Chapter 4

Darren didn't want to admit it. He couldn't anyway. He was meant to be straight, even if he didn't like to label himself.

He'd liked kissing Chris. There, he admitted it to himself. Wasn't that enough?

And anyway, he'd been extremely drunk, so of course he was going to remember it being pleasent, at least. And another thing, he definitely wasn't staring at Chris' ass, especially not when Chris walked with that slight sway in his hips.

God Dammit!

He tried to think about Mia. Yeah, he was dating Mia, and straight guys dated girls. But so do Bisexuals, his mind stated. Darren sighed. What use was it playing a gay character, and then not admitting that you maybe, not definitely...well, fancied your male best friend? Wasn't that exactly the opposite of the message Glee was trying to deliver?

Darren tried not to swear. He'd said many, many times that he was straight, so he couldn't exactly just break up with Mia, and then kiss Chris again in front of everyone to make sure, could he? It would look like he'd been lying.

Deciding what would probably be the best, he decided that he wouldn't kiss Chris again. Not if he could help it. And he'd stay with Mia too, just to be on the safe side.

To try and distract himself, Darren had decided to go on a date with Mia. She seemed pleased enough, since they never went on dates, due to the fact that Darren was always "too busy" (of course, this was just an excuse). Anyway, Darren smiled at his girlfriend across the table, trying to act "gentleman-ish". She smiled at him back.

"You look beautiful tonight." Darren complimented, unable to come up with anything else to say. With Chris...

NO! STOP! You're not meant to talk about Chris!

"Thank You. You look really handsome too." Darren grinned. "So, what made you want to suddenly go out for dinner."

I wanted to convince myself I was straight. "I just...kinda realised that I hadn't taken you out for a while. And since I was with the Warblers all weekend, I decided that I missed you."

"Sweet." As Mia turned to her menu, Darren wondered what Chris was doing.

Chris hated himself. He really did. He hadn't felt this bad about being gay since he was in High School, and he never wanted to go back to how he felt then. But now...Now he hated himself. He wondered why he had to be so different.

And why did he keep on dreaming about Darren kissing him again? And worse...Why did he keep on dreaming about it going even further than that?

Normally, Chris would have believed that he, like Kurt on Glee, had the sexual appeal of a baby penguin, and that he didn't know the first thing about "that", but that was quickly proving to be very false. In fact, just thinking about his dreams gave him a...well, a bit of a problem.

He had to stop thinking about that. Darren was still straight. One kiss with him wasn't going to make him gay suddenly. In fact, Darren had gone out with Mia tonight, which just, sadly, proved the point.

Sighing, Chris went back to reading through his script.

"So," Mia said, sipping her white wine. "Have you thought about it?"

"About what?" Darren asked cluelessly.

"Remember? I asked you about moving into an apartment together?" Oh. That. "Darren?"

"Yeah? Right, uhh...not a lot. I mean, I thought about it between takes on set, but that's it."

"And what do you think so far?" Darren took a deep breath. He should be saying yes! He was a straight male, and this was his girlfriend, and he was one hundred percent in love with his girlfriend. So why was this so hard?

"Honestly?" Darren avoided her for a moment. "I, er...So far, I'm just concerned for how it could affect my job."

"Well, I thought about that, and I decided that we could always pick an apartment a little closer to where we are now." Mia gave him another smile, which Darren returned. "You know, so that you don't have to give up your job." Wait, did she think he'd give up his job for her?

"Oh. Well, I still need to think about it."

All that went through Chris' mind was Holy Crap.

Did the script honestly say that Kurt and Blaine kissed? As in, put their lips together and kissed? Chris gulped. The idea of kissing Darren again, while sober was...Well, it was actually quite hot to think about, in all honesty, but apart from that, it was terrible! Chris was in love with Darren, and if he started kissing him again, he didn't know what he'd do.

And what would Darren say if, suddenly, Chris was trying to make out with him, forgetting all his lines. Darren was a pretty open guy, but it didn't make Chris feel any better. Would Darren be surprised? Shocked? Disgusted?

Chris really wanted to curl up and cry. He wanted to kiss Darren (again), but he knew he couldn't without going out of control. Giving a sigh, he laid his head back on the couch armrest, and shut his eyes.

"Mia, where are we going?" Darren asked cautiously.

"Back to my place." Mia carried on pulling him by the arm up the street.

"Why?"

"Because, Darren, it's a date. And since you said your place looks like shit, I'm offering mine."

"What, are we playing a game at yours?" Mia stopped and stared at him. Chris would have probably laughed at him, and called it cute.

"No. Darren, are you serious?" It appeared to him, clear as day, then.

"We're going to...make out?"

"Well Done, Darren. Nice to see how perceptive you are." Darren frowned, and pulled his arm from her grasp.

"Hang on." She sighed, almost in a pissed off way, and turned to face him.

"What now?" Darren frowned even more.

"First of all, don't talk to me like that, alright? It actually makes me feel really stupid. And second; I don't like how you just assumed we were going to make out tonight. I mean, I may not want to make out with you tonight, because I have to get back to my apartment and sleep so I can shoot tomorrow." Mia sighed, and took a step closer to Darren, almost pityingly.

"Okay. I'm sorry. But Darren, honestly..." She cupped his face in her hands. Darren felt her nails digging into the "behind-his-ear" area. "Why don't you want to make out with me? Is it because, I don't know...You're too tired? Or, you're too full from dinner. Or..." She paused, obviously for dramatic effect. "Is it because you don't think I'm attractive anymore?"

"No!" Darren said quickly. "Of course not! I'm too tired, and too full. Not a good combination, you know?"

"Fine. As long as you still love me and I love you." She gave him a smile. "Well, in that case, you'd better get back to your apartment." Darren smiled, almost relieved.

"Right. Hey, I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?" He ducked down and gave her a kiss on the lips. Once again, her lips were just covered in lipstick. As he pulled away, he scrubbed at his lips to try and remove the evidence. He gave her a grin, and blowed her another kiss goodnight.

Darren's eyes widened as he read through the script. If he didn't know any better, Kurt and Blaine were about to kiss, or something close to that. Surely he was dreaming, right? He'd promised to put the whole "I kissed Chris and I liked it" thing behind him, and now they had to kiss in front of several cast and crew members? Just, no. Darren shuffled on his bed, already feeling his pajama pants a little too snug for comfort at the thought. Of course, he couldn't...well, relieve himself, not while thinking of Chris. He was meant to be straight, and this was just a phase that would end soon, right?

Throwing his script down on the bed, Darren sighed and turned off his lamp, flooding the room with darkness, and settled beneath the covers. His problem would go away eventually, if he just thought about something else.

"So," Chris said the next morning on set, somewhat awkwardly. "Hi."

"Hi." Darren looked down at his Warbler's shoes and back up at Chris. "So, umm...D-Did you read the script for the new episode?" Chris bit his lip and nodded.

"Pavarotti dies." He said off-handly. "How sad."

"Yeah. It is." Darren sighed. "Okay, listen, we shouldn't be doing this."

"Doing what?"

"Having awkward conversations. Chris, we're best friends, okay, and we should just be open and honest about it." Chris sighed.

"I know. I'm sorry. It's just..."

"We have to kiss. Again." Darren added.

"Yeah." Christ gave him a dazzling smile. "But, you know, we're actors, and we're friends. So, you know. It's our job."

"Right," Darren said, a little relieved that Chris was taking control of the situation for once. "Actors, and...yeah." Darren took a deep breath, and grinned chastely at the younger boy.

"So, how did your date with Mia go last night?" Darren tried not to let his grin fade in any way.

"Oh, it was great, you know? I mean, I was pretty exhausted, and she seemed quite...disappointed that we couldn't...well..."

"Make out?" Chris supplied in an almost bitter voice.

"Well. Yeah." Darren looked down at his shoes. "I dunno, I mean, I feel pretty bad about not making out with her, you know? Especially since she got really pissed off at me-"

"Wait, what?" Chris asked.

"Yeah. You know, she got kinda...bitchy. I guess she was really tired too, but still..."

"Dare," Chris said softly. "You know that it's not right to be pressured into making out with someone if you don't want to, right?" Darren sighed angrily.

"I know, it's just...we've been dating for years, and I haven't even done it with her yet!" Darren folded his arms, knowing he probably looked childish. "I just...she really wants me too, but I don't really feel...I dunno, like I want to." Chris' heart thumped. Maybe...No. He needed to stop thinking like that.

"Dare, I know this is rich, coming from a single gay man, who's had no relationships apart from with his imaginary friends, but I don't really think that Mia's treating you right. And you should wait, if you really want to. No one is forcing you to do anything, and if they do, then they're not worth it." Darren looked up and stared at Chris, almost appalled. Chris felt himself turn red.

"Well, Mr Colfer, when did you get so wise?" Darren asked, grinning again. Chris blushed even more.

"I-I-I hate to t-take a l-line out of G-Glee, Darren, but...you know. You matter. You know..." Chris finished awkwardly. Darren gave a chuckle.

"Thanks. I'll remember that."

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