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It had been a few hours since I locked myself up in the room but I could already feel my body reacting to the withdrawal. I knew I wanted to commit to this, to prove to myself I was better but it was getting bad. Just as the thought ran through my brain, the urge to throw up came and I ran to the bathroom barely making it to the toilet before I threw up. After a while of hugging the toilet a knock came from the door. At first I thought it was Happy but he has the keys so he would've just come in. So I stumble to the door and opened it slightly to see the tall blonde from before standing in front of me, hands in his pockets looking slightly nervous. He shifted on his feet before I asked, "Do you want to come in?"

He looks behind him at the party but nods and I let him in. I watch him pace slightly around the room and I started to get irritated, "Jax right?"

He looked up startled at me and flashed me a smile, "Yeah sorry about coming in here late, I just want to talk to you for a second."

I sat on the bed, cross-legged and patted the spot beside me. "Koz told me about how they found you…where they found you to be exact…"

He seemed a little uncomfortable but from what I heard I thought he was the man that put the word charm in the Charming charter. I laughed under my breathe, but looked him in the eyes and said, "You don't have to push yourself you know, yes that's where they found me and yes I was there for that reason but that was the last time I touched it…I had some when I got here and Mr. fucking grumpy took it away and then what I tried to get today I dumped so if you're asking me if I'm done well I am."

He looked me up and down for a few minutes before he said, "You know I have a son, "I raised my eyebrows at him, he looked way too young to be a dad but who was I to judge, "Yes I do his name is Abel and he was just born a few months ago. His mom was a junkie, she couldn't stay away from crank long enough to have our baby, and she ended up putting his life at risk you know."

I raised my eyebrows at him again, I couldn't understand people like that yeah I liked my high as much as the next person but when it came to having a baby even I wasn't dumb enough to do that especially with a members baby. "Is he okay?"

"Yeah he is in the hospital being looked after, but it wasn't like that at first. I didn't know for a while there if he was going to pull through."

"Can I meet him? I've always loved babies, unless I'm imposing too much?"

"How about I make a deal with you okay?"

"And what's this deal?"

"Well I'm sure you don't understand how our world works quite yet but this can't be happening when you come to Charming, it ain't going to fly. So since you're supposed to be my new baby sister and all now, if you get clean and me along with whoever else wants to help, helps you get there, I'll introduce you to my son. He needs another female in his life besides my ma, trust me."

I couldn't help but smile at that, it made me want to pull through this even more. Jax slapped his hand down on my knee and stated, "I'll take that as a yes then?"

I nodded my head but, then his face turned serious once again, "What I walked in on earlier between you and Hap?"

"Don't worry about that, that I can handle myself."

"I don't doubt that from what I saw today but, Hap isn't someone to toy with darling. Just be careful, your family now no matter how you got there or what you have done in your past, your still family."

"Trust me Killer and me got nothing going on anymore…not after today."

"Okay well I am here if you need to talk or whatever, you won't know many people in Charming so I'll watch over you for a bit to start at least."

He got up from the bed to leave and I couldn't help but grab onto his wrist. He was the first person since all this started happening that was nice enough to not only come and talk to me but also to worry. That was something I hadn't experienced with anyone else in a long time, not since mom died. I could feel the tears prick my eyes and I looked up at Jax. "I'm s-scared." I stuttered

He grabbed onto my hand and gave it a comforting squeeze. "Don't be, I'm staying for a little bit longer than everyone else. If you want I can move you to the room I'm staying in tomorrow and I'll watch over you, they always say the first twenty-four hours is the worst of them all. Then as long as you get through it and you feel good we will go celebrate and if you need to talk we can?"

He was right I was already starting to sweat and shake, it was just going to get worse as my day progressed and to have someone (even for how little I knew him) to care enough to watch over me made it seem like it was going to get better. And as much as I believe nothing would happen under Happy's watch well, I just couldn't count on that, not after what he said to me today. Jax let go of my hand and once he had the door open I spoke up once more. "Jax?"

"Hmm?"

"What happened to her? The mother of Abel?"

"She isn't here anymore, she was more or less banished from the family and Charming."

With that he left to join the party…I couldn't help but wonder if I don't get off this, will I turn out the same way as her? I wouldn't doubt it. From the little I know about the club, their what holds everyone together and rather the queen is the expectation level for the women who are something to the club, not the croweaters or hang around. You can't be better than her but you're expected to be up to her expectations and the clubs. You have to have respect for yourself, a croweater doesn't. I could feel my eyes growing heavy as I sat up thinking about what Jax had said and before long the noises beyond the door grew distant as I feel into a deep sleep.

~~SOA~~

I felt the bed sink underneath someone weight and after sometime someone started poking at my shoulder. I didn't want to wake up I felt like my body was lead, it took so much effort just to open my eyes to find Happy sitting there looking completely uncomfortable. "Get up. Your dads leaving and you're going to have to see him off. You have a half an hour lets go."

He didn't give me the chance to reply he just got up and left. I didn't want to get up all I wanted to do was sleep, my body felt completely drained out but, I should say goodbye to Clay, it's the nice thing to do I guess. So I grudgingly swung my feet over the bed and stumbled my way to the bathroom. I splashed some water on my face and looked at myself in the mirror. I looked like shit, my hair looked all strung out, my face is so pale and my eyes are bloodshot and my lips all chapped and peeling. It looked as if I hadn't slept in weeks. I used to be so beautiful but, throughout the years I not only got uglier and uglier on the outside but I became just as bad on the inside. The girl that my mom knew, the one who always had a glow about her and a smile on her face, not fake but a real one, was no longer here. As I stared at myself completely depressed my stomach let out the worst growl I had heard in a while. I realized then how hungry I was so, I figured I would head to the kitchen and eat before I headed outside to see them. I threw my hoodie on and walked out of the room. There was nobody around in the front room when I got there so I went around and started to go into the kitchen. When I was just reaching the doorway I heard Clay say, "She is doing what?!"

I could hear the anger radiating from his voice. So I choose to walk away but before I could step away I heard Happy speak up next, "Sorry Clay I thought I would let you know just in case it gets out of control. When we said she was getting into trouble here it was a little more than that…we found her with Mike."

Are they talking about me? I pressed my back up against the wall as I listened in. "I can't believe this! What does she not have someone here that was watching her! Why was I not told about this sooner?"

"I don't think prez told you because he wanted you to come and meet her first. She did say she was planning on quitting but I'm thinking someone should keep their eye on her until we know for sure."

He seemed to ponder over this for a minute, "Fine. I'll put Juice on it, I'll get him up here for tomorrow."

"If you wouldn't mind…I can keep watching her maybe come down there with Gem? I have no jobs up here and I'm looking for something to do the girl isn't that much trouble. Besides Jax will be here I'm sure he can help if she gets out of hand again."

"Okay if that's what you want. I knew her mom, for as beautiful and stubborn as she was I know why she kept her from me but, I can't imagine what she would think if she saw her daughter now. I have only known her for a short period and I'm already ashamed."

I could feel the tears falling down my cheeks, the salty taste leaking into my lips. I hung my head, they were right to be angry and ashamed, I certainly am. But I did it to get away for everything from the pain, I didn't have a family or someone to confide in or run to, I lost mine and she was my everything. I could hear the roar of the bikes signally that everyone was ready to go. I could see through the open door that Jax to was sitting on his bike but, it wasn't turned on he was just leaning against it having a smoke. "What are you doing girl?"

I looked up to see Happy staring at me curiously. Then it seemed to dawn on him that I had been there the whole time. My anger flared when I saw him. How dare he judge me, he had no right. To say what he did to Clay, why couldn't he just leave it alone our relationship was already off to a rocky start and this just tipped the boat. I could understand why he was concerned after what I did but I dumped it all in front of him. I was seeing this through to the end, why couldn't he see that? I don't understand why it is so important that he understands me and what I'm trying to do. Why I'm kind of pushing for his approval but, it didn't matter right now. What did matter was how betrayed I had felt. I looked back at Jax who was staring curiously at us now. I felt Happy's hand grab onto my arm to get my attention. I smacked his hand away and before I had realized what I had done, I had slapped him right across the face. That had gotten the attention from everyone within ear shot. He looked genuinely surprised and confused and before he could do anything I pushed past him and ran out the door heading straight for Jax. Once I reached Jax he grabbed my shoulders and asked, "What's going on darling? Are you okay?"

His eyes darted between me and the door where Happy still stood behind. "Please take me out of here, please?" I pleaded with him.

I don't know if I could sound anymore hurt and desperate at that moment. New tears had sprung and I was shocked because I didn't understand the feeling that arose after I had slapped Happy. Jax didn't ask any questions just handed me a helmet and we got on his bike. The other members were looking shocked at the scene that had unfolded in front of them and just as his bike was taking off I could hear Happy yelling at us from the doorway. I wrapped my arms around Jax waist, as I felt the comfort the ride had already started to take on me, I needed this.