AN: I'm popping up yet another pair of sets here, that's twenty one and a half new twisted tales between the two of them, bringing the grand total to 62… and a half. Why split this batch in two… well, obviously, none of these are really for the easily offended, but this set is pretty much "work safe" while the other… is not. No, seriously. There are some things you don't want someone accidentally reading over your shoulder. Legal stuff at bottom.

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CHAPTER FOUR

TWELVE RON-KEYS

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1

Ron crossed his arms and looked back at his friend in a huff. "Hey, I don't see what the big deal is… you started one once, so what's wrong with ME starting one?"

Kim glared back. "Because the fashion trend that I accidentally started was just copies of my mission uniform, whereas because of you losing your pants while rescuing Britina on the Fashionista's live TV show, I now have to endure seeing both our Dads, the tweebs, Mr. Barkin and even Senor Senior Sr. walking around all day with nothing from the waist down except their tighty whities!"

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2

Brick sighed and looked at the company recruiter. "Well, to be honest, my grades in college weren't very good but don't suppose the fact that I WAS a triple letterman and in a Greek Fraternity would make any difference?"

"As a matter of fact, in our particular case it would," the representative for the Worldwide Empire of Evil grinned, looking at his new prospective Epsilon.

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3

The big man looked across the table sadly. "But I just want to blend in with the rest of my fiance's family and feel a part of the common culture."

Rabbi Katz shook his head and smiled. "I can appreciate WHY you want to be circumcised Hego, but when it's already grown back twenty seven times, I think it's clear that we're fighting a losing battle."

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4

It was at times like this that even Ron found working at SmartyMart stressful. "Tara, we don't mind if you play games on the computers in our electronics department while you're waiting for Bonnie to have her tattoo removed in the body modifications section, but I can't let you do it like that."

"You mean there's another way to play poker?" Tara blinked at him innocently, a good trick considering she'd already lost her top, bra and stockings to 'the house.'

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5

"RON!" Kim screamed.

Blushing, the other half of Team Possible looked down the ladder that they were descending on and waited for a disgusted Kim to toss back up his pants. "Okay, so maybe so today was a bad day to try free-balling!"

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6

"There's only one bit of information in the entire world that I don't know!" Big Daddy Brotherson declared proudly.

"Unfortunately, that would be exactly where my penis is," he added as looked down at his massive rolls of fat in frustration.

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7

Betty scowled at the furiously pacing and swearing green woman inside the fireproof... and fortunately soundproof... holding cell. "I've said it before, and I'll say it again, I should have had my damn tubes tied after Hego."

Next to her, the blue father of her children shrugged. "Oh, this little tantrum is nothing compared to what I see every day... I live in mortal terror of the day she discovers finally that we really ARE one big evil family and that Eddie's her cousin as well as mine."

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8

"So where have you been all week?" Monique queried Kim.

"Oh, just hanging around," Kim smiled, tucking her sleeves down so that Monique wouldn't notice the chaffing on her wrists from Shego's favorite manacles.

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9

Duff stared at his plate in shock, then back up to Ron Stoppable, then back again. "I canna believe it… that be the finest Haggis I ever dinna taste… and that's no clishmaclaiver!"

With a slightly guilty look, Ron made his own admission, "Well, actually… I kinda had a mix up with the ingredients … and what you just had was my Uncle Nate's deep fried colostomy bag."

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10

The attractive young reporter for the Go City Go-zette was so surprised that every other member Team Go pointed at Mego when she asked which member of the team had the best super power, that the best follow-up she could manage was to stammer out "But… why?"

One of the Wego's spoke for the group, counting off reasons on his fingers, "He never has to go on a diet to lose weight, he can buy his shoes and clothes small and they still always fit so he doesn't have to used changing rooms in stores, he's always comfortable in airline seats and has tons of leg room in any car or theater, he can be short enough to go the jumpoline and all the other kids rides at the fair and tall enough to go on the adult ones, pays kid prices for admissions to PG movies, can live for a month on a Kid's Meal and… he got a great view up your skirt when you first came in the room, which is how we all know you're not wearing panties."

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11

"It's not possible… YOU'RE the Supreme One?" Kim gasped while Ron's jaw simply fell to the floor as the met the ultimate ruler of Earth in this alternate history, the draconian dictator whose green-suited legions had subjected the entire adjacent galaxy.

The master of the universe merely sighed wearily. "Well, technically the real supreme one never showed, so they called me in to substitute and I've been stuck here ever since…. and I STILL have to work at SmartyMart on weekends to make ends meet."

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12

"You owe me a hundred dollars - signed A Better Sneak Than You?" Shego repeated the contents of the note incredulously, wondering what it had to do with the special marking pen and blacklight that had been left on her dressing table.

Still unsure of how Kim Possible could have entered this far into Drakken's most secret lair, the pale woman somehow managed to keep her temper in check as she walked around her room reading all the various insulting 'notes' the heroine had left on the walls and furniture of her private suite… but when she finally thought to turn the black light on herself, Shego completely lost it. "That's it, you're dead Possible… NOBODY writes 'Green Acres' on my ASS and lives!"

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Ye Old Legal stuff: Kim Possible, Shego, Ron Stoppable, Bonnie Rockwaller, Dr. Drakken, Senor Senior Senior, Britina, Mr. Barkin, Rufus, Tara, the Tweebs, Duff Killigan, Monique, Brick Flagg, Motor Ed, Dr. Betty Director, the Fashionistas, Rabbi Katz, Big Daddy Brotherson, Hego, Mego and the Wegos of Team Go and all other characters borrowed from the wonderful KP Universe are the creations of Mark McCorkle and Bob Schooley, and those names are all trademarks of the Disney media organizations. Although use in this context may be considered fair under parody law, just in case: this work was not created for profit, no money changed hands etc. Also, this story takes place at a time at which all characters shown should be considered to be over the legal age of 18…