"When Fire and Ice Collide"
Chapter 4 – Haunted
-x-x-x-
Five minutes.
That's how long he had been standing inside his Khaleesi's Dothraki hut, hands locked patiently in front of him, head bowed slightly in shame, discreetly stealing glances at her, but never able to get his fill.
Daenerys' back was to him, her proud disposition speaking every bit of the royal, Targaryen blood that ran through her veins. Her posture never once belying the internal battle her heart was waging inside.
Jorah clears his throat and the action seems to snap her out of her fugue state.
When she turns to acknowledge his presence, she blinks at him, and quietly gazes at him for so long that it becomes slightly awkward.
She tries to hide it. Tries with every atom of her body not to betray the courtly stance it took her five minutes to successfully acquire without casting one look in his direction. But when their eyes meet, it falters, and he sees right through the cracks, sees the war his Queen is currently campaigning against herself.
But he resists the urge to hold her, certain that the attempt to do so would seal his fate.
"You betrayed me," She began. "…and you saved my life."
He looks at her for a long moment, serious and thoughtful, like he has a lot he wants to say, but instead, lets it go.
"I banished you…twice. And twice you came back." Jorah lowered his head, eyes downcast. "If I return with you by my side, my people will think me weak." Daenerys scoffs, "The Queen of Meereen, breaker of promises." Then her intonation becomes more serious. "If I send you away…" She trails off, the thought left unfinished.
Her eyes drift to some unknown object, contemplating. A wry smile begins to form on her lips, as if remembering all the times he had ever returned to her.
'You came back,' She would always say.
When she spoke again, her voice was soft and low…different.
"But I trust that even if I decide such a course, you will return even still."
He half-smiles down at the floor, self-deprecation in every line of his body.
Their eyes are drawn back to each other, like gravity, and the amount of tenderness she finds in his blue depths, only confirm her suspicions.
"I'm afraid you leave me very little choices, Ser Jorah." She began walking toward him, resolved to hold him. "I can't send you away –
"You must." He interjected, backing further from her.
Dany's steps halted and for a second, a pained expression filtered through her features and he instantly wanted to smooth away every trace of hurt he had ever caused her.
She watched anxiously as he began rolling up the sleeve to his left arm, revealing the grey cracks that were fissuring up what used to be tanned skin. His hand seemed to be unaffected for now, but for how long, she did not know.
Daenerys eyes began tearing up, her bottom lip slightly quivering as the ability to draw air into her lungs, suddenly became a strenuous effort.
"How long does it take?"
Jorah began lowering his sleeve. "I don't know but I've seen what happens to a man whose infected…I'll end things before then."
She held his gaze, her eyes silently pleading for him to fight. One last time…for her.
"Surely there is a cure?"
The distraught look in his eyes told her otherwise.
"I'm sorry" she confessed. "I'm so sorry."
"Don't be."
Of their own volition, tears streamed down her face, though her heart never gave them permission to do so.
"Khaleesi…please don't."
"Where will you go?" She choked out.
"I don't know that either."
And she found herself wishing things had been different between them. That the tethering of their friendship had never been so harshly tested and tried.
Her former Queensguard regarded her with sad, serious eyes. Like a man haunted by a thousand 'what if's'.
And perhaps he was.
As was she.
It's one of the reasons their souls connected on such a deep level. They both have been visited by ghosts all their life, entertaining them for far too long.
The key to their salvation being found in another kindred spirit.
Another reason why his betrayal cut her soul to the quick.
"I've never admitted it. Not out loud." He said, briefly glancing to the ground, nervously fiddling with his hands before confirming what countless men with false intentions had surmised before. "But I love you…I have always loved you and I always will. Another fate I've resigned myself too."
And there it was.
The cusp of their predicament.
A story of unrequited love.
Another melancholy song for the history books of the Seven Kingdoms.
Daenerys watched as his right hand reached into the hem of his kilt and pulled out her pearl ring, holding it up so she could see it, then gently laying it upon the table, pinning her eyes to his as he did so.
"Goodbye, Khaleesi."
He lightly bowed and with one last look, he turned to leave, pushing the flap to her hut back, but the urgent intonation of her words prevented him from leaving.
"You save my life and then you abandon me?" He can't really remember a time she had ever sounded so desperate. But there she was, determined to stop whatever foolish errand he was heading off to commit. "I have not given you permission to leave, Jorah the Andal." Her voice cracked. "You swore an oath to me, do you remember?"
He turns over his shoulder to look at her.
"Aye."
"You promised yourself to me…you pledged to obey my commands for the rest of your life." She pauses and he lightly bows, silently acquiescing to its truth. "I command you to find a cure, where ever it may be in this world. You will heal yourself and then return to me."
Jorah blinks and his expression tells her he is trying to work something out, trying to find a way to hold onto this last string of hope.
But he makes no guarantees. No promises. And it was so much like him, to not make promises that he can't foresee keeping.
Even his goodbyes were directed by his honor.
In fact, he doesn't say anything at all. But she can see it, the fire reigniting in his spirit and that's enough to reassure her heart that he will do everything within his power to come back.
Jorah holds her eyes for a heartbeat longer, another silent 'I love you,' transcending the gulf to her heart, before he leaves her for what she hopes to be the last time.
-x-x-x-
Later that night in the Dothraki Sea
"Ah, there you are." Daario said.
But Daenerys didn't respond.
He observed her quietly.
She sat upon her bed, absently playing with her necklace between her fingers, her thoughts somewhere else, somewhere far away from the Dothraki Sea…and from him.
He waited, watching as his Queen was still oblivious to his proximity. Her hut was dark, the only light flickering from the flames of a small fire nearby. Its illumination kissing her features perfectly.
Daario moved closer, fully intent on comforting her tonight.
Yes, he was a man, but he was no fool. He knew what plagued her thoughts and he intended to help her forget. It was what he was good at, the very reason she kept him around and in her bed. It was the foundation of their relationship – the forgetting.
He placed a gentle hand upon her arm, announcing his presence. Dany slightly started, giving him a look over her shoulder, along with a sad smile.
His eyes moved to the necklace, noticing that she had no such thing around her neck the night before.
From what he could tell, it was handmade. A simple, black string, unworthy of adorning a Queen, or the double-sided pearl ring hanging from it.
Daario watched as she followed his gaze, then briefly looked away, not trusting her eyes to betray her thoughts.
But he knew.
He had seen it in her eyes all day, read it in her body language and heard it through her silence.
She had been distant all day. Lost in her thoughts and he had suspected that her former advisor was the prime suspect behind the distraction.
The pearl ring, a ring Ser Jorah recently had in his possession, confirmed as much.
Before, it's meaning had no value. A gift that represented a controversial marriage, from an even more questionable man.
But now, it had been re-gifted back to her by a much different man, vitally increasing its merit by about as much worth as those ridiculous books he had discovered her reading in her chambers the first night she banished him.
"Are you alright, your Grace? I know the day has been hard on you."
"I'm fine." She nonchalantly drops the ring from her fingers. "And yes, it was a rough journey…but nothing I haven't grown accustom too."
"Forgive me, your Grace, but I was not speaking of the journey."
He nodded toward the ring and she knew he had guessed the subject of her muse.
"He was your closest friend. It's only right that you miss him." Daario explained, trying to relieve whatever guilt she had been feeling for sending him away a third time.
"I didn't banish him." Daenerys whispered, her words barely audible.
"What?"
Her voice was louder this time, clearer. But with the same depth of sadness.
"I did not banish him."
She tried to ignore the surprised expression on her lover's face.
"Because he saved your life?" He surmised. "Despite being a pain in my ass as far as you are concerned, Ser Jorah is a good man. Perhaps one day, I'll be just like him."
But his Queen remained silent on the matter, so he moved to sit beside her, his hand reaching for hers.
"So, if our dear Knight has been welcomed ba –"
"He's dying." Daenerys blurted out. "As angry as I was…I banished him because I couldn't bring myself to pass down a death sentence." The revelation hangs in the air, then she laughs darkly. "And somehow, he manages to go and find one himself."
Daario patiently listened to her burden.
There was something so heavy about the weight of this one. It held so much of her past. So much of her history – the transformation of a Princess to a Queen.
Memories could be just as much of a burden, as a blessing. Especially if all you long for is to be free of them.
"I commanded him to find a cure."
That comment received a dubious, raised brow from her lover.
"What?" She defended. "It was better than his alternative. Besides, he needed the hope."
"Jorah needed it?" He questioned. "Or you did?"
The last part came out a bit harsher than he intended, more envious.
"Don't." Daenerys warned. "Not tonight…Don't be jealous of him tonight."
"Me? Jealous of Jorah the Andal?" He snorted a laugh, "Never." He teased, gently squeezing her hand, reassuring her.
"But it would please you to finally be rid of him."
"Gods yes!" His Queen almost smiled. Almost. "…Like I said, he's been a pain in my ass."
"I'm sure the feeling is mutual." She countered, playfully nudging his shoulder.
"Oh, I'm certain of it." He smirked. "But only because I have what he wants."
Her eyes sharply turned away, her breath catching in her throat.
"I am not some prized mare to be won." She bluntly chastised.
His eyes soften, apologetically. "I know this, my Queen."
"Do you?" She snapped back.
"You." Daario emphasized, leaning in to place a chaste kiss to her bare shoulder. "…Are much," another kiss to her neck. "much more."
She closes her eyes and sighs, surrendering to his seduction. Or maybe she was just succumbing to the temptation to forget.
As for which one it was, she couldn't say.
His lips move up to the shell of her ear, whispering.
"Let me help you."
And without warning, her mind flashes back to Qarth.
They were arguing.
She was being obstinate and cynical over her destiny. And Ser Jorah was being just as frustratingly adamant and reassuring of his faith in her.
It was something he had always done, her bear – He always knew how to chase the demons away.
'No one can survive in this world without help. No one.' With pure clarity, she remembers the surety behind his graveled voice. 'Let me help you.'
It was Daario's hand sliding up her inner thigh that brought her back, his lips moving further down her neck.
Her hand seizes his, pausing his movements.
"Stop." She commands.
Her response was a little too taciturn for him. He would prefer a broader explanation, such as why she wanted him to stop, but nevertheless, he froze.
And he hopes she knows.
Hopes she can see that he's trying really hard to be patient here, but she's making it very difficult. Especially since he's noticed that her rejection of him is slowly becoming a common occurrence. Too common for his liking. One of the many reasons behind his reoccurring visits to the brothels of Meereen, but he would have rather died a slow death than reveal that to Jorah the Andal.
At first, he explained her indifference away as her preparing to move across the Narrow Sea to Westeros. She's reminded him countless times, of how she would need to be free to wed a highborn King. One who could help unite her people behind her.
And he knew it to be true. She had already set him aside for one political marriage. What was one more to her?
He was not blind. What they had found in each other was not permanent, it wasn't a stopping point, a safe place to rest her heart for good.
Which was a shame, because he was good for her. He made her happy and he knew it.
Except when he came between them.
Much like he was right now.
'It must be hell,' Daario thought. 'To have successfully convinced yourself that you don't care for something, when in truth, it's really all you want.'
"What's stopping you tonight?" He leaned his forehead against hers. "Tell me what's wrong, so I can set it right."
"I just need to be alone tonight."
He knew this side of her well.
That's code for I need to remember. To remind myself of who I am and where I've come from.
It was a dangerous prospect to leave her alone to such devices, especially like this…sad.
But not just any kind of sad. This one was the self-loathing kind. The one you feel like you deserve, the kind you use to punish yourself for missed opportunities and stupid choices that only become clearer in hindsight.
"I really don't think that's wise?"
She shot a challenging look in his direction, then quickly turns away when the realization dawns in his eyes, her hand absently reaching back to the pearl ring dangling from her necklace.
There was ghosts here tonight. Not the dead themselves, but something more worldly. She was being haunted, but only by things that could have been and never was.
"Ah, I see…My Queen wishes to dance with her ghosts."
Clearly, she was not in need of his services tonight.
Fine by him.
Daenerys watches as he stands to his feet and bows graciously.
"As my Queen commands."
He says with disgusting sincerity before leaving, with no hint of regret.
'Let those that are dead…or soon to be dead, keep her company.' Daario thought.
-x-x-x-
Author Notes: First off, I hope you guys enjoyed the new chapter. I know Daario seems a little better in this one. Kind of. Sort of-ish. Maybe? But I do believe that his love for Daenerys is self-motivated and I tend to write him from that view point. I always thought they were both using each other.
Second, I am so sorry it took me so long to update. Things can get pretty busy when you're a single momma of two and work a full-time job.
Thirdly, I promise to update by the end of this week (maybe sooner). The chapter is finished, I just need to do some revising and tweaking. The next chapter will get the story moving along pretty nicely, you still won't know exactly what's happening yet or where it's going but, I am dropping little hints along the way. This chapter was loaded with them.
And chapter six will be the revelation where you guys see where it's heading. I may be able to slip it into chapter five but it's already nine pages long and possibly growing. So, I'll have to see how it reads and go from there. And once again, thank you for all the lovely reviews and kudos.
We're almost to the good parts, so stay with me. Be blessed guys!
"Listen to me, you cannot bring a man with Greyscale of all things, back to the city and hope for the best." Daario argued. "If the people find out that you knowingly brought him there, you will have a revolt on your hands."
"That's why we must keep it secret." Daenerys explained. "We can keep him in seclusion, safely away from the people. Then I will call for every maester, every apothecary and every healer to visit the Great Pyramid of Meereen."
"If you do, your people will wonder why their Queen is inviting magic into the Pyramid. Eventually, word will get out and if the slaves unite with the great masters, then I'm afraid you will be forced to flee your city for good."
"Then what would you have me do…send him away to Valyria and have him live out the rest of his days with the stonemen?"
"Yes." Daario confirmed. "I know it's a hard decision, but it is the right one. You will be safe, as well as your city."