You all definitely have a right to sue me, hate me, send me angry messages/comments, and kill me. I literally left you all hanging for a whole MONTH! That's just cruel. Although I had no wifi for that whole time, that's still not an excuse to not upload. I could have written something else, like a one shot or something of that sort. I'm sorry this chapter is trashy, but I wanted to make Four cook so I did :D. Thank you so much to everyone who has visited my story, I've almost made it to a thousand. Please, please, please, I'm begging you on my knees to review or PM me to criticize my work. I really need your advice! Also, a huge, lovely shout out to my *beta* readers this time around, my wonderful girls from Spain; TartadeTobias and YouDoYouDVGT because you helped me so much even though English is not your first language. You girls keep staying fabulous, like always. Friendly reminder that I don't own these characters, Veronica Roth does. If anything, I'm just burrowing them :D. Here's chapter Tobias, I hope you like it, and I will forever apologize to everyone that I left hanging with my one month absence. Stay golden, my little nuggets oxox

In the month it takes to prepare for the kids' birthday party, a lot of things happen. The only thing left for us to do besides clean up the house for the preparation of the party is providing the food. Everyone else has told us they'll bring everything else. On the day both Tris and I get a break, we go with the kids to buy some food from the Amity. The ex-Amity? From the farms.

Tris loads us with lots of fruit and vegetables for snacks and to secretly to find out what the kids' favorite fruits and vegetables are. Then we head over the where the Erudite used to be and find processed meats and other foods at a building. We're about to get chicken when Uriah happens to be buying food as well and stops us from 'making the biggest mistake of your lives' by taking us to the Candor sector and helping us find fresh meat. Yes, we do end up buying chicken, but he insists on taking beef and pork too.

At home, Tris is at a loss with what to do with all the beef and pork. I remember seeing the Dauntless use ham and bacon to make sandwiches and on some fun nights, pasta and cold soups. As for the beef, I'm a hundred percent sure Uriah will slaughter us with mockery if we use it to make burgers. Maybe I could make it into a lasagna? Or warm soup.

"We're going to need pasta, Tris!" I say from the kitchen as I unload our shopping.

"I thought that wasn't real." She comes up behind me.

"It is. The Dauntless were obsessed with spaghetti and meatballs."

"What the heck are those?"

"You don't remember eating pasta?"

"No."

"Didn't we eat it with the Candor?"

"I don't think so."

"Oh, yeah, we didn't. Okay, fine." I huff. "But see, the Dauntless are not only in love with chocolate. They're also in love with ketchup. And that comes from tomatoes. Once they figured that out, pasta came into the menu. It was only served on special occasions, though. It's delicious, I promise."

"I don't know."

"What if I made you some?"

"You cook?"

"Yeah," I laugh. "What about the mornings?"

"Oh, breakfast doesn't count, sweetie."

"Sweetie?" I ask, perplexed.

"Never mind. Forget I mentioned it. Go get your pasta, then."

"I will." I say, challenging her. "And I know you're gonna like it." I arch my eyebrow, inviting her to contradict me. She's about to make a remark when Will comes up to her.

"Sleepy Will," he tugs at her hand. "Mama, sleepy."

"Yes, okay." Its noon, but the kids got tired at the market. They had too much fun looking at colorful candies and picking some to bring home. They filled the whole cart with marshmallows but Tris put her foot down and allowed one bag. As she picks Will up, her eyes tell me our discussion isn't over. I chuckle as I shrug my jacket on and take the keys.

"I'll be back soon!" I yell to make sure Tris hears me head out. I then notice Natalie pushing a chair until she's right under the coat rack. "What are you doing, Nana?"

"Go out." She tells me with a voice that suggests she's being obvious. "You." She then gives me an innocent look that makes me laugh. She wants to go with me.

"Tobias, have you seen Natalie?" I hear Tris' worried voice float out of the twins' room.

"I have an idea of where she might be." I smile and that gets Natalie to giggle.

"Is she laughing? Oh, God, where is she? If she's..." Tris sighs with relief after she comes running out of the room and spots Natalie near me. "Wait, what is she doing?"

"She's getting her coat. She wants to come with me." I say immediately.

"And if she falls asleep on you?"

"I have two arms, so I'm pretty sure I'll be able to carry her and some small bags with pasta." I reply. "She'll be okay." I go over to the chair and help Natalie grab her tiny coat by carrying her. "See? Doing it already."

"Don't mock me, Four."

"We'll be back quickly. Love you."

"I love you too."

"Bye, mama." Natalie says while waving. They picked it up fairly well after Christina taught them.

"You guys take care, alright?"

"Okay. Daddy run, Nana okay."

That makes Tris smile and we leave while she closes the door behind us. I set Natalie down at her request and hold her hand while she walks. She's much too tiny for me, therefore, I end up stooping in order for her to not stretch her arm too much. We both get tired halfway to the market and she ends up on my shoulders.

I get spaghetti, lasagna and elbow pasta from the farms. I'm about to buy bread when I remember Johanna's warning from my time with the Amity. I'm not risking it. I'm on my way to pay when I feel someone's stare and turn around to see who it is. It takes me a while, but finally, I spot him hiding near the fruit section.

"What are you doing here, Caleb?" I feel Natalie tug on my curls excitedly when she sees where we're going. By someone's stupid decision, they put the fruits right next to the candy. If Tris sees another bag of marshmallows, she could end up killing me.

"Food shopping." He holds a lonely bag of cereal in his hands.

"Ha." I laugh sarcastically. "Okay."

"I'm serious."

"What are you really doing here?" I says menacingly. For some reason, he laughs. That's when I realize that no matter how menacing I could sound to anyone at this moment, they won't take me seriously due to the adorable baby in the colorful clothes sitting on my shoulders. I shift my pasta bags on one hand and get Natalie to transfer to my arm. "Caleb?"

"Who's this adorable baby?" He avoids my question and gasps when he sees her clearly. She's a mix of both Tris and I, with my eyes and whatnot. But she's mostly like the Priors. Her dimples when she smiles are alike her namesake, Natalie Prior. Her blonde hair and small frame speak for themselves. "What's her name?" he asks in a hushed tone. I don't want to answer but tears brim his eyes. I see him staring at Natalie and she's smiling at him. I can imagine her with dark hair and suddenly... She's not Natalie Eaton, but Natalie Prior.

"Her name's..." And I can't get the word out. I'm in Tris' shoes now, and I can see why she gets so chocked up with our kids. They're a constant reminder of her losses. "Natalie." I choke out, the word raspy as it leaves me.

"You didn't." Caleb trembles. He looks at me angrily, but I won't accept his reaction. It was because of his old faction that his parents are dead. Tris doesn't blame him, at least not anymore, but I know I do. It's because of him that she went through so much. He can't pretend to be so chocked up and emotional when he caused her all that pain.

"Tris did. And we couldn't be happier to have chosen her name." I reply, my voice stone hard again. I'll suffer for Tris' pain, not his. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm leaving."

"Am I still invited?"

"Of course. At Tris' request."

"Right. Tell her I can't go."

"Tell her yourself. If the words are coming from me, she'll think I'm lying to her about inviting you. She thinks I didn't do it."

"I'll give her a call then." He says quickly. I start to doubt him.

"Do it now."

"I can't."

"You're going to lie to her about me, aren't you?" I say furiously. At the same time, I feel my arms tighten around my daughter.

"I won't. But I can't believe she named her after our mother." He pauses for a second. He smiles at Natalie, who hides at the crock of my neck after flashing a second smile. "Actually, I can." He changes his mind. "I'm sorry I can't go." With that, he turns around and pays. I don't move until he's out of sight.

"Well, I'm not," I say under my breath. I get back in line and let Natalie give the lady our money.

"And who's this precious beauty?" The lady asks.

"Oh, um, Natalie." I say, causing Natalie to laugh when she hears her name.

"She's beautiful." The lady tells me. Her body language implies she was Amity. "Your parents must be proud of her."

That makes me laugh. "Oh, no," I say as I compose myself again. "She's not my sister. Nana," I ask her who I am by pointing at myself.

"Papa." Natalie croons, making the lady gasp. Natalie tugs at my ears and squeals.

"But you're so young."

"Yes, well, she's two, so." I say sarcastically. The lady laughs.

"Well, you have a good night now, young man," she tells me with a smile. "Go with happiness."

That makes me smile. Of course. "Thanks ma'am. You too." We head out of the market and I know Natalie's falling asleep on me when she grips my ears tightly and rests her chin on my head. I hurry home, because if she falls asleep on me with my full arms, she could fall and seriously get hurt. And I won't hear the end of 'I told you so' from Tris. I try to get her to talk to me the whole time, but with each passing second she replies less and less. I stop a couple of blocks from home to slip her onto my arms. She snuggles quickly and I'm forced to walk quickly but softly in order to get her home soon without waking her up. I end up knocking on the door with my foot and the look and Tris' face goes from sleepy to mocking. I know won't stop mocking me when she gets the chance to start but I run as smoothly as possible and set Natalie down on her crib quickly. Tris trails behind me, waiting for her opening. She attacks when I get to the pantry and begin to put away the things.

"I told you she was going to fall asleep on you." She tells me with a smirk.

"Then you should have made a bet on it," I tell her sarcastically. "And I should have make a bet on how you would also falls asleep."

"Oh, you're gonna make this about me!" She laughs, making me laugh as well. "But you're right. I'm so tired."

"Go rest then," I say, nudging her towards our room with my shoulder. "I'll cook and you nap. I'll wake you up when it's ready."

"Are you sure?" Her voice slurs. I purse my lips and hold back a smile. I can only nod. Relief washes over her yes before answering. "Okay. But wake me up soon. I don't want to sleep too much."

She makes her way out of the kitchen and I follow to make sure she doesn't fall. Once she shuts the door, I go back to the kitchen and begin to work. I'm about to attack the tomatoes when I recall the last time I did the laundry and Tris and the kids got crazy with the juice. I put an apron on and start cooking. The pasta is done quickly, and the crushed tomatoes are coming to a boil in the pot when Tris stumbles into the kitchen with Natalie and both of their heads are a rat's nest.

"Something smells good." Tris' sleepy voice tells me with a smile. "Is that what they call pasta?" I pretend to not hear her and only look over my shoulder with a sly smile. I halfway done with making the meatballs. "Wait, what are you wearing?" I feel my neck and ears turn red and I know I'm blushing hard. "Is that an apron?" She laughs loudly, and I still pretend to be too concentrated to notice. Then she sighs. "Actually, that's thoughtful of you." She shuffles her feet and I finally turn around. "It's my turn to wash the clothes."

"Of course I'm thoughtful," I say while smiling softly. "Who do you take me for?" I wiggle my eyebrows. She laughs. "It smells good because I cooked it."

"Ha! Yeah, okay," she tells me while patting Natalie's back.

"Really." I take the gloves I used to make the meatballs with off. "Is she asleep again?" To which Tris only nods. "Well, put her down. They'll eat later, when they wake up."

She nods again but hesitates before leaving. "I can't believe it smells this good." Then she runs to the kids' room to put Natalie back in her crib. When she comes back and spots the meatballs still out, she looks at me, perplexed. "Are those supposed to be raw?"

I laugh. "No," I say while putting new gloves on. "I had to make sure the pasta was ready before putting this in." I grab the meatballs carefully and throw them in with the bubbling tomatoes. "I have to go drain the pasta now." I throw in the last of the meatballs and carry the second pot with the pasta to the sink. The pot is not as hot as before due to me turning off the stove before the pasta was fully cooked. Tris goes to the table and sits. I feel her eyes follow my every move, and my ears start to redden again. "Do you have to look at me while I do this?" I ask, fully conscious of what she's doing. I turn in time to see her hide a smile.

"I find you fascinating when you do things like this. How does such a tall, bulky man fit in here?" She tells me with a blush. I smirk and keep doing my work.

Roughly thirty minutes later, I present one steaming plate of pasta in front of Tris. She grabs her fork eagerly and waits for me to get my plate. "What are you waiting for?" I mock. "Eat," I chuckle. "I didn't poison it or anything."

"I'm waiting for you." She tells me. Right on time, the kids chose to wake up, and I quickly untie the knot behind my back and rush to their room. I hear Tris groan behind me; possibly because I threw the apron on the floor to run here. I scoop both of my children in my arms and return before she's even up from her chair. "Seriously?"

"What?"

"How did you possibly beat me to the kids?"

"Is that what's bothering you?"

"Four," she groans again.

"Just take Will, I'll take Natalie." I say before she can say anything else. "Let's just eat." I tell her, smiling, not looking up. I feel her looking again and I shy away. Most of the time, I'm perfectly comfortable with her looking at me while I smile or laugh. And sometimes I'm back to my eighteen year old self and I shy away. Who would bother to look at me? Especially when I smile? She bothers.

I strap Natalie in and place some spaghetti on her plate. I notice Tris push her plate aside and begin to feed Will. "You're going to let it go cold?" She ignores me. "Tris?" I sigh. "Talk to me, please. I'm not eating with us angry, okay?" We both stop feeding the kids, which in itself is pointless because they can already eat by themselves now.

"I want you to give me a chance too, Tobias," she tells me, blinking away tears. "I want to be able to care for my children as well, you know?" She stops to take a shaky breath. "I want to do it without you constantly over me, and without constantly afraid I'll have a break down."

"Yes," I tell her, holding back a smile. I gave her time and she pulled through like I knew she would.

"You gave me time, and I'm so thankful, really," she gives me a flimsy smile and I loosen my lips to smile with her. "But I think I took enough time off. I'm good now."

"I knew you could. And if you would have needed even more time, I would have given it to you." I tell her while looking at her dead in the eye.

"Thank you," she whispers softly.

"But there's one thing I can't promise," I say slyly.

"What?" I've confused her.

"I don't think I can back off the kids." To which she laughs.

Tris enjoyed pasta night so much, it ends up being my turn to cook for the remaining time before the kids' party. In a way, this is good, because I get to surprise Tris with all the different meals I saw in Dauntless. And from Zeke and Uriah's mother. Tris also gets to choose some of her favorite meals for the party. It also ends up being a bad thing, but I don't admit it to Tris. I don't know how I find the energy to cook after coming from work, but it leaves me drained at night. So much that I don't even have nightmares. Maybe my heavy sleep is rubbing off on Tris because we both start to sleep well.

One week before the kids' birthday, on a Wednesday, I think, I make us some soup. Again, I use spaghetti for it, and meat. But I add them when the broth had simmered. It also had carrots and celery, which was something I decided to add because the only healthy thing the Dauntless knew were tomatoes. The kids ended up eating two servings, they liked it so much. Tris smiles while she tells me that she thinks carrots are their favorite.

On Thursday, I make sandwiches with fried bacon and ham. The melting cheese makes Natalie and Will giggle. It ends with them trying to see how long they can stretch it for without the cheese breaking. That results in Tris and I finding cheese in their hair, clothes and shoes when we get them ready for bed. We laugh when we see they managed to get some cheese on us too.

Its macaroni and cheese on Friday. We're not saved from what the kids do with it. The pasta is soft and the cheese makes the meal gooey. I can tell Tris didn't like this one as much, but she tells me nothing about it. This time around, we end up cleaning cheese from under the kids' eating chairs, their toys, and under our fingernails. Feeding them without a fork or spoon was a huge mistake.

To mock Tris back for not having Abnegation food in a while, I cook a similar meal on Saturday. Carrots, mashed potatoes, bread, a scoop of rice. Instead of boiled chicken, though, I give her fried pork chops. She grins upon seeing a familiar meal; until she sees the pork chops.

"And I thought I was getting a normal meal today," she tells me with sarcasm.

"You're not the one cooking, ma'am. So for now, you can only enjoy the cook's best meals." I mock back.

"I've been meaning to ask." She pauses a little. I turn to see where she's looking and I choke while trying not to laugh. Tris and I forgot to cut the meat into small, bite size pieces for the kids. So now, they each have a big piece of meat in their hands and are pulling hard with their little teeth in an attempt to eat it. They're even shaking their heads from the effort, hoping to be able to bite.

I clear my throat aggressively and gulp some water down. I quickly pry the meat from Will's mouth while Tris does the same with Natalie. "No, hang on," I try to get him to loosen up. "Will, I have to cut the meat, so you can eat it." He frowns when I take it away and looks like he's about to cry, so I hurry with the task at hand. Once they're able to eat again, we go back to our conversation. "Tris? You were asking?"

"Oh, yes. Right," she eyes the kids, but they can eat on their own now. "Where did you learn? To cook?"

"Ah," I sigh. "I learned a thing or two from Evelyn," I chew slowly. "With my mom." There's a small, awkward pause. "But most of it, I did in Dauntless. But in particular, Zeke's mother. I always ended up helping her whenever I went over, because you know, that's what we did in Abnegation." She nods while smiling, encouraging me to keep talking. "She liked my help but told me to change my ways if I wanted to be truly Dauntless. It didn't stop me from helping, but I did my best to follow her advice. She always invited me over after my initiation. She was an excellent cook, which is why I think Uriah learned how to bake. To impress her, I'm sure of it." I say in the end with a laugh.

"That's great!" Her smile is radiant. "And she taught you well then."

"Oh, she didn't teach me." I blush slightly. "All I did was observe."

"And you remember?"

I roll my eyes. "Of course I do."

"Either way, all these meals have been great. I wonder what you'll do tomorrow," she tells me, her eyes bright and eager. I've impressed her. "Let's finish and go to bed."

When we're done, I surprise her again. "Go with the kids, I'll do the dishes."

"But you cooked," she tells me, slightly upset. "I can't let you do everything."

"You're not. You're gonna put the kids to bed." I say as I pile the dishes and go to the sink.

Her eyes light up. "Okay," she walks out with Will and Natalie in tow.

It doesn't take too long to wash the dishes, but the second I'm done and I'm drying my hands, Tris is calling me for help. I really have taken it upon myself to care for the kids at night. I have an idea of what they might want.

"Tobias!" She calls for me again.

I stand at the door of the kids' room and watch. Will is waddling around the room and Tris is trying to tuck Natalie as she kicks her blanket around. It's a mad house. Tris looks like she's ready to call for me as she turns towards the door.

"Don't just stand there, crossing your arms!" She tells me, her face bright red. "Help me!" The look in her eyes is wild. Like she's been through something bad.

"They can smell your insecurity. Just calm down; relax." I tell her, doing my best to not smile. I look at the floor in order to not look at her face and burst out laughing. I clear my throat before speaking. "You have to not be forceful on them. Give them an air of tiredness. If they feel it come off of you, they'll sleep as well." I look up, feeling the corner of my mouth lifting. I call to Natalie. "Nana." She tries to runs to me, and I go and pick her up quickly from her crib. She tries to engage me in a game, but I yawn widely and she giggles before yawning herself.

Tris is staring, as if she wants to pick up a few tips and I smile before turning away. I pat Natalie's back, rubbing occasionally. I pace the room slowly and soothingly. Her mutters begin to soften, telling me she's drifting off to sleep. Will is in Tris' arms already, and she's vaguely trailing me, on the other side of the room. The twins end up falling asleep at the same time, which makes me chuckle lightly.

"I am exhausted." Tris groans once we're in our room. "I feel like every limb is about to fall off."

"Alike the beginning of Dauntless initiation?" I smirk.

"Oh," Tris says while she gets her stuff to the bathroom. She keeps going once she's back. "Come to think of it, yeah." She looks at me before taking her pillow and fluffing it. "That really worked, you know?"

"Oh?" I say now, making her smile.

"Is that how you always sleep them?"

"Ah," I say as I shrug out of my shirt. I'm left in my jeans. "Well, not really." I tug the jeans off while sitting on the bed. Tris fluffs the pillow faster. "Most of the time it is that way." I pull my shorts on and head over to my side of the bed. "On some nights, I tell them stories."

"Stories? How so?" Tris asks as we settle under the sheets.

"Just stuff from my life, I guess." I say, turning to look at her.

"Like what happened to you?" She looks at me, shocked. "I don't think that's appropriate for them!" She half-whispers half-yells.

I smile, which almost gets her to yell more then I hold both of her wrists with my hands, locking them as if they were handcuffs. "I don't tell them everything. And I tell them," I try to find the appropriate word. "Tales, if you will." I still try to find words to explain what I do. "I don't give them details, and they like hearing them. They think of the stories as legends or myths or stuff of long ago." I explain. It's not that I'm trying to not get in trouble with Tris, but I'm finding it hard to explain.

"I want to hear them," she says under her breath.

"Of course." I lay on my side, and she lays on hers. We hold each other's gaze, and I can't stop drinking in her eyes; I always thought they were beautiful. "You're invited to listen any time you want."

"You didn't tell me about this?"

"It doesn't happen that often. Only once a month."

"And that's not often?" She tells me, sounding offended. "Once a month isn't often? God."

"I just didn't think it would interest you."

"I think it will. When's the next one?"

"You're in luck. It's tomorrow." I smile then peck her forehead. She tugs my arm and softly lays her head on it before drifting off to sleep.

I wake up to Tris humming softly. I don't recognize it, but it sounds happy. "Hey," she tells me as she snuggles closer.

I look at her and smile. "Hey." I wrap my other arm around her. "Had a good night?"

"Surprisingly, yes." A wide smile accompanies that comment, and I kiss her forehead alike last night. She wraps her legs around my own, tangling them all up. "You?"

"I slept like a baby," I grin like an idiot. "Say, we're up early. What gives?"

"I don't know. Maybe because we all slept well through the night. The kids fuss less now. We're sleeping too well."

"Can you believe their birthday celebration is in three days?" I ask, excitement seeping into my voice. "When's your birthday?" My excitement dissipates, and I'm serious now. I know my birthday, but I don't think I know hers, even after all these years.. And if hers is near, then I have to do something for her as well.

"I don't think it matters. You know how the Abnegation were. If it didn't matter then, why would it matter now?"

"It matters to me. Who cares about everyone else?" I feel my eyebrows coming together, in confusion, I guess. "Besides, that's in the past. You know that if we want to move on, we need to let go of it all. There isn't a faction system anymore." I try to make her see.

"Oh, I know." She pauses slightly. "But it's hard." She pauses again. "But if you want to know when I was born, you must tell me when you were born first."

"Now that's cheating." I groan. "I asked first."

"But as the lady, I get the pick." She grins widely.

"That's not very Dauntless," I mock. Then I groan again. "You're the worst."

"That's why you love me," she's shaking, and I can tell she's doing her best to not burst out in laughter.

"True." I remember what happened in Amity; when they gave her too much peace serum and she was way too happy. "You told me in Amity. When we were hiding."

"Ah," she blushes deeply.

I'm back to teasing. "If we were still in Dauntless, you would have to answer the question first or you'll end up facing a fear." I challenge her by lifting an eyebrow. "Are you a pansycake?"

"Shut up, Four." She tells me, groaning herself. "Fine." She huffs.

"I'm joking," I tell her as I poke her nose. She swats my hand away. "I was born in October."

"Which day?" She interrupts me, curious.

"On the twentieth." I answer patiently. "Okay, your turn."

"April twenty five."

"Your birthday passed?"

"Yes," she tells me in a whisper, vaguely audible. "It did."

"Why didn't you tell me?" I ask her sadly. I know I'm giving her the look, the one I do when I'm sad or upset. She says I look like a sad puppy when I do it.

"Don't," she sounds sad herself. "Tobias, please don't give me that look."

"But you should have told me. I would have wanted to have done something for you. It's been years since the factions have been gone. I should be doing something special for you. Times are different. You're allowed to indulge."

"Maybe I don't want to indulge yet." She mumbles.

"Well, you should." I can tell by the sunlight that it's close to eight. I sneak a look at the clock and see I'm right. "Would you be okay with a late present?"

"What do you mean?" The moment she finishes asking, I plan a big kiss on her lips. She laughs and then kisses me back.

"Happy late birthday, Tris Prior."

"Happy late birthday to me." She says shyly with a smile.

Putting the kids to bed this night is a show. Tris expects me to provide something unusual, but I do what I always do. I tell the kids of my time in Dauntless as if it were the experience of someone else. I always begin slowly, because they love hearing me talk. They pick up a lot of words from both Tris and I.

"There was a boy, a long time ago. His dad wasn't very nice to him, you know. His mom wasn't there anymore. So the boy wanted to go to a new place, a different place." I begin. I'm in the rocking chair, gently lulling the kids to sleep. Tris is sitting on the floor, a blanket wrapped around herself and a pillow under her elbows. She's staring at me intensely. "A big day came. A huge ceremony. And on that day, he left." I stop rocking for emphasis and the kids look up at me. I look at each out of the corner of my eye.

"Go," Will tells me excitedly while Natalie nods.

"A test, a look at his mind told him he had to stay, but he didn't want to be with his father anymore. He went to a different group, and in that group, he learned to be strong. First, he was told to run and jump on a train. Then he jumped off the train and onto the top of a building."

"That's high, kids." Tris interrupts. "Higher then when you're on your father's shoulders." I smile and the kids look at each other as if they already know. They nod and go back to snuggling on the crock of my neck.

"Then he had to jump of the building." I grin. "And even though the boy was afraid of being so high up, he jumped because he wanted to be different. He wanted to be free." Will and Natalie are curling up, and all their little fusses, from playing with their hands and my hair, begin to become less frequent. "Even when he was the last one to jump, he still did it, because he was brave." I lower my voice. "He did his best to belong in the new group, and he succeeded. He did his best, and he came out stronger and a fighter, ready to protect everybody. Like a hero." Tris quickly wipes her tears when she sees me looking her way. Her smile is flimsy. "Everyone made fun of the boy, for being from a different group. But that didn't stop him. In fact, he was so good, he won all the games and he was the first out of them all." I brag. At this point, I'm sure the kids are deeply asleep. "I'll tell you next time." I wait for groans or a fuss, but when I don't hear anything, I know they're asleep.

"How did you do it? How did you hang on?" Tris asks me softly when we're lying in bed. We put the kids down early, and we lay there talking for a while, hoping to sleep amid our chatter.

"I don't know." I start, slightly distracted. The way I tell the kids the stuff that happened to me is soft compared to what really did. My initiation was destructive. I learned things about myself, dangerous things. And the brutality of it all; I know Tris got it hard, but the other initiates I was up against were something else. I still remember Eric. And I had to fight to be taken seriously. Not only physically, but mentally as well. The reputation I got was thanks to Amar. "All I knew was that I wanted to change my past by becoming something else."

"And did it?" She asks me all serious, looking at me dead in the eyes, ready to soak up the answer the minute I say it.

"Of course not," I say, my voice opaque. "But I did become different, though it was hard." I exhale. "You know how initiation began, so I'll save you from that."

"Were you really the last one?"

"The last one?" I start, confused. But the second I finish asking what she's talking about, I know. Jumping off the building and onto the net.

"The last jumper." She says sheepishly.

"Yes, I was." I say, smiling. "I think I was also a screamer, though I'm not sure."

"I wasn't," she recalls. "But Christina was. I need to bug her about it." Tris is laughing loudly. It's solid, strong, free. "You know my initiation. You even guided me through it. But I don't know yours."

"Ah, well," I start. "You know the beginning, so I'll save you from that." A smile adorns her face. "But after we jumped off, Amar told us that the leaders of Dauntless wanted to try something new that year, and we went straight to the fear landscape. I was also the last one there." I smile, expecting to see one in return, but Tris averts her eyes and looks at my lips instead. "Eric was first." That gets her attention. "He was so good, he even scared the Dauntless born."

"Really?" She ask, incredulous.

"Yes," I huff. "We all saw right off that he was dangerous.

"He was brutal, I'll give him that." She says, her voice heavy with remembrance. "But even though he tried, he wasn't able to knock you off the top." She lifts an eyebrow. "Is that what made him the way he was when I initiated?"

"It did influence." She makes a sound, then waves her hands for me to continue. "He did this thing, with his breathing, and he would relax and even though he had twelve fears, he burned through them because of the way he would calm his heart rate with his breathing." I pause. "When I went through my fear landscape for the first time," I stop myself, feeling sixteen again. I remember it so well. A look at Tris tells me she's attentive, and slightly sad about what's to come. I jam my teeth together, feeling my jawline tighten. This stops a scream from erupting, and I must let it out or I could explode. A single touch from Tris is all it takes to calm me down, to remind me that times are different and I am no longer sixteen, and I'm not just beginning my life at Dauntless. I take an extremely shaking breathe and keep going. "When I experienced it all for the first time, I didn't know what to expect except for my fear of heights and Marcus. I knew, even then, that I was afraid and feeble thanks to all the pain he's inflicted upon me." I can't look at her, not anymore. She never looked at me, and still hasn't for that matter, with pity when she found out about Marcus. But I still find myself unable to meet her eyes.

Now we are different. It took time, but we've changed. We are less cruel and more kind and open and free and caring and so many other things. Tris has become more sensible, something I didn't know was in her until a couple of years after the incident at the airport. When we were in Dauntless, many things made her cruel, but now, things make her soft, and it's hard to describe the beauty of it. I'm sure I've changed as well, but I don't know to which extend. I'm still struggling with some new aspects of myself, like being kind, and honest – I'm sure Tris struggles with her own things as well – but I think manage, as I'm sure Tris does as well. I still find it hard to believe that after all we went through, we're still alive and we have a home, a life, children, and each other. I'm getting cheesy again. I keep it to myself as I continue.

"As I'm sure you remember, I always got Marcus last." I look at her from the corner of my eye and I notice for the first time that she's making unintelligible shapes across my chest with her fingers, doing her best to not look interested. Her tense shoulders tell me otherwise. "I forget who, or maybe I overheard, someone say that your last fear is your worst fear, because it's the deepest one, the one that's rooted at the deep part of your brain." I pause again, now hearing Amar's words. I hesitate before telling her. "After crying thanks to my last fear, I managed to overcome it and break through the whole thing. Amar was impressed, because I only had four. Then he told me that he understood why I didn't want to say my name. He took me to dinner and in front of everyone told Tori that I only had four fears and that I had broken a record." I smile, now focusing on the ceiling. I feel Tris stop, and the soothing traces her fingers left now burn on my skin. "Everyone looked at me different, and Eric tried to threaten everyone by telling them my name and then Four was born." I say dramatically. A small chuckle follows that.

"Did Eric know your name?" She asks, her voice clogged with doubt.

"In the beginning, I'm sure he didn't. You know that feeling we got as we were choosing? Those nerves?" She lifts her head and nods. "Everyone is too busy, or nervous, or focused on their choice. I'm sure he was bluffing in the beginning. But he must have done some digging around, because when I fought him, all he had to do was say Eaton for me to explode and beat him up." I say brusquely.

"Oh," Tris squeaks.

Even when telling her, I don't want to go much into detail about how terrifying my initiation was. Unlike her, who was given the choice to fit into Dauntless because of her divergence, I didn't know if I was gonna fit in. The first few days, I spent the mornings in the fear landscape and the afternoons in the training room. I'm not saying Tris didn't go through a lot to triumph during her initiation, but I could see that she wanted her life at Dauntless. I didn't. I didn't want it, I didn't want to become Marcus, driven by rage and violence. I wanted to escape it all. I became Dauntless under my terms, and mine alone. Tris did the same, but she slowly embraced what was around her. It took Amar's advice for me to realize that I didn't want to be a cold, hard Dauntless. I took Dauntless and gave it my own definition. I hung on due to my desire to be different than my father, to be brave while – somehow – still following a few rules I was drilled with in Abnegation.

"Anyway," I exhale slowly. "I think we should sleep. We have big days ahead of us and we have to rest."

"But you didn't finish," she whines a little.

"I will, but it has to be some other day." I look at her, and she tries to pout. "I swear I will."

A nod, a yawn, and snuggles later, we're both deeply asleep.