The Jean Genie
Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½ or any other manga, anime, or other pre-existing setting that may crop up..
Warning: There will be some OOC. It is an AU though, so that can almost be expected.
My first encounter with another deity isn't quite what I had expected. While Cologne is trying to help Saturn, I see an elderly woman wearing a gown of earth tones. She seems to be muttering about stupid girls. That's also when I feel a massive buildup of raw magic. The elder notices my presence and gives me a half smile. Something about the woman feels off, but what exactly it is I don't know.
It almost feels like she's more real then everything else. The elder looks me up and down, then nods. "Nice to meet the new kid. I'm Gaia, and you are?".
"Ranko," I tell her. "What did you just do?"
She sighs and shakes her head. "Someone just tried to heal the earth. A noble intention, if flawed execution. As it is, I'll have trouble saving even a fraction of humanity. I wish djinn would learn more about the consequences before trying anything like this."
My face pales when I realize what she means. Not even a month into this whole gig, and already I'm going to fail big time. Billions are going to die, and there's nothing I can do about it. I don't even know why it'll happen. But how does she know? The elder seems to know my question, even though I never speak it. She takes my hand and leads me back into the cafe. As we sit down she speaks once more.
"I know because I am this planet. There are other gods and goddesses, each a part of their world. The others have been hurting for a long time. Come now child, this isn't the end. Despite the damage being done, this is a healing. I was dying. Slowly, but I had but a few centuries left. Now go child, save those you can. And warn the child of light. She will know when it's safe to return."
With that the elder flows into the ground. Which leaves me a little stunned. I can swear I hear her voice again too, telling me how to save the girl. After being told, it makes so much sense. In fact, I can't believe I didn't see it before. Or maybe I can. It doesn't directly fall under my influence, so the knowledge wasn't exactly instinctive. I almost wish the job came with a guide book. It doesn't though.
Sure I instinctively know how to do some things. How to travel from point to point quickly, how to make someone my champion. Even how to select someone as my priest. But otherwise I'm making this up as I go. While returning to Cologne I can't help but worry about my family. My friends too. Save as many as I can huh, but how? I don't even know what will happen. When the lights abruptly go out, I can't help but think this is a sign of things to come.
"Priestess, how many are there in your village?" I ask as I lay my hands upon Saturn's stomach.
Now that I know what to look for, I can feel the connection to Death it's self. This then is why she's dying. Her spirit is being prevented from recovering. If she were to pass on while that connection is still there... I'm not sure if there would be another chance at life. But it's a forced link. Since it's unnatural, I am allowed to do something. But her soul has been tied to something for so long, it needs to remain so.
This isn't like the binding to Saturn it's self. This linkage feels evil in nature. The only way I know to replace her connection to Death, is to imbue the child with my own energy. Something I've not done before. I don't know what will happen to her, or me. As I begin, I continue to explain what is going on.
"A woman named Gaia just told me something bad is going to happen. Really bad, and unstoppable. I know a place your people will be safe, but there's a price. You wont be the rulers. There is already a queen in this place. And no Shampoo, before you start your 'obstacles are for killing' shtick consider this. If you kill this queen, you also kill any chance at survival. Unless you think you have the magic needed to restore life to the moon."
Nabiki
I'm carrying supplies for the cafe back from the store when it happens. With no warning all the lights stop working, traffic lights included. The few cars on the street also roll to a stop. It's an odd event. People are acting confused, but for how long? I can hear a few drivers getting mad that their cars wont restart. One person is glaring at his lawn mower for some reason. By the time I return to the cafe the worry has grown exponentially.
I'm just in time to see the mystery woman step into a pan of water and vanish. Elder Cologne is looking serious. Entirely too serious in fact. She approaches me with a bottle of shampoo in hand. This confuses me greatly. Why is Elder wanting to wash my hair? Now she's massaging my scalp. It feels really nice actually. As the suds are worked through my hair something unlocks.
I remember now. I remember everything. I tried to blackmail Cologne, and she brainwashed me. Quite literally in fact. That bitch made me a meek and willing slave. Poetic justice I guess, but I'm still angry. A thought occurs to me though. Why did she restore my memory and personality? I now recognize the red haired girl who'd just vanished as Ranma. How the idiot jock is doing that, I still don't know.
Cologne starts to explain what is happening. Or at least what she knows about it. Why did I ever think her to be honorable or revered? Oh yeah, the brainwashing. Grr. Something really bad is going to happen apparently. And the brain dead jock thinks he can protect everyone. At least, that's what I come away with. Further discussion is halted as someone enters the cafe. My jaw drops when I realize it's 'Thong Maiden'.
The name isn't entirely accurate though. She isn't wearing a thong. Sure it's a bikini, but only because it's a two piece suit. She's actually wearing a halter top and shorts style bikini. The top's not form fitting either. So I'm not sure why the media dubbed the psycho with that name. Oh sure, Thong Maiden fights monsters. But she's attacked a couple innocents too, just for whistling at her. Then there's the camera man who got hospitalized for calling her a bimbo.
While I can't make out her face, Thong Maiden seems tired. And embarrassed. That oversized mallet also worries me. It's fully capable of shattering bone from what I hear. When the monster hunter collapses into a booth I can't help but flinch. Then her body shimmers. The two piece vanishes, replaced in an instant with a yellow sundress. Immediately I recognize her. How could I not have known my own sister?
And what magic is this anyway? I know for a fact my sister can't transform her cloths. Nor would she willingly wear something even that revealing. Not that it showed anything but her belly button, arms, and legs. That was the most modest bikini I've ever seen. How can anyone call it a thong? The thought races through my mind even as I try rationalizing away what I just saw. My sister can't be the psychotic monster hunter.
Why not? It's a question I can't answer. It's not like Akane has never hurt someone before. I'm not even sure how Doctor Tofu kept patching up students by the next day. Sometimes within a few hours even. If she ever noticed, maybe her temper would have lessened. Or maybe not. I never did figure out how come Kuno never gets seriously hurt. She also tends to attack Saotome at the smallest, and often imagined, hints of perversion.
I guess I can see her as Thong Maiden after all. Questions of how and why still are plaguing me. Not too sure if I believe, or trust the old crone. But what if she's right? Is that a chance I'm willing to take? No, not really. The thought crosses my mind to charge premium prices for this info. Then I mentally shudder as all the ways the amazons were taking advantage of me surface in my thoughts.
"Hey sis," I begin. "I need you to fetch Father, Kasumi, and Ukyo and bring them here."
"And what are you doing?" Akane demands of me.
A cackle from the next room sends shivers down both our spines. "Packing up the cafe, of course." Before I can snap at the old bat she says "I may have restored your memories, but you still must pay for your crimes."
When I try leaving anyway that wooden staff hits me in the head. Hard. Ow, that hurts. With a grumble I start to box things up in the kitchen. How can I get out of this? Not sure, but there has to be a way. Some piece of information that will give me the advantage I need. Meanwhile there's still the storeroom to pack up. It's either that, or get hit with that staff again. Or worse. I don't want to find out what the 'or worse' option is.
Ugh, what's in these casks anyway? They're never used in cooking. And the weight keeps shifting. Not to mention the fact they're kind of heavy. And why are they all on the top shelf? I swear, these idiots can't do anything sensible. Not even a step ladder to help reach the top shelf. It's almost like they expect you to jump every time you need something up there. Actually, that wouldn't surprise me in the least.
After setting down the first cask I climb back onto the boxes I stacked. I'm not some brain dead and over muscled jock after all. While I'm not sure what's in the boxes, from the weight they obviously can support me. The next cask is trickier to pick up. It's a little out of my reach. But the boxes were too hard to move into position as it is. No way I'm going to spend an hour rearranging them just to grab one item. Besides, it'll be all right.
Famous last words, of course. I realize that a little too late. The box immediately beneath me starts to break apart just as the cask slips from my grasp. As I fall the sloshing within the cask sounds ominous. I can feel wood splintering beneath me. At which point I discover the cask I'd first retrieved had contained a liquid. I can feel my body changing on me. Even as it changes the second cask strikes the floor and shatters next to me.
Why me? I think as a bracelet from the now broken box somehow manages to find it's way onto my wrist.
Jeanie
This sucks, I think to myself. It had been a thousand years since the last time a kami chewed me out. Let alone by a new kami. But Ranko seems royally pissed at me. Not that I can blame her. Apparently I screwed up big time. I'm not really sure how though. No one is explaining it to me. Ranko just screamed at me about being over worked as she pummeled me into submission.
Even Master's friends are glaring at me whenever I approach. Since I'm still researching how to fix things on the other planets, I can't exactly retreat to the safety of my bottle either. When the girl makes a wish, she wishes big. As I stagger into the palace library my entire body hurts. Nothing is broken. Or at least nothing that would seriously hinder me is. You know, if I didn't know any better I'd think Ranko was the goddess of martial arts. Ow.
There's a few things they don't tell you about in the 'so you want to be a djinn' video. Hell, they don't tell you anything. Awesome fantastical magical powers capable of rewriting reality at your whim are yours to command. Immortality, eternal youth (there's a difference you know), guaranteed job security, all these are yours. You also get an itty bitty living space and can't do jack unless it's to grant your master's wish.
How about being all-knowing? That would be great right? Too bad it's not part of the package. Foreknowledge of what will happen as a result of a wish would be great too. Too bad we don't get that either. Free will would be nice too, but is also denied. Oh sure I have some say in how things go down. If someone were to wish they understood their wife for example I'd have several options. I could just grant them instant understanding, create a telepathic link to their wife, or (and this is my favorite method) turn them into a part time woman.
It's not that we have to toy with our masters. Some of us are actively malicious. Others are bored. I mean, you spend a century or six in a lamp or bottle with only yourself and a deck of cards for company. And some of us just plain get tired of granting selfish wishes all the time. There's a saying, and us djinn are the reason for it. Be careful what you wish for, because you must might get it. Us djinn also have a saying: Let fools be fools and laugh at the results.
Naturally, that sometimes bites us in the ass too. Since we aren't all-knowing it's entirely possible to make mistakes. Sometimes big ones, sometimes small ones. One djinn mentioned in our message board how one of her female masters had ended up male and pregnant. Arlis had known nothing of a woman's reproductive system, while being an expert on that of men. So when she granted a wish to become male, the uterus and fallopian tubes had stayed in place. End result? Her master accidentally impregnated himself while having sex.
Did I mention we can rewrite reality it's self? Sometimes it's better not to think of the mechanics behind a mistake. You save yourself a headache by doing that. I at least try learning what the possible consequences are first. But that can be like the blind leading the blind. Your information can be off, or flat out wrong. I've been fortunate, few of my masters wanted anything with major consequences if I screw up.
I've made mistakes before. But never quite this bad. I'm not sure what went wrong. Just that a kami had to act to stop something really bad. Was it me getting interrupted during the ritual? Or did I miscalculate something? When I try sensing what happened, I get a mixture of gratitude and anger from the Earth. What that's about I'm not sure of. Well, back to my research then. There's too much I have to learn before attempting the next planet.
Sailor Moon
What have I done? It's a question that keeps racing through my thoughts. It's been there since I heard what happened. What my wish has done hurts me. I have Ami trying to restore the air here. We'll need it. There's too many for the palace to support inde, indu, for long. According to Mako-chan we have enough food to last almost a year. If people don't eat too much. Waa, I have to diet! Don't wanna do that! It's not fair, not fair at all!
Mind needs to be cleared, there's too much pressure on me. So I decide to visit one of the unused areas. It almost looks like a museum with all the paintings and statues. One of the statues catches my eye. The crystal square beneath it says 'Taymra, mother of Serenity the First'. What really shocks me though is the statue it's self. When I look closely, it's Jeanie. But she looks unhappy. The questions are impossible to answer right now.
Chief among them is 'who was Tymra', followed closely by 'why does she look like Jeanie'. Ami might know, but is busy. Luna's too forgetful. Hey, what about Set-chan? Maybe she knows? Great idea! Now I just gotta track her down. She keeps vanishing with that hunk who's been helping out. What's his name? Raman, or something. I can't remember. Speaking which, where's Ranko? Haven't seen her in a few days. Not since she chewed me and Jeanie out.
Maybe they're in the guard training area again? Set-chan tried explaining what's happening. Makes no sense to me. Everyone knows coal and gas burn. So why's everything in trouble? And how would thermos dynastics make the world colder? Since I don't feel like walking all the way across the palace, instead I continue exploring the current area. The place tickles my memory. I know some of these people. Or at least I think I do.
Like this painting, it's not of a person. But I'd swear I saw it before. It's just the image of a circle with two stars overlapping each other within it. But it looks familiar for some reason. This painting had no name plate. Unusual, all the other paintings and statues have a nameplate. This one also seems to almost glow. In a bit of a daze I place my hand in the center of the symbol. That's when everything goes white.
Not just ice cream white either. It's blinding white. I can't even see my own nose. Then I hear a stern voice. A man, not one I know either. "Why do you seek power?" he demands. The question confuses me. After all, I don't 'seek' power. Luna kind of forced me to become Sailor Moon. I'd love nothing more then to just be a normal teenager. But things keep happening. They keep forcing me to fight. I don't want to, but I have to become stronger. How else can I protect people?
Before I can answer the voice speaks again. "Very well seeker, witness the signing and know the price of power."
Ranma
Should feel bad bout abandoning pops. Should, but I don't. Managed ta save mom though. Now I'm doing something hard. Really hard. I'm trying ta convince a bunch of old ghouls ta leave me alone. Has ta be a way outa the 'kiss of marriage'. Managed ta get a real copy of their laws. Can't read it though. Maybe Pluto-San can help? Not sure why I enjoy her company. Being around her makes me feel funny.
Not like 'Kane use ta. But I kinda like the feeling. Cursed form might understand it. But I need rest. There's too much I have ta do in my cursed form. Too many who need protection. Too many I can't help. A martial artist's duty is to protect the weak. But there's just too many who need help. If I had ta stay a girl all the time I'd lose it. At least now I can relax for a bit. Still lots ta do. But here I ain't alone doing it.
Anyway, see if Pluto-San can help. Where is she? Probably taking a bath again. Brr, says she likes when I join her though. Never done so intentionally. Keep expecting ta get a mallet to the head when it happens, not pulled into the pool. So for the first time I head towards the private bath shared by me and Pluto-San with the intention of walking in on her. I know when a girl I'm more informal around the girls. But with Pluto-San it feels wrong somehow as a boy.
Okay, that's not quite true. The other day I called her Puu-chan, not sure why. But she had the cutest blush when I said that. For kami's sake, she's centuries older then me. Got no business picturing her in a... No, bad thoughts. Besides, that's a waste of both the whipped cream and strawberries. As I slip into the bath chamber (it's too big to be called a room) I look around. Yup, there she is all right. Her back's too me. Shame.
Can't believe I just thought that. I'm changing, I can tell. I'm not constantly scared when around a pretty girl. Helps that Pluto-San actually defended me that one time. Before Jeanie showed up I'd never willingly do this. Walk in on a girl in the bath that is. Every time it happened at the Tendo's I'd been tricked. Likely by the fat panda. My original question is quickly forgotten at the sight. Soon I'm joining the ancient yet young woman in the bath.
To Be Continued
Author Note:
One theme I'm using in this story is that gods and djinn are not all knowing. For all their powers and abilities, they can royally screw up. For example, incomplete knowledge of thermodynamics caused a huge mistake on Jeanie's part when trying to 'heal' the earth's ecosystem. Similarly, Ranma screwed up when trying to teach Akane self control. While Akane's 'champion' armor is NOT revealing, it is a bikini.
It's only a bikini though because it's a two piece suit. The media's name of 'thong maiden' is highly inaccurate. I realized that while I had a mental picture of the outfit, I'd never actually described it other then stating it's a bikini before. But not all bikini are butt floss and fabric triangles.