(AN: Sorry I've been away for so long. I was sitting in my bathtub naked, crying and slitting my wrists at all the bad reviews I got for my fanfiction. But once I looked again, I saw that I had so many good reviews dorwning out all the bad ones! :^D I was so happy! So I went straight to writing another one. See, h8er tr0lls? You can't bring me down!
A special thanks to all the people who gave me all those nice, good reviews, and a VERY special thanks to Cancerkidlover9971 for not only helping me through my depression, but also donating $300 dollars to my new campaign, #SpreadTheCancer. I love you guys so much! 3 3 3)
Cancerkidlover9971's bedroom was dark. A breeze flowed through the open window, making his Cancer Kid themed curtains flutter. Cancerkidlover9971 was sitting on his bed in his Cancer Kid onsie, looking down at a picture of Cancer Kid smiling and holding onto a fresh rare pepe he just caught. Cancerkidlover9971 traced his small fingers over Cancer Kid's outline on the picture. A tear fell from Cancerkidlover9971's eye and onto the picture as he remembered Cancer Kid's horrific death.
"Ever since you died, this world has gotten worse." Cancerkidlover9971 thought out loud. He turned his head to look out at the night sky, "You're the hero we need, Cancer Kid... But not the hero we deserve..."
He hoisted himself onto his knees and laid his head down on the window sill, staring up at the brightest star in the sky. He began to sing.
"Nothing else has worked so far,
So I'll wish upon a star,
Wonderous sparkling speck of light,
I need cancer..."
Just as his eyes began to flutter close with sleep, he heard something coming from outside his window. A voice shouting, "ARE YOU READY FOR THE SUMMER? ARE YOU READY FOR THE GOOD TIMES?"
Cancerkidlover9971 raised his head. His eyes glimmering with joy. He knew that song, it was Cancer Kid's favourite song of course!
Cancerkidlover9971 leaned out the window and looked up at the sky. His mouth fell open and his eyes widened in excitement as he saw Cancer Kid flying towards him, casting a rainbow of colorful rare pepes behind him.
Cancerkidlover9971 pulled the window open wider and stepped out of the way as Cancer Kid flew in and crashed into his wardrobe.
Cancerkidlover9971 watched in amazement as Cancer Kid staggered to his feet and injected some chrome spray paint into his arm. He looked around the room, acknowledging all the merchandise of him, "Now this is what I'd call a VERY spicy meatball."
"I'm your biggest fan, Cancer Kid!" Cancerkidlover9971 exclaimed as he jumped up and down with excitement. But his excitement soon ended when he remembered why he wished for Cancer Kid to come back.
"Cancer Kid, the world needs you.."
"Oi this meatball is getting really spicy now!" Cancer Kid replied.
Cancerkidlover9971 looked up at Cancer Kid with big sad eyes, "Tumblr is slowly taking over the world. They're spreading their adjective, pronoun, feminist ways all over the globe and...well, I'm scared that us cissies are going to be forced to turn transgender and have a minimum of five adjectives to describe ourselves with or face execution." Cancerkidlover9971 slumped down onto his bed and buried his face into his knees, "I don't wanna be transgender! I don't wanna use silly pronouns! I don't wanna be a feminist! Please, Cancer Kid! Help me!" He looked back up at Cancer Kid with teary eyes.
"Oi vey! Stopping Tumblr does not come free." Cancer Kid replied, "you're gonna have to pay me a few sheckles."
"I'll give you all the sheckles you've ever want! With a side of fresh memes!"
Cancer Kid smiled at Cancerkidlover9971's deal. This kid 'gets' him.
Cancer Kid tied a red cape around his neck and proclaimed, "Cancer Kid always helps those in need!"
Then he leaped from the window and landed on the cement driveway. His fall dented the cement under his feet.
Cancerkidlover9971 jumped out after him. But instead of making a super cool landing, his leg snapped and he fell to the ground crying and screaming.
Cancer Kid ignored him, for he had more important things to attend to. With a snap of his fingers, a pimped out war rig appeared on the road. Mountain Dew and Doritos trademarks were plastered all over it along with hot anime babes and the rarest pepes.
Cancer Kid got into the dank war rig and Cancerkidlover9971 got into the passenger seat, his leg cured by another wish upon a star.
Cancer Kid started blasting Are You Ready for the Summer from the radio so loud the sick beat shook the war rig. Then he set it into drive and they zoomed off towards Tumblr HQ.
Meanwhile, at Tumblr HQ, Big Red and Anita Sarkeesian were executing some misogynist cis white male scum.
Anita Sarkeesian stood with her pistol drawn on the misogynist scum as Big Red paced back and forth in front of them, "LISTEN HERE, FUCKFACE!" Big Red shouted, "BEING A MALE IS A PART OF PATRIARCHY! FINDING WOMEN ATTRACTIVE IS A PART OF PATRIARCHY! AND BEING WHITE IS A PART OF PATRIARCHY BECAUSE WHITE MALES RAPE THE MOST! YOU ALL DISGUST ME! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY POOR WOMEN YOU'VE TRIGGERED WITH YOUR MASCULINITY?"
The males were quiet, scared that their masculine voices would trigger the feminists.
"Big Red!" A morbidly obese transgender woman came running into the room, her body jiggling with fat. She handed Big Red a picture of Cancer Kid's dank war rig, "Our scouts saw these mysogynist white male supremacists heading our way. We think they're going to shitpost Tumblr to death!" The fat feminist screamed in fear and agony, "OOH NO THEY'RE TRIGGERING MY PTSD!"
Big Red looked down at the picture. The hot anime babes plastered to the sides and hood of it set her off, "THIS IS A PERFECT EXAMPLE OF THE PATRIARCHIST SOCIETY WE LIVE IN!" She shoved the picture to Anita Sarkeesian, "THEY MUST BE STOPPED! END THE PATRIARCHY!"
Meanwhile, Cancer Kid and Cancerkidlover9971 were rocking out to Are You Ready for the Summer while driving down the empty, abandoned highway. Cars were scattered at the side of the road, and as Cancerkidlover9971 looked out his window he saw a glimpse of "The Tumblrites Are Here. God Has Abandoned Us." written crudely on a car's side with what Cancerkidlover9971 assumed was blood.
Tumblr has spread beyond what Cancerkidlover9971 first thought, and he wished he would've called for Cancer Kid sooner.
Cancer Kid was oblivious to his surroundings. He was too into his song.
"ARE YOU READY FOR THE SUMMER? ARE YOU READY FOR THE SUNSHINE?" He screamed louder than the music. Suddenly, the war rig buckled and slowed to a stop, not being able to take so many memes at once.
Cancerkidlover9971 looked over at Cancer Kid for what to do. Are You Ready for the Summer slowed down and eventually stopped playing which really set Cancer Kid off. He banged on the steering wheel. And when that didn't work he laid back in his seat and said, "Now isn't that a spicy meatball."
"What's wrong with the rig, based Cancer Kid?" Asked Cancerkidlover9971.
"The meme engine is overheated. It can't handle all these memes!" Cancer Kid answered as he fumbled around with all the memes that began seeping through the vents.
Cancerkidlover9971 sighed and looked out the window. This was it. There is no hope for the world now. If Cancer Kid can't make the meme engine contain the memes, then he can't stop Tumblr.
The world would be destroyed.
Just then, Cancerkidlover9971 spotted Furiosa's war rig parked at the side of the road. He smacked Cancer Kid's arm to get his attention, "Look! It's the Mad Max squad!"
"Oi vey!" Cancer Kid exclaimed as he hopped out of his dank war rig. Cancerkidlover9971 followed Cancer Kid as he ran over to Furiosa's war rig, certain that they'll help with all these memes.
Cancer Kid knocked on the window, but his expression turned horrified as he saw the autism taking place inside.
All four of them, Furiosa, Mad Max, Nucks, and the ginger sex slave who's name I still don't know were all taking part in some sort of autism minecraft dance. They were slapping their wrists against their chests, screeching like some sort of animals, and sharing their knowledge of minecraft and memes amongst each other.
"S-s-spicy...meatballs..." Cancer Kid mumbled in horror. He was not expecting this from the beloved Mad Max squad.
Cancerkidlover9971 stepped up beside him and looked inside, "I know how to speak to them. I'm in the special ed classes in school. I know their language." He said.
"K den." Cancer Kid replied. Then stepped out of the way for Cancerkidlover9971 to work his magic.
Cancerkidlover9971 stepped up to the window. Then began screeching and screaming and pounding his wrist on his chest just as Mad Max's squad were doing. Cancer Kid watched in amazement as Cancerkidlover9971 and the Mad Max crew had an entire conversation like this. It astounded him how Cancerkidlover9971 could handle the giant mess of missing chromosomes.
Finally, Cancerkidlover9971 turned back to Cancer Kid and translated, "They said they just got back from defeating Fedoran, The Defender of Virgins. And they said they'll help us get to Tumblr HQ if we become their friends."
This was a hard decision for Cancer Kid. Becoming "friends" with so many retards at once just seemed...insane! Humanely impossible, really! It would be torturous, and a huge downfall to his popularity level.
No one was ever friends with retards! But Cancerkidlover9971's sad eyes and the thought of Tumblr's SJWs running the world made Cancer Kid agree. He nodded at the autists and they all cheered and made stupid low pitched laughs as they clapped their hands like seals.
Cancerkidlover9971 got into Furiosa's war rig and sat beside Nuckles the hedgehog and his ginger sex slave. Cancer Kid stayed put outside, one hand on the war rig's door, as he took one last glance back at his life. Saying goodbye to his popularity, friends, and sanity, he got into the war rig along with the retards.
Furiosa slammed down on the gas pedal and the war rig thrusted forward as fast as a hard dick thrusts into a virgin's vagina.
Cancerkidlover9971 looked over at Nux as he was drawing his sonic oc; Nuckles the Heghog. Nux glanced at Cancerkidlover9971 and said, "This is going on my dA account, TheHedgehogBoy. I have over 500 watchers on Devian Tart."
"Wow! That's 500 more than me!" Cancerkidlover9971 exclaimed in surprise.
They drove a few miles as they had heated discussions about Minecraft mods and all their favourite youtubers.
"Pewdiepie is the best!" Nux shouted at Mad Max.
"Nuh-uh! Skylovesminecraft is the best!" Mad Max answered.
Fursona slammed her autistic hands on the steering wheel, "NO! MARKIPLIER IS THE BEST!" She began crying. Her tears triggered the other autists and they all began crying with her. Cancer Kid and Cancerkidlover9971 sat there tired of the autists crap. Finally, Cancer Kid just gave up and left the war rig. They were close enough to Tumblr HQ anyway.
Cancerkidlover9971 followed Cancer Kid out of the war rig, "But what about the retards?"
"Too spicy of a meatball for me!" Cancer Kid replied.
The sound of SHUT THE FUCKUP Feat. Big Red layered on top of the Steven Universe soundtrack caught them off guard and they knew they were close to Tumblr HQ.
Cancerkidlover9971 gazed upon Tumblr HQ, a giant mess of transgender pro fat bullshit. Panic rushed over him and he whimpered and put one hand around Cancer Kid's wrist for comfort.
Cancer Kid knew what had to be done. He pulled out his weapon of choice, the Shitposter 2000. Then storeendgyxhsyuhufdtrhjbf through the gates of Tumblr. All around him transgendered oppressed females who were also fat and cosplaying were screaming about patriarchy and homophobia. A giant TV screen was mounted on the wall where a video of Black Lipstick Buxom Boy was playing on repeat. Cancerkidlover9971 looked up at Black Lipstick Buxom Boy in horror as it spoke of cis scum genocide.
Cancer Kid raised Shitposter 2000 and aimed it at the Tumblrites and their cheap yaoi stock.
"Mama mia that's a spicy meatball!" Cancer Kid took out a can of chrome spray paint, sprayed it all over his mouth, then let the Shitposter 2000 do its work. The Tumblrites and their yaoi were disintegrated by shitposts just as bad as 4chan.
The sound of Tumblrites screaming about how thye didn't feel safe on Tumblr anymore caught the attention of Big Red and Anita Sarkeesian. They looked out on their Tumblr realm and were horrified at the sight of so much shitposting and patriarchy.
Big Red glared at Cancer Kid as he was annihilating Tumblr, "LISTEN, FUCKFACE!" She screamed. Her voice booming over the entire realm of Tumblr.
Cancerkidlover9971 screamed and hid behind Cancer Kid, horrified of Big Red and her angry feminist face.
Cancer Kid looked at Big Red and said, "That's a spicy meatball!"
"I AM TALKING, FUCKFACE!" Big Red screamed, "BEING A WARBOY IS A PART OF PATRIARCHY! GET OUT OF TUMBLR, IT'S FOR OPPRESSED FEMALES ONLY!"
Cancer Kid was having none of Big Red's shit. So he simply shitposted her to death. Big Red's death triggered Anita Sharkeeshian to kill herself and Tumblr seemed to be stopped.
Cancerkidlover9971 cheered in joy and jumped in the air, "You saved us, Cancer Kid!"
Cancer Kid smiled at Cancerkidlover9971. He was starting to get feelings for this kid.
Then, the loud booming voice of Black Lipstick Buxom Boy caught them off guard. They turned to see Buxom Boy towering over them, angry and triggered. Her distorted black lips were streched into an angry frown.
"SO IT'S COME TO MY ATTENTION THAT THERE'S BEEN SOME CONTROVERSY SURROUNDING SOME THREE LITTLE WORDS! DIE CIS SCUM!" Black Lipstick Buxom Boy shouted as she conjured a blast of pronouns in her hands. She threw the pronouns at Cancerkidlover9971and he screamed in agony as a bright beaming light surrounded him.
He looked over at Cancer Kid for help, "Please! Cancer Kid! I can feel my pronouns changing!" He pleaded.
Cancer Kid had to do something. Not only was the world on his shoulders, but now Cancerkidlover9971's life too.
"IT'S OVER FOR YOU CIS SCUM!" Black Lipstick Buxom Boy shouted. She let out a menacing laugh.
Cancer Kid felt enraged at what she was doing to the poor kid.
"MAMA MIA YOU'RE A REAL SPICY MEATBALL!" He shouted as he raised his Shitposter 2000 and aimed for Black Lipstick Buxom Boy's bald head.
"YOU'VE BEEN LIVING UNDER A PRIVELEGED ROCK YOUR ENTIRE LIFE!" Black Lipstick Buxom Boy shouted at Cancer Kid as she shot more pronoun blasts at Cancer Kid. Cancer Kid jumped out of the way as the blasts whizzed past him and created craters in the floor. He couldn't get a clear shot with his Shitposter 2000. Black Lipstick Buxom Boy was just too fast for him. Like Nux's other OC, Sanac the heghodg.
Cancer Kid had to get up close to Black Lipstick's face and shitpost into her mouth. He dreaded the thought, but it was the only way. He glanced at Cancerkidlover9971, already genderfluid.
Cancer Kid's expression turned determined. He took out his can of chrome spray paint and sprayed all over his mouth. Then injected some into his bloodstream for extra precaution. Cancer Kid let out his war cry and ran at Black Lipstick Buxom Boy. He was moving so fast a rainbow of rare pepes shot out from his feet. He did a super cool double jump and was level with Black Lipstick Buxom Boy's face. Her breath reeked of black lipstick and a vegan diet. Cancer Kid gagged and was itching to just off himself then and there, but he knew he had to be strong. For Cancerkidlover9971.
Cancer Kid grimaced in pain as he struggled to raise Shitposter 2000. Finally he got it level with Buxom Boy's mouth. He pulled the trigger on the Shitposter 2000 and Buxom Boy screamedas she was filled with shitposts. Her eyes, mouth and nostrils glowed with a bright golden light before she exploded in a giant mass of shitpost. The explosion knocked Cancer Kid back and slammed him against the wall. He felt the air knocked out of him and his vision went dark.
Cancerkidlover9971 woke up sprawled on the floor. He felt his cis returning back to him and all his pronouns changing back to normal.
"Cancer Kid! I'm cis again!" Cancerkidlover9971 shouted in happiness. He turned his head to Cancer Kid,laying motionless on the floor, "C-Cancer Kid?" Cancerkidlover9971 crawled over to Cancer Kid. He put his hands on Cancer Kid's shoulders and tried to shake him awake, "Cancer Kid?! Cancer Kid, please!" Tears swelled in his eyes. One tear rolled off his cheek and landed on Cancer Kid's face. His tear was absorbed into Cancer Kid's face and a bright light seeped from where the tear fell. The bright light surrounded Cancer Kid and he was brought back from the dead. Cancerkidlover9971 understood what had happened. The tears of the innocent could bring back anyone from the dead. But really Cancer Kid wasn't actually dead, just knocked out. But Cancerkidlover9971 thought it was his tears because he's kinda dumb.
Cancer Kid's eyes fluttered open and he looked up at Cancerkidlover9971.
Cancerkidlover9971 gasped in astonishment, "Cancer Kid!You're alive!" He wrapped his arms around Cancer Kid and buried his face into Cancer Kid's two shoulder tumours, Kike and Nigger.
Cancerkidlover9971 helped Cancer Kid up and out of Tumblr HQ. Cancer Kid gave Cancerkidlover9971 a slight push and was readying himself to fly away.
"Wh-you're leaving?" Cancerkidlover9971 asked with sad eyes.
"I have to. Other children need me." Cancer Kid explained.
Cancerkidlover9971 understood. He watched as Cancer Kid began walking away into the sunset. Then he turned around to go home when suddenly, "Hey, Kid." Cancer Kid's voice sounded from behind him. Cancerkidlover9971 turned.
"Catch." Cancer Kid threw Cancerkidlover9971 his jersey. Cancerkidlover9971 caught it and looked down at it, the name said "Labron". Cancerkidlover9971's eyes shimmered with tears, "Thanks Mister!"
Cancer Kid gave him a nod, then flew off into the sunset.
Cancerkidlover9971 smelled the jersey as he thought; it was over.
It was finally over.
Tumblr was stopped, and the world was safe once again.
He took one last look up at the sky, Cancer Kid was nowhere to be found, but he could still hear his signature song Are You Ready For The Summer.