(A/N: Okay, I'm sorry but this chapter just turned out to be REALLY LONG. I have NO idea how it got this way, but it did. Sorry!)

Plan #3: Model

Ron had his doubts about this one. Either it would work fabulously or he would be laughed at. But it was Hermione, and he was determined to do everything in his power to earn her attention. Love would be even better, but Ron was trying not to push it and take it a little slow. Plus he didn't want his hopes to get dashed about her…

Ron emerged that morning wearing an Abercrombie and Fitch shirt.

ABERCROMBIE AND FITCH!

Hermione was already in the common room and was wondering how Ron would look today. What crazy scheme would be today's highlight? she pondered. Well, Hermione resolved, I will expect the worst. I refuse to be surprised.

And then she saw him.

Ron was wearing a PINK, STRIPED, TIGHT FITTING ABERCROMBIE AND FITCH t-shirt. Hermione's mouth was already open. Then she looked down. Ron was wearing shorts that were so low they exposed his boxers. They had red Quaffles, gold Snitches, and black Bludgers on the navy blue print. They were also apparently from Abercrombie and Fitch.

Later Hermione would discover that they had recently opened a Wizard and Witches line.

Ron's shorts were slimmer than usual and were plain khaki. But her eyes were mostly drawn to his boxers.

Ew! No, just look away!

I thought you were determined to expect the unexpected.

Yeah, well, this is just a bit TOO unexpected. What is he doing, wearing that? And—oh my gosh. WHAT has he done to his HAIR?

Ron's regularly soft, red hair was styled with spikes with tons of gel slathered on it. Hermione inwardly groaned. Not the hair…not the beautiful red hair…

"Hey, Hermione," Ron said softly as he descended the stairs. At the bottom he struck a dramatic pose and ran one hand through his hair.

Hermione was at a loss for words.

"How do I look? Too sexy for my shirt?" he asked her. Hermione could only nod her head. Then she shook her head with a little smile. What was wrong with her? Couldn't she speak? Hermione saw tons of boys dress like this in the Muggle world; it was only the one boy she happened to love that surprised her so?

Yeah…speaking of which, why did he decide to dress like…some model?

Hermione voiced the question.

Ron gaped. "Hermione, being a model is so much more than just the clothes! You have to have the right skin texture, perfect hair, a flawless face…it's exhausting!"

Hermione smirked. "This could just be a guess, Ron, but I don't think you would really know how tiring it is when you've only been a model for a morning. Unless you've secretly been sneaking off to photo shoots without our knowing?"

Ron blushed.

"Without who's knowing?" Hermione and Ron saw Harry coming down. Harry saw Ron and froze.

"Did you EAT Ron or something, you monster?"

There was an uncomfortable silence.

Then Harry burst out laughing. Hermione joined in.

"Wha—no!" Ron said defiantly. "This is called the art of the body." And much to the gasps and cries of delight from the other girls in the common room, he flipped his shirt off and struck another pose that exposed his whole chest.

HANG on, rewind. Since when did Ron have a six-pack?

Hermione looked away, muttered something about forgetting a couple books. She knew that if she didn't leave now, she wouldn't be able to stop looking at him.

Ron had gone through three new girlfriends by the time that Hermione joined her two best friends for breakfast. Currently the new one, a blond Gryffindor named Stephanie, was sitting on Ron's lap.

She basically summed up the word "chick."

And Ron was the "magnet."

Hermione inwardly sighed at the sight, but decided to get over it.

"Stephanie, baby, would you mind passing me a roll?" Ron's eyebrows rose a little. Stephanie giggled.

"Of course, Rooooooon." She dragged out his name. He flashed her a quick, sexy smile that spurred her on.

Ron hadn't even realized it up to now, but having a girlfriend could make Hermione jealous.

It was working.

Stephanie hand-fed Ron the roll. Hermione was feeling angry toward this girl, but it was a bit more than that too. Jealous, perhaps?

No! I am SO not jealous of that—that—that girl!

Yes, you are…

No I'm not! Why should I be?

Because you like him…

Besides that! I don't want to be sitting on his lap feeding him bread!

You wouldn't like that?

NO!

You are jealous, still…

Hermione was seething. "Ron?" She tried to hide it and made her voice sound sweet with a fake smile.

He looked at her full on, taking her breath away. "What is it, hon?"

Hermione gaped. "Um, first of all, I have a NAME. I am not some slutty bimbo like that creature sitting on your lap, and I resent being called that."

Ron rolled his eyes. "Whatever, sweet." Stephanie didn't realize that she was being insulted and continued feeding him.

"You can call me Hermione or 'Mione!" Hermione's voice rose.

""Mione," Ron rolled his eyes.

"THANK you. Now, um…oh yeah! Rolls are bread Ron, and thus they have lots of carbohydrates. They make you fatter, so why are you eating them?"

Hermione knew he couldn't battle back with facts.

"Well, HERMIONE," Ron shot daggers at her, "the way that I'M working out, they don't fatten me up but provide me with energy to burn off."

Hermione "hmphed," swallowed a piece of watermelon, gathered her books, and walked away to her first class.

Ron.

Yeah?

This isn't good.

What isn't good?

She's walking away, Ron.

I know she's walking away. I can see that.

But that isn't good.

Why is that not good?

Because she's angry at you.

I know she's angry at me.

…

DANG, she's angry at me!

And the penny drops.

She's not supposed to get angry at me…just jealous!

Let me think…

I'm letting you think.

Shut up! Okay, what if she's jealous, but she's showing her jealousy through anger?

Hmm…very tricky, that 'Mione…

I think you should drop the girls before she gets TOO mad at you.

No chicks?

No GIRLS.

No being fed?

What are you, a baby?

No nicknames?

She didn't seem to like them.

Alright…I guess it's time to dump and go…

"Hey, doll, shove off. It's time to get a new girl…so make like a banana and split."

Stephanie looked injured for a second, but then hopped off and stalked away to talk to her girlfriends about every aspect of Ron.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

"Hermione, look. I'm sorry." Ron had changed into his regular clothes and it was Charms class. What was the point of pretending that he was a model? He wasn't. He was Ron.

"Where's Stephanie?" Hermione whispered harshly.

"I dumped her."

"Oh, so who is it now? Is the lucky girl Lavender?"

Ron cringed. That was an insult. She knew that he hated Lavender with a passion. Maybe…well, Ron didn't want to jeopardize their friendship just so he could win her love. If there was a chance that he might lose her completely, he wasn't willing to take that chance.

So maybe he should just tell her the truth. That he wanted the lucky girl to be her, Hermione Granger.

"Hermione, I'm sorry. I was…kind of using Stephanie to make you jealous." Ron focused his gaze on Flitwick, not wanting to see her expression.

"Why, Ron?" Hermione whispered, making it sound although she was crying even though she really wasn't.

"Because…you really want to know?"

"Yes…" Was this the answer she had been waiting for? Was Ron going to say it was for her, all for her? Hermione held her breath.

"All right. You'll hate me for it, though…"

"Ronald Weasley, you tell me right this instant!"

"Alright, alright…it's because…you wouldn't help me with Astronomy homework."

Hermione released the breath slowly, trying to control her mixed up emotions. She did hate him for it, but not for what he thought. Well, it was only her stupid, stupid, STUPID feelings' fault. Hermione had hoped for too much.

Had she REALLY thought that he would tell her that he was doing all this for her? Yeah, right. Who would?

But in the end it was only to get revenge at her.

"Well…why did you dump her then? Oh, let me guess, you saw a hotter 'chick.'"

Ron shook his head mutely. What was the point of words anymore? He had lied to her about the Astronomy homework—he didn't care about that. But why was it so hard to tell her the truth? And why did Hermione look so crestfallen? It was probably because she was disappointed in him…disappointed that he was so immature…

"Look, no. That's not what happened. This whole thing has been stupid…it's just that…I like this amazing girl…"

Hermione was trying to blink back tears. She knew she wasn't amazing. Annoying? Yes. A know-it-all? Totally. Too-smart-for-her-own-good? Completely. Absolutely. The fact that Ron didn't like her was too much…

Oh, snap out of it! Shut up and just stop crying!

Wh-wh-why?

I can't believe that you actually thought he might like you! You stupid, silly girl! You're just as bad as Snape tells you every Potions class! To think that you actually thought that RON WEASLEY might like you—it's just idiotic. You are nothing but a bloody speck of dust to him. To think that you might be more than that to him is outrageous. I never thought you'd be this foolish…

I can't help it, I love him!

Well, you obviously don't deserve him.

I…I know…

"Good night Ron, I'm tired."

Ron was desperate. Didn't she realize that SHE was the girl? No, probably not…

"Hermione, it's only 7 o'clock!"

"I'm tired Ron. And…I just need to rest."

"O…okay."

Hermione walked up the steps to the girls' dormitory, then stopped and whirled around.

"Ron, guess what?" Ron jerked his head up.

"What?"

"Love sucks. Good night."

Ron was left in the common room thoroughly miserable.

Plan #3: Model

Complete Failure