The plan was simple; we sneak into cartman's house late at night and switch the tape with one of a dancing kitten. The tape is supposed to go live on Ellen tomorrow night. So we have to do this tonight. We have snuck into cartman's house a few times before, to steal a kidney and dye his hair red (don't ask) we tiptoe to avoid waking up fluffy, then slowly open the door to cartmen's room, good, fast asleep. We dig through his closet and find the video camera, it's pretty easy to find, considering he just used it. We switch the tapes and get out of there fast. I'm surprised at how easy that was.
"I can't wait to see his face when he sees that tape on national TV!" Kyle says gleefully, he always hated cartman the most, although he might have some competition lately. To be honest I can't wait either. The next day is a blur, a nervous excited blur. i don't even hear what Mr. garrison is talking about in class, I'm too busy thinking about the video. We all decided to try and get in the audience of the show so we can see cartman's humiliation firsthand. luckily we did and are now sitting in the audience while cartman looks at us with a confused look on his face. ha ha, you have no idea, cartmen, that the joke will so be on you. the lights dim down, showtime. ellen comes out, people cheer. she makes a few jokes, none of which I can remember, then she says
"let's welcome our first guest Eric cartman!" lots of people cheer, we stay silent.
'Thanks Ellen" he says
"so, Eric, you say you've made an amazing discovery you'd like to share with us." people cheer again.
"why yes i do, and luckily I've managed to get a recording of it."
"well let's watch it" the video starts playing, I sit up in my chair, this is it! that doesn't look like a kitten, that looks like...me. no. NOOOOOOOO! I rush onstage,panicking. just as the video of me killing myself is all over national tv.
"why look here's the immortal boy now."
"You evil bastard!" Kyle yells "how is this possible? We switched the tape!"
Cartman laughes "do you really think I would trust that you wouldn't do something? I kept the tape on me for safekeeping"
It's over, I lost, people are staring at me, shell shocked, and I don't like it. I don't feel, i don't think, I just do the first thing that comes to mind, i take my gun out of my pocket and pull the trigger. and everything fades to black.