If I Knew Then: Chapter 4

My Heart is Reaching for You

You're on a bus in Chicago
Three rows to the left
You know my heart
is reaching for you
But we never even met

Fireworks. That's all that Aria saw when Ezra kissed her. The spark, the magic, the feeling of something right. Hayden's kisses didn't even compare with what she felt when Ezra's lips touched hers. She didn't care that she only met him earlier that day. The only thing on her mind was kissing him. Again and again.

When they pulled away from each other, she opened her eyes to find him staring back down at her, his mouth forming the words, "Holy crap."

"Did you feel that, too?" She asked him in a small, trembling voice.

He ran his hand nervously through his curly dark brown locks of hair, giving her a slight nod, "Ye-yeah. I d-did." He took a deep breath, "I'm sorry. You have a boyfriend and it was selfish of me to even think that you would want me to-"His plead for forgiveness was cut off short as she attacked his lips again, her fingers knotting in his hair. She felt his hands on her waist, pressing her closer to his agile body..

Suddenly, she was hoisted up on the bathroom counter, her lips still moving rhythmically with his. His hands slid gently up and down her back, relaxing her strangled nerves. Everything else was unimportant to her at that point. All that mattered was her and Ezra; nothing else.

After a heavy seven minute make out session, Aria finally pushed herself away. Both of them were breathing heavily and she felt sweat beginning to form on her forehead. She lifted her gaze to meet Ezra's and found his smoldering dark blue eyes glimmering back at her, half a smile on his glossy lips. He heavily exhaled, "Wow. That was…just wow."

"You took the words right out of my mouth."

His smile widened and he gave her one last lingering kiss on her lips before helping her off the counter, "You sure you want to go back out there? I mean, Hayden is still stumbling around like a drunken moron with other men's money in his pockets, I bet."

That's when she remembered Hayden. Her boyfriend. The man who she had loved for two years. How could I be so unfaithful to him? I just kissed someone I barely even know in a bar bathroom! "How could I be so stupid?"

Ezra's smile disappeared and he looked down at her in surprise, "What do you mean?"

"Ezra, I have a boyfriend! You don't even know me! Why did you kiss me? Why?" She edged away from him, glaring at him with teary-eyed fury.

She watched as anger and hurt battled in his eyes, "What? I tried to apologize when I kissed you, but you seemed to like kissing me just fine a minute ago! And I kissed you because I thought that you actually felt something between us! Plus," His lips snarled as he paused before continuing, "Hayden seems like a real nice guy to you when you're upset. You don't see him comforting you in a woman's restroom when you're crying for over ten minutes, now do you? He's a jerk, Aria. Why won't you let yourself see that?" He held out his arms, his voice rising, "What do you want from me? Just tell me that, please. Because I don't want to be your backup plan when things with Hayden fall apart."

That stung Aria a bit and she cringed away from Ezra, "I don't know what I want, Ezra! But I'll tell you one thing. Hayden is not a jerk. He's a good guy and a great boyfriend. It's pretty obvious that you don't know him and you don't know me. Okay?"

When he responded, Aria could literally feel the hurt and pain in Ezra's voice, "You're right. I really don't know anything about you." He turned his back to her and gripped the handle of the bathroom door. Before he left the restroom, he peered over his shoulder, looking right into her eyes, the sapphire depths reflecting her own hurt and frustration, "That doesn't mean that I don't want to get to know you. Because I would really love to." He clenched his jaw and left the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

Aria felt tears welling up in her eyes and fall down her cheeks. She leaned against the bathroom counter, not bothering to wipe them away. Ezra is a guy I met just earlier today. But why does is seem like he already understands me better than my own boyfriend does?I've known Hayden for two years. I love him….Don't I?

She turned toward the bathroom mirror, trying to clean herself up before going out to the bar again. She didn't want Ezra to see that she had been crying over him. Or that his words rang more truth than what she'd heard in a long time.

Aria left the bathroom and just as she emerged, Hayden walked up to her, his eyes softer than what they had been just twenty minutes ago, "Aria, I'm sorry. I was an ass when I said that to you about your family. I do love them, I do. I'm just a bit nervous about seeing them again."

She gave him a tentative smile, "Why are you so nervous? You know how much they like you."

"But Rosewood people kind of frighten me. Maybe it's just me being from Chicago and the fear of being in such a small town."

Aria's smiled widened at that comment, "I felt the same way when I went to Chicago. But as long as we're together, that's all that matters right?"

Hayden nodded, "I promise you that from now until we get to Rosewood, I will be perfectly civilized." He blinked those big brown eyes at her, "I love you, Ar. Please never forget that. Now matter stupid I may act."

"I would never forget that, Hayden. And I'll love you no matter how much of an ass you are." I do love him. Even if he may be a little bit more outgoing than I would like, I care about him. Ezra doesn't know him. And he especially doesn't know me.

Hayden wrapped her up in a tight hug, burying his face into her was quick to return it, though as she looked over his shoulder, she saw Ezra staring back at her. The veins popped out of his neck in anger and he turned his back to her, his shoulders tense as he left the bar, walking to the small hotel just down the street where the people on the bus would be staying for the night.

When Hayden pulled away, he noticed her gaze on the bar door and he glanced that way before meeting her eyes again, "Is everything alright? Who are you looking for?"

"No one. It's fine. Let's just get to the hotel, alright? I'm beginning to feel really tired."

"Anything for you, my lady." Hayden grinned at her, taking her hand in his larger one, "Let's head that way then."

Before they could even walk a meter, Aria pulled on Hayden's hand to pull her back into him, mashing her lips to his. She felt his fingers flutter on her cheeks and his other hand caress the small of her back, keeping her cemented to her body.

No matter how much she didn't want to admit it, she did not feel the spark. The magic. The fireworks that had exploded inside of her when Ezra had kissed her so gently and lovingly. Hayden's kiss was bland and boring compared to that. It felt like old news. Kissing the past even though it was already gone. Like that time in her life was over.

After they broke apart after just a few moments, her boyfriend blinked in surprise at her, "What was that for?"

She forced herself to give him a smile, "Oh, I just felt like kissing you."

"Well, I am not going to complain about that." Hayden's wide smirk was almost blinding, "Come on. We can continue this in our hotel room."

"Can't wait." She said as they walked to the bar door and left Snookers and headed down the street. Her thoughts were a whirlwind, What have I gotten myself into?

How could she just rub Hayden in my face like that? After kissing me and then rejecting me to be with her amazing boyfriend? What am I? Just her bed buddy when things with Hayden don't work out? Ezra paced throughout his hotel room, his fists at his sides and his anger almost taking over him. Why had he been so stupid to actually think she would leave her perfect boyfriend for him; a guy that she hardly knew?

His cell phone rang from the night stand between the two queen sized beds. He took a deep breath before going over to it and glancing at the caller ID. It was his older brother, Kenneth. He flipped the phone open and spoke into it, "Hey, bro."

"Hey, Ezra. How is the bus trip going?"Knowing Kenneth, the older sibling who was a pre-med student at Pennsylvania University and interning at a large hospital in Phillie, anything that his younger brother was doing had to be irrelevant. Ezra respected his brother for being so successful, if not jealous, and for giving him a home while he went to work at Hollis this next year, but sometimes he was just a bit overbearing.

Ezra ran his hand through his curly dark brown hair, "It's been interesting." That doesn't even explain half of it.

"Any hot girls riding the bus with you?"

His mind instantly flew to Aria and he coughed nervously, "There are a couple of them that have caught my eye."

"Have you made a move at all? Come on, bro! Any girl would be lucky to have you."

"Easy for you to say, Mr. I've Been Married Since I was eighteen to My High School Sweetheart."

"Well, Natalie is pretty amazing, isn't she?" Kenneth sighed with a soft laugh, "I have bad news though. We were renovating the guest room and there was a bit of a mishap. You can't stay at the house until we get it fixed."

Ezra held the cell phone to his ear, anger and impatience bubbling inside of him, "Kenneth, what the hell? We planned this months ago. Why are you just now renovating the guest room?"

Kenneth's deep voice responded to him, hinting at his own frustration, "I'm sorry, Ezra. The pipes blew up inside the wall of the guest room just as we were getting it ready for you to get here and settle in. To make you feel any better, I know a place where you can stay until I get your room finished. I have an old apartment in Rosewood. Apartment 3B. It's the place I stayed when I was going to Hollis. Do you remember it at all?"

"A little bit."

"I ended up buying out my lease and now I own it. It's tiny; only enough room for one person, but it's furnished and the neighbors are pretty quiet. It'd be temporary. Just until we get the guest room fixed for you."

Ezra sighed, but proceeded to reply, "I guess that could work."

"I'll get it ready for you when you get here, then." There was a pause on the other end and then Ezra heard his older brother chuckle, "A certain little girl would like to talk to her uncle."

Despite all of the emotions raging through him at that moment, talking to his two year old niece sounded like a great idea, "Sure, put Emma on the line."

There was a ruffling noise on the other end of the call and then he heard a small voice, "Wuncle Wezra?"

"Hey, Emma! How is my favorite little niece doing?"

"Gwood. Where ware wou?"

"I'm almost home. I should be there by tomorrow night. Then you'll be able to give me a big Emma hug, okay?"

"Okway. I wove wou, Wuncle Wezra."

Ezra smiled softly to himself as he responded to the two year old, "I love you, too, sweet pea." Emma gave the phone back to her father and Ezra couldn't help but envy his old brother yet again for his success as well as his great family, "It sounds like the speech therapy is coming along well. Though I hear an overuse of 'W' in her words."

"Cut her some slack, Professor Fitz. She's only two. Not everyone can be an English language extraordinaire like some people."

"Touché. So, I'll see you guys tomorrow night at the bus station? I already had my car shipped down there."

"Yeah, I picked it up already. It'll be washed and waiting for you at the station. See you then, little brother."

"I'll see you then." Ezra ended the call and flipped his phone closed just as there was a light knock on his hotel room door. He opened it to only have his eyes met by large hazel ones, "Aria, what are you doing here?"

Aria looked up at him with those beautiful hazel orbs again and gave him half of a smile, making his heart flutter inside the cavity of his chest, "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

He hesitated. She'd already stabbed him in the heard once today. Should I really give her that power all over again? He realized that he should at least hear her out and he nodded, "Come on in."

She entered the hotel room and sat on the edge of one of the beds, folding her hands into her lap, her long brunette hair bundled up into a messy ponytail, "I hope I didn't wake you or anything…"

"No, I was up. I just got off the phone with my brother." There was an awkward silence between them before Ezra finally asked, "Aria, why did you come here?"

Aria took a deep breath and met his gaze, looking up at him with a pleading glimmer in the hazel depths that he was getting lost in again, "I've been thinking a lot since what happened at the pub earlier today. About me and you. About me and Hayden. About how amazing that kiss was."

Ezra raised his eyebrows at her as he sat on the bed beside her, "It was an amazing kiss." They shared a nervous chuckle together and he sighed, "I still don't see why you came here, Aria. Surely talking to me isn't as exciting as talking to Hayden."

"That's where you're wrong, Ezra. The conversations we had today about To Kill a Mockingbird and about our years abroad. They were way more interesting than Hayden trying to teach me about sports and taking me out to party in the city on Friday nights. I never realized until I met you how different me and Hayden are."

"You know what they say. Opposites attract. You can probably fine something in common if you haven't already."

Aria rolled her eyes at him, "Ezra, are you not listening to me? I love Hayden, I really do. But I think we are just too different. When you and I spoke this afternoon, I felt more attached to you in a matter of hours than I have to Hayden in two years."

Ezra ran his hand through his curly brown hair nervously, his heart beginning to pound at what Aria was telling him, "Do you know what you are saying, Aria? Like you said to me earlier, we barely even know each other. And you've been with Hayden a long time and you are willing to give up everything you may or may not have with him to be with me?"

"I don't know what I'm saying, Ezra. I'm trying to figure this out myself, let alone explain it to you." She gave him another small smile before hesitantly enfolding one of her hands over his, "Maybe this could work."

He took a deep breath and looked at her straight in the eyes, "Look, I think you're amazing, Aria. When I first met you, I thought who is this girl?"

"I'm still that girl. Nothing has changed. After all, we've only known each other for a few hours."

"Yes, yes it has. You have a boyfriend and I don't you breaking his heart because of me, someone you met just earlier today."

She shook her head stubbornly, refusing to give up, "I know it's not just me. You…you fell like this is right for us, too."

God, why is she doing this to me? Making me choose between her and what's the right thing to do in this situation, "Then it's not right." He slipped his hand from under hers and pushed himself up to his feet, "We just can't." He opened the hotel room door for her and waited for her to leave.

She stood as well and as she past him, she slithered her gaze up his body and to his eyes, "Are you this is what you want?"

"I'm sure. Now please go back to your boyfriend and try and forget what happened between us earlier tonight."

She nodded sadly and walked down the hall, glancing over her shoulder at him. He watched her until she turned to corner at the end of the long corridor and disappeared from his sight. He exhaled the breath he hadn't realized he had been holding and shook his head, thinking, What did I just do?

I hope you guys are enjoying this so far and please drop a few words my way on what you like about it so far. All I can promised about the future of the story is that it basically follows the line between what has happened between Ezria and the lyrics of If I Knew Then as well as my own little sprinkle of creativity and imagination. Thank you so much reading! See you soon!