MatchMakerYuffie
Final Fantasy VII
Acrimony Stealthe-Chan

Disclaimer: Acrimony does not own anything that is in this fanfiction (Keyword: fan) except the plotline. Even though it is incredibly cliché; Acrimony hopes to do it justice.

MatchMaker Yuffie
Chapter Four:

After several hours of mindless rampaging through the shopping centre in futile hopes of sating Cait's desire to go 'shopping', we were all over laden with heavy bags of disproportionate sizes with each bag containing the most outrageous and unimaginable mechanisms and bits and pieces that any twisted cat-mog creature's master desired. If that made any sense at all. You see, one other reason we're 'shopping' is because Reeve has so very 'kindly' decided to go 'shopping' in the simplest way possible. Through Cait Sith.

"Far out. Whose stupid idea was it to go shopping for so much pointless rubbish?" I screech angrily as my legs begin to burn from walking so pointlessly around such an idiotically big mall at Reeve's pointless whim. Stupid Reeve I add silently so that Cait's creator doesn't overhear me. In reply to my vague yet still rhetorical question, Cait Sith immediately begins cackling in his infectious manner.

Still walking in a fairly silent mesh of people; as Reno and Elena are otherwise 'occupied', Vincent is stoic as ever, Tifa is… reminiscing and Cait is surprisingly silent. I suppose this gives me permission to begin my own devious thinking. Not that it's anything too devious. Cough. Right I think to myself and commence planning, Operation ValenHeart hmm…

My stormy-grey eyes dart around the shopping centre, all hopeful and desperately wanting to find something useful. At least to some extent. Briefly, I stop, place the bags down and massage my arm muscles. Oh how they ache. Suddenly, a somewhat ominous presence is behind me.

"Eh?" I mumble and turn around with every intention of… I don't know. Whatever. Let's just say whoever it was wouldn't exactly be getting cookies and milk. No. Definitely not.

"Yuffie. If it's too heavy, I can help" His voice is like soft hone- What the hell? Great Leviathan.Yuffie! What are you thinking! I shouted at myself mentally. Now why would I be thinking like that? I ask myself confused as I stare unwittingly into the very pretty, crimson eyes of Vincent Valentine. I've learnt a few things about him. Yes I have. If he wasn't a brick wall in his past life, he was definitely some chivalry-loving knight. But definitely not my kind of knight I add on silently.

"Nah. It's cool" I answer and try to insert a pitiful amount of confidence into those three words. But of course it wouldn't exactly work now would it? And before I know it, he's bent down slightly, picked up the torturous –Damn Reeve- bags and continued on his way. Stupid Chivalry. I think to myself and sigh somewhat loudly.

Elena giggles softly as she continues to talk in a very lovey-dovey way to Reno. What does she see in him? He's so damn rude. Now, if he were only a little bit more polite and kinder and respectful to those who deserved it…

And then something catches my eye.

My heart pounding somewhat significantly faster as I notice something positively advantageous in my little 'deal' with the all powerful Reeve. Ahha.

It's a pair of elevators.

Finely made and very much in use.

But there was something very significant about them both. The one on the far right was consistently full and bustling; whereas the one on the left was almost always empty. I resist the temptation to inquire why, but I suppose that it was because the one on the left had recently gotten jammed or something of the sort. Speaking of jammed… I think as another wave of inspiration sweeps over me. I. Am. A. Genius.

"Oi. Lovebirds!" I hiss urgently at the Turks. I definitely need their uhm… 'expertise' to pull this plan off. Blinking at me, the green-haired Turk and his proud blonde walked somewhat near me. It's amazing how good they look together.

"Look it. Leave all the Lovey-Dovey stuff till later please. Right now we've got some… business to do" I have to stand on my tipi-toes to reach them. Damn shortness I curse in my head as I eventually reach a very unimpressive height and still the pair have to lean down to hear me properly.

A wicked grin dancing across my face as I propose my idea to the pair of masterminds. Identical mischievous grins appear on their faces and Reno in particular has a vicious smirk on his face. No idea why…

((Reno's POV))

"Hey, Laney" I whisper quietly as we walk away from Yuffie, leaving the Wutaiin princess to think to herself. My aquamarine eyes sweeping over the blonde I hold so possessively. It's somewhat surprising really. I must admit that I had some hints that Elena Harvenheit did, in fact like me in some sense. But I guess it was more or less that I didn't think that she really did. I won't deny it. I did and still do like her. A lot.

"Mmm?" She replies nonchalantly as she stares straight ahead at the rest of our shopping troupe. She really is a beauty. Not that I should talk since only a few hours ago I was absorbed in looking at a certain slut's bust.

"Seems like Yuff really is serious about hookin' Vincent and Tifa up"

"Yeah. Makes it harder for us doesn't it?" Was her only reply.

Flashbackyness

"Reno. Elena. Come in" Reeve's voice cut through my thoughts with a hint of urgency. As usual, myself and Elena complied. Rude, my loyal partner Rude, was hanging around with Barrett, probably having another arm-wrestling competition of some other muscle-ly thing people like Rude like to do. Myself and blonde-y over here had just observed the stupid brat stalk out of Reeve's office with a somewhat haughty look on her face. She looked very thoughtful which was quite surprising. But she bloody well deserved whatever pain Reeve was going to put her through.

Stupid brat had died my precious hair a disgusting fluoro green. And the worst thing was that it was somewhat permanent and it was almost impossible to rinse out unless you bleach it or something. At least that's what Laney had said. Smart one she is. The brains of our little group of Turks. But then again, she also said waiting it out would help. My poor hair…

We troop in loyally like a pair of obedient hunting dogs waiting to be fed. Reeve was our 'leader'. Fat lot of help he was during Advent Children I thought to myself angrily. One of the few times I was elected in all of my glory to be leader of this particular Turk group. You see, the Turks aren't a small group of people. No. The Turks were and still are at large. But we preferred to be divided into 'groups'. All though you would occasionally find a 'lone Turk' or a totally overrated over the top group of about ten. It just so happened that I was placed with my best buddy forever, Rude and a totally idiotic blonde called Elena. Apparently she was the younger sister of Gun. Ah Gun. I still can remember her. That tragically beautiful yet lethal arsenalist

She was part of the main troupe when ShinRa dominated Nibelheim, as was I. I can still recall her bitter musings when while we waited for Reeve to take command of us, we were at the top of the Turks. The Elites of the most feared group of people around at that time. And we were about to set off to go and kill Cloud Strife and Zachary, one of the First Class SOLDIERs. It was quite ironic really. Anyway, it all ended up chaotic and Gun and most of the Elite Turks got killed off, save for myself, Rude and I forget who else but I'm sure there was someone else. Insignificant at any rate.At least insignificant now.

"What do you think of games, Reno, Elena?" Reeve asked us. His voice laced with a strange tone. It was sounded as though he was trying not to laugh at us… at me but failing in vain. I was startled at this question since I had never known Reeve to ever mention anything to do with games or 'fun' unless he was using it in heavy sarcasm.

"Depends what kind" Elena answered carefully. Her pretty eyes scanning Reeve's face for any trace of a 'trap'. Ever so cautious.Gun was a cautious one too…

"Say… the matchmaking kind?"

"Depends who" I answered this time, positive that Elena thought the same way. It's amazing what such a long amount of time together has done to me, Elena, Rude and at times, Tseng. Tseng.One of the biggest puzzles of all, also Elena's love interest.At that time

Reeve continued to inform us of his request, to which we both replied with enthusiasm. Revenge is sweet

End

((Yuffie's POV))

I sigh loudly and look again at the Elevators. We're heading towards them and I notice immediately that the top half of them are made from glass. Clear, clean, shiny glass. Not that this matters. Right? Grinning, in my trademark over-enthusiastic manner, I grab at Tifa's hands –thankfully I was bag free- even though she's carrying like, four bags containing complete rubbish, and drag her towards the elevators. She smiles slightly and looks at the rest of the members in our party who nod and give their own permission.

"Hmm… I know! Why don't we go down separately?" I suggest suddenly, trying to look as un-suss as I possibly can. But of course it works. I am the Great Ninja Yuffie after all.

"Since, Reno's driving the car, why don't Reno and some of us go down first? Y'know, so Reno can start the car and all…" I ask innocently and look pointedly at the fairly full elevator that had just arrived on our floor. Reno nods with a smirk and walks into it, pushing up against a glass corner with his bags hanging loosely off two pairs of fingers. Cait Sith catches the drift and follows with a somewhat frightening grin; and that just leaves four of us. Judging by the people swarming into the elevator, only two of us will fit. This is just perfect! I think to myself triumphantly and move to drag Elena into the elevator on the right hoping to leave Vincent and Tifa to go alone into the left elevator. And maybe… just maybe by some unfortunate turn of fate the left elevator just might jam. And maybe their companions who have the ability to do something about it might just be feigning deaf.

I begin to cackle out loud. Literally. I cackle. I don't know why, but it just… happens. Stupid cackle. Tifa and Vincent give me weird looks and Vincent looks as if he's about to tell me and Elena to get into the full elevator with Reno –Just as planned!- when suddenly Reno starts yelling at us. Wait no, Tifa.

"Oi. Tifa. Come 'Ere. You got my car keys!" He yells at her.

"WHAT?" I screech; unable to control my surprise as Tifa stalks towards the fairly full elevator, holding a set of car keys disdainfully in her hand. Vincent just gives me another look and Reno just seems to smile innocently. What the hell are you playing at! I feel like shouting at him. He's ruining my plan!

"Tifa!" I suddenly yell, taken by the moment I refuse to let what was happening in front of me happen. The raven-haired young lady looks at me with a very puzzled expression. She's about to stop walking to the elevator when all of a sudden-

"LANEY" I hiss as said blonde ran past me and literally pushed Tifa into the Elevator, getting them both in before the doors close. I can distinctly hear a loud 'Oops! Sorry Yuffs!" Coming from the blonde as the doors of the elevator close… Foreverrr! Okay no. I'm being over dramatic. But… But WHY!

"Yuffie? Are you alright?" Vincent then asks me. Crimson eyes showing a flicker of worry which only succeeds in pissing me off even more.

"I'm just fine! Everything's fine. It's all just dandy" I reply sarcastically and rudely push past the gunman and press the button to call the Left Elevator repetitively. So much for getting the job done! I whimper to myself and frown slightly. Those stupid Turks… I'll show them what happens when they so much as think about ruining my precious plan! I think furiously, planning how to get even better revenge on them. Stupid lame moron and stupid bimbo!

"Right" Vincent then says and stares vaguely at a whole completely different side of the shopping centre. Great! I think Not only did my plan get ever so rudely interrupted, but I'm going to be in an elevator with a Vampyre who doesn't know the term 'communication'. Leviathan-Sama! What did I do wrong?

"Let's go" I say briskly and walk into the Elevator ignoring the 'up' sign hovering in a bright green on the number panel. Right now… I need to kill someone. And I don't care if it's a stupid street skank or not this time. Vincent appears to want to say something, but I just stare at him somewhat coldly. I can't help it though. Right now… I'm just very… pissed off.

"Yuffie? Is something wrong?" He tries again. Seriously, chivalry is fine by me, but too much of it just pushes someone like me to breaking point. Argh

"I said everything is, was, whatever it's fine!" I answer back getting mixed up half way. Yes. A pissed off Yuffie equals a very vocabulary challenged Yuffie. He gives me another look and then tries again.

"You're not fine. Whatever it is. Is not fine. And if you hadn't noticed, you lead us into an elevator that is heading upwards. The others, I suppose, are heading downwards"

I merely glare back at him and scowl darkly. I guess in a sense I shouldn't be taking out my frustration on 'poor' Vincent Valentine but hey, think of it as pay back for all those times he's made me literally die of boredom whenever he launches into his stupid speeches about some Sin of whatnot. That and it's his fault for getting into the elevator in the first place. The metallic doors slowly glide shut and a soft thud is heard indicating that it should be fairly firm. At least I hope so.

Slowly, the elevator begins to move upwards, not stopping at any level but still taking an excruciatingly long amount of time. Stupid people! Just because this elevator probably got jammed sometime in the last two days doesn't mean that it's going to jam again! I think to myself furiously. Vincent's silence only infuriating me even more.

After all, how much silence can one take?

We started off on level five, and the shopping centre consisted of a grand total of fifteen big levels. Fifteen excruciatingly big levels that this particular elevator takes five million years to move up!

We have snail-like progress, passing levels Eight and Nine and getting somewhere close to Level Ten. I bet they're all waiting in the car right about now I think to myself angrily. I can imagine Reno's smirking face as he waits for us, leaning gently on the front of his black Mercedes and ready to yell at me –no, us- mockingly for getting there so late. STUPID TURK!

All of a sudden I'm pulled for my musings as the elevator begins to shudder and stop its slide up.

"Oh great Leviathan!"

Immediately it begins to tilt sidewards, the glass side at the top hitting the glassy container that held the pair of elevators. And our elevator is swaying slightly. Swinging this way and that, towards the glass container tubey thing and back, towards the metal side of the tubey thing.

My first instinct is to scream and panic. But Vincent immediately starts to move towards me, grabbing my shoulders –Hey! - And pulling me towards him and the Elevator's door. I suppose he knows what he's doing. I wince slightly as his organic-metallic arm thing digs into my back as he tries to prevent me from squirming; which I can tell isn't exactly working since I'm currently squirming a lot.

"The elevator's rigging system is dead" Vincent says blankly and calm as ever. I feel like yelling at him again. How can anyone-

"Oh my God!" I screech again as suddenly I lunge forward as the elevator tilts even more. My body smashes against the glass and sends those annoying jarring pains that you get when you crash into something abnormally hard, up my arms as I use my hands and elbows as defence mechanisms.

I immediately begin to whimper as I make the drastic mistake of looking down

It seems as though time has stopped as I immediately feel my breakfast, lunch and all the snacks I had eaten in between were churning in my stomach. I begin to pale as I look down at the void of the shopping centre's many floors. Colourful dots moving in my vision, representing the many people I could potentially squish if I fell down… I can taste bile building in my mouth and I feel like spewing, but-

"Yuffie!" Vincent suddenly yells and I can feel hands grabbing me and helping me up and back towards the Elevator's doors. I suppose I really should lose some weight I think to myself guiltily as I watch a large crack appear on the glass where I had slid into. Not that the great Ninja Yuffie is fat or anything. At least… I hope not

How amusing that I think of my figure during such a moment of crisis.

My head still spinning from such a trauma as looking down from level ten and a bit of such a large shopping centre and still the bile won't be forced down. Those colourful blobs still dancing across my vision as I attempt to steadily focus on the one thing that doesn't seem to be disappearing and then reappearing in my vision; and that is Vincent Valentine.

"Yuffie?" Vincent suddenly says as he looks at me worriedly. I stand a few feet away from him, head spinning and bile clawing at my throat and the back of my mouth. I raise my hands to cup over my mouth, hoping that this will somehow manage to prevent the on wash of everything I'd eaten this day…

When suddenly, I felt a hand pressing my back and rubbing it in a circular motion; confused and positively traumatised, I am reduced to doing nothing but blink, with a slack jawed- idiotic look dancing across my face as I slowly realise what kind of strange thing was taking place.

Vincent Valentine was rubbing my back.

Now as strange as this might sound, I think I have a vague idea as to why. Apparently, rubbing someone's back makes them feel somewhat better and prevents spewing. Apparently I think and sigh as it apparently appears to work.

I feel somewhat dazed as the taste of bile slowly receding and the hazy dots flitting across my vision disappearing as I see everything in perfect clarity.

"Better?" Vincent suddenly asks and moves back away from me. I suddenly blush as I realise how awkward it must have been for him. Not to mention for any on lookers. I look up and notice that opposite us are a pair of old ladies looking at us with an expression of mortification. I grin and poke my tongue at them as they gasp and turn away. Stupid oldies I think to myself mischievously and grin.

"Yeah. Uh thanks" I answer and sigh. Now what?

"I have a distinct feeling someone's sending for help" Vincent answers. And as if on cue, the Elevator begins to shake again, swaying slightly but evidently straightening.

"Thank Leviathan!" I murmur and place two arms out to stabilise myself while hanging onto the elevator's walls. Vincent comes to join me as the Elevator continues to move for a moment until we hear a distinct 'bing' which immediately makes me wonder why Vincent or myself made no effort to press the bright red button with a telephone picture on it. I groan out loud as I realise how stupid we were.

Immediately the doors open and an idiotic blonde attacks us, arms flung around us as she literally glomped us.

"Oi. Blondey! Let us out of here before you kill us!" I screech at her as I finally recognise her. Bloody Turk!

"Yuffie! Vincent! You guys are okay!" She whimpers pathetically as we finally manage to push past her into the Shopping Centre. The 'crowd' isn't as big as I had expected or hoped. In fact, it consists of absolutely no-one except for an abnormally fat man holding a crowbar and waving it at Elena rather menacingly.

"Yeah. I wonder why" I answer Elena's statement which just happens to be the most obvious statement ever said in the whole entirety of everything. Elena merely blinks at my sudden coldness. Oh, well she'll find out why as soon as I talk to her and that stupid excuse of a Turk, Reno.

Well, the ride home was fairly un eventful other than Elena urgently worrying about us as though we were her little chicks and her our over-protective mother. Feh. Vincent had fallen into a deep, brooding and impenetrable silence. Tifa too, was silent and Cait was too busy arguing with Reno as to what radio station we would listen to. Speaking of which, it was amusing to watch Cait sitting on Elena's lap like some overly fluffed toy that Elena could always carelessly toss out the window…

Anyway.

"What. The hell was that?" I ask as soon as we're back in the room containing the abnormally shiny white board of Elena's. I'm glaring at them in my full, unimpressive fury, hands on hips and raring to punch the Turks in the face.

"Was what?" Elena Harvenheit inquired innocently. Not that it would work on me anyway.

"THAT. You ruined my plan!" I screech angrily.

"Look, Yuffie, honey. It was an accident! You said it yourself. Reno should have started the car and it just so happened that Tifa happened to have the keys!"

"Yeah. Like that would explain you, Elena pushing Tifa into the elevator?"

"Laney didn't push her. It was an accident. That was all"

"I'm sure. And the elevator jamming was an accident too!" I counter Reno and continue glaring, ignoring the nervous glances shared between Reno and Elena at the mention of 'jam'.

"Look, Yuffs, we're sorry if we wrecked your plan or anything. It won't happen again. Promise!" Elena then continues as Reno nods in agreement.

I sigh in sheer frustration and nod. I mean, what can I do? I need help. As much as I'm unwilling to admit it, but I do. And the Turks are the only ones I think that have the arts capable of being a major assistance. Or just a major pain in the ass…

I leave the room and storm angrily upstairs, heading towards Denzel and Marlene in an effort to let the joys of reliving childish days consume me and forget what an awkward day it had been; not noticing the triumphant smirks dancing across Elena and Reno's faces.

A/N:Under the newest revival of fandom, Acrimony is now going through and editing the story. She apologises for any inconveniences. The editing will not severely change much of the story line, but the writing will be brought 'up-to-par' with Acrimony's current writing prowess. Also, Acrimony will be removing all unnecessary review replies; but she does thank all reviewers for the lovely feedback that has kept this story's heart beating strong.

--Acrimony, 10th of August, 2007