Blocks of War

by eak60

Notch and Herobrine are at war. The overworld has been turned into a battlefield. Humans are forced to take sides and fight aginst eachother. Entire civilazations have been destroyed in the midst. The Minecraftian Empire is falling, and it is up to one boy to save it... Rated T for Blood, Violence, and NAUGHTY WORDS!

4. warp Graiwere

Chapter 4: /warp Graiwere

Hello, my faithful readers. And I must say, you guys must be pretty damn faithful if you're still checking for updates. I'm really, really, REALLY sorry for making you guys wait four months for an update. Around Christmas, I had to travel, so that kind of threw me off schedule, and then I wrote a oneshot songfic (Yeah, more info at the bottom A/N), and then I just got REALLY lazy. So I'm sorry, and to make up for lack of updates, I will get the next chapter up ASAP. I want to get it out this weekend, but for some reason I'm finding this part of the story kind of hard to write. So I might not get it out as soon as I want it to, but I won't go for more than a day without writing something. So anyway, The Review Replies! :D

Lightning257: Thanks! AND YOU HAVE IDEAS!? :o GROSSSSSSSSSSSSSS Oh OC ideas… *slaps self*

WASAH21: Well, this IS a world where breaking a handle can make shit come out of a urinal. So yeah, ears can hear and smell.

HPE24: Yes, I have a dirty, dirty mind… :O and the word Doorknob officially belongs to shadowwolf5262, my friend IRL, who shares my name and Taylor's signature word.

shadowwolf5262: Well, this is a fanfiction. I can alter the laws of Minecraft AND the world. And I do give you credit below. SO DERE

Pan the Man: Yes, you turtle you :3 GO LOOK AT THE PM.

It's Me Again: Um… Thanks! I don't really think my wizard101 fic was very good, and there are much better Minecraft fanfictions out there… BUT I'LL STILL TAKE THE PRAISE! :D

Okay guys, if you didn't read my reply to HPE24, whenever Taylor calls the boys doorknobs, give the credit to shadowwolf5262, who I officially stole the word from. Well, before shadow sues me, ON WITH THE CHAPTER!

Chapter 4:

/warp Graiwere

"How much farther?" Jordan complained as he and his two fellow travelers hiked through a forest, advancing toward the largest information database in the world.

"We just started, you idiot! We still have half a day to go!" Taylor scolded him.

"But I'm thirsty!" Wesley said childishly.

"Then have a sip of your water," Taylor said, obviously irritated already.

"But it's all gone!" Wesley replied.

"YOU DRANK ALL YOUR WATER ALREADY!?" Taylor yelled at the boy, proceeding to beat him with a stick.

"YOU!"

"Ow!"

"MOTHER!"

"Ow!"

"FUCKING!"

"Ow!"

"DOORKNOB!"

Wesley slowly got up, many lumps appearing on his head. "I'm oshay," he slurred, obviously not. He continued walking, nonetheless, until Jordan stopped him.

"Are you sure you're alright?" he asked his friend.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Wesley said clearly, the bumps on his head no longer there.

"Waita- what happened to… you!?" Jordan said, confused.

"What do you mean?" Wesley questioned. This is an anime! You only sustain your injuries in a real fight, never when a female character beats up a male! What? This isn't an anime? This is a low class Fanfiction written by an unprofessional idiot author?"

"I don't even want to know…" Jordan stated, and they continued walking.

A few miles later, they came to a small lake. "WATER!" Jordan and Wesley screamed, sprinting for the necessity they had gone for so long without. The two boys stuck their heads into the lake, gulping down as much as they could before they had to leave. Taylor rolled her eyes at this; being her conservative self she still had over half her water left. She went to fill up her empty bottles when they heard a distinctive oink behind them.

"Fresh meat!" Jordan exclaimed when seeing the pig.

"Hold up," Wesley said casually. "Let me take this." The young man walked up to the

unsuspecting swine, pulling two rocks out of his backpack. "You see," he started, "When you strike a chunk of flint with some nice iron, you get fire!" Wesley did as he said, and set fire to the ground where the pig was standing, burning the hog.

"We use this to burn our new friend," he explained as the pig was enveloped with crimson flames. "When he is reduced to a pile of ashes, the fire somehow cooks his meat, so we end up with cooked pork instead of raw!" The pig did just as Wesley said it would. It collapsed in a heap on the ground, the corpse disappearing in a puff of smoke. Two cooked pork chops were left behind, proving Wesley's theory.

"Who wants lunch?"

"ME!" Jordan screamed at the top of his lungs, diving to get his piece of pork.

"I guess I could go for some food…" Taylor said, walking up to grab her portion.

"Oh, did you say something?" Wesley turned around, chewing on the remaining piece of meat. "Oh, you want food? Sorry, this is the last one…"

"DOORKNOB!"

"Yeah, yeah, I know, doorknob…"

N**H

It was a tedious task hiking through the woods to get to Graiwere, but well worth it. When the trio passed through the cobblestone gates, their eyes were engulfed with images screaming technology. Redstone lamps with daylight sensors lined the streets, while minecart tracks ran above their heads. Pistons and pressureplates worked as automatic doorways for gigantic buildings made of iron blocks. This place was an engineer's dream.

"Wow," Jordan said, marveling at the high-tech wonderland around him.

"Yep, this is it," Taylor confirmed. "The information database of the world, Graiwere."

She paused for a bit, letting he two boys take in the city a little bit more. "Well, have fun. I'm going to take off," she said finally.

"Wait- you're leaving?" Wesley asked.

"Yeah, I have to give a report to my boss back at headquarters," Taylor answered. "This was only a temporary partnership anyway; I just showed you two to Graiwere because we both happened to be going there."

"But-"

"Shut up already, you moron!" Wesley was cut off again. "I have a time frame. No time to stand around chatting about nothing." With that, she took off.

"Well, good riddance if you ask me," Jordan said. "She was a pain in the ass!"

"What are you talking about?!" Wesley exclaimed. "We can't just let her go!"

"And when did you become so clingy?" Jordan teased.

"We're about to loose a friend!"

"A friend who beats you with a stick!"

"So?!"

"Ooh, I think someone has a crush!" Jordan was enjoying this a little too much.

"Shut up! Anyway, she is not going to get away from us so soon." Wesley said as he paced frantically around a fire hydrant.

"Well, what are we supposed to do? Sneak into one of the highest security buildings in the world without being caught?

"Yes!" Wesley turned around to face Jordan. "Are you coming or what?"

"Alright," Jordan said grumpily.

"Well hurry up!" Wesley was already sprinting down the road.

"The things I do for love," Jordan muttered as he jogged ahead to catch up.

N**H

Well, Jordan and Wesley managed to get to HQ with minimal stealthiness. They hid behind lampposts and newspapers, in nearby minecarts and grocery bags. They only attracted the attention of half the town, got only 24 angry shouts, 17 death threats, and 4 attempted murders. Nonetheless, somehow they managed to make it within 50 blocks of HQ without Taylor noticing them.

"Alright," Wesley whispered, "Here's the plan." He was currently wearing a blonde wig and women's clothes (you do NOT want to know what he stuffed in his chest) and pushing a baby carriage.

"Lay it on me," Jordan said, peeking his bonnet covered head out from under the covers of the stroller that he somehow managed to fit his body into.

"Okay, here's how it's going down," Jordan's "mom" answered, looking around, making sure that nobody was on to them. "Once Taylor gets inside, I'm going to make a distraction, while you sneak in and find a control room. Find a command block, and teleport me to you. Just get me in undetected, and I'll take it from there."

"Wait- I don't even know how to use a command block!" Jordan argued, trying to get back into his normal clothes.

"Well, you'll just have to teach yourself," Wesley said, somehow already perfectly dressed. "And here, take this."

Jordan stared ignorantly at the glass bottle in his hands. It seemed to be filled with some sort of sticky, white liquid. Gradually, a disturbed look appeared on Jordan's face. "Dude! You do NOT do that in a bottle!"

"Oh my god, it's not that! How gross do you think I am?!" Wesley retorted. His friend gave him a sinister look. "…On second thought, don't answer that. Just drink it when you find the control room, it'll let you get in. Trust me."

"Are you sure?" Jordan said, still not completely convinced.

"Look! She's going in! We don't want to loose her!" Wesley said, and ran through the door.

"Wait!" Jordan shouted, struggling to get his left leg into his jeans while following his friend into the building.

N**H

Wesley ran into HQ like he was tired of breathing- past the security guards armed with enchanted bows, shoving workers and scientists aside like they were squids,* and climbing up the fountain in the middle of the plaza square.

"Hey, all you freaks and geeks!" He shouted to nobody in particular. "I've got something in store for you!" With that, he pulled a jukebox out of his backpack and a random record. He shoved the disc into the music player, and 90s hip hop started playing. Wesley took a count of three, did a back flip, and started singing the words…

"I like big butts and I cannot lie! You other brothers can't deny!" Jordan just about died with embarrassment when he saw his friend shaking his ass like a male stripper in front of all these serious scientists and businessmen. Something in his brain triggered, however, to tell him to take his eyes off of the disturbing but strangely hypnotic performance Wesley was giving these good people. While Wesley was at what Jordan thought to be the climax of his friend's show, he made his escape down a random hallway, the faint sounds of Wesley singing "Baby got Back" ringing in his ears.

N**H

"…Library, no… cafeteria, no… infirmary… room 207. Remember that." Jordan paced down his third corridor now, still on the look out for a control room. He rounded a corner and came to a hallway leading down to a single doorway, labeled AUTHORIZED PERSONEL ONLY in big letters. He looked in the window, and saw an impossibly big array of command blocks layed out before him. He tried the doorknob, but it was locked.

"Perfect," he thought, "Just perfect." Then, he remembered the bottle Wesley had given him. He pulled it out, and watched the liquid slosh around slowly. It looked pretty thick. "Oh my god…" he said, disgusted. "This better work!" With that, he uncapped the bottle, plugged his nose, and downed the substance in one gulp.

To Jordan's pleasant surprise, the liquid in fact wasn't salty or sweet. What it was, however, was something almost worse than that. It had to be the most disgusting thing that had ever come in contact with his taste buds. It was sour, like lemon juice, but ten times stronger. It was also bitter, like the medicine your mom always makes you take when you have the flu, but with none of the horribly pathetic attempt of artificial flavoring. To make a long story short, it was bad. Real bad.

"So how exactly is this going to help me get in?" Jordan asked himself, questioning his friend's logic now that he had the time to. A bottle of who knows what wasn't going to provide him a lockpick, or anything else useful for that matter.

Then, Jordan decided to look down, and immediately regretted his remark. What he saw when he looked at his body, was in fact no body at all, or anything else! He saw straight through his clothes, and himself, thankfully. The peculiar liquid he had just drank had made Jordan invisible!

Just then, Jordan heard footsteps approaching the corridor. "Perfect," he thought. To his benefit, the man was in fact headed for the control room. Jordan stepped aside and allowed him to pull out a card key and unlock the door before slipping in himself.

Thankfully, the man still had not noticed Jordan. He just made his way over to a block somewhat close to the door and started tinkering with it. Jordan crept as silently as he could, however, to a command block as far away from the man as possible, which was pretty far, considering how vast the room was.

"Now, how do I work one of these things?" Jordan pondered. The device he was working with consisted of a keyboard, a screen, and a button that was labeled PUSH TO ACTIVATE. The words [TOGGLE DOWNFALL] were currently displayed on the screen. Jordan had no idea what that meant, but decided to mess around with the machine to see if he could get it to work.

Jordan pressed the ENTER key on the keyboard, and the insertion point flashed down one line, allowing him to type a new command. Jordan's fingers whizzed over the keyboard, and in no time, the words [TELEPORT WESLEY CUNNINGHAM] appeared on the screen. "Here goes nothing," Jordan thought, and pushed the button.

The words [INVALID COMMAND] showed up on the screen almost instantly. "Damn it," Jordan thought. He tried again, this time putting in [TELEPORT WESLEY CUNNINGHAM HERE], only to get the same results. [TELEPORT HERE WESLEY CUNNINGHAM] and [TELEPORT WESLEY CUNNINGHAM TO COMMAND BLOCK 2281] (2281 was the block's serial number) didn't work, either.

By the time Jordan tried [GIVE ME WESLEY YOU GOD DAMN PIECE OF JUNK], the man who had let him in had already left. Jordan almost smashed the machine to bits in frustration, but something on the screen caught his eye. Instead of the usual [INVALID COMMAND], something else appeared on the screen along with it: [TYPE help FOR LIST OF COMMANDS]. Jordan eagerly did what the machine told him to do and a long list came up, showing each command and a brief description of what they did. Scrolling through the list, Jordan came across some pretty interesting ones, like [EFFECT] and [SAY], but eventually he found the one he was looking for. Jordan typed in the words [TP WESLEY CUNNINGHAM JORDAN PARKER], and pushed the button.

"Ow!" Jordan cried out, as one very heavy Wesley came falling from the sky onto him.

"Hey, dude, you did it!" Wesley congratulated Jordan.

"Yeah, I did, but could you… I don't know… GET THE HELL OFF OF ME?!"

"Yeah, sorry about that…" Wesley said as he lifted himself onto his feet.

"Okay, I did my part, now how are we going to find your girlfriend?" Jordan teased.

"SHE'S NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!" Wesley shouted as Jordan snickered maniacally. "And anyways, all we have to do is find two people that work here. I'll take care of the rest."

"Okay, come on then," Jordan said as the two headed out the door.

N**H

It didn't take long for them to find two employees. As soon as they took their first corner, they were face to face with a couple of geeky looking scientists.

"Hey!" one of them said in a nasal voice. "How did you two kids get in here?!"

"Watch and learn," Wesley said as he opened his backpack. He pulled out an iron shovel, brought it over the top of his head, and in no time, there were two unconscious scientists lying on the floor in front of them.

"Wesley!" Jordan shouted. "Why'd you do that?!"

"We needed disguises," he said, like nothing had happened. He picked up one of the guys and handed him to Jordan. "Here, I'm not carrying both."

"What are we going to do with them?!" Jordan asked, still surprise at his friend.

"What do you think we're going to do with them?"

A few minutes later, Jordan and Wesley stepped out of a Janitor's closet dressed in lab coats and khakis.

"How do I look, Dr. Harrison?" Wesley asked Jordan, looking at his nametag.

"Well, Dr. Garrett, I must say you are looking particularly hideous today," Jordan replied.

"I hate you."

"C'mon, let's go!" Jordan said as he and Wesley took off down the hall.

It didn't take long for the two "scientists" to find Taylor's office. After a quick look at the directory and a couple of stops at the vending machine, Dr. Garret and Dr. Harrison were right outside room 649, office of Major Gregory.

"She's a Major?" Dr. Harrison mused. "Impressive!"

"Who cares?!" Dr. Garret exclaimed. "We found her!"

Making sure their collars were straight and their hair was neat, the two Doctors entered the room.

"Hi there. Did someone order a couple of scientists?"

N**H

Well, that sure was interesting. I'm surprised how difficult it was for me to write that, considering how fun it was! Anyways, yeah, I made a oneshot songfic of Screw the Nether by the Yogscast. Be sure to check that out, I only got one review on it -.- Also, I posted Wesley's are on dA, so check that out, too! :D Okay, I'll try to get Chapter 5 out ASAP, so I give you the right to be angry if it takes too long. Oh, and I will be accepting OCs after chapter 5 is out, so get those mind gears turning! But you might want to hold off on making a back story, I have something planned… MUAHAHAHAH- ANYWAYS, hug a moose, eat a banana, shove a potato up your ear, and GET THE HELL OUT OF THIS REVIEW!