He insisted to himself from then on that there was never any point to any of it. There was no need to change himself when he had proven again and again his worth in a fight, in an argument, even his ability in a game of Wicked Grace. He knew what he was good at and that was enough to be content with.

Despite this, the things she had managed to show him kept rising, unbidden, to his mind. In fact it was hard to shake so easily when all of a sudden he began to recognise those letters, seeing them repeated on signs around town that previously he had simply ignored.

Part of him wanted to forget he had ever tried, a failure he didn't care to dwell on. However, there was one night a couple of weeks after their last unsuccessful lesson, as he strolled to meet the others at their usual haunt, when his attention was caught by the board hung above the door clattering in the breeze.

Hawke had drawn that letter. The ornate print was slightly different to her own handwriting but it was recognisable and he recalled the sound she had made to his memory.

"h." Quietly intoning it under his breath, he looked at the next. That was easy. That had been the first of Hawke's examples so he quickly followed it with the appropriate sound, "a".

And then he shook his head at himself, a flicker of amusement at his own foolishness made him smile because he knew what it said. The sign would surely spell the tavern's name.

A small smile of wonder crept across his face as he looked up at the sign. He wasn't reading it, per se, but for the first time in his memory he looked at a word and knew what it meant. In fact, as he studied it, he realised he recognised almost every letter in that word, and as he registered the simplicity of the next word, he quickly deciphered the sounds for 'm' and 'n' for himself as well.

A noise behind him drew his attention then and he spun from his reverie to see Sebastian rounding the corner, arriving in time for their usual night of cards and drinking. He stepped up beside Fenris, obviously assuming that the elf had only just arrived before him, then did a sudden double take at the expression on Fenris's face.

"Has something happened I should know about?" Sebastian asked.

"Such as?"

"I don't know—you just seem less angry than usual, my friend. It looks good on you."

Fenris smiled lightly at the other man's wry tone and shook his head, leading them both through the door of the bar. "I was merely considering some changes."

"Well, I hope they work well for you, you deserve some fortune in your life." Sebastian patted him on the shoulder as he headed towards the stairs, while Fenris turned towards the bar to get a drink before joining him in Varric's suite.

He waited to catch Corff's attention and as the man searched for a wine glass, Fenris looked at the chalkboard. Even as he picked out the letters he recognised - once again in a different handwriting - he mused on the Chantry brother's words.

He climbed the stairs to the back and decided that no, Sebastian wasn't correct, Fenris didn't deserve anything - but he could allow himself to earn it. And that was what he planned to do. Hawke had called him 'stubborn' and he knew deep down that it was true.

In the following weeks he found himself looking at the shelves of books in his mansion. On the spines he picked out letters he recognised, found which words he could decipher and from those even managed to learn the sounds for a few new letters.

He found a pen and learnt how to hold it correctly, practised on the desk in his room until gripping the damnable thing didn't feel quite so awkward. If there were a few occasions when he yelled out in frustration, sweeping the sheets of paper with their unsatisfactory scribbles onto the floor with one hand, he was gratified that there was no one there to see it. He began to copy out letters, picking books at random and steadily, painstakingly scribing out their first sentence until he almost felt like the words should make sense to him.

He reached that point when he felt equal parts frustrated and curious to continue studying. He could use the pen, he could even recognise a couple of words on sight. But he only knew a handful of letters. While he wasn't planning on admitting it to her, Hawke had been right. He had turned his determination to making something happen and even he had to admit, progress had been made. Now he knew what his next step was and who he needed to ask for help.

Standing at Hawke's front door was familiar, the nagging doubts lingering in his head before he could go in. He testily pushed them aside. He had made up his mind.

He could do this. More importantly, he knew he wanted to do this.

He knocked and pushed the door open, greeting Bodahn with a small nod and receiving a warm smile in return. Somehow even that simple gesture relaxed him slightly - Hawke went out of her way to let him know he was always welcome here in her house.

Bodahn directed him to the library where he found Hawke, curled in the armchair by the fire with her head buried in a book. She only looked up when he moved to block the firelight and a shadow fell across her.

"Fenris? Sorry, I didn't hear you." He watched as she carefully lay a scrap of paper in her page and placed the book down the side of the chair, allowing her to turn her full attention to him. "Was there something you needed?"

He quirked a lip at her choice of phrasing and replied, "Actually, it's more something I'd like." She raised her eyebrow queryingly. "I—," He looked at the book beside her, it's presence taunting him into steeling his resolve, "I would like you to help me read. Though I feel I must first ask forgiveness for my shameful behaviour the last time you offered." His voice almost quavered on him but he held it steady, his short speech delivered entirely to the floor in front of his feet.

He finally looked up at Hawke uncertainly, only to find she was smiling at him, an honest, open grin that knocked the breath from him. Now was not the time, she was already talking "Of course I'll help! And I should be the one apologising to you." He frowned at her sharply then, confused. "I shouldn't have pushed you. I was honestly afraid I'd put you off. I made you feel like you had to do it for me and that was really not the plan, I was just—".

"No Hawke, you were excellent. I was just too—" He spoke quickly to cut her off and then wasn't sure what words he honestly meant to say, "—proud to accept your help."

"And I should have known to let you have your own space, work it out in your own time." She had something in her tone that meant Fenris suspected she was really saying something else, but the next minute she continued on and whatever had been clouding her face was gone. "I was perhaps a little over eager." She grinned at him, "Which wasn't the best way to uphold your dignity, I guess."

"I should learn better where to keep it," He said, smiling slightly in vague embarrassment. She remained so bright, while admitting a possibly too accurate knowledge of himself, that it helped him relax. Here was the same old Hawke he knew, always quick with a smile and this wasn't at all the awkward, embarrassing scene he had half envisioned for this conversation.

"I think we can say mistakes were made all around. Probably from the moment you involved me." She remarked and he snorted, not contradicting her.

"I might suggest we make a fresh start?"

"An excellent idea."

"Do you have paper?" He asked but when he moved over to the desk his eyes caught on the same sheet from last time, almost 6 months ago, where it was pushed to the corner and only just appearing from under a sheaf of papers bound together with twine.

Fenris took the corner of the sheet with Hawke's elegant line of writing across it and sat down, taking a pen in hand and nimbly copying out the first 11 letters she had drawn for him. As he did so, she got up from her chair and moved to his elbow, uncharacteristically silent.

When he finished the k, he laid the pen down and looked up at her face, feeling a certain twist of joy in his stomach at the thunderstruck expression he saw there.

"I'm ready for my next lesson." He said in a light tone.

"You taught yourself this? Fenris, that's—that's incredible!" She continued to stare down at the paper then turned her wide eyes to Fenris, now beginning to feel quite smug with himself, admiring the confounded expression he had left her with. He just nodded. "I mean you—you memorised that from the whole 5 minutes you spent looking at it?"

"I got the sounds as well, I think." He admitted and, prompted by her eyebrows raising even higher in astonished wonder, he recited what he had learnt. There was only one mistake but after Hawke pointed it out and explained the fact that 'c' was commonly pronounced 's' in a lot of words, his accomplishment didn't seem far diminished.

"I wish I had your memory." Her only comment left a sense of something he hadn't known he would find much of in his life: pride.

Maybe doing something for himself wasn't such a terrible thing after all.

Okay this chapter kind of snuck in there. It was unplanned but as i wrote it, Fenris showed me it needed to happen