A/N: Next update and slowly but surely you'll see the ice
thaw between Addison and Callie..and isn't Derek a jerk? He's
leading two perfectly nice women on...but I'll work on him later
for now he still gives me a headache.

Chapter 4

Next Morning

"Yes, Dr. Revelle I'll be there within the hour, yes no I do appreciate you making room in your schedule for me and I promise I won't take too much of your time."

After hanging up she sat down on the edge of the bed and started reviewing her missed calls, one from Mark and three from Derek and a voicemail. She ignored all of the calls and focused on the day ahead, she had confirmation she was pregnant now it was up to her to put herself under a doctor's care while she was awaiting the return of her backbone to confront the situation in front of her.

Miranda came into the room with a wide awake son on her hip that lit up at the sight of Addison. Addison reached out and held him in her arms tickling his belly and making him laugh. She turned to Miranda with a glow on her face and said, "It's kinda hard to believe that in a couple of months I'm going to have one of these in my life."

Miranda nodded, "That's only if you take care of yourself well. You have to decide what comes first in your life after you take care of the divorce that is if you want a divorce. A child can change a lot of things."

Addison nodded as she shuffled Miranda's son around on her hips, "That's another thing that I'm not looking forward to is the confrontation with Derek. I don't think it's going to be pleasant and especially not after he processes the fact that I'm pregnant, he will never sign those divorce papers now."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Derek sat in the hospital cafeteria staring into a cup of coffee as the conversation from Richard ran through his head.

Flashback

"So let me get this straight Derek…ever since you dragged Addison back to Seattle it was with one goal? To make her pay for hurting you, there was never a give/take on your part to see what went wrong in the marriage it was only make her pay…In the meantime you dragged Meredith Gray and your ex-best friend into the mix…Not to mention you effectively tried to break Addison. What the hell were you thinking?"

Derek shrugged as the accusations of his mentor slapped him in the face, "I wasn't thinking Richard. That's my issue and I came to that realization after Mark came up to me the day before I was to sign these divorce papers. I was ready to rub it in about him being an adulterous sociopath and he informs me that the reason that he and Addison became lovers had more to do with him taking advantage of her emotional state more than anything. Addison had been diagnosed with SLE lupus and she tried to tell me but I was too busy being in the middle of surgeries and what not so she internalized her feelings. Her emotional and physical pain she didn't tell me about because she knew that I had other goals in mind…so she carried the brunt of her illness by herself."

Richard leaned back, "My god Derek, what are you saying? You're a neurologist but you have to know what type of debilitating disease lupus is, even when it's in remission you have to keep your stress levels down, get your rest and be on constant medication otherwise she could have a flare-up that could be deadly. Her organs could turn on her and she could…."

Derek finished his sentence and thought for him, "She could die. That's the one thought that has been resounding in my head ever since Mark told me and that wasn't even the worst part."

Richard leaned forward and put his head in his hands, "There's more?"

Derek exhaled a deep breath, "She got pregnant you know. She was also in the middle of a flare-up and the doctor told her either have an abortion or she would lose her life. I remember when she called me from her hospital room, she was right in the middle of speaking and I hung up on her after I told her I was getting on a plane. After I got back she had, had a miscarriage and that's when I found her in bed with Mark."

Richard closed his eyes in disbelief, "That's a lot to process the day before you sign divorce papers isn't it?"

Derek exhaled a short breath, "Why does it seem like you're the only one who gets that? I just want a moment to process what is probably the worst mistake of my life, I judged her without consequence and I'm about to lose the one person in the world who loved me unconditionally."

Richard nodded but then paused, "She's tired Derek, if everything that you told me happened in a short period of time, she probably just wants some peace and after everything she's been through don't you think she's deserves it?"

End of Flashback

Derek looked up as Meredith sat in the chair across from him with a grin. "So how was it?"

Derek looked at her confused and said, "How was what?"

Meredith felt her smile falter, "You told me that you were working the late shift, that's why we couldn't…"

Derek winced slightly; he had to keep his lies straight. "Of course I remember, I was just having a moment, I was thinking of a patient that I have to extract a tumor on later today. He came into the ER suffering from migraines…." As he droned on listlessly about a patient that had come into the ER two weeks ago he realized that the love, the passion, the need that he once proclaimed to his wife and the world that he felt for this woman had evolved into what it should've always been friendship. Yes, she called him on his attitudes and she was there as a friend but she wasn't Addi, she could never been Addison and he was starting to realize what a mess he had made of his life.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"Where is Addison?"

Miranda spun around on her heel and met Mark Sloan's anxious eyes, "Good morning to you too, Dr. Sloan, it's a pleasure to see you this morning."

Mark stifled the comeback that automatically rose to his lips but then he recalled the words from Callie on last night. Contrary to ever fiber in his being wanting to call Miranda on what he called a deliberate act of insubordination he knew that the higher ups and his new boss wouldn't see it like that, "I'm sorry if I seem abrupt Dr. Bailey, I'm just worried about Addison, where is she? I don't see any surgeries scheduled on the board for her."

Miranda nodded and said, "And you won't she took the morning off, she has an appointment with a Dr. Revelle, he's the leading rheumatologist in his field who specializes in auto-immune diseases. I'm only telling you this because since you know she's pregnant you'll know that would be her first stop."

Mark swore under his breath, "You let her go by herself?"

Miranda smirked, "She's a big girl and she can handle an appointment by herself…I'm starting to get the feeling you don't like how I've befriended your ex-lover, well I'm here to tell you get used to it. After she told me everything she went through at the hands of you and Derek I was in awe of how much she's been able to handle. One thing Addison is not is weak, but she also needs someone behind her telling her to put herself first. You and Derek made it a business to put your wants and needs ahead of hers and I'm here to tell you that, that practice stops here and now. She has to focus on her health and that of her child and the only way she can do that is if the two of you remain on the outskirts of her life. Derek will obviously have a more imposing presence seeing as how she is pregnant with his child but you can walk away. You left everything and came to Seattle to what? Win her back? Don't waste your time, the only person that needs to be trying to win her back is Derek and I don't think Addison is going to make that easy on him either."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"Six weeks pregnant, it's official. Would you like me to sign and date it?" Addison traced the outline on the ultrasound that was her baby and shook her head, "Just seeing the picture is enough for me, Dr. Revelle but thanks."

"Now onto the matter of your lupus, the test results definitely show signs of inflammation, if nothing else the stress in your life has to be kept to a minimum. When you were coming in you were telling me that you are going through a divorce, how's that going for you?"

Addison laughed shortly and said, "I'll get back to you when I know if I'm divorced or not, it seems that my husband my have had an apparent change of heart. A change of heart that may result in me staying married."

Dr. Revelle leaned against the counter and said, "You are a smart woman Addison Shepherd, you are one of the leading neonatal surgeons in the country but you are also pregnant and your hormones are running to and fro and the last thing that you need is more stress in your life. Take off a couple of weeks, take off a month but don't let these outside influences be the reason that you can't carry this baby to term and manage your illness at the same time. At one time, it was considered that women with lupus could never carry babies to term but you and I know that is no longer the case."

Addison nodded and said, "Taking all of that into account then, would it be too much to ask for a note from work?"

&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"So Derek, I was thinking George is going to be helping Bailey out in the pit this week and Izzie is spending some time with Denny's parents, we could use this time to be together for awhile, it's something we haven't really done.."

Derek flinched as his realizations hit him in the face, "Meredith, we need to talk. I need to tell you what's been going on with me lately and I'm afraid…."

Meredith opened her mouth to speak when her pager went off. She winced and looked at the number, "That's Bailey, I gotta go. Can we finish this conversation later?"

Derek nodded, "Of course, go it might be important."

Meredith leaned over and dropped a kiss on his cheek and ran out. Derek shook his head as the realization that he was about to break Meredith again for the second time was about to happen.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Addison strolled in the hospital with her note from the doctor in her purse and a mission. She had to go see Richard first things and then find Derek. She owed him an explanation and they needed to decide what their next course of action would be.

"Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd?"

Addison spun around and was met by the smile of Callie. "Dr. Torres can I help you?"

Callie nodded and she fell into step with Addison and said, "I just wanted to ask you about Mark. I'm sure you know like all the gossip mills that I'm in a kinda relationship with Mark Sloan and I need to ask you a couple of questions."

Addison nodded, "Don't worry; I'm not trying to steal Mark from you. He's my friend, he's been one of the best friends I had when I was going through a rough time but that's all I feel for him. I wasn't always a good person when it came to Mark and he deserved better than how I treated him."

Callie smiled softly, "You know it's funny that you say that because that's exactly what he told me about you. He says he's still in love with you and although I'm not looking for a serious relationship at the moment I don't want…."

Addison stopped her mid sentence, "What you are saying Dr. Torres is that you don't want to get hurt…No one does believe me on that and I'm not one to offer you any advice on that but I do know that Mark has a lot of growing up to do. He has a good heart but he's been self-centered his whole life and that's not something you can easily get over. If you truly think that the relationship could go somewhere than I advise you buckle your seatbelt it's going to be a bumpy ride."

Callie laughed, "Quoting Bette Davis are you? I could really become friends with you."

Addison grinned right back and said, "Join the club; I do have a prerequisite the name Meredith Grey can't be mentioned in my presence. It might seem a little extreme…"

Callie smirked, "I think I've seen enough of Meredith Grey to last me for a lifetime so I don't think that's going to be a problem."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Miranda stared at the chart in front of her as the words began to blur together. Derek came alongside her and yawned, "I was just called out of surgery to assist you with a what?"

Miranda turned around and met him face to face, "You were called out of surgery to deal with me, if you don't leave her alone I'm coming after you. She needs time to heal and just because you've had this giant epiphany that made you realize what kind of an ass you've been for the last couple of months doesn't mean she deserves you hovering. Sign the damn papers."

Derek shook his head and swore, "Look, I don't have time for this, I don't have time to coddle everyone's emotions because you think that what I'm doing is wrong. I screwed up the first time with Addison and I'm not prepared to do it again. It's not fair to either Meredith or myself if I tell her that we can start a relationship when my heart is still tied into to Addison. It's not fair."

Miranda grabbed him by the arm and pushed him into the exam room, "I pushed out a child into this world my son….My son who means the world to me and for once I had to put being a mother in front of everything else….Now this isn't something I was used to, I always was a doctor ahead of a wife, mother everything and it was weird for me to be anything else. I understand you are confused about the conflicting roles in your life but it's not fair to Addison for you to keep changing roles on her, there are men out there who will love her completely and who will give her everything she wants and deserves without all the indecision you bring. Give her now, what you always denied her before, peace."

Derek winced, "Don't you think that visual is what's keeping me from going forward with this divorce? I thought that Addison fell out of love with me and the only thing she did was love more than I ever deserved and now the only thing I want in the world is to make it up to her and I hate the fact that I'm going to hurt Meredith in the meantime. I put her and Addison through too many changes with my indecisions."

Miranda shook her head, "Does Meredith know that you didn't sign the divorce papers?"

Derek negated the question with a shake of his head, "I couldn't tell her yet, I didn't want to hurt her. She gave up the chance to be in a healthy relationship to follow after me and I just don't want to lead her on anymore than I already have. I'm looking in a mirror as a man and for the first time in awhile I don't like what I see, Miranda. I've never been one to wonder what I was doing wrong and that's what I'm up against now."

Miranda watched as the man leaned against the table obviously having a hard time struggling with what was going on through his mind. "Derek, I don't want to yell at you anymore because I get that you've had enough of that in these days I just want you to remember something, Addison is fragile. She's fought for you for so long and for so hard and she doesn't know when to give up even when you are hurting her so give her peace let her be. If you want her back fine, but leave her alone for now. Let her come to you."

Derek looked at the seriousness in her tone, "Is she having a flare-up? Is this why she's avoiding me and why are you are doing your best job of protecting Addison who I was sure up until a while ago didn't need a protector, but in the last couple of days you've become her personal champion."

Miranda smiled at this, "I'm glad someone finally sees that she obviously needs a personal champion, she's getting torn in two with the two of you. You on one hand finally realized what you had all along and enough with the games it's hit you but you have to let her go, Mark on the other hand just wants her. He wants her happy, laughing and safe. She deserves so much more than this."

Derek shook his head, "I'm a selfish bastard, but after hearing anything I realized that I wasn't wrong to make the decision to make her my wife, I was wrong for being a person she couldn't trust. She needs me now more than ever if she's sick and I for one am not going to waste this one chance to show her how good we can still be together."

He walked to the door and Miranda spoke up from behind him, "If you are this bent on going forward with your idea to win her back, don't string Meredith along anymore, it's not fair to her or Addison whose trying to put you behind her."

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