Don't Let Me Drown
Chapter 4
Haruka sighed as he sat in the tub, grateful for the warm water. His mind, though, could only think about how freezing the water at Samezuka had been, and even shivered at the memory. Causing him to draw his knees to his chest, and resting his head on them. He never wanted to go into water that cold again! It reminded him too much of the time at the river, and the close call that it had been. This was the second time he had almost drowned, and he briefly wondered if the water was trying to tell him something.
He knew that those who cheated death were soon to regret it. He had dodged death twice now, both times involving water. Biting his bottom lip, he gave his head a shake and closed his eyes. He just wanted to forget about it, because he knew that if he thought too much about it, it would only cause him to do something stupid. Yet, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get those damn words out of his head, or heart for that matter. He realized now that he had deep feelings for the red head, but had never had the courage to tell him as much.
So, the moment Rin said those words, it was as if Rin was rejecting him even before he said what he wanted to say. It crushed him, because Rin had been the one to first make him open up, aside from Makoto, but his feelings for Makoto was that more of brotherly affection. He closed his eyes, and pressed his hands over his ears. Trying everything he could to stop his thoughts, because they were too painful, and he didn't want them. He wanted them to stop!
"Haru!? Are you here?" Nagisa's voice caused him to blink his eyes open, and stare at the door until it slid open and the rambunctious blonde bounded in.
"Haru-Chan! Found you!" He shouted, Haru just hummed and waited for the blonde to say why he was there. Not surprised when he placed his hands on the edge of the tub and hovered over him.
"You weren't answering your phone! So we came to check on you! Especially since after what happened the day before yesterday." He stated, and Haru sank a bit lower in the tub. He had worried his friends, yet again. When was he going to learn? All he was doing right now was being a nuisance to them, and he didn't want that.
"Nagisa! Don't state it that way!" Rei growled as he stepped into the room, grabbing onto his boyfriend's ear and dragging him out. Leaving Mako standing there with a towel in his hand as Haru stood. Once again in his swim suite.
"How are you doing, Haru?" He asked, causing him to look up into concerned filled emerald eyes. He gave a grunt, accepted the towel, and started to dry off as he walked out of the room. Ignoring how the couple was bickering in his living room, and continued into the kitchen. Throwing an apron over himself, and started to prepare the usual, mackerel. He knew that they would be hanging around him until he started to get better, but he didn't want to be that kind of burden on them. All he wanted, was to be left alone and to handle everything by himself.
"Haru! The mackerel!" Rei shouted, causing him to flinch and look at the burning fish. He stared at it for a second, before quickly shutting off the stove, and throwing the fish away. Everyone stayed quiet for a moment, before Makoto, being the man he was, broke the tension.
"No worries. We can grab something to eat on the way." He stated, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder, although, he hardly felt it. Swallowing, he gave a nod, but knew that he wouldn't even make it to school before he decided to come back home. He just wasn't in the mood to deal with anyone or anything today. In fact...
"Just go on without me. I'm skipping today." He whispered, moving out from under his hand, and started for his room. He didn't want to deal with today, period. He ignored their pleas to go with them, knowing that they would soon give up, and leave for school without him. /Just like they'll one day decide to never swim with you again./ That thought caused him to freeze where he stood. His heart seeming to stop for a minute.
Everyone was going to stop swimming with him, it was something that Rin hadn't meant to be mean, but because it was a fact. He felt his knees hit his floor, and covered his mouth as nausea rolled through him. He couldn't handle this, there was no way he could handle this. A whimper escaped his lips and his body began to tremble. /You should have let the water take you. It was trying to save you from this heartbreak./
He tensed at that. Blinking and feeling his body relax completely. It was true, the water was trying to help him. It was trying to embrace him, make him remember that he could always rely on the water instead of others. It would always be there for him. Something he could always swim with. He needed to go into the water, and knew the perfect place and time to do so. A storm was coming in this evening, and the perfect place would be where the water first tried to help him. He had to do this, it was the only way he could handle this. Because, he had nothing else to depend on. Nothing but the water.
"Haruka? Are you going to be alright?" Makoto's voice caused him to blink and look over his shoulder. He knew that his usual emotionless facade was in place, and he eased to his feet while giving a small nod.
"I'll be fine." He whispered, knowing that it was true. He would be fine, so long as he got to the river when it was at its strongest. He would be fine by this evening.
"Haru. I don't like the look in your eyes. Please tell me what you are thinking." Mako plead, stepping forward and taking hold of his shoulders. He merely stared up, into those concerned filled eyes, and gave a small smile. Mako, the ever gentle giant of the group.
"I'm fine Mako. Just tired. I'm just going to get some rest. I'll be fine. I promise." He stated, placing a hand over his, and took a step back. Knowing that if he forced the man away, he wouldn't leave but stick around to take care of him. Always taking care of him.
"You best get going, or else you'll be late for school." He whispered, standing still as Mako looked him over. Looking for even the slightest hint as to what he was planning, and seeming to relax as he found nothing.
"Alright, Haru. I'll check up on you after swimming practice. Which we might not have, since that storm is coming in. Just, gets plenty of rest, and try to eat something later." Makoto stated, he gave another small smile and nodded. Although he knew that he wouldn't. He allowed Mako to walk himself out, closed his bedroom door, and then sank back onto the floor. His mind going back to his plan, because he knew that it was the only way that all of them would be able to move on. It had to be done, and he was going to be at the river, so he would know exactly when to go through with it.
Rin groaned as his phone started to give off an annoying buzz. Honestly, he had already decided he wasn't going to classes today, nor swim practice. He was feeling too bad, and had already had to convince Nitori that he would be fine by himself, now someone was texting him. Giving a sigh, he stretched his arm out, not lifting his head from his pillow, and grabbed the device. He peeked one eye up, and looked at the name on the screen. Feeling a bad feeling settle in his gut as Makoto's name seemed to glare at him from the device.
Sitting up, he opened the message, and felt his heart skip a beat as he read that message.
Haru has something dangerous planned, but I don't know exactly what it is. Please, figure something out quickly, before it is too late. He's staying home today.
He swallowed, not sure as to how to reply. Then a thought struck him, and he narrowed his gaze.
I'll keep an eye on him today. I'm not going to classes, or to practice, I'll make sure he doesn't do anything drastic.
After sending the text, he got out of his bed and headed for the shower. Taking a quick shower, dressed, and then headed for Haru's place after grabbing his phone. Checking to make sure that Mako hadn't replied, and then pocketed the device. He wasn't about to let Haru do anything stupid, not without him beating some sense into him first. Grinding his teeth together, he picked his pace up into a jog, and then soon found himself out in a full out run. He wanted, no, needed to be there for Haru. The only way to figure out what he had done, would be to face him head on. Make him face his fear, and then help him deal with it. He wasn't about to leave him again, he'd done that enough. He cared to much about him to leave him again, and he was going to make sure that he knew as much.
Rin made it to Haru's house in record time, his breath ragged, and his sides cramping since he had made sure to run the entire time. He approached the door, rang the bell, and then knocked harshly on the door. Waiting patiently, and slowing his breathing, but soon became tense as no sounds reached him. Looking both ways, he headed for the back door, and didn't even announce himself as he strolled in. He wasn't about to give him an excuse to make him leave, they were going to work through whatever it was that they were going through. Even if it killed them.
He moved through the house, growing tense with every second that he heard no one, and not finding the water obsessed boy. Once he reached the bathroom, he opened the door, and felt his heart sink. Haru wasn't there! His phone was, of course, but he wasn't. Where the hell was he?! Where could he have gone? Had he gone to school, even though he had told the others he was staying home? Biting his bottom lip, he turned on his heels, and dashed out of the house, deciding to try every place the boy went when they were kids. He had to find him, because the dark clouds that were gathering over head wasn't making him feel better about his situation.
"Haru! Haru! Damnit, Haru! Where the hell are you?!" Rin screamed at the top of his lungs. His chest heaving as he tried to bring air to his deprived lungs. He's been running and shouting the man's name all over the city. With nothing to show for it, and the downpour wasn't helping any. He was chilled to the bone, and knew that if he didn't find shelter soon, he was most likely to fall ill. Still, he refused to get out of the rain until he knew for certain that Haru wasn't in it.
The faint buzz of his phone caused him to grab it, and flip it open to read Mako's message. After about an hour of searching, he had texted Makoto saying that he couldn't find him anywhere. Hoping that he might know where Haru had went.
I can't think of anywhere! But...For some reason the day at the river keeps coming to mind. Rin, please find him.
He stilled as memories about the river washed through his mind. It was a memory he tried to forget about. It was the day he nearly lost Haruka, it was something that he never wanted to experience again. Snapping his phone close, without replying, he turned and looked down the path that would take him to the river. Should he check? Swallowing, he breathed deeply, and shot down the path. Determined to get to the river as fast as he could, and hoped that, if Haruka was thinking what he though he was thinking, he would make it in time.