Chapter Four:
Difficult
No humans can surpass the gods. Humans can still feel pain...
My god. Thought Jenny. I can't believe the thought that had crossed my mind last night.
She tried to block the horrible thought from her mind. It had no place there. She moved over in her bed. Only a few minutes left until her alarm went off.
I have to think about something else. But...it's difficult to.
The faces of Juliet and Loren moved into her face.
No, goddammit! Get out of my head! Tears started to form. Stop!
She saw the faces of Riza, Roy, and Havoc. She saw the sad face of old lady Bradley. Get out!
She was crying. Please...
The alarm clock went off.
000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
Elric yawned.
Jenny had gone off to school in a hurry that morning, so he didn't get to talk to her.
I wonder what's on her mind. He thought, putting his fingers on his chin. Maybe I'll ask her later...
00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
"Stop bugging me!" Jenny whispered loudly.
Juliet giggled. "Oh, Jennifer...stop it."
Loren was giggling as well. Juliet continued, "You should have a sense of humor, crybaby."
"Shut the hell up!" said Jenny.
"Oh, Jennifer." said Loren. "That's a word for big girls. You shouldn't be using it."
The bell rang, and first period ended.
0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
"Why are you talking to those two girls so much during class?" asked Sarah. She had realized that the two girls that were talking to Jenny the previous day were in the first period class with her as well. "You were talking to them yesterday as well, right?"
Jenny was silent, saying nothing.
"Jenny, tell me!" said Sarah.
Jenny dropped her face for a second, and then lifted it up with a smile.
"Don't worry about it, Sarah!" she said, "Nothing's wrong at all!"
Sarah sighed with relief and smiled back. "That's good to know!"
0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
"Anyone who participates in the use of Alchemy is now to be sentenced to five years in prison, or must pay a fine of two hundred thousand Sens."
While the man on the television prattled on about Estar's rules, Jenny and Elric ate dinner in silence.
They were eating in this silent mood for a few minutes until Elric cleared his throat.
"Jenny." he said, after clearing it. "How was your day at school today?"
"Fine." she said simply. Then she resumed her meal.
"Is something bothering you?" Elric asked bluntly. "If so, you can tell me."
"I told you." said Jenny. "I'm fine."
"Seriously, Jenny." continued Elric. "Please, tell me..."
"I told you!" screamed Jenny, standing up and flipping her chair back. "I'm fine, okay?"
Elric was shocked and Jenny was breathing heavily. The television continued in the background.
"...I see." said Elric, going back to his meal. "I'm sorry I asked so many times."
Jenny said nothing, and ran up to her room. Tears were, again, forming on her eyes.
000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
How come everything I do...goes wrong somehow? She thought fiercely. Why do I somehow cause people pain?
She was in her bathroom, crying.
Why am I so horrible?
Why am I so useless?
Why am I always in the way?
Why?
Why?
Why?
She continued interrogating herself, using the same word with each sentence...'why'.
Why can't the pain just go away?
She remembered reading several books about what many people do to relieve themselves of pain. The thoughts from before returned, stronger than before.
Why...?
She opened the cabinet.
Why don't I...
She searched for what she was looking for, found it, and took it out.
Why don't I ever...?
She placed the sharp object against her wrist.
Why don't I ever take things into my own hands...?
She sliced.
Or rather, my wrists?
0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
Author's Note: No, Jenny, stop! Stop, dammit! Oh, wait. I'm already in the Author's Note. Can't do anything here...
Wah! Why did Jenny-Chan have to resort to this! She's a beautiful (I think...), young, left-handed (was this info really necessary?) Girl! Wait a minute. I'm the author, so why am I asking you guys?
The pain of the bullies, losing her parents, and yelling at Elric...this is all combined! But what of the nightmares?
Find out next chapter, and...
...please R&R!
-Salazare