"Detective Looker, here, taking over narrative duties from Professor Sycamore, before he gets a restraining order. You may find all this rather amusing, dear reader - well, I think I heard one guy in the crowd give out an uncomfortable giggle - but let me assure you, megalomaniacal pyromaniacs are no laughing matter. And I consider myself a man with a keen sense of humor. After all, I enjoy jugglers and... clever wordplay. I laugh often, you see. I can prove that to you."
"Hhh... hhhahh... ghh..."
"Well, you all know what laughter sounds like. Just look at the further ghastly crimes made by Serena and her beastly accomplices as they enter..."
Chapter Four: Parfum Palace
Location: Camphrier Hotel, Camphrier Town, Kalos
A day after their trip in Lumiose City, Serena and Shauna got a room from the Camphrier Hotel from the quaint town of Camphrier. Located in the middle of the countryside southwest of Kalos, Camphrier was notable for Shabboneau Castle, the former home of ancient Kalosian nobility. Once it was abandoned and dilapidated during the Kalosian revolution, it was turned into a tourist attraction, sparking a friendly little town desperate for tourism revenue around it.
But as Serena and Shauna stepped into their room, someone was already there, sitting on one of the beds: a stylish man in a pink suit who smelled of cheap perfume. As Serena and Shauna entered, blankly staring at the man, he turned to look at them, stroking his thin mustache.
"Heee-eeey~!" he greeted.
"Get out," Serena deadpanned.
"How's it going, friend~?" the man asked. "I'm Mr. Bonding, the expert on O-Powers. Let me ask you-"
"No," Serena said. "Get out."
"B-but," Mr. Bonding stuttered. "O-Powers... I must tell you about them!"
"I already met you back in Lumiose, I don't want to see you anymore," Serena said. "But it looks like you're hard of hearing – meaning you have to learn something."
As Mr. Bonding ran out of the hotel room with his suit on fire, Serena and Shauna unpacked some of their belongings and headed over to the famous castle. Along the way, Serena tried to frighten Shauna with stories about how the aristocrats of the castle were decapitated and their heads still remain somewhere – but this only made Shauna excited and interested in seeing them.
Only about a ten minute walk away from the hotel, the Shabboneau Castle dominated the landscape around the northern part of the town. It was well-fortified three-story tall stone building with a wide moat surrounding it, the castle having partially crumbled all over the exterior. However, the only thing Serena and Shauna found inside were empty display cases and cruddy paintings. A Black Belt who apparently looked after the castle acted as an incredibly bored tour guide:
"...after which the castle was abandoned. The end," the guide finished his boring tale and held out his hand in anticipation.
"That's it?!" Shauna exclaimed in disbelief while Serena wanted to burn the guy's hand off. "What about the heads?"
"Shauna," Serena groaned, "that was just a joke-"
"Oh, I keep them in my room," the guide said. "At night, I imagine them being still alive and screaming at me. It's so soothing... anyway, we used to keep them in the entrance hall but too many kids got traumatized."
"Huh," Serena said.
"Well, can you tell us anything about Mega Evolution?" Shauna asked, having taken professor Sycamore's task to heart.
"...will you tip me if I do?"
"No!" Serena snapped. "This isn't Unova, and even if it was, what have you done to deserve any money?"
"Drat!" the guide cursed. "Well, worth a shot, and to be honest, I don't know anything about it anyway."
Serena was about to assault the man, but unfortunately, her thirst to engage in violent acts had to be quenched later, as another man suddenly dashed into the castle.
"Sir!" the man panted. "It's back!"
"Dang it!" the guide cursed yet again. "Pardon my French, but Qu'est-ce que l'enfer?! That lazy slob is here again! We'll head to Route 7 straight away!"
And with that, the two men were gone. Serena was pissed off at the lousy tour, but Shauna seemed interested in the happenings.
"What do you think that was about?" she asked Serena.
"Maybe some guy keeps passing out in the middle of the road once a month, who cares?" Serena grumbled. "Sycamore promised we'd get a clue on Mega Evolution here, but we haven't found merde!"
"Serena!" Shauna chastised.
"I'm not sorry," Serena said bluntly. "Besides, we need to find a way to make your Pokémon stronger. You didn't get into any battles on the way here!"
"Well, it's more fun watching you battle~"Shauna said cheerfully. "And occasionally scary. But mostly fun! I'm just here to make some good memories! Speaking of which, what did Calem want at the café yesterday?"
Serena sighed. "Maybe we should get to Route 7 and check things out. I'll tell you along the way."
~o~O~o~
Location: Café Soleil, Lumiose City, Kalos
Eighteen hours earlier...
With the combined powers of Fennekin, Fletchinder and Charmander, Serena had managed to overpower the endless swarm of clone construction workers and reach Coiffure Clips, where she had styled her long, dark hair a bit differently than usual, and cut it so it was only chin-length, while it used to go past her shoulders. Still, she didn't want to alter her look too much – letting all this beauty to go to waste would have been a crime far more severe than anything else Serena had done. She also traded her red felt hat to a cycling cap, hoping these minor alterations would be enough to ward off anyone shadowing while avoiding drawing attention from her friends.
Not friends, minions, Serena reminded herself.
Café Soleil was apparently a high-profile place, high enough for a famous actress to call it her favorite caffeinating hole. Calem was leaning against the wall near the door, most likely making people entering the café very uncomfortable, making a little obnoxious wave at Serena as he saw her approach. Serena had no idea what Calem wanted, but if there was one thing Overlords had to take care of, it was the well-being of their henchmen – even though a bunch of Jafars and Starscreams wouldn't be able to do squat once she was immortal, having loyal henchmen meant more time for Serena to relax in her future mansion. Which would be made of solid platinum. And a baker who would make her a cheesecake whenever she asked...
"Serena, you okay?" Calem asked when Serena was just staring quietly into space. "You're drooling..."
"I'm entitled to it," Serena countered, but wiped the drool off her face anyway. "What is it? If you want to buy me coffee, be my guest, but a coffee cup in here costs about as much as a surgical operation."
"Silly Serena," Calem said, "they're not selling you coffee – they're selling you the experience of Café Soleil."
"Overcrowded with tables that are too small and cakes that are way too small, in other words," Serena grumbled. "Then what is that you want?"
"Let's get inside first, shall we?" Calem said suavely and opened the door for Serena.
Well, at least he's learning manners.
Fortunately, as she stepped in, Serena noticed the café wasn't too crowded at this time of day, though there were plenty of rich socialites around, along with a man with a hat, a thick beard and sunglasses snoozing in the corner and affluent tourists speaking in a language Serena couldn't understand. Serena wondered if she'd need international support in her quest for immortality, while Calem gasped, patted Serena on the shoulder and pointed at two people near the counter.
Serena recognized the man with bushy red hair and beard in the snazzy coat: Lysan-what's-his-face. He was talking with a woman wearing an extravagant and fabulous, almost angelic outfit. Calem seemed particularly interested in her. Serena had also seen her somewhere, but couldn't quite put her finger on
"That's Diantha," Calem whispered to Serena.
"...yes?"
"The actress! You may remember her from such films as 'Koffing and Me: Forbidden Love' and 'The Myth of the Polite Kalosian'."
"...um..."
"She's also the Kalos League Champion!"
Serena's eyes narrowed as she glared at Diantha. Come to think of it, she did resemble a woman Serena had seen in countless posters and billboards around Kalos so far, but Serena rarely paid attention to humongous pictures of people who weren't her. If Diantha was the Champion, then she would be the one standing in her way once she took over.
And yes, the more Serena racked her brain, the more she remembered her mother talking about this woman and the occasional televised battle she was in. As much as Serena admired such a competent battler, she wouldn't hesitate to burn her down if she had to.
But first I need to ask her where she got that suit.
"You played a young girl so wonderfully on the silver screen," Lysandre whispered at Diantha, who listened to his ranting politely. "Wouldn't you rather remain young and beautiful... FOREVER... to play such roles?"
"What a strange question," Diantha remarked obliviously. "Why would I want to play the same roles forever? I mean, youth may be considered beautiful by some, but it's not all there is to life. Everything changes, so I want to live and change like that, too. I look forward to playing different roles when I'm older!"
"But... no," Lysandre said, eyes wide and unblinking as he stared at Diantha, who kept smiling politely. "As a movie star, it is your duty – DUTY, I TELL YOU – to stay beautiful... forever. If only I could make the world like that – unchanging and eternal. I can't stand the world becoming uglier..."
Serena and Calem had followed the exchange – the coffee shop was too crowded and tiny for them to get out of sight.
"Just don't make eye contact with that creep," Serena muttered to Calem, "and for the love of all that is decent in the world, don't draw attention to yours-"
"Hey, Diantha!" Calem shouted. "Can you sign my chest?!"
Serena imagined herself throttling Calem to fight the urge to do so in real life – because causing a scene in front of a famous movie star just wasn't cool. Noticing Calem's shouting and waving, Diantha and Lysandre approached the duo.
"Oh, hello Serena, Calem," Lysandre said.
"Hi, Mr. Lewsander!" Calem greeted.
Lysandre glared at him. "This is Diantha," he continued calmly, introducing the woman in white who shook hands with Serena and settled on smiling and nodding at Calem. "She's one of the most accomplished movie stars in Kalos."
Serena noted the gigantic signed poster of Diantha on the wall behind the café's counter.
"Thanks for telling me that," she deadpanned.
"She moves the multitudes with her excellent acting," Lysandre muttered. "Which is to say, she dedicates her life to making other people happy. Her performance in Le Fabuleux Destin d'Carnet simply slayed the audience, while her cameo in the latest Brycen-Man movie became the pride of Kalos – her performance was so good. As good as murder."
"What?" Serena asked.
"Oh! If only everyone were like her – what a beautiful world this would be!" Lysandre continued to rant without noticing.
"Oh, don't be silly, Monsieur Leighsandre," Diantha said calmly. "If everyone was like me, then there would be no need for me, and I wouldn't get my paychecks!"
"I love you, Diantha," Calem said monotonously, staring at the actress with glazed eyes. "Seeing you in Mon Nombril Rouge changed my life!"
"Excuse me, but I must go," Lysandre said, and added with a whisper: "To murder you all."
"What?" Serena asked.
"...with quality products!" Lysandre finished quickly.
"...what?!"
But Lysandre was gone from the café in a blink of an eye. Neither Calem nor Diantha had apparently noticed a thing, as Diantha was signing a piece of paper Calem found from the back of his pocket after refusing to sign his nipple.
"Now, let's see, you two were..." Diantha started. "Serena," she pointed at Calem, "and Calem," she pointed at Serena. "Right?"
Calem let out a forced laugh. "Oh, Diantha, you're so witty, too. Are you working on a comedy now?"
"I'm actually playing the wife of a man who loses all his limbs to a rabid Arcanine."
"Oh, I guess not, then..."
"No, it's a comedy," Diantha said sincerely. "When I saw the script, I just couldn't say no. That was before I sobered up, but they promised me a percentage of the box office revenue, so I thought, why not? Anyway, you two have such lovely names. I'm guessing you're trainers, then?"
Serena glanced at the three Poké Balls attached to her bag. "What tipped you off?" she asked pensively.
"I'm a trainer, too, on my off time," Diantha said. "Maybe we'll battle some day."
"Yeah, I know you're a trainer, you're the Champion of Kalos!" Serena said.
"Oh, I don't want to make too much of a fuss about it," Diantha muttered.
Meanwhile, the giant screen outside the café showed an advertisement for Lumiose Galettes, with a big picture of a smiling Diantha holding one and a caption: 'Recommended by the Champion Diantha herself – eat one, and you, too, may be a Champion one day. Like her. Diantha. Champion."
"Anyway, it was wonderful to meet you both," Diantha said serenely, curtsied and practically floated away.
"Well," Serena said to stop Calem from staring on after her. "Did you have anything of importance to tell me?"
"Hm?" Calem asked and glanced at the sleeping man with sunglasses. "Oh, yeah, sure. Say, I wonder what those two were doing in this café together. Something saucy, if you ask me – though saying that out loud makes me sad and kinda nauseous. Did you hear that offer to battle, too? You think one of us could get the honor of doing that one day? I mean, I hope you do."
"Yeah, I hope I do, too," Serena said wistfully.
"I guess Pokémon trainers battle each other no matter who they are," Calem said.
"Well this is all fun and all," Serena started. "Oh, who am I kidding, it's not, I'm hungry and people are staring at us – I don't think that guy in the corner is sleeping at all!"
"Um, they probably just admire us for speaking with Diantha!" Calem said quickly. "Anyway, what I wanted to ask you was..."
Calem glanced at the man in the corner again. Serena noted that suspiciously and got on her toes to see the man better – she could have sworn he had moved but quickly froze the moment Serena looked in his direction.
"Well?" Serena asked impatiently.
"Uh... any plans for the future?" Calem asked awkwardly. "Like, what you're going to do next, I mean. That world domination has to start somewhere!"
"Oh, now you're taking it seriously," Serena said and rolled her eyes. "I don't know, I'll look into Mega Evolution, I think – I mean, I'm good, but against people like Diantha, I'll need an edge."
"Uh huh," Calem nodded, confusing Serena – Calem usually wasn't much of a listener. "But, like, where are you going to go to get this done? Specifically?"
Serena shrugged. "Camphrier Town, I suppose," she said. "Tierno and Trevor are probably heading elsewhere, but I think I'll take Shauna there, because I don't want that girl wandering off and getting distracted from the grand pla-"
Serena stopped talking and squinted at Calem, looking at him suspiciously.
"Why do you ask?" she said slowly.
"Oh, just wanting to chat up my favorite neighbor," Calem said and gave out a short, fake laughter. "I did have another question to ask you, too."
"Okay, what?"
"What if you and I compete and see who ends up stronger, huh?" Calem said nervously.
"Oh, that's amusing," Serena remarked. "You want a match right here? 'Cause I'll give you one, but we have to evacuate the cakes first-"
"No, no!" Calem flustered. "I mean, in general. Like, we could be rivals and stuff. Friendly rivals, perhaps, having a little battle every now and then, engaging in witty banter, me giving you a rose before leaving suavely. You finding little notes I scribbled on road signs for you. I mean, we are neighbors, after all, and we started our journeys at the same time."
Serena stared at Calem for a while, then burst into laughter that was so loud that even more people started staring. When Calem just looked at Serena in confusion, Serena laughed even harder, causing spit to fly on Calem's face, with Serena eventually doubling over from laughter. After some chortling and hiccuping, Serena wiped the tears from her eyes and slapped Calem on the shoulder.
"...rivals," she managed to say between giggles. "Good one, Calem!"
"No, I meant it," Calem said sincerely.
"Okay, the joke's getting old," Serena retorted. "What makes you think you could stand up against me? I've battled with Pokémon since you were still wetting the bed!"
"You've been battling for three years?" Calem asked. "Um, I mean," he covered up. "Yeah, well, laugh all you want, but may find me quite the tricky opponent when we have our début match."
"Why not now?" Serena asked. "Come on, I gotta put this Charmander to the test!"
"Um..." Calem said awkwardly. "No thanks, I'm, uh, I have a bit of a cold, and one of my eyebrows is a bit sore..."
Serena snorted. "So I thought," she said harshly. "So is this all you wanted to say, or can I stop wasting my time here?"
"Um, yeah, I think that was all," Calem said, glancing at the man in the corner again. "We better go, you don't want to get in trouble with that Looker guy."
As Calem turned to walk away, Serena furrowed her brow at Calem briefly, but followed him out of the café anyway. Halfway through, however, she grabbed Calem by the wrist, muttered at him to wait and marched briskly to the man sitting in the corner wearing sunglasses. As Calem stared on, Serena removed his hat and sunglasses and exposed his face to everyone.
"Ah-ha, gotcha, you – whuh?!"
But beneath that hat and glasses was a wrinkly old drunken man whose nose was bright red and whose eyes were slightly crossed as he flinched and stared up at Serena in confusion. Equally confused, Serena tried to yank the man's beard off, but it only prompted a pained howl from the man.
"Oops," Serena said to him awkwardly. "Sorry, Mr. Drunk. Didn't mean to interrupt you."
"Hey," the drunken old man slurred. "You're the one from the PR video! I saw that! You're the future Queen of Kalos! I voted for you, mademoiselle! Twice!"
"Oh, well thanks," Serena said, ignoring the fact that everyone continued to stare at her disapprovingly. "Keep up the good work."
"Hail Trevor!" the drunk shouted confusingly and then went back to sleep as Serena and Calem left the café swiftly.
As the duo left, the waitress behind the desk shrugged and turned to talk to one of her workers.
"Hey, Gaston, did you get the latte to – you're not Gaston!"
The man dressed in a waiter uniform came out from hiding from behind the cappuccino machine, removing his wig and ridiculously exaggerated fake mustache and spitting out his fake cigarette.
"Gaston's having the night off, madame," said Looker as he took off his waiter uniform to reveal the trench coat underneath – needless to say, he smelled pretty bad. "And I heard everything I needed. You have my gratitude!"
~o~O~o~
Location: Route 7, Kalos
Present day
"Sounds like he was acting pretty weirdly," Shauna summarized Shauna's story.
"Yeah, but how is that any different from usual?" Serena pointed out.
Serena and Shauna quickly arrived at the scene where the Black Belt tour guide and his friend scratched their heads and pondered the situation. Indeed, a massive Pokémon was sleeping on the only bridge going across the river – a rather massive architectural design flaw, Serena thought. It effectively blocked the way completely, being too tall to climb over, not that it would be too smart to get too close to its mouth in case it would suddenly open. The river could be crossed by a water Pokémon, although Shauna's Squirtle would most likely just get swept by the current – Serena still wouldn't admit her type specialization was inconvenient.
"Fire forever!" Serena yelled.
"Could Fletchinder maybe carry us over?" Shauna suggested.
"It's two feet tall and weighs like thirty-five pounds," Serena said.
"Yeah, you're right," Shauna said and nodded sagely. "We don't have a right-size saddle for it."
"You two, you're Pokémon trainers, right?!" the guide yelled. "Do something to get this damn Snorlax out of here!"
"Ooh, so that's a Snorlax!" Shauna said appreciatively. "It's so cute!"
Serena decided it was best not to give her thoughts on it. "What do you want us to do about that?!" Serena snapped. "That thing could just eat my Pokémon whole before I got a chance to attack – assuming it would feel anything from my attacks, anyway!"
"Well, in that case, there's only one thing we can do," the guide said. "I own the Poké Flute that can wake it up while we keep a safe distance from it – but I borrowed it to the owner of the Parfum Palace."
"Ooh, I've heard of that place!" Shauna squeed. "You really get the feel that this is the place where the nobles of Kalos used to live."
"Okay, so why don't you run along and get it, then?" Serena asked the guide
The guide just stood still. "Yeah, the owner of Parfum Palace has the flute," he said again. "Good luck!"
"Why do we have to – argh, forget it, we'll go!" Serena groaned. "But when I rule over this region, you're the first on my list! Shauna, write me a list!"
"What?" Shauna asked. "Oh, are we going to Parfum Palace? Yay! We'll be right back!" she told the guide, grabbed Serena's hand and started dragging her. As annoyed as Serena was, something about Shauna's endless enthusiasm made Serena back down from her intent on yelling at her – for now.
Serena and Shauna then started walking towards Parfum Palace, Shauna excitedly giving a brief lecture on the history of it as the duo walked through a narrow, human-made trail between two rows of thick, tall trees, with grass as tall as an adult human growing on all sides behind the trees. Apparently the great palace was established as a hunting lodge for the king of Kalos, where he would spend his time off hunting for Bunnelby, running over peasants with his royal wagon and other regal pastimes. It was then expanded and became the base of the royal family's operations and their home. After the Kalosian revolution, the palace was one of the many castles in the area that was abandoned, but it was eventually claimed and restored by some wealthy businessman, and thus, the cycle continues.
And Shauna apparently listed all this from memory while Serena listened on in amazement.
A long while later, as the trail ended and Serena and Shauna got away from the thickets of trees, they were finally able to see the Parfum Palace in all its glory. Three stories tall and incredibly wide, it was surrounded by walls and closed from the people by a large, impeccably stylized golden gate that was partially modeled in the shape of Pokémon, though something Serena did not recognize, but thought looked familiar. In front of the gate opened a massive green field swarming with tourists, the grass of the field being perfectly trimmed and completely free of any litter.
But as Serena and Shauna stopped looking at the palace in awe and attempted to step in through the gate, fortune vomited on their laps once more.
"The entrance fee will be one thousand yens... poké-dollars... well, whatever currency we use here – per person," said the butler-looking man blocking the gate.
Shauna flipped out. "You've got to be kidding!" she yelled in a high-pitched voice that made the butler-character wince. "It costs money to go inside?!"
"Yes, ahem, quite," the stuffy butler said. "You see, the owner of this palace follows the school of thought that you can never have enough money, ahem, quite, yes."
"Yeesh," Shauna said. "This is how the rich get richer!"
Serena glanced at Shauna appreciatively. "...surprisingly well observed," she said.
"Well I do sometimes worry about the disparity between the wealthy and the poor," Shauna said calmly. "I mean, we do have a system that promotes free trade that allows people like this palace's owner to do this and one could argue it has brought wealth and higher standards of living to more people than during the days when the royalty oppressed everyone else, but one can't deny that this system, which is constantly seeking new ways to get richer, has done a lot of harm, oiling its wheels through the blood of the workers and obtained work and resources by unfairly exploiting people from other places through force, not to mention the degradation that this greed has caused to our precious planet – yet many still continue to live in poverty despite the promises of this supposedly great system."
Serena stared at Shauna for a while, eyes wide and mouth slightly open, while Shauna just smiled and went through her purse.
"Here you go," she said cheerfully and gave the entrance fee of one thousand to the butler.
Serena did the same, while still glancing at Shauna.
"So all that was just what you were thinking?" Serena asked.
"Yeah~!" Shauna sang. "So, shall we go inside?"
"Thank you," the butler said dryly. "The proceeds from the entrance fee help pay for the repairing and restoring the palace..."
But as the butler opened the gate for Serena and Shauna, Serena could swear he added a cynical "probably" under his breath. Perhaps she should ask Shauna more about this, but for now, the important thing was to get the Poké Flute.
Inside, the palace was even more extravagant. Quiet, soothing music continued to play from speakers Serena didn't even see as she and Shauna stepped in through the front door and into the lavishly decorated entrance hall. Right at the entrance were four golden statues of Bisharp, steel-type Pokémon native to Unova that looked like they were wearing armor. Various old paintings hung on the walls, depicting mostly Pokémon and the beautiful scenery of Kalos, but the most noticeable thing was the solid gold statue of Milotic, an elegant, serpentine water-type Pokémon. A man wearing fancy clothes kept running around the place near the Milotic statue, wailing his problems out loud for everyone to hear:
"Oh, where is it?!" he wailed. "My precious Furfrou! It has disappeared!"
Hearing this made Shauna gasp dramatically and tug Serena's arm – again.
"Hey, Serena~!" she said excitedly. "We should help look! I mean, if my..." Shauna paused as if it was too terrible to think about. "If my Pokémon went missing, I'd be sick with worry."
Serena groaned. "How will this help me reign over these fools?" she complained.
Come to think of it, though, the palace was beautiful. For the longest time, she had been thinking about the best place to put her base of operations in, and searching for some Pokémon who probably just got tired of its owner's stupidity would give her the perfect chance to scope out the palace and find its owner.
"Yes," she said to herself. "There will be a big trench – and that trench will be filled with fire! And if I don't like someone, bam! Into the fiery pit they go! And I'll get rid of the greedy pig who runs this place and start a new Kalosian revolution! A new life, better for all, with everyone equal – and me at the top!"
"What?" Shauna wondered when Serena's ranting got so loud that even the man who had lost his Furfrou noticed.
"Just fantasizing," Serena said quickly. "You're right, we should help look!"
"You will?" asked the man by the Milotic statue, Serena and Shauna apparently unaware he could hear their loud conversation even though he was standing almost next to them. "Oh, thank you so much! If you find it, you can't miss it. My daughter Allie has, um, prettied it quite a bit."
"I'll probably regret asking this, but why aren't you looking for it yourself?" Serena asked.
The man just stared at Serena like she had just spoken to him in Bulgarian.
"M-myself?" the man repeated incredulously.
"Uh, yeah!"
"B-but..." the man stuttered. "That would involve walking. And crouching to look under things. And more walking! That's not acceptable for a man of my class."
"Yet you're okay making us do it?" Serena clarified.
"Yup!" the man said cheerfully. "Off you go then, chop chop!"
"Very well," Serena said through gritted teeth. "Shauna, put that man on the list," she muttered.
Serena and Shauna started walking around the palace, which was apparently converted into a museum and was crowded with tourists. More fine art was hung on the walls, and Shauna, who had grabbed a pamphlet by the entrance, kept enthusiastically reading about their history. Apparently she was very interested in pieces of art titled 'The Glorious Past' and 'The Brilliant Future', which were supposed to represent the king's admiration for his bloodline but also his tireless work to ensure his countrymen would get a good future.
Serena kept wondering where those paintings would look better – in her new bedroom or the dining room.
"Wow, check that out!" Shauna said as the duo passed a row solid gold armors. "They're dedicated to the knights who dedicated their lives to protecting this castle."
"Fascinating," Serena deadpanned.
"Kind of impractical to make it out of gold, don't you think?"
"Shauna, don't be silly! The real ones weren't gold!"
"No, they are, it says so right here," Shauna insisted and showed Serena the page that clarified it.
"Huh," Serena said. "Well I'll be. No wonder he was dethroned. I better make a note of that – not that anyone would want to oppose my awesome regime. What are all these Bisharp statues for? And don't tell me they encased them in gold as well."
"Okay, I won't tell you," Shauna chirped. "Apparently they're in honor of the Bisharp generals who led an army of Pawniard into battle during the war between Kalos and its neighbors three centuries ago. Not too long before the revolution."
"Hey, what do have here?" Serena said to herself and stopped Shauna as they passed another fancy door labeled 'master bedroom'.
Close to the door was another tourist who kept taking pictures of absolutely everything, even dirt on the floor. He also seemed to be terribly impressed by everything and kept talking to himself.
"Wow, man, check out these chairs!" he said enthusiastically. "They're chair-riffic! Hah hah!"
When the tourist suddenly started taking pictures of Serena and Shauna without asking, Serena opened Fennekin's Poké Ball and let the little Fox Pokémon out. A few seconds later, the tourist's camera was a pile of ash on the floor.
"Hey, wow, easy!" the tourist said annoyingly. "I only have five of those left!"
"I don't recall giving you permission to take pictures of us – and I'm tired of having to repeat myself," Serena growled at the man.
"Okay, okay, cool," the man cowered. "Oh, hey, you better not go to the king's bedroom! It's ir-regal! Bam, two in a row! Hah hah!"
"Do that one more time and they'll never find your body," Serena hissed and grabbed the hapless tourist by his collar. "Have you seen a Furfrou running around?"
"A really pretty one!" Shauna added, already used to Serena threatening strangers.
"Oh, yeah, totally!" the tourist said. "It ran upstairs – I think it was going to the library!"
Letting go of the incoherent man, Serena led Shauna and Fennekin up the stairs into another luxurious corridor filled with more artwork and other old luxury items on display that people had come from every edge of the world to see. The first door to the left was an entrance to the library, which contained three massive bookshelves jammed full of books. There were no tourists or other visitors around, just another butler-costumed man who stood as if he had a metal rod in his... pocket. Serena told Fennekin to be still in the corner as she chatted up the butler.
"Hey, monsieur Alfred!" Serena told the stuffy guy. "You haven't seen a Furfrou running around here, have you?"
"An extra pretty Furfrou!" Shauna added.
"Give it a rest already!"
"No, I'm afraid not," the butler said. "Now, please, one must exercise silence in the library."
"But there's no one here besides us-"
"Shh! Now, I'll be happy to answer any questions you'd like to ask about books – in a soft voice, that is. We have everything from prose to poetry, textbooks from the ancient languages to anatomy, some forbidden tomes..."
Serena's interest was peaked, and she had to resist the urge to raise an eyebrow at that.
"Oh?" she said as nonchalantly as she could. "What kind of forbidden tomes?"
"This is all just hearsay, mademoiselle," the butler said, "but I heard there was a forbidden tome that contained the secret of bringing Pokémon back to life."
This is it, Serena thought. These forbidden texts hold the secret to my immortality. Oh, the euphoric feeling of the pieces of my plan falling into place. Soon everything else will become inconsequential as I rise above these puny humans and become supreme being in this universe and all the others.
"Holy crud on a graham cracker!" Serena exclaimed.
"Of course, we've got nothing of the sort in our library," the butler finished.
Serena wanted to strangle the man – slowly. But that would be counterproductive. Rest assured, he would end up on the list, though.
"Right," Serena muttered and breathed deep. Clearing her throat, she looked at the butler and innocently asked: "May we peruse through the selves a bit, Mr. Butler-Librarian-Man-Person?"
"Of course – this is a library," the butler said. "But these books cannot leave this room – the penalty for trying to take them is guillotine!"
"Really?!" Shauna asked in shock and covered her mouth.
"Nah," the butler said. "Just joshing – this job gets really boring, you know. But you can't take these books away from here, that part was true."
"We'd do nothing of the sort," Serena said, flipped her hair back gracefully and pranced to the shelves. "Come now, Shauna – we should look for anything related to the topics of Mega Evolution or Xerneas. You take the shelf on that side, I'll take this one."
"Yippee~!" Shauna cheered.
And with that, started a massive process of checking a book's title, blurb on the back, table of contents and then throwing it on the floor when it didn't contain the right information. Shauna kept gleefully reading the book titles out loud – many of them were naughty puns that Shauna took a while to get, followed by her tossing the book into the air in embarrassment like it had a contagious disease.
"'There once was a man from Kiloude' – junk," Shauna listed and tossed the book away. "'Trimming your Pyroar's bush' – garbage. 'The Transforming Pokémon and the Mysterious Stone' – not worth it."
"No, wait!" Serena yelled and quickly turned around when she heard that.
But Shauna grinned and pointed at her. "Hah, got you there! Here you go~"
Shauna tossed the rather hefty book in question to Serena. It had detailed descriptions and images of an incident that occurred in Shalour City – in the middle of a battle, the Pokémon suddenly changed its form. A human next to the Pokémon was holding a mysterious stone...
Serena motioned Shauna to come closer.
"I need to find a Xerneas-related book – and also sneak this one out," she whispered to her. "Don't worry, we'll bring it back!" she promised when Shauna gasped dramatically. "But we have no time to read it here – which is why I need you to distract that old man until I give the signal."
"Leave it to me~"Shauna said.
As Serena got to work, Shauna walked up to the librarian butler at the door – who kept staring in horror at Serena's assault against classic literature.
"Sorry," she told the man. "We'll clean up after we're done. Say, do you want to hear what I've learned during my stay in Camphrier Town?"
"No."
"Okay, see, this is what they used to do to captives during the revolution," Shauna explained excitedly. "They'd have a little cage full of Rattata, remove one wall and block the hole with the man they were torturing, then eventually start heating from the cage from every other end until-"
Serena kept combing through the books beginning with X, but all she found were books that really shouldn't have been in public display where children could get them. Nothing on Xerneas, however, so instead she moved to 'L' for 'legendary'.
Meanwhile, the butler had to cover his mouth and was looking quite greenish as Shauna continued to regale him with tales of the good old days.
"...and those are all the ingredients to the galettes we eat today," Shauna finished. "Bet you didn't know that~!"
"I think I'm gonna be sick," the butler muttered weakly.
"Well, feel free to go, I'll watch over the library for you," Shauna offered.
The butler shook his head. "I have sworn to never leave my post."
"Oh, you're like those guard-types from that region up north who can't laugh or smile or move," Shauna said. "Hey, did you know that during the war we had with their region-"
"Please stop," the butler whined.
"Oh, all right," Shauna sighed. "It feels exciting to be in a royal library like this. I mean, I do read, but mostly fiction."
"Is that so," the butler said nauseously to be polite and glanced at Serena.
Not wanting to fail her task, Shauna quickly walked in the butler's field of vision, hiding Serena from sight.
"Yeah, but I'm learning as I go, and I know especially know a lot about Pokémon. But...uh... I don't know much about geography."
Desperate to draw the butler's attention, Shauna started snapping her fingers and blurted out the song from memory the best she could.
"Don't know much of trigonometry~" Shauna sang. "Don't know much about algebra, don't know what a slide rule is for-"
"Wha - really?" the butler asked.
"Uh... but I do know one and one is two-"
"Well, I should hope so-"
"-and if this one could be with you, what a wonderful world this would be~"
"Okay, you're seriously creeping me out, miss," the butler said. "And this is after all those stories I'll be having nightmares about for the next week-"
"SIGNAL!" Serena yelled suddenly.
"What, that was it?!" Shauna said nervously. "But what do I do?"
"Improvise!" Serena said quickly while stuffing the two books in her bag as the butler looked on in confusion.
Shauna flailed around nervously for a while, then took a deep breath, preemptively asked the butler's forgiveness and poked him in the eyes with both of her fingers. With that, Serena, Shauna and Fennekin dashed from the library as fast as they could.
Running away from the wrath of the staff, Serena, Shauna and Fennekin ended up in the castle's courtyard. After they crossed a pond, they found themselves in a massive, extravagant garden opening as far as they could see, filled with fountains, hedge mazes and colossal statues. Right before them was a statue of a dragon Pokémon that Serena recognized from the old stories.
"I do feel bad for that guy," Shauna said for the fifth time now, wringing her hands nervously.
"When I get into power, he's among the first we'll thank for making this possible," Serena assured. "More importantly, we still need to find that stupid Furfrou."
"What's that thing, by the way?" Shauna asked and pointed at the dragon Pokémon statue.
"It represents Reshiram," Serena explained. "The Pokémon that helps those who seek to build a world of truth. It's from the legends of the Unova region – there's probably also a Zekrom statue nearby, too. Zekrom, the Pokémon of ideals, is pretty cool, too, but when you're up against Fire-type, you pretty much have a Vanillite's chance in Hades."
As the search continued, they were delighted to hear from another tourist that a Furfrou had indeed been spotted. Serena, Shauna and Fennekin spent fifteen minutes traveling around the hedge mazes, Shauna calling out for its name and Serena threatening it, but there were no results until they entered the maze on the back left.
"There it is!" Shauna squealed as she pointed at a canine Pokémon relaxing near the entrance of one of the hedge mazes.
Serena almost gagged at what she saw. Furfrou were known for their shaggy coats, but this one had been trimmed and prettied to the point of it being unrecognizable. Its ears, legs and waist were now completely devoid of fur, and what fur was left had been made all poofy, like a Flaaffy's coat. The fur around its paws was dyed pink for some reason, making it look like it wore pink legwarmers, and some fur at the tip of its tail was also dyed pink and trimmed in the shape of a heart.
Spotting Shauna, Serena and Fennekin, Furfrou stood up but didn't do anything, just looked at them curiously.
"All right," Serena said. "We'll need a subtle touch for this – and that's my expertise."
Serena cleared her throat, opened her mouth wide and...
"COME HERE, YOU MANGY MUTT!"
In response, Furfrou barked at her, though not angrily but more playfully, its heart-shaped tail wagging as it ran deeper into the maze. Fennekin growled at it, but stayed by her trainer's side.
"I think I know what to do!" Shauna said. "All paths in this maze lead to a dead end – if only we could chase it there somehow. I'm sure we'll complete this puzzle in no time~!"
Serena groaned at the word 'puzzle', but agreed. Unfortunately, Furfrou didn't act quite as Shauna predicted. What followed was several minutes of running around, falling down, Furfrou barking and running around in excitement, Fennekin barking back and Shauna misunderstanding Serena's instructions on where to stand. Finally, Serena had to stop to catch her breath, while Shauna kept patiently running after the Furfrou, not realizing the Pokémon had made her run in circles for five minutes now.
"This is getting really stupid!" Serena complained. "Your plan was okay, Shauna, but how about we do it my way for now?"
"You're going to roast it and serve it with beans?" Shauna asked in horror and stopped chasing Furfrou.
"What do you take me for?" Serena gasped. "In fact, I kind of got this idea from you – just be ready at the entrance of the maze, okay?"
Shauna didn't quite understand, but headed towards the entrance, anyway. As Serena opened her remaining two Poké Balls and let some of her Pokémon out, she commanded Fennekin to wait in one part of the maze and Charmander in the other. Then, she asked Fletchinder to fly into the air and await her command.
As Serena snapped her fingers, all three Pokémon used Flamethrower at the same time, blowing the fire at the hedges. One by one, they were all set ablaze, eventually surrounding Furfrou in a literal ring of fire – and the situation was made even more uncomfortable for it by Serena singing 'Ring of Fire' and laughing maniacally. With only one layer of hedge separating Serena from Furfrou, Serena grabbed her trusty hairspray-and-lighter-flamethrower and used it to burn a hole into the hedge for Furfrou to get through.
As Serena had expected, the panicked Pokémon instantly ran away, dashing through between Serena's legs and towards the exit, where Shauna stood in wait, sweating over the sudden rise in temperature. Furfrou was too panicked to care about Shauna's presence, allowing Shauna to throw herself on the Furfrou and stop its advance, Serena quickly catching up and helping her detain the Pokémon.
The Furfrou calmed down quickly, though, and after the palace staff had extinguished the flames in the hedge maze, Serena and Shauna basked in the afterglow along with Serena's Pokémon and the Furfrou, who kept trying to lick Shauna's face as she held the Poodle Pokémon in her arms.
"Well that wasn't quite how I would have done it," Shauna said after a long silence.
"But are you at all surprised that it's how I did it?" Serena countered.
"Mm, not really. But the important thing, your plan worked. Amazing~! You really seem to understand how Pokémon feel, Serena!"
"Uh, I guess. You know, it's not that different from humans. Fire bad, run away."
Their conversation was interrupted when the man from the entrance, Furfrou's owner, huffed and puffed as he ran to them, flanked by half a dozen members of the palace's staff. Fortunately, the librarian butler wasn't among them – he really took his job seriously.
"My dear Furfrou!" he wailed and shoved Serena rudely aside as he grabbed the Furfrou from Shauna. "My beloved Furfrou! Ugh, what has Allie done to you? Clearly the Dandy Trim is what's in season right now! You two!"
Serena flinched when the man suddenly pointed at her, but his wide smile dissuaded her fears.
"Could you be responsible for my wonderfrou reunion-"
"Ugh," Serena groaned.
"-with my dear Furfrou?" the man finished, and Shauna nodded excitedly. "How wonderfrou indeed!" the man proclaimed, practically jumping up and down as he said it. "It's marvelous, simply marvelous!"
"Sir," one of the palace staff said meekly, "didn't you notice they practically burned down one of the hedge ma-"
"Silence!" the man shouted. "It's French for silence," he explained.
"Hang on," Serena said slowly. "Are you the palace's owner?"
"Yes indeedy!"
"The man who rips off a thousand from every visitor?" Shauna asked.
"None other!"
"Where does all that money go?" Serena wondered.
"To provide the quintessential filling my wallet and bank account require, of course," the man said as if Serena was asking if water was wet. "And I'm in dire need, you see! My daughter has had the same car for almost three years! And she's almost old enough to drive legally!"
Serena and Shauna sighed simultaneously.
"Now, a situation like this demands fireworks!" the man proclaimed. "We shall put on a show – boom, boom!"
"But sir-"
"I said BOOM!" the man yelled at a servant and hugged the Furfrou so tightly he almost suffocated it. "My Pokémon and I are reunited! Our bond has been proven! We'll commemorate this joyous occasion with a tremendous fireworks display! And, of course, it will also serve as a reward for the tiny bit of trouble you two went to."
"Couldn't you rather pay us in cash?" Serena asked hopefully. "Or castles? This one will do just fine, though the hedge maze will need some work. Or perhaps a flute of some kind..."
"Rendezvous at the balcony!" the man yelled without even listening. "You know, that's French for rendezvous," he added before leaving with his entourage and the Furfrou, who looked over its owner's shoulder and at Serena and Shauna pleadingly.
"Sheesh," Shauna said, her tone surprisingly somber. "Maybe Furfrou would've been better off if we hadn't found it..."
"Yeah, if I were a Pokémon, I'd bite his head off," Serena said.
"But I really love fireworks~!" Shauna said, her cheer returned, "so let's make the best of it!"
With nothing else to do, Serena returned her Pokémon and joined Shauna as they headed up to the balcony on the palace's second floor, past the magnificent hall of mirrors. From there, they had a view of the vast garden in its entirety, surrounded by more fancy artwork, like Dratini statues sticking out of the balcony's railing, serving as fountains that sprayed water into the massive pond below.
It was already getting dark when Serena and Shauna settled on a spot and gazed at the night sky in anticipation. Well, Shauna was – Serena really wanted to go talk to the owner about getting the Poké Flute. Still, even with the lump of coal in her chest pumping the blood for her, she couldn't deny Shauna the pleasure of seeing the fireworks. Serena even cracked a smile when she saw Shauna's giddiness, and though she would never admit it, she enjoyed having a...
…a very competent and pleasant henchmen. Yes. Nothing more.
"Um..." Shauna said suddenly as the duo waited for the fireworks.
"What?" Serena asked bluntly.
"Well, it's just that, you know..." Shauna mumbled. "I... I really hope we get to be great friends, Serena."
Serena wondered what that was all about. Well, duh – who wouldn't enjoy my presence! That's what she wanted to say, at least. Don't get ahead of yourself, minion Shauna! Now that was what she should have said.
But... why can't I say it?
Shauna sighed wistfully. "We haven't even seen them yet," she said, "but I know I'll never forget these fireworks! Because..."
Shauna turned to smile at Serena.
"'Cause I watched them with you, Serena."
Serena stared at Shauna. There was a lot of things she wanted to say to that. For one, her usual reaction would be to push Shauna off the balcony for talking mushy junk like that. But instead, she did the complete opposite. Being barely aware of herself, Serena smiled back at Shauna just as the first rocket exploded, sending showers of multicolored lights flying about, causing the garden to bathe in light. Together, the duo watched the fireworks light up the sky, exploding in every color and shape you could imagine.
A few minutes later, the fireworks display was over, and Serena let go of Shauna's hand.
"Wow!" Shauna said. "That. Was. AMAZING!"
Shauna yelled the last word out so loud it almost broke Serena's brain. Maybe pushing her down is not such a bad idea...
"I never want to forget this, so I'll keep this memory I an album in my heart."
Before Serena could answer, the palace's owner and his personal valet soon appeared on the balcony. The mood was effectively broken as he hammed it up and talked so loudly that he would have most likely drown out even the sound of the fireworks.
"And that was my wonderfrou fireworks show for my Furfrou!" he yelled.
"And us, right?" Shauna asked.
"Yes, I assume you're satisfied with that," the owner said. "After all, we're on a very tight budget here," he added and blew his nose on a thousand-pokédollar/yen/whatever bill.
"OH!" Shauna yelled out suddenly.
"Why are you people so loud?!" Serena complained, holding her ears. "My eardrums are probably a pile of dust by now..."
"But I almost forgot!" Shauna said.
"The Poké Flute," Serena deadpanned. "Like I said, I was going to-"
"Yeah, we need it to wake up Snorlax!" Shauna interrupted and turned to the owner.
For once, the owner didn't look overly sure of himself. Instead, he let out a weary sigh.
"The Poké Flute, huh..." he muttered awkwardly.
However, when Serena's stare alone almost made him combust, he quickly told his valet to go get it.
"It was Shabboneau Castle's treasure, but I took it as payment for a loan," the owner explained. "I mean, a man of the upper class, of such incredible wealth, just can't possibly get along with a serf like that."
Yeah, screw this guy.
Soon enough, the valet returned and handed the Poké Flute to Serena. After that was done, he and the owner quickly left the balcony, muttering something about a much-needed caviar and saffron bath. For the first time, Serena heard Shauna click her tongue and stare after them disapprovingly.
"As much as I want to make memories on my journey," she grumbled, "I think I'll try to forget about him."
With that, Serena and Shauna turned around to stare at the palace garden one last time. Ignoring the charred remains of the one hedge maze, the garden looked possibly even more beautiful in the light of the moon and all the lampposts around the courtyard. Serena hoped she would one day get to walk in this castle again – preferably with its current owner's head on a pike.
"Shauna," Serena said suddenly.
"Yeah?"
"Do you think I'll ever get to rule this region?"
"Of course! I think you can do anything you put your mind to, Serena – I've seen you in action, after all!"
"Thanks," Serena smiled. "You're a good f... a good fuhhh... a good fuh-huh..."
"You all right?"
Serena shook her head. One day I'll say it. But for now...
"I'm grateful that you're here, Shauna."
"Yay!"
A/N: Apologies for the delay, but Heroes of Kalos Abridged will return to its semi-regularly scheduled programming of wackiness from now on. Chapter 5 might be up on Sunday. Just please forgive me if it isn't. I give it good odds, though. Big thanks to RunningRapidash, Davin134 and Greninja in particular for their patience and sticking up with this, but really, anyone who read this, favorited, reviewed, followed or just read without making a fuss of it, thank you so much! Feel free to point out any errors I made, I really wanted to keep my promise and get this done.
- Zokolov
