Love/Lust/Habit

----

Hatsumi was planning to do some soul searching.

She woke up early the next morning, wrote a note to Azusa to tell him where she was, and then took the key to the hotel room and walked outside. She walked for a while, down the street, saw a sign for a nice park, and then walked to the park. The park was very nice. The sun was just coming over the horizon, and Hatsumi stood on a small bridge over a pond and watched the sunrise.

She wasn't really thinking of anything.

Hatsumi had never searched her soul before. She hadn't ever really had any need to, and then she hadn't had time to. She had been a normal girl and then BAM! Boy #1(who has happened to become a male model) comes back to town looking hotter than ever and supposedly falls in love with girl. Then Boy #2 finds out that sister has been buying pregnancy tests and proceeds to blackmail girl into being his woman. And then brother suddenly, miraculously transforms into Boy #3 and is vying for girl's heart. Then Boy #3 leaves and girl gets engaged to Boy #2…

And then she suddenly has time to think.

She'd never been one for thinking.

She looked down at the pond and fixed her eyes on a lotus floating on the water. It, like the park, was very pretty. Hatsumi didn't feel like she fit in here. She was so exceedingly average compared to how pretty everything was here.

She had always felt average.

Maybe that was why she was in love with Ryoki. He had always wanted her. He wanted her more than that smart girl with the big breasts. He wanted her more than her drop-dead gorgeous sister. He wanted her more than any other girl in the whole world…and it was nice to feel wanted by someone.

Perhaps there was a measure of pity there too. She was the only one for him. He was deeply, madly in love with her; "madly," being most appropriate for him. She laughed a little to herself and her heart suddenly twisted around in her chest. She missed him. She missed him a whole lot and she wanted to go back to him.

But then…what about Shinogu? Something had definitely happened last night when he had touched her hand. He was in love with her and he wanted her too. On some level she admitted to herself that she was the only one he could love…at least for a while. After all, he had loved her since they were little children and never fallen for another girl. Now that she thought about it, he had never been the least interested in anyone…she never would have guessed that it was because he was in love with her.

What if he had told her sooner? Would they be together now? She thought that it was a very likely possibility.

Feet crunched on the gravel walkway and Hatsumi glanced over to see a girl of average height with dark hair, wearing a mini skirt and a T-shirt.

Wait a minute.

Hatsumi squinted and then her eyes widened as she turned towards the figure.

"Akane?"

The person suddenly looked up and Hatsumi knew it was her sister.

Hatsumi barely knew what hit her when Akane flung herself at her, suddenly starting to sob. Hatsumi raised her eyebrows, stumbling backwards a little and patting her younger sister on the back. "Wow…Akane?" She attempted to pull her thoughts together a little, standing there and just patting the girl on the back. "Um…what…uh…what's wrong…?"

"Ihuh uha baidea…" Akane sobbed in reply.

Hatsumi pretended to understand what she was saying, patting her on the back some more, "It's OK…shh…it's alright…"

Honestly, she was a little offended. She was supposed to be the one with the problems.

----

Shinogu dreamed about the girl he was in love with.

He had thought he'd managed to banish Hatsumi from his dreams…it was the first time she'd been there in months. But here she was again, inhabiting his mind throughout the night to leave him with a troubled mind in the morning.

After that dream last night, he didn't know how he had ever managed to see her every day without confessing how he felt about her, let alone live with her. If she had stayed the night he would have been compelled to go to her, whether she rejected him or not…which he knew she would have.

Shinogu didn't honestly believe that she would be staying with him. Ryoki had such a strong hold on her that she could never love anyone else. He wished she could see through the other man's loving façade and see him for who he really was…which, in Shinogu's opinion, was a self-absorbed, needy, and quite possibly abusive, child. Although he was normally extremely passive, he would kill Ryoki if he ever hurt Hatsumi.

In Shinogu's dreams, there was no Ryoki. Hatsumi had always been his, and they lived in blissful harmony in his apartment. They both went to work every day and came home to be with one another. They traded off making dinner for each other and spent the night in each other's arms.

It would never be that way.

It seemed impossible to make Hatsumi come to her senses and leave Ryoki. Shinogu, being humble, would never admit it, but he honestly thought that Hatsumi's niche in the world was with him. Who was always there to save her? He was. Whether it was Azusa or Ryoki inflicting the damage, Shinogu was there to heal the wounds.

How could she not see that? How could she not love him back?

He wouldn't try to convince her; he wanted her to make up her own mind. He just hoped that Ryoki didn't come too soon…because Shinogu knew that he would do whatever he could to get Hatsumi to come back to him.

And there was no way Shinogu could compete with that.

----

"Fuck. Fuck! FUCK!"

"Ryoki, calm down," Subaru said, putting a hand on his friend's shoulder, "You won't get anything done if you're acting like this…trust me, I'm just as worried as you are."

"Well fuck Subaru. I don't remember your fiancée being carried away by some guy you witnessed trying to rape her. Some guy that has tried to kiss her. Fuck. Don't you fucking dare compare yourself to me."

"How about you let me drive?"

"You want me to fucking let you drive? Subaru, you're a fucking slow driver. You will get us fucking nowhere."

"We already are nowhere!"

Ryoki slammed his fist down on the dashboard, looking out the window. It was true. There was absolutely no sign of civilization anywhere in sight, and he didn't know where Hatsumi was going anyway. But he felt like he had to be doing something…

"We should just go home," Subaru muttered, "We don't know where any of them have gone. We haven't heard of where they could be. So do you have any idea where we should be headed?"

"I'm thinking about it," Ryoki replied, resting his head in his hands.

"I mean…would there be any hints…anything…" Subaru took a long breath, rubbing at his eyes. "I need to find her," he whispered.

"I know how you feel."

Subaru looked ahead of him at the empty road. "I don't trust that guy at all. He…Akane and I…we haven't…you know…made love…and…"

Ryoki raised his eyebrows. "Is it time for confessions or are we going to try and find Hatsumi?"

Subaru frowned. "You have any ideas?"

Ryoki smirked. "Well, I distinctly remember Azusa telling Hatsumi she'd made the wrong choice…"

Subaru thought about it for a minute and then nodded. "Shinogu."

As they drove away, Subaru smiled for the first time since the wedding. "I don't think I've ever heard you say the f-word so many times."

----

Akane took a deep breath, taking a sip of coffee and relaxing back into her chair. Hatsumi glanced around the lobby of the hotel to make sure Azusa or Kazama weren't eavesdropping, then leaned across the table and squeezed Akane's wrist comfortingly. "So what's wrong?" She leaned back, running a hand through her hair. "Sorry…I couldn't really understand what you said back there…"

Her sister looked away, biting her lip. "Well…I…Kazama…"

Hatsumi's eyes widened. "You didn't! Akane-"

"I know, I know!" she said, "I don't know how…I mean." She sighed exasperatedly, planting her coffee back down on the table. "It's like he raped me in reverse."

"What?"

"You know. He…tempted me. He made me do it. It wasn't of my free will." She looked up at Hatsumi, grimacing. "Can I use that as an excuse?"

Hatsumi frowned in confusion. "Please explain."

"Well…it started right after we left."

Hatsumi grimaced. "Oh no…"

"You know he's always liked me. We just flirt. It's harmless."

"I never thought it was harmless."

"Shut up!" Akane whined. "Anyway. We got in a fight. And you know. Fighting. The only way he could shut me up was to kiss me. So he did. And then I was pissed and apparently that turned him on because all of a sudden we're hardcore making out at this stop sign…"

Hatsumi covered her eyes and shook her head. "There's more?" she said, creasing her eyebrows.

"It gets worse," she groaned, nodding. "So…last night. He said we had to stay in a hotel one more night before we got to Shinogu's place. And so we did. And…well…let's just say there was a lot of…tension? in the room. So I got on top of him-"

"You got on top of him!??!" Hatsumi squeaked.

Akane dove across the table and slapped a hand across her sister's mouth. "Yes I got on top of him," she hissed, "And then…well…he has the most amazing body. And I told him, I told him that if I wanted him to stop he had to stop. But…" She rolled her eyes back, sighing. "Damn, I didn't want him to stop…"

"Akane!" Hatsumi said angrily, "What about Subaru?"

"Oh God…what about Subaru? What am I supposed to tell him? That the only reason I didn't have sex with that guy was because he didn't have a freaking condom?" She bit her lip again, tears welling up in her eyes. "Hatsumi…I'm such a whore…"

"No you're not, Akane!" Hatsumi said angrily. "I completely blame Kazama for this. It sounds like he made the first move!"

At this point she was full on crying again. "I just…I tried not to but…damn it Hatsumi, Subaru and I haven't even had sex! Ever! I haven't had sex in three years!"

Hatsumi felt like she could have gone without sex for three years, but she knew that Akane was different. "I'm sorry, Akane…maybe you should talk to Subaru and I guess…tell him the truth…"

"But what is the truth? That I slept with another guy but I want Subaru to forgive me? Or did I sleep with Kazama so Subaru would have an excuse to break up with me?"

Hatsumi smiled weakly, shrugging. "I don't know, Akane…you're going to have to decide that for yourself."

Akane stared at the table for a minute before picking up her coffee and taking another sip. She sighed and looked back at Hatsumi. "And how are you?"

"I'm…really confused," Hatsumi replied. "You know…Azusa brought me here to see Shinogu."

Akane looked at her questioningly. "Why?"

"Well…this might creep you out."

"Now I'm scared."

Hatsumi took a deep breath before telling her. "Shinogu's in love with me."

Akane's eyes widened and then she took a big sip of her coffee. "So I guess that's why he got emancipated, huh? So he could be with you? And he left because…"

"Because I chose Ryoki, yeah."

Akane took another sip of coffee and then put her hand on Hatsumi's wrist. "Look, Hatsumi?" Her sister looked up at her inquisitively. "I love Ryoki…sort of. But…he is a bit forceful. And you've always been so passive. Sometimes it scares me that he's with you. I think he loves you but…I don't know. If I were in your position. I would go with Shinogu."

Hatsumi stared at her. "It doesn't freak you out at all? The whole brother thing?"

"Well I don't know Hatsumi…I guess there was always something off about him, to me. Like it didn't seem like he was really part of the family."

They looked away from each other and Akane took another sip of coffee before speaking again.

"So when are you guys leaving?"

Hatsumi raised her eyebrows. "For where?"

"Shinogu's town? I would love to go with you and Azusa…"

Hatsumi frowned. "Akane. We're in Shinogu's town."

Complete silence.

And then Akane swept her hand across the table, flinging the remains of her coffee to the floor and standing up quickly. Hatsumi stood as well, looking apologetically at the hotel employee staring at them and then back at Akane. "Um…what's wrong?"

"I'm going to kill him! I'm going to fucking neuter him! I am going to take this knife-" she grabbed the plastic knife off of the table, a sadistic glare on her face, "-and I am going to chop off his dick with it. I am going to KILL HIM!"

Then she turned on her heel and stalked up the stairs.

----

Kazama woke up to the sound of the door slamming.

He opened his eyes to see Akane coming towards him with a knife in her hand.

He jumped out of bed, throwing his hands out in front of him as she advanced towards him. "Akane…please…"

"We are in Shinogu's town!" she screamed. She came at him and he grabbed her wrists. She was a bit stronger than he thought and she quickly shook him off, dropping the knife in the process. "We're in Shinogu's town and you made me stay in the freaking hotel with you anyway!" She flung her hand around, hitting him in the jaw and putting him off balance before shoving him down onto the bed. He stood up again, grabbing her wrists with more strength this time. She stilled, glaring at him and glancing satisfyingly at the red welt developing on his cheek. "Care to give me an explanation?"

Kazama closed his eyes, opening them slowly to look back into hers. "Because I'm crazy about you."

He suddenly noticed that her eyes were red and puffy, and then she started crying – it seemed, for the second or third time just that morning. "Do you have any idea how selfish you are?" she sobbed.

Kazama frowned, letting go of her and stepping back. "I thought it was harmless…"

"Harmless?" She shook her head, collapsing on the bed opposite him. "I've been building my relationship with Subaru for years…and you could have destroyed it. You might have destroyed my relationship with the person that means the most to me in the whole world and you thought it was harmless?"

He looked down at the floor, running a hand through his hair. "I'm such an idiot…"

"Yeah, you are," she said, sniffling.

"But I…" he reached over and grabbed her hand and she looked up at him, a look of utter despair on her face, "It's so obvious that you two are going nowhere…and I could make you so happy…like you deserve…"

She jerked her hand away. "How the hell do you know what makes me happy?" she spat out, "I…I don't even know what makes me happy…"

And she didn't know. Had she been happy for the last few years with Subaru? She hadn't been sad…but had she been truly happy? The two of them lived a rather comfortable, boring life. They barely even touched each other anymore. Had all of the passion gone out of her life?

Where had she been all that time? Where had the real Akane gone?

"Let me show you what makes you happy," he murmured, sliding his hand up her arm. Akane's bleary eyes drifted towards his and she saw something that she had been missing for her time with Subaru…something she wanted to have again –

"Akane, are you OK!"

They leaned away from each other, Akane closing her eyes and pushing him away gently. "Put some clothes on," she muttered, "It's my sister."

----

"Do you guys think I'm gay or something?"

"Why would you think that?" Hatsumi asked in confusion. Akane had just recounted what had happened with Kazama as they drove to Shinogu's house for lunch.

"Well, you tell me everything. It's as if you think of me like a girlfriend or something."

"Now why would we think that Azusa?" Akane said bitingly, "It's not as if you're a male model or anything."

Azusa laughed, shrugging his shoulders. "All I'm saying is…I'm a guy, OK? I might just be a part of the other team."

"Yeah, pretty strange we should trust you, huh? Seeing as how you kidnapped my sister…"

"Your sister asked me to kidnap her, Akane," Azusa corrected. Akane stared at her.

"You didn't tell me that part."

"I guess I didn't."

"Well…that changes things then. We need to talk some more."

----

Lunch was awkward.

Hatsumi didn't want to talk to Shinogu. Akane didn't want to talk to Kazama. Azusa tried to keep things light, but the sulkiness won out in the end, and the entire meal passed without much conversation. Shinogu and Akane went into the kitchen to do the dishes and soon her laughter was echoing out into the living room. Hatsumi couldn't help but cast angry glances over at Kazama every once and while, and he quickly left. Azusa soon went into the kitchen as well, leaving Hatsumi alone on the couch.

She couldn't help but feel like they were conspiring in there.

They seemed to be ganging up on her. Azusa and Akane were both on it, as she could now see. How was she supposed to stay true to Ryoki with all these people scheming against him?

She supposed she would know she was supposed to be with him if she could stand up against Team Shinogu.

Akane came out of the kitchen and sat down next to Hatsumi, smiling. "I think you should take a walk with Shinogu."

Hatsumi frowned. "Akane…really I need to think about this."

"Just…talk to him, OK? I'd really appreciate it if you did. And I know he would too. And you probably would too."

"I've heard the whole story –"

"Just do it, Hatsumi!" Akane leaned towards her sister, smiling, "Just give him a chance. Seriously. You two would be so cute together it makes giggle."

Hatsumi looked around Akane to see Shinogu standing in the entrance to the kitchen. He shrugged, smiling a little.

"You wanna go?" he asked.

"Um…" She looked at Akane, who gave her an encouraging nod, and then stood up. "Let's go."

----

They were back at the park at sunset, standing on the bridge and looking down at the lotus floating on the water. "I really hope this doesn't creep you out but…that flower reminds me of you," Shinogu said quietly.

"Are you serious?" Hatsumi said, smiling, "This morning I was just thinking how average I am compared to everything here."

"No…" He brushed a piece of hair back from her face and her skin tingled where his fingers had brushed against her. "You've got layers of beauty. You…I told you already that you're the most beautiful…" he stuttered a little, blushing. "You're perfect," he said quietly.

They had walked for about an hour, and were finally at the end of their trip, soon to go back home. They'd talked about random things…life in general, school, food…and she had found out some things about him that she'd never known before.

And she was starting to like him.

"I'm…I'm flattered," she said quietly.

"No need to be."

They looked back at the small pond and then looked back at each other at the exact same moment. She laughed at the coincidence, but he kept a completely straight face, putting a hand over hers.

"May I kiss you?"

She nodded.

When he put his hand on her chin to guide her lips to his, it was almost as if he was handling a porcelain doll. He kissed her softly and innocently, without rushing at all…going at her pace; kissing Shinogu and kissing Ryoki were two different things entirely. His lips were soft and warm, and she stumbled a little bit towards him, knowing that he would catch her. Her heart skipped a beat when he pulled away and she looked into his eyes.

And then his phone rang.

He slowly reached into his pocket and then glanced down at his phone before answering it. "Hello?"

"Who is it?" she asked.

"It's Azusa." He turned away from her, frowning. "Mmhm. Alright. We'll be there in a second."

She raised her eyebrows. "What's wrong?"

"Azusa's been put under arrest for kidnapping," he said, looking at her suspiciously, "And Ryoki's here."

----

Author's Note: Hey guys, sorry if the ending was a little rushed…I just wanted to get it done. I'll try and update soon (I know I always say that), and I always appreciate reviews. Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed!

--Kat