The next day, Sara had a headache. She cursed herself for drinking too much and got in the shower. As she let the hot water wash over her, she thought of the last thing she'd said to Grissom.

"Shit." she thought, but as she cursed herself for being so hateful to the husband she loved, he deserved it for the question he'd asked her. Does he really think I would do that? I mean, so soon after we split? He knows I love him, regardless if we are together or not. I wouldn't, couldn't just have sex with someone else, no matter how lonely I may be.

Her cell phone was beeping, alerting her to a new voicemail. "oh great."

She picked up her phone and listened "I am not sure what is going on, but I don't like it, Sara. I think this break may be the best thing after all, since you seem to be so furious with me. I don't plan on calling you for a while. Goodbye."

Sara hung her head and thought "Well, that's it. He's an idiot and so am I. I refuse to let this get me. I refuse."

At the crime lab, Sara felt watched, talked about and exposed. She hated it and tried to avoid talking to anyone, including Nick and Greg, who drove her crazy with kindness.

"Sara, come have dinner with us" Said Greg pointing toward Nick.

Sara thought about it. "I should get out. I need to live."

"Ok boys, it's a date!" She said grinning

Nick and Greg both looked happy and a bit smug. That irritated her, but she decided to forget it and have fun with her friends.

At the bar, Nick ordered wings, while Greg and Sara ordered off the vegetarian menu.

"Greg, you CAN eat meat in front of me, I won't yell."

Greg smiled, "I have eaten junk all week, so I need the healthy, but boring veggies."

They all laughed at the face Greg made and drank their beers.

Later, after dinner was done, they got up and started to play pool. Sara was on her fifth beer by then and had a bit of a buzz.

Nick beat them twice and things were winding down. "I think I've had enough for tonight" he said.

"Yeah, me too. Sara? You ready to go?" Greg asked.

"Yes, give me a minute." and she headed to the ladies room.

As Sara was washing her hands, she looked at herself in the mirror. "Man, my eyes are red." she thought.

Nick drove everyone home and Sara went into her house and was greeted by Hank, who needed to go outside. Sara let him out in the backyard and went to the kitchen. As she opened the fridge, she saw an old photo of her and Grissom from the time they dated in San Francisco. Like a knife, the photo cut her deeply. She saw happiness, peace and love in the eyes of the people in the photo. Of her and Grissom.

Sara drank another beer and let Hank in for the night. She walked into the large bathroom and ran a hot bath. As she let the water run, she went to the kitchen for another beer.

Hank watched her as she walked, not completely straight, back into the bathroom. Sara patted his head and shut the door.

The bath felt wonderful. Hot, fragrant, and relaxing, she soaked and listened to soft music. As she reached for her beer, she noticed that the floor moved a little. "I must be a little drunk" she thought to herself." Nevermind, I'll sleep better if I have a few more."

After a while, when the water was getting cool, she stepped out of her bath and wrapped up in a soft towel. Staggering into the kitchen for another beer, Sara bumped her knee into the table. "Damnit" and bent down to rub it. As she stood back up, the room spun a little but that didn't stop her from grabbing another beer and stumble into her bedroom.

After she put on her boxers and tank top, she sat on the bed, drank her beer and turned on the tv. She couldn't focus on the screen, but she left it on anyway. Sara reached for her bottle of pills the doctor gave her to aid in her sleep, took two, and finished off her beer.

Within minutes Sara was passed out. She slept for a few hours until a rolling in her stomach woke her. Running to the bathroom, she vomited violently into the toilet. The room was spinning, her hands were shaking, sweat dripped from her forehead. "Oh, man." she thought to herself.

By the time Sara got to work the following evening, she was no longer nauseous but her head had a small jackhammer in it.

As the team met around the table to get their cases, Nick couldn't help but notice Sara's discomfort.

"What's wrong Sara? You didn't drink that much last night" Nick stated with a smirk.

"Guess I just didn't eat enough before I started" she lied. No way was Sara going to let Nick know about the 4 more beers she had when she got home. The last thing she wanted to hear was a lecture. With her head pounding and her heart breaking, she wasn't going to go there with him.

She worked all through shift with her hangover, never letting anyone know how truly horrid she felt. As the night came to an end, she was thrilled to get to go home, for once. Her mood was lighter, her headache gone and with a better all around attitude, she drove home.

Walking into the large living area, she put her purse on the table and called for Hank. He scampered to her and she patted his head. "Hey, sweet boy. Wanna eat? Come on."

Hank followed her to the kitchen where she filled his bowl with food and then went to the refrigerator to hunt for some food for herself. After finding the makings of a large salad, she chopped, sliced and assembled her meal and sat at the bar to eat.

"I need music." she thought as she got up to put on her favorite channel. Listening to some good music made her mood lighter. She ate, hummed and watched the birds and butterflies through her window. Butterflies. Lurie. Debbie. She thought of Grissom.

It's sad, isn't it, doc? Guys like us. Couple of middle-aged men who've allowed their work to consume their lives. The only time we ever touch other people is when we're wearing our latex gloves. We wake up one day and realize that for fifty years we haven't really lived at all. But then, all of a sudden we get a second chance. Somebody young and beautiful shows up. Somebody ... we could care about. She offers us a new life with her. But we have a big decision to make, right? Because we have to risk everything we've worked for in order to have her. I couldn't do it.

She remembered looking at him through the window, knowing he was talking about her, thinking "you dumbass man." and how she went home and cried. Now, she had him, sort of, had been in his bed, had loved him, loved him still and married him.

"I'm going to call him tomorrow and tell him I miss him and how much I love him." she thought. She knew him well enough to know that he misses her too and that he did, in fact, love her. Thinking about it made her smile. She did love him so.

Sara put her dishes into the dishwasher that not long ago held a murder weapon and turned it on. She then went to her bedroom, undressed and stood in front of a full length mirror. Slender, but not skinny, with strong shoulders and long, lean legs, she thought to herself "I still look good" and that made her smile. She looked at the gap in her teeth when she smiled and thought of the conversation she'd had with Grissom about it.

"I'm thinking of either getting braces or having bonding done. I hate this gap."

"Don't you dare. That gap is sexy, it's unique, it's Sara Sidle" He'd said to her while they were sitting at a coffeehouse in San Francisco.

She had decided right then to leave her signature gap alone. She'd grown to love it, but often fantasized about how she'd look without it.

Sara decided to not call Grissom just yet. She needed to start feeling better first. To visit her Mother more, to get out and live a bit more and figure out what really makes her happy. One thing she knew made her happy is Grissom. What else? She liked working again at the crime lab, but she wasn't sure if it really made her happy. She loved the fact that she was really getting closer to her Mom. She loved being Hank's Mommy. That's it. Not quite enough, was it? She had to think about it a while.

Two days later, she had a voicemail from Grissom:

"Hello Sara. I had hoped to catch you. I am considering filing for legal separation and I'd like to discuss some things with you, if you can be civil that is. Call me."

Sara dropped the phone and cried.