iHave Conflicted Feelings

Author's Note: Rating definitely had to go up, for hinting at themes. And I know that this chapter seems pretty climatic (no pun intended, I swear), but I have tons of new ideas to keep going. There will be plenty of drama to follow, and true to her word, Carly will be absolutely furious with Freddie. She just has a moment of weakness. Can we really blame her, though? And for the record, since it probably wasn't too obvious, Sam basically forced herself onto Freddie. I realize that he didn't object too strongly, but what's a teenage boy to do, especially when his emotions are involved?

ยป Kristen Nicole

Disclaimer: I do not own or pretend to own iCarly, or any of Dan Schneider's characters. I just love writing about them!

When Carly awoke the next morning, she had almost entirely forgotten the night before...that is, until she saw Sam.

"What are you doing?" Carly asked.

Sam set a food tray over Carly's lap.

"Making you a nice, tasty breakfast. What else?" she grinned.

"Breakfast? Wow, looks good...how long did it take you to make this?" she questioned, staring at the food. In all honesty, it did look and smell quite appealing.

"Oh, about forty-five minutes of my expert multitasking," she replied.

No longer able to keep up her nice front, Carly lost her temper. "Well then, I guess that's a wasted forty-five minutes of your life that you'll never get back, huh?" Abruptly, Carly flipped the tray off of her bed and onto the floor.

"Hey, what up?" Sam demanded, clearly offended. "I put a lot of time and love into making that delicious food...I didn't even take a bite out of any of it before I gave it to you!"

"Oh really? As much time and love as you put into biting Freddie in my bed last night?" Carly raised her voice even more.

"This is about Fredward? Get over it, Carly. I promise that he's only interested in me. It's been that way for months now. He only wants me, he told me so. Didn't you see us? Time to face the facts here, kid. He was yours for years, and you didn't want him. You kept pushing him away. He wasn't good enough. What changed, huh? Why is it so different now? I'll tell you why. You can't stand the thought of seeing me happy, especially with someone who used to worship you," Sam accused.

"Excuse me? Samantha Puckett, I have been in love with that boy since the girls' choice dance last year! It is not your place to tell me who I do and don't like! And don't tell me to get over my problems when you're the one who's causing them!" Carly slammed her fists into the mattress.

"Carls, Carls, I think you need to calm down. Look, let's just talk about this when we've both had a chance to calm down..." she put an arm around Carly.

"No!" she shouted, shoving Sam off of her. "I don't want to calm down! I want you to get out of my room, and to stay out of my house! For good!"

"Dude, cool it. We can work through this, it's not a big deal," Sam insisted.

"Dang it, Sam, I love him!" Carly shouted.

"No, no, no. Remember the bacon rule? You don't-"

Carly cut her off. "Shut it, Samantha. He's not just bacon. I know what my feelings are, and they're love. Love, Sam. Now get out of here before I call my father to have you escorted out of here!"

"Carls!"

"AT GUN POINT!"

"Okay, okay. No need to make empty threats. I'm going," Sam hung her head as she walked out of the door.

"Carls, one more thing. The show-"

"You're fired. Don't ever darken my doorway again!"

"Fired?"

"NEVER AGAIN! GET OUT BEFORE I SLAP THE CHIZZ OUT OF YOU!"

Freddie was waiting on the stairs. He had done his best not to listen, but it had been nearly impossible to miss the last couple things that Carly had screamed. "Whoa, Sam..."

"Good luck in there. I hope you guys work everything out...have a nice life," Sam hugged him.

"But, Samantha, what about you?" Freddie asked, pulling away to look at her.

"I'm leaving. For good," she kissed him on the cheek. "Later, Benson."

With that, she walked away, and he didn't follow.

He considered knocking on the door, but thought better of it.

Instead, he just sat there on the floor in front of it.

He looked in, and saw Carly sobbing into her sheets.

Rather than leave her be, he finally made up his mind to walk in.

Silently, he sat down next to her and pulled her into his arms.

"This is it," she hiccupped. "Things can never be the same, Freddie. Never. You're not the same person to me anymore."

"I understand," he hugged her closer.

"We can't be together now. We have to start all over again."

"I know, Carls," he said, moving to leave her in peace.

"No, wait," she looked up at him, tears adorning her cheeks. Somehow, they lit up her face, and she looked incredibly beautiful to him. "Stay with me...just for today..." she pleaded, pulling him back to her by his hand.

"Of course," he agreed, laying next to her on the bed.

Carly truly, truly resented him for touching Sam the way she'd wanted him to be close to her all along. But, at this very moment, she just needed to feel him. Otherwise, she was going to go insane.

"Freddie...tomorrow, I won't know you. I won't want anything to do with you for who knows how long. But, today...and tonight, I need you. I need you to pretend like you want me, even though I'm not her." She kissed him on the cheek lightly.

The sadness in her voice was getting to him, and he knew that what he was about to say was true. "Carly Shay, it's always been you."

Carly offered him half of a smile before pulling him onto her and losing herself to a world where they were the only two people existed, and nothing else mattered.

The two of them went about their entire day like this. Carly was determined to ignore what had passed between her two former best friends, partially to test her emotional limits, and partially because she wasn't exactly willing to let Freddie go.

By lunchtime, Freddie had gotten a few laughs out of her, and was feeding her strawberries.

Dinner was much the same; they had what was probably a little too much fun with Ramen Noodles.

All too soon, night time came around.

Carly knew that this was the last of the time her conscious would allow her to spend with Freddie, and she was going to make the most of it.

"It's getting late, Carls, time for me to go home."

"Wait, I'll be right back," she held up a finger. She hurried into her closet and put on the clothes she had set aside earlier.

When she emerged, she was wearing her plain white robe.

"Let's not say goodbye tonight. Can't you stay 'til morning?"

Freddie considered this. "I suppose I could text my mother..."

"Yes, do that. But first," she directed him to her bed, where they sat down, "do this." She took his hands in hers, wrapped his fingers around the ties to her robe, and helped him undo it.

When the soft, thick fabric fell off of her shoulders, all that remained was a lacy black and bloodred chemise.

Though Freddie was silent, Carly spoke. "Don't expect anything special; I'm not her," she said, as if reminding herself that she wasn't good enough.

Freddie gazed into her eyes and cupped her cheek. "Everything you do is special. It always will be."

The sadness returned in her eyes for a brief second. "Don't say things like that; it'll only make me miss you more."

Instead of letting him reply, she kissed him as passionately as she knew how. She sensed his nervousness; to put him at ease, she again took his hands, and placed them on her skin at the hem of the flimsy cloth.

Yes, tomorrow, things would be different. She would hate him, and do her best not to talk to him. But for tonight, he was hers.

An hour or so later, they lay there wrapped in each others arms, their warm bodies covered by nothing but Carly's egyptian cotton sheets.

"What are you going to do about the show?" Freddie asked, gently kissing the nape of her neck. "We have other friends, right? I'll just bring Gibby and Spencer on each week until we can find a more permanent solution." She tried to sound calm, but really she was panicking. It was a serious problem.

"Am I ever gonna be allowed to help you again?" the loneliness which clung to his voice was obvious to Carly, and it caused her to go a little soft.

"Freddie, I'll bring you back eventually. It won't be iCarly without you. I won't be myself without you. Just...you have to give me time. Give me time to be mad, and to be hurt. Time to forgive you, okay? Just time."

On that note, she turned for one more glorious kiss to remember him by, then they finally fell asleep together.