Ripred relaxed on his chairs and yawned.

"Oh, look," he drawled, "it's my favorite Underland doctor. How's it going, Howard?" he asked as Howard walked in.

"Well, Ripred," Howard said civilly, "and yourself?"

"Fine, fine," said Ripred, "I'll get to the point. Have you brought me food?"

"Er...no...I came to do an act...that's what this show is for..."

"I'LL DECIDE WHAT THIS SHOW IS FOR, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!" snarled Ripred, jolting the Bane out of his nap.

"Hi!" yelled the Bane when he saw Howard. Howard screamed and ran backstage. "Was it something I said?" sobbed the Bane.

"No, no. Calm down, you lardball." snapped Ripred. Ripred gestured for Security. A few seconds later, Howard was unceremoniously dropped onstage by a large Spinner. After repeating this process a few times, Howard got used to the Bane.

"What do you have for us today?" asked Ripred.

"I'm going to save lives!" cheered Howard.

"No one's life is in danger...yet," Ripred bared his teeth.

"I'll fix that." Howard grinned and began to caress a knife disturbingly. Ripred smiled.

"I like the way you think. Who's the lucky guinea pig? I'll give you a hint: Luxa," whispered Ripred. Howard went backstage.

"Heeey Luxa, ol' cuz, ol' buddy, ol' pal, ol'-" yelled Howard.

"What do you want?" interjected Luxa. Howard thought about how he could convince Luxa to come onstage.

"Um...I...um..." Howard cleared his throat. "HEEEELP! RIPRED'S IN TROUBLE!"

"Why would I ever help Ripred?" asked Luxa. She had a point.

"C'mon Luxa," called Ripred from his chair, "is that any way to talk about your bond?"

"I forgot we were bonds, but Ripred seems fine," snarled Luxa, "I still won't come onstage, if that's what you want, Howard."

"Pleeeeeeeease?" begged Howard.

"No."

"But we're," Ripred smirked, "bonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn-"

"Stop it."

"Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn-"

"This is childish."

"Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn-"

"ENOUGH!" Bane decided to get in on it.

"Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn-" sang the Bane happily.

"Fine!" yelled Luxa, "I'll go onstage."

"Nds," finished Ripred, gasping for breath. Luxa and Howard hopped onstage. Howard whipped out his knife and-

"Wait a minute," said Howard, "I can't hit a girl!"

"What?!" snarled Luxa.

"It's not technically hitting, is it?" said Ripred, exasperated. "Just stab her!" Before Howard could do anything, though, Luxa flipped him on his back and stomped on his stomach.

"OOOOOMPH!" gasped Howard.

"Me too! Me too!" cried the Bane, preparing to leap onto Howard's belly. Fortunately, Howard managed to spring to his feet and run as the colossal white rat dove to the ground. "Ouch," muttered Pearlpelt. Ripred applauded.

"Excellent, excellent!" he called. Both Underlanders glared at him. "Howard, fix up Pearliegirlie there," commanded Ripred, pointing to the Bane, who was curled up in a fetal position.

"Ouch," whimpered the Bane. Howard went to work with pastes and bandages. Luxa stood by, angrily kicking at a few rocks. Within a few minutes, the Bane was back to his old self again. "I'm better!" he yelled, dancing around the stage.

"Well, Howard," said Ripred, "you demonstrated your medical expertise, and you made Pearlie stop crying, so you should move on with a prize, but..."

"But?" gulped Howard.

"But I don't like your cousin," finished Ripred, glowering at Luxa, "so you will be disqualified."

"That's not fair!" cried Howard. He and Luxa raised their swords and charged at Ripred. Ripred quickly tripped the still-dancing Bane with his tail, causing the mountainous rat to fall on Howard and Luxa.

"GET OFF OF MEEEEE!" screamed Luxa's muffled voice.

"Security!" called Ripred. It took 20 of the strongest Spinners to get Bane on his feet, and 2 more to pick up Luxa and Howard and throw them backstage.

"Right," yawned Ripred, "who's next?" The Bane gave his paper a curious glance, then did something so odd that even Ripred was confused.

Dun dun dun...