business. "H(bleep) who were you looking for?"
The young woman's pixelated face grew red. "Well you see uhm, it was uhm, no one uhm—"
"How long have you been watching this individual?" Tenten crossed her hands over her chest as she waited for a reply.
"You don't understand I really respect who he is as a person. I respect all the obstacles he has overcome!"
"Tell me the truth H(bleep) did you activate your byukagan?"
The girl turned to a shade of radioactive red before yelling out in a small and squeaky voice. "You can never understand the depth of my love!"
"H(bleep) I am going to have to escort you off the grounds." The camera watched as Tenten firmly grabbed the girls arm and took her away. The camera pained out and faded and returned to Tenten standing next to it.
"You got to be careful of the quiet ones," she said absentmindedly. "They are the worst." She paused letting out a calming breath. "I wanted to ask you something, what is up with those bleeps before?"
". . ."
"And when I said people's names?"
" . . ."
"I guess that makes sense at least now I know Neji won't kill me for chasing off his cousin, even if she deserved it. Wait a minute why didn't you bleep out Neji?"
. . .
"What do you mean you only bleep out the names of the pervs on camera!"
The camera went to dark and then came back on. The sky was darker and they were in a different area of the hot springs.
"I've just gotten reports of a loud drunk in the vicinity. He's on the outside grounds and looking to get inside. I think I see him now." The camera turned swiftly.
"Goldie,Goldie!" The large blue pixelated man with a black and red cloak wailed as he pointed an empty fish bowl to the sky.
"K(bleep) what the (bleep) are you doing here!" Tenten yelled in surprise.
"My girlfriend Goldie," The blue haired man said as he wobbled back and forth pointing to the fishbowl, or at least in its general direction. "She was my life, she was my everything, and now she's gone."
Tenten meanwhile was in the corner whispering into her radio. "Code blue, code blue, we've got an Akatasuki here. I need back up!"
The blue man staggered over to the camera man holding out the fish bowl with shaking hnds.
"I didn't mean to. I didn't, we got into an argument. Her mother said I would never amount to nothing. I said (bleep) what your mother says, you got to believe in me baby. She then threatened to leave. Oh god, I loved her I didn't mean to eat her! Goldie!" he screamed his tears falling into the fishbowl. Sniffling he looked up to the camera. "It's going to be okay, Itachi said there was a magical hot spring here that can bring back the dead, or turn boys into girls, or pandas. You don't think he told me that just to get rid of me do you? I mean Itachi is a real (bleep) he did kill his whole clan but even he wouldn't mess with true love! All I have to do is poop out Goldie in the magic water and she'll be alive again. I'll even buy her a bigger bowl next time. "
"Hey!" Two tanned men with bowl haircuts and orange leg warmers over their police suits suddenly ran in . They began to hit the blue man with their night sticks and fists.
"I didn't do nothing!" The blue man screamed as deep purple blood splurted from his face, "I didn't do nothing! Goldie! Goldie! Aw (bleep) man that's my liver!"
The camera panned out and turned dark, suddenly it refocused on Tenten who was glaring at the camera.
"No, like I told you the first time, Akatasuki is not a racial epithet. That man was part of a terrorist organization."
". . ."
"How do I know it's him? How many giant blue men do you see walking around?"
" . . ."
"That is not profiling." Ignoring what was next said, Tenten suddenly stiffened. "My perv sense is tingling!" The camera followed Tenten a she rushed through the brush. "This is a real bad one, I can feel it!" She yelled to the camera behind here.
"Aw (bleep)." A distant male voice said as they came up to the scene. The Camera banned out to a pale white figure with reptilian like skin wearing a black hood. His face was pixelated out but the outline of glasses could still be seen. Disturbingly there was a second area around the pixelated man's body which seemed to wrap several times around him and ended in something that looked like a pixelated face. There were several adolescent boys nearby who looked like they were going to be sick.
"OH (bleep) it's (bleep) Or(bleep)! Mayday, we got a snake and several possible victims nearby." Tenten yelled into her radio.
Obliviously the pale haired man leaned in closer to the boys. "Why don't you come with me to my special place, it's place where you never have to grow up. We can have all the fun you like." A high pitched male voice said from somewhere in the figures crotch.
"(Bleep) back up," Tenten yelled as she unfurled two twin scrolls from her pockets, "EUNUCH NO JUTSU!"
The pale figure screamed as a barrage of weaponry feel from the sky cutting off the larger pixelated figure.
Still standing and hissing in pain the man yelled at Tenten. "YOU (Bleep) you killed Or(bleep) you (bleep)! Now I will kill you!" He attempted to rush at Tenten when a cloud of smoke suddenly covered the area. The loud sounds of fighting filled the air. The camera caught the vague outlines of several figures wearing animal masks shifting through the haze. Suddenly it went dark.
A light clicked on and the sky was suddenly visible. The sun was rising. Slowly the camera panned down to a lone figure, Tenten.
"Day is coming now, and my job is almost done. I have to say you guys caught a pretty good night. I'm glad to do my duty for Konoha and glad that I in some small way ensured she stays safe." She paused and then looked back and the camera and smiled. "Okay, now that is where you should end it. After all you need to end it in a dramatic shot. Don't turn off that song just yet though. It's really gotten in my head." Suddenly Tenten began to shake her hips and head. "Bad boys, bad boys, oh what you gonna do, oh what you gonna do when they come for you? Bad boys, bad boys. Damn that is catchy."
The camera panned to black.
"COPS is filmed on location as it happens. All suspects are considered innocent until proven guilty in a court of law."