A Name as Cool as Akatsuki

A Name as Cool as Akatsuki

Disclaimer: Um. No. I didn't own Naruto last chapter, and I don't own it now. Bummer, huh? Oh, and the towels bit is inspired by Arrina-san's fanfiction "Genesis". SasoDei, you should read it it's in my faves.

A/N: ZOMG the last of the yaoii couples! 0cries a little0 oh well, I get to write a Pein-Konan chapter and make lots of penis jokes! And let's not forget Zetsu, that adorable little thing, he gets a chapter all to himself (without a lemon, but what'd you expect, the guy's a plant) and Orochimaru's chapter…which I have written out. 0smirk0

Chapter Four: Kakuzu and Hidan

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"Kakuzu, can you get me—"

"No."

"I need towels, bitch."

"Screw you. You already used your towel ration for the month with your weird dogma ritual blood. I'm not shelling out the money to buy more, you freak."

"I could fucking curse you and send you to hell. I should. You're such a pig," Hidan spat.

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"Hey Hidan?"

"Yeah?"

"You ever wonder if Kisame really has two?"

"…Shut up, fuckstick."

"Oh please, like you've never wondered!"

"I haven't," the priest snapped. Kakuzu raised an eyebrow. "Do you have any idea what I'm talking about?"

"…No…"

"Thought so," Kakuzu smirked.

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"What!? Three hundred rhou for this shit? You gotta be kidding me!" Kakuzu yelled at the vendor.

Hidan was bored. "Goddammit Kakuzu, hurry the fuck up!"

"Sir, it is a very good bargain. If you can show me a place where it's cheaper then I will give it to you for that price."

"Kakuzu, let's get the fuck outta here!"

"This idiot is trying to rob me blind! Shut up Hidan!"

"Sir, it is a very goo—" the vendor suddenly found himself looking at a very dangerous looking pike, the tip all sharp and pointy.

"My friend doesn't think it's a very good bargain," Hidan said coolly, "What do you think?"

"I…I th-think it's free, sir, and I'd l-like to throw in this complimentary shop girl for you!"

"Keep the girl," Hidan said, "Now, Kakuzu, can we get the fuck outta here?"

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I present to you: Citrus Time!

.' gak, has anyone else noticed that they're always in hotels when they have sex? Damn, I had to fix that. So they're gonna go at it in the woods! Yay dirty forest sex!

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"Kakuzu?" Hidan mumbled, seeing the silhouette of his partner move out of his sleeping bag in the moonlight, "What's wrong?"

Kakuzu gazed at the immortal's face. "That bastard at the ransom place ripped me off. There are a hundred rhou less in here!"

"…Have you been counting money in your sleep again?"
Kakuzu looked away. "Shut up."

"You shut up, fucktard."

"Right, I'm the fucktard."

"Yeah you are dumbfuck!"

"Listen to the kettle calling the pot black."

"So you'll admit you're black—you'll admit you're a dumbfuck," the purple eyes gleamed with excitement, and triumph, and something else.

"I'll admit you annoy me."

"I already knew that," Hidan said casually, "And I know something else about you too. A secret."

Kakuzu snorted. "Oh, really?"

"Yeah. You're a fag."

Golden eyes latched onto purple ones. "The hell are you talking about?"

"You're a faggot. I saw you at the baths…you were checking out that guy with the six pack and the really tight ass."

"Oh, how smart of you to notice," Kakuzu muttered, "Yeah, I am. That's not a secret, though."

"Yeah? How many people know you're a faggot?"

"Stop calling me that!"

"Don't dodge the question, you son of a bitch."
"Leader-sama knows."

"Because you tried to rape him?"

"Shut up Hidan!" the ancient snapped, falling back onto his bedding. A few moments later, a warm body lay down next to him. Kakuzu stiffened as Hidan cuddled up to him. "What are you doing, idiot?" he murmured, wrenching away from him.

"I want to know…"

"What?"

"I want to know…what it feels like…to fuck a man," Hidan blushed. Hidan. Was. Blushing. And Kakuzu liked to think that he was the reason.

"So we'll buy you a man-whore at the next town."

"I want…to fuck…you," the silver haired man said calmly, digging his nails into his partner's skin. The ancient supposed that it was meant to hurt, but coming right after Hidan telling him he wanted to fuck him, well, it only made his aching erection throb that much harder.

"I'm not gonna let you fuck me."

"I'll let you fuck me."

At that moment, Kakuzu would have gladly converted to the priest's masochistic religion. Hidan…wanted…to be fucked. Kakuzu was only too willing to oblige.

"Take off your clothes then."

"You take 'em off, bastard, if I have to bottom, I'm at least not gonna be made to fucking strip for you."

"I'm not your boyfriend," Kakuzu scowled, "I'm not gonna make love. I'm gonna fuck you."

"Did I say I wanted you to make love?"

Wordlessly, the heart collector undressed himself first, unflinching despite Hidan's curious eyes roving all over his well formed body. Then he sat astride the immortal, tugging off his pants. Their naked arousals rubbed, and Hidan reached for his cock. Kakuzu stopped him, pinning both his hands down and licking his nipple. The priest moaned loudly. "Jashin-sama…"

"I'm the one doing you, why is it his name that gets moaned?" Kakuzu complained, "Anyway, don't touch yourself. What am I here for…partner?"

"You sadistic motherfucker," Hidan panted a few minutes later as the stitch ninja torturously teased him, cock in mouth, "Faster, damn it!"

The other man slowed down further, taking nearly a minute to swallow the dick up to the hilt, then nearly bring it out again and flick the tip with his tongue.

"Ah…fuck! Ah!" Hidan whimpered, "K-Kakuzu!"

"There's the thing I wanted to hear," he purred around the platinum headed man's other head, and began to suck in earnest. Hidan fisted his hair and pulled him in as his hips bucked with the force of his orgasm. "Kakuzu!" he cried out. The other male pulled him up into a sitting position. "Turn over," he commanded.

"Why?" Hidan spat.

"Because you just got a blowjob, and I want to fuck you."

Hidan glared at him, but lay down on his stomach. Kakuzu wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled him to all fours. "You'll like this," he whispered into the immortal's ear, "It hurts."

The purple eyed man trembled in anticipation. He yelped as a hard, thick cock plunged into his entrance, sans lubricant. It fucking hurt and it felt fucking good. Kakuzu gripped his ass cheeks, moaning as he shifted to get more comfortable in the tight heat of Hidan's hole. Hidan groaned as pain and pleasure mixed to give the ultimate sensation of ecstasy.

"Now watch," Kakuzu grinned, and started thrusting into the priest, "Does that feel good?"

"Y-yes, oh f-fucking go—ah! Yes!"

"Say my name, Hidan. Not your god's…mine. Scream it," Kakuzu instructed, his breathing ragged already. He was going to cum any minute.

"Unnnngh! Kakuzu…fuck! Ahh!"

A cold hand wrapped around his cock, jerking him off as he neared the edge, and Hidan screamed again. "Kakuzu!"

They collapsed, and Kakuzu snaked his arms around the smaller man, pulling him close.

"I thought…you said you weren't my boyfriend," Hidan said, not resisting. It was warm and snuggly in the stitch nin's arms.

"I changed my mind."

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