As Rose finishes her recollection of the night, I glance down at my stomach and feel tears drip slowly down my cheeks.

A baby.

I've done some shitty things in the past, but this has to take the cake. How could I forget something so major, even when drunk?

"I…But I…I can't be pregnant." The words are barely a whisper as my voice catches in my throat.

Rose's voice is barely a whisper. "Alice found the test when we got home. Well, all 4 of them. They're all positive."

As I look back down at my stomach, my hand curls around it automatically. I suddenly remember taking the first test, and not really knowing how I felt about it all. By the fourth, I was sobbing.

"I rang the hospital this afternoon. I have an appointment next week."

Could I really kill my baby?

All the breath seems to leave me at once and I run back through the apartment to where I dropped my phone. I need to ring the hospital; I need to cancel that appointment. I need to talk to Edward.

I try to dial, but my hands are shaking so badly that I drop my phone twice before Rose takes it off me.

"Hospital." I gasp. "Cancel."

"Are you sure?" She asks, though she already has the phone to her ear.

I nod my head fervently, trying to control my breathing before I pass out. A cold glass of water is forced into my hands and I slip down the nearest wall to sit on the floor.

Am I doing the right thing? I don't know. I need to talk to Edward; if he will speak to me after how I've treated him.

This is such a mess.

"Ok, it took some convincing but they cancelled. They do want you to go in for a consultation though, just to make sure it's the right thing for you." Rose says quietly as she slips down to sit next to me.

"Is it the right thing?"

"I don't know.

"I thought when I had a child I would be married, and have a good job. I didn't expect this. What am I supposed to do?"

"Forget what you're supposed to do, Bella. What do you want to do?"

"I want…I want to make mistakes while I'm still young, while I still have the time and the freedom to make them. I want to build a life before I have children, so I can give them more than what I had in my shitty life. I want to be a better Mom than mine ever was, and I can't do that yet." The shock of that statement makes my chest feel tight. But is it because it's true, or because I want it to be true? "I can't have this baby."

Rose is silent for a moment, before she turns towards me. "I think you're stronger than you give yourself credit for. You want to be a strong Mother, a good Mother. It won't matter if that happens now, or 10 years from now. You will still be as scared then as you are now, so don't think about that. Think about you and Edward, and how he makes you feel, and how much he loves you Bella, and how much you love him. Focus on that, and you won't feel so afraid anymore."

I smile sadly, feeling more tears fall steadily down my cheeks. "I do love him."

"Well then, what are we waiting for?" Rose says as she jumps up. She reaches out a hand towards me. "Let's go get your man back."

Rose pulls up to the house just as Emmett and Jasper are leaving. They don't say anything, but I can almost feel their critical stares as I make my way towards the house, flanked by Rose and Alice.

On a normal occasion, I would just use my own key and let myself in; Edward likes me to come round after his shifts at work and sleep with him for a few hours. But today isn't really a normal occasion, so I ring the bell and wait.

"Do you want us to stay?" Rose asks, her arm slipping around my back.

"No. Thanks for bringing me, but I think I need to do this on my own." They both nod and hug me between them, before making their way back to the car.

A few minutes pass before I hear shuffling behind the door, and Edward's dishevelled face emerges. I half expect him to slam the door in my face, but he steps aside to let me in. I make my way to the living room with him shuffling along behind me, and sit in my usual spot.

Edward sits away from me, in Emmett's armchair.

"I'm sorry." I hear myself say quietly. "I didn't mean any of it."

He glances up but won't look at me, instead seeming to stare at a point over my shoulder. "Sure sounded like you meant it."

"Well, maybe some bits." He looks confused, so I explain in easiest way possible right now.
"I'm scared, Edward."

"Of having my baby?"

"Partly, yeah. It's a little daunting to think I have a tiny life growing inside me right now, depending on me." Once again I glance down and curl a hand around my flat stomach. "I can't even keep a goldfish alive, how am I supposed to raise a child? I'm scared that if I have this baby, I'll fuck up; I seem to do it so well with everything else. But its not just that. I keep thinking about how I grew up, how I felt."

"I don't understand." He jumps up and starts to pace.

"My Mom didn't want me, she wanted an abortion but my Dad talked her out of if, said they could have a perfect life together if she just had me and they got married. So they did, and she kept me. And I know she's always regretted it. I know she loves me, but she hates me too. Every time she looks at me, she remembers everything she never got to do, because of me."

I pause for a moment, wiping away the few stray tears that have fallen.

"I want children, I really do. I've always wanted children. But I want to build a life first, a stable life, with a good job and with enough money to support children. I don't want to give a child the life I had."

Edward wipes his hands across his face, running them through his hair. "We can do that Bella. Together. But you have to let me in. you can make decisions like this without talking to me, this is my choice too."

"I know. I cancelled the appointment."

Silence falls around us again as Edward freezes. He turns slowly to look at me, eyes wide. "Bella, I…"

"Im not saying that I am one-hundred percent in this. But I'm willing to give it a chance. For you. For us."

I know this is A LOT less than what I normally post for this story, but this is all I have right now. I thought posting this as-is would be better than waiting forever for my brain to get into gear.

I've also just started my Dissertation so I don't know how much time I will be able to spend on this at the moment. I've pencilled time in but that time might be needed for other things :/

I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and you're not too mad about the wait!