Hello

Hello dearies! I have to say, I am back, and with no HAOGE delay either – I am proud! Sorry that I haven't been able to reply to reviews as yet, I honestly have been working hard to get this out first and foremost!

I promise not to bore you with my ramblings too much so, thank yous, disclaimer, caution and OFF WE GO!

Aquarius Galuxy,Kitty Kat K.O.,katrinagalaxy, and Bluestray

Thank you for your continued support of a story that nearly died – if you were in front of me, I would actually kiss you for your lovely reviews and kind words of encouragement.And

cRaZyGuRl093, and Tainy

for joining this ride, I hope you enjoy the rest of the story and carry on reviewing.

Disclaimer: I don't own it ¬.¬

Caution: Angst-Fluff chapter! Read at you own risk!

These Things I'll Never Say - Recognition

A tall black haired man paced the sleek wooden floors tersely biting out words, turning every so often to his companion with blazing amber eyes, looking for agreement. Said companion slouched behind his desk, blue hair dishevelled, tie loosened and blazer slung haphazardly over the back of his swivel chair. He looked as disgruntled as his friend, though was not as loquacious about it, the tick pulsing above his left eye and the continuous tapping of his pen the only real outward signs.

It was unusual for the two friends to be in such lousy moods, given the place they were in. The pristine office of the owner of Biovolt Corp. and Hiwatari Industries was normally the backdrop of relaxing lunches and long sessions of regaling the antics of yesteryear. Despite the bluenette's notorious reputation for hostility to all and sundry, he was surprisingly warm when it came to old friends and team mates. Ray had been no exception when he had moved into town a few months previously, and was now a regular visitor.

He finished his rant, flopping into a chair, not bothering to notice the breathtaking view offered from behind grey blinds that were customarily shut. A silence fell over the room, only disturbed by the rhythmic tapping of the sleek silver Waterman held by long sophisticated fingers. He looked into eyes expectantly, the same colour as the polished mahogany that papers were strewn over, searching for a response.

"So have you finished yelling for good?" the quieter one rumbled, signs of stress and tiredness apparent on his drawn face. Ray quirked an eyebrow, but nodded nonetheless, he was here for a favour, after all.
"Yeah, I need some help from you, dude…" Kai looked bewildered at this,
"What do you want me to do? How am I going to help in this mess you've made?"
"Simple, man! Just give me her home address, so I can go and confront her straight – she certainly needs a telling to, and pretty soon by the looks of her attitude." He muttered, eyes narrowing to angry slits. The other remained unphased and unappreciative of this, drawling, "And why should I do this?" Ray stiffened, nostrils flaring in outrage and brows furrowing,

"Did you not hear a word I said a while back?" the bluenette raised a brow at the clipped tone is friend was using, "She left me! So, if I messed up when we finally meet years later, it should not be treated like an unholy offence – I was surprised damnit! And like a gentleman, I try and go to apologise, but she continues to act like the injured party and rejects my calls, appointments, anything to get in touch! I mean what is so wrong with wanting to meet up with an old friend? It's not like there are awkward memories or she 'was torn apart when we broke up' because she left me! Hell, if anything I'm the one who didn't get closure and should be upset about her upping sticks and leaving me without a trace!" he finished slamming his palms on the table.

Kai closed his eyes tiredly; he had had a lot to deal with over the past few weeks, both physically and mentally – his emotionally wrought friend was not helping matters. "You seem pretty hung up about 'her leaving you'." he observed. The other man slumped dejectedly, broad shoulders outlined by a plain white T-shirt almost seeming to collapse under the invisible burden they carried. He rubbed his hands nervously over his denim clad thighs, licking his dry lips before murmuring, "I never did understand that, you know?" his eyes softened, becoming vulnerable, dropping the façade of the impassive samurai warrior.
"Things were going so well between us, she really trusted me and depended on me – I'd never had that unconditional faith before. And I know she had dreams of making an amazing future for herself, but it never involved moving away; her leaving was not something we discussed, or I ever envisioned…" he said quietly, "I really loved her."

Kai's eyes narrowed almost imperceptibly, his voice, when he spoke was much colder and harsher. "She must have left for a reason, and if it wasn't planned or something she wanted to do soon, then you must have done something… and now you're reaping the rewards of that decision. That's karma for you." A stillness fell over the room, like the muggy heated calm before a raging storm.

"Something I've done? Karma? Don't tell me that new-age, hippie girlfriend of yours has you taking joints of opium and playing the sitar too?" he sneered. The bluenette's eyes turned melancholic at those words, his whole self retreating behind self-made, iron-enforced, concrete walls. Hostility was apparent from his position.

"If you don't want to listen, then do what you want." he scribbled something down on a scrap of paper and flung it towards Ray, "Here's the damned address, so go, don't let the door hit you on your way."

He glared back at the business tycoon before storming out – never had he thought that a woman would cause an argument between them.

A quick taxi ride later saw him looking up at tall block of apartments on an avenue lined with leafy poplars, the local park peeking out behind the corner of the block. 'She had never been able to survive unless she was near some sort of nature.' he mused. The curving sides of the shining rust coloured building, glinting invitingly in the bright afternoon sunshine, personified the same grace she emanated.

He noticed several children running along the pavement, followed by their parents strolling down together, arms wrapped around each other. The siblings stopped to talk to the doorman in immaculate white, the man laughing at the natural mischievousness of the little ones. Despite his foul mood, Ray's lips quirked in an involuntary smile at the pleasant picture they presented. He always had loved children, and hoped that in the future he would be able to settle down with a loving caring wife and have a few of his own – but such thoughts could wait, at the moment he had to focus on a feisty female who was not going to ignore him any longer!

When he reached her floor, he noticed she had it to herself – surprising she had wanted so much privacy as she had always been a very sociable person. The golden hued marble floor reflected the grim expression on his face, the soft lighting doing nothing to reduce the raw anger evident. Knocked away by the brooding beast he saw staring back at him, he made an effort to calm down. He was not here to intimidate and argue, well maybe a little of the later, but as a naturally gentle man, scaring people – especially pretty young ladies – was not something he liked or wanted to do.

He briefly rang the ornate brass doorbell on the right of the golden oak panels, before leaning indolently against the frame. That position remained for a few minutes before his brows drew together in a frown, it seemed she wasn't answering, though he knew for a fact she was in – what reason did the bell boy on in the lift have to lie to him? He inhaled and exhaled deeply, forcing himself to calm down – it was OK, the bell may have been broken so he could always try the knocker. He rapped the matching brass knocker a few times, smartly, looking at interest at the shape – funny she had chosen one with the face of a mountain cat rather than the traditional lion. Another few minutes passed and still no answer – despite the audible signs of life coming from behind the portal. He came closer, pressing his ear to the door before trying the bell again. A melodious tune could be faintly heard through the wood – it wasn't broken, so why the hell was she not answering? He backed away to a normal distance before pressing the bell several times in quick succession. A flustered "Coming" was given to him this time before a resounding crash and surprised shriek came from behind the frame. He proceeded the press the bell rapidly a few times further – she would answer the door, crash or otherwise!

Finally the door opened a few inches and he could hear fretful scolding from inside: "Rin! What have I told you about that? You know that it could be anyone! It's just not safe! Don't open up!"

Ignoring the feminine voice, Ray, not one to lose a chance, placed his foot in the gap and pushed it open. He heard a soft "oomph" and the rustle of cloth, but saw no-one – then he looked down. Getting up from the floor, rubbing her many skirted bottom, was the most adorable creature he had laid eyes on.

Two jet black bunches, tied with pink spotted bows, sat neatly atop her head, moving every time she tilted her head trying to make sense of the size of the stranger in front of her. Large amber eyes, framed by long curling lashed were wide with awe as she looked up at him. She seemed to decide that he was nice, and gave him an unexpected smile, her chubby cheeks flushing prettily, while he caught a flash of white, sharp little canines protruding from under rosebud lips. She folded her hands, with some difficulty behind her back, the many voluminous layers of her lacy white dress hindering her somewhat; while she scuffed a pink booted toe on the tiles.

Ray was still in shock as Mariah came, obviously fresh from the shower, clothed in a dressing gown with a towel wrapped on top of her head encasing wet hair. She immediately scooped the child – Rin her name appeared to be – both scolding and cuddling her. She finally noticed the person at the door, her eyes widening in fear as she realised it was him, her instinct being to draw the baby closer to her.

Even though it had only been a few seconds when he had time to just look at the child, her features blew him away… Noticing the awkward silence between the two adults, Rin spoke again, "I'm sorry Mommy, I didn't mean to be naughty, but the bell was ringing so many times! And now there's a man here to see you!" She grinned nuzzling her face into her 'Mommy's' neck. Ray took note of the tumbling black locks – definitely not a legacy of Mariah's, and the sparkling amber eyes; they were so close to her mother's but a few shades darker…just like his were, and the shape of her face, the cute dimple on her left cheek – but didn't he….? His voice stuck in his throat at the realisation, but how? She couldn't be…. Could she?

Before he could speak, he noticed a subtle change in the woman's position. Her shoulders squared and her figure became erect and as poised as she was in the boardroom.

"How dare you come and disturb my privacy like this? This is my home! My sanctuary away… away from the likes of you! I know you've been trying to contact me, to 'meet up and reminisce about ol' times' but I would have thought you were smart enough to get the message when I didn't answer – any of those messages!" she hissed angrily, her fear giving her momentum as she presented it as anger.

"I will tell you straight, once and for all – our relationship is STRICTLY PROFESSIONAL!! If you have a business related problem, contact my SECRETARY! Oh! And when we do have to work together, don't try anything funny like you did last time! I mean the nerve of you bringing up the past-! I'll tell you what you can do with all the 'Riah, baby' nonsense; stick it where the sun don't shine! Now, I don't know how you got my address, or how you convinced the doorman to let you in, but let me make this clear: NEVER contact me like this again, after hours is time for my child, for my family! So NEVER come here again!" she shouted, fighting back angry tears.

She finished her tirade, but none of it sunk in, the idea that the child -! was too mind numbing to contemplate anything else. As she started to close the door, fully intending to slam it in his face, he stopped its progress with a flat palm. He looked at her, searching her face for a sign – any sign! Pallid and shaking he asked her hoarsely, "Whose is she?"

The child removed her thumb from her mouth and head from her mother's shoulder to look at him indignantly after his comment, while her mother froze panic stricken, even the droplets of moisture in her eyes stilling. "I'm Mommy's, of course" she told him rolling her eyes as if it were the most obvious thing on the planet. Mariah gave a choked sob, errant tears spilling down her face, causing two black-haired heads to turn towards her in concern. With a strength fuelled by hurt, she pushed him out, taking the child inside with her.

Ray, shocked to the core, remained at the entrance to her apartment a few minutes longer while he tried to gather his wits. Behind the door, lived a beautiful, wonderful child who he had never met before, but was bonded to more closely than he could imagine. He didn't understand himself why he had asked her that, not when there were so many physical similarities between the two – even more so because he didn't need assurances and guarantees that the little girl was his; it had been instinctive. Just as he had felt complete when he had first experienced Driger's mighty but comforting presence, he had felt a piece of the unfinished puzzle that he often felt his life was, slide into place. One shy smile was all that it had taken for him to recognise that deep bond of the same blood that pulsed in their veins.

Greenery, outdoors and solitude had often given comfort to the white tiger, yet at this time, his brain was so filled with thoughts rushing around, nothing could bring back that calm stillness.

Sitting morosely on a park bench, Ray found a tall cup of coffee-to-go thrust at him. He accepted it with surprise and a quiet "thanks" as the giver of the gift took a seat beside him. The wind blowing past felt icy now the bright sunshine of hours ago was covered by thick grey clouds. He took a tentative sip, relishing the rich, dark warmth it offered. The bluenette beside him said nothing, merely drinking his own cup and glaring moodily at the scene of children valiantly playing in the playground.

Youngsters shouted in delight and exhilaration as they swung higher and higher, span faster and faster, climbed further and further – the innocent joy only children could possess shone from every wide-eyed, red-cheeked face. His eyes flickered as something fell into place – the sudden coldness from a dear friend…?

"You knew, didn't you?" he asked simply, turning to look at the more stoic man. His eyes slid to the side to settle on Ray, and after a sigh and a resigned shrug he grunted "Hn." Though he normally would have reacted with shock and anger at a concealment so awful, Ray felt drained of all emotions after the rollercoaster he had been on that morning. "Then why the hell didn't you tell me?" he asked quietly.
"I was going to… I hinted at it, then all that about Honey….." he trailed off bitterly, almost deflating at the thought of the woman. Ray turned to him fully, concerned at the behaviour of his normally indifferent friend, "Why, what's the deal with Honey?" he asked gently, knowing how sensitive and unstable Kai could get at the really low points in his life. "She's good friends with Mariah, almost like an aunty to the kid." he replied, mahogany eyes softening. Ray looked troubled at the deliberate misunderstanding, but didn't press further; he was never one to open up to others, despite the hurt he caused himself in the process.

"So… how long have you guys known this?" he probed, drumming his fingertips on the warm cardboard. The other man ran a tired hand through tousled locks, "I dunno… from the start I guess…" Ray's eyes lit up and he leaned forward subconsciously, "You mean you saw her being born?" he queried breathlessly.
"No." He listened intently, waiting for him to continue, but no additional explanation was given.
"When did you guys meet then?"
"She'd already had Rin, and was in a bad situation -" he broke off suddenly crushing his cup in a frustrated fist, "Look, I'm not good at these sort of things," he ground out, "You'd be better talking to Honey – she knows Mariah better than me."

Though desperate to know more, he halted his interrogation realising the emotional pain the other was in. "You need to get home, Kai. You're really not in a good way man, go home and get some rest." he advised, standing up. The bluenette looked up at him and nodded, before rising himself. The two walked past the playground, merry shouts of children's laughter echoing, in companionable silence.

As they reached Kai's sleek grey Mustang, Ray asked one last question.
"I know talking about her hurts, man, but I need to know where Honey is now." A cold mask descended on the quiet man's face,
"It doesn't affect me. She'll be at work now."

He abruptly got in the car and sped away without another word. Ray watched as the panther-like car cut through the traffic like Moses did to the red sea. He was worried, that behaviour was not Kai, never had he seen the man more cut up. But currently, his own problems were of greater importance. 'He'll pull through, he's stronger than that' he told himself as he turned to go his own destination.

As he walked through the door, he smiled inwardly; it seemed he and Honey were pretty alike when it came to the state of desks. The girl's concentration was absolute, so much so that she did not notice as he entered and stood to the side to wait for her attention. Ray took the time to assess that which had made his friend so utterly miserable for the past couple of weeks. The small figure leaned forward zealously over the top of her desk, shoulders hunched beneath a scarlet suit as she scribbled away furiously. Despite well applied make-up, her eyes still showed signs of tiredness and tears; being red, sunken in and lined with dark circles. She bit her lip nervously, drawing blood, yet not realising until a drop fell on the pristine white paper below. She gave a cry of alarm – all that hard work wasted and searched fruitlessly for a tissue.

Ever the gentleman, Ray stepped forward and handed her his handkerchief she accepted it gratefully, then her eyes widened as she realised a strange man was standing in her office, and there was no security whatsoever. He smiled to put her at ease, and began in a soothing tone, "Hey, you must be Honey! You probably don't know me, as yet, but I've got to know a lot about you!" Terror flooded into her face as she instinctively shrunk back into the large leather chair, hands scrabbling to find keys or something to knock the intruder down – whichever came first.

Ray then became conscious of the way his words could be interpreted and hastily tried to reassure her. "No! No! Not like that – I'm a friend of Kai's!" Relief and a good deal of sadness crossed her face as she visibly relaxed in front of him. "Oh! I – I see! So… why are you here?" she asked cautiously.
"You sure cut to the chase, don't you!" he teased. Her cheeks flamed and she bit her lip again.
"Oh my! You must think me terribly rude! Please, take a seat – uh… uh….I don't know your name, do I?" Honey finished with a sheepish smile. Ray could only smile warmly as he did as she asked. "I'm Ray, Ray Kon."

She froze momentarily, eyes hardening to icy chips, her fists clenching involuntarily. "Raymond Kon, I see…" she paused to assess him watching him with a cool, judging gaze. "I believe you're wrong about my knowledge of you… I certainly know enough." Noting the sudden change in her attitude to him, he hesitated momentarily, "Uh… right…good! Umm, I think you know a good friend of mine – Mariah." He started hopefully, before she shot him a furious glare.
"A friend of yours? Really? In that case, I feel very sorry for Kai, and thankful I am not counted in that circle of a lucky few!" She shot back, sarcasm lacing every word. Ray was taken aback by her vehemence, but ploughed on further, determined to know the whole story.
"Surely…surely it couldn't have been that bad! From what I see, she and her child are very comfortable…." Shock and ire suffused onto her face,
"She told you about Rin? And you think they're comfortable?? Well let me tell you mister! You know nothing about what the two of them have gone through, and how strong they've had to be to survive it! That bad-! It was a thousand times worse than you could imagine!"
"Then tell me! I know the child is mine – hell any fool could tell she is! I think I deserve to know what has happened to her in the first few years of her life!"
"You deserve nothing!" she finished, shaking with suppressed rage.

Ray looked at her with pleading eyes, his face beseeching rather than demanding.
"Please! I need to know… otherwise I'll never be able to connect with Mariah. And I need to do that, or else… or else; I won't be in a position to be the daddy Rin should have." She stopped, caught up in the emotion of his words.
"What – what do you mean by that?" she asked uncertainly her face open and for the first time willing to listen to him.
"She's my child, Honey. My little girl. I want to be there for her during the heartbreak and the joy, I want to be able to look after her – doesn't every father?"

Honey's anger and resolve to tell him nothing wavered, a strange longing entering her eyes. "Look after her? You mean the full hog, from dusting off her knees and popping her on your shoulders when she falls over, to scaring off overzealous teenage boys, to dancing the father-daughter dance on her 16th birthday?" She asked wistfully. His eyes shone tenderly as he thought of the times he would be able to share with his daughter; determination, that they would come to fruition, sparking.

"The whole shebang." he promised, "So will you tell me, Honey? When did you meet? What happened?"
She sighed softly, a weariness settling over her face, as she sat back down. "It's a long story – you got the time?" her face was wry, but her eyes assessing.
"For Rin, I do." Ray replied sincerely. Finally accepting the man was no fake, she began, "She was so brave." She breathed in admiration, "And she's done so much…"

Okies peep-les! That was quite a long chappie and was threatening to become EVEN BIGGER!

I'm sorry I left you on a cliffie, I know you want to know poor Mariah's past, but you shall have to tune in next time! Also a lot more of character de-vilifying here – we all know Ray's a nice guy, and I intend to have you guessing why his betrayal came about! . I have to say, I was not pleased with the last section, it doesn't get the emotion I felt while writing it, across… and they all seem a bit bipolar for some reason! meh! ¬¬ Parts like that annoy me SOOO much! If you can tell me how to improve it – I will bake you cyber cookies and send them off to you!

I shall say; I have tried to churn this out as soon as possible, despite having to go to hospital two days so far (No, I'm not ill, just observing – Doctors are even cooler than they show on the TV shows!". So enjoy! And you can show that appreciation by REVIEWING!! I LOVE the things, and if you have any tips on how to improve my craft – PLEASE! Gimme 'em!

I won't say good-bye, as I intend to get the next one out pretty soon! So au revoir for now!

Hunny-Spectrum xXx