Disclaimer- I don't own Castle or any of the characters. I've read the Nikki Heat books (and the Derrick Storm novella, but not the comic) and watched the show, but they belong to Andrew Marlowe. Please don't sue me, I'm poor. I just like playing with the characters and I don't make any money from writing this and I didn't beta it. So, if you wanna beta, please feel free to ask me, I'll probably accept the offer. Leave me reviews if you did (I'm one of those douchebag crybaby authors who can't write without somebody patting them on the back for each chapter, I suck).
Alexis came home that night when I got off from work. Richard kept on giving me knowing glances and would catch me at weird moments to kiss me when he thought Alexis wasn't looking. For however horrible this disease was, we had something to be happy about. That night, after we heard Alexis stop padding around the upstairs, we sat in bed together, staring at my stomach. I stuffed a pillow under my top and we laughed at the idea that I'd look that way in a few months. "What did you want to name it?"
"'It?'" I repeated. "The proper pronoun is 'he' or 'she.' You've done this before, I haven't, and you're calling your kid 'it'!"
He chuckled. "Fine. What do you want to name him or her?"
"If I have a girl, I want to name her Johanna Noelle. Johanna for my mom. Noelle because I like the name."
"I wanted to name my offspring after famous writers."
"You didn't do that to Alexis!"
"I did! Her name is Alexis Shelley, after Mary Shelley."
"Then you pick out a name."
"Edgar Stoker."
"Are you kidding me? Our kid would be the first one beat up at school at recess!"
"Hey! I changed my name to Richard Edgar Allan Castle," he said. "Edgar Allan Poe was the original bad-ass in horror writing! And Brahm Stoker fathered the vampire movement, vampires are in, so I want to name my kid Stoker!"
"Yes, I want my kid named after a vampire. It'll never become lame, right? You've got some crazy ideas."
"I know. I love you," he said, trying to change the subject.
I was going to have to learn to pick my battles, I might as well start now. "I love you, too."
The next few days Alexis mostly hid in her room. While I was elated at being pregnant with Richard's baby, the mere thought gave me a grin. Things were going to work out for the best; Alexis was going to go through rehab and get better, we'd put this eating disorder behind us and I'd have the baby, we'd be a family, and it would be happily ever after.
"We've got to break it to her that she's going to rehab instead of school in the spring," I told Richard while we were putting ornaments on the Christmas tree. I found a picture of a bashfully grinning red-headed little girl on an ornament that had had a lot of care put into the holly leaves cut out on it. I hoped my child would make ornaments like this someday. I put it in the middle of the tree.
"What about the baby?"
"I haven't told anybody," I said. "We haven't even found an OB GYN, yet. I'm so excited, though!"
"When do you want to tell everybody? I want to tell everybody that I knocked you up already!"
I chuckled. "Soon! After the first trimester's over. I don't even know how far along I am— Richard, how do you think Alexis will take it?"
He shrugged. "Hard to tell, honestly. She could be elated, she could be horrified."
"We're living together. She knows we're having sex. No surprise there. These things happen, even on birth control."
"How do you think this is going to affect… this problem she's having?"
I shrugged. "I don't know. I think rehab will help her deal with it."
"We have to stand strong when it come to Alexis," he said. "I need you."
"Don't let her think she can do whatever she wants," I said. "We have to make sure this is like an intervention, though. Everybody who cares about her has to stand behind us on this, she either goes to rehab, or she's cut off. She has to hit rock bottom, first. Get in touch with Meredith."
He sighed. "I have."
"When?" I cried. "You said you weren't going to tell her!"
"Martha sent her a message," he admitted. "She's telling everybody about Alexis. Tell a phone, tell a friend, television and tell Martha, that's the quickest way to spread the word."
"What did she say? Meredith, I mean."
"She grilled me on what exactly Alexis was doing, how did she lose the weight, was she taking pills or an injections or what and then asked me if Alexis was willing to come visit. She practically demanded she come see her."
"Don't let her go. It'll blow up in your face. I don't see anything good happening if she doesn't go into a clinic setting by New Year's."
"I told Meredith she was free to come to the East Coast to see Alexis, but Alexis was not crossing the country to visit her. She sounded almost… almost jealous, if that makes sense."
"Perfect sense." I had always struggled to keep weight on; I didn't quite understand it, it all seemed so silly to me. I had been called anorexic as a teenager, I remember feeling my ribs and hip bones and being angry I didn't look more like Neve Campbell on Party of 5 or Jennifer Love Hewitt. Now, I understood that Jennifer Love Hewitt was twit, although I wished I had more curves myself. But I'd give them up to be good at my job and in shape to run after suspects.
"I wish Meredith would come around more…" I frowned when he said this. "For Alexis's sake. I don't think she understands that she's going to rehab."
"We'll have a conversation with Alexis tonight."
When we were done with the ornaments, she came downstairs, rubbing her shoulder joints. Her skin had cleared up, but that didn't change the gaunt, skeletal appearance she had. "Hi, guys. What's going on?"
"We put the tree up," he offered.
"It looks great," she said. She sat down on the couch across from us.
"Honey, we need to talk about something."
"Sure, okay." She fidgeted nervously. I wanted to fidget, too. This was embarrassing and we all knew it wasn't going to end with a hug and an admission of anything.
"This diet for the marathon training has gone too far."
Her jaw dropped. "I'll stop training," she offered. "But I think I'm fine."
"This mean's you'll start eating, right?" Richard asked. I noticed that she hadn't promised anything.
"I'm not eating abnormally," Alexis said.
I elbowed Richard in the ribs and he glanced back at me.
"I don't believe you when you tell me you're eating," he said. "Nobody looks like you who's actually eating. You don't have any fat left on your body."
He was playing the bad cop right now. It was up to me to let her know that we were on her side. "Alexis, it's not that hard to be healthy," I offered, trying to be the good cop. "I love to cook, I'm learning a lot, we can come up with something-"
"Kate, no offense," she snapped. "I like you a lot, but can you please stay out of this?"
Her comment felt like I had been pistol whipped with my own gun. I was a detective who always knew how to manipulate a confession out of my suspects, but just now, she left me speechless. She was being a little bitch.
"Alexis," Richard began in a lower, more stern voice.
"Castle," I cut him off. "I'm sorry, Alexis. I'm not your mother and maybe I'm overstepping my bounds." I stood up to leave. I needed to leave just to cool off. I wasn't going to let her be a brat. That was some bullshit right there if she was going to be so disrespectful to anybody. I was carrying her little brother or sister, on top of that. I was going to be a part of this family, whether she liked it or not simply because I was going to be her sibling's mother, regardless if Richard and I ever got married.
"Alexis," Richard said, grabbing my arm, tugging me back down to the couch. "Don't talk to your future stepmother that way. Kate, sit down. Alexis, I think-" he stopped to regroup, "we think, as a family, you should go to an inpatient program-"
"I'm not going!" Alexis snapped. "I'm going back to school-"
"You're not," he said. "You're not fine when your joints are too stiff because you don't have enough fat to protect them from the cold. Normal people don't get so dehydrated that they can't get out of bed for two days. Or get anemia or their hormone levels off or damage their hearts."
"I'm an adult," she shot back. I fought the urge to roll my eyes. "It's my choice to go back to school, this is my body and there's nothing wrong with me-"
Nothing wrong with seventy-nine pounds, I thought. I squeezed Richard's arm back.
"I understand you're an adult," he said. "But I'm not paying your tuition if you go back."
He glanced back at me and I nodded. He was doing the right thing. She couldn't go back and we had to present a united front. As far as Meredith was concerned, it was better for Alexis not to know that her own mother had no real concern for her well-being. We wouldn't tell her about the offer in LA.
Her jaw dropped again.
I squeezed Richard's arm again to encourage him. "I'm not paying for another adult's education. I have no obligation. You can take out student loans, but I'm not going to pay for you to continue to do something that's going to kill you-"
"My education's-"
"I know this is hard to accept, but this it what's best for you, sweetheart."
I saw her eyes start shining with tears. "I really hate you right now," she snapped. "Both of you are such assholes."
There. There it was. The rebellious child that Richard hadn't actively parented. He was finally doing the job and she didn't like it.
"I really, really hate you," she said, getting up from the couch. She didn't insist she wasn't going; she understood she had no choice. She stomped upstairs and slammed her bedroom door as loud as she could.
"You did the right thing," I said. "I think she'll cool off in rehab and then we can tell her about the baby."
"You know how hard that was?"
"Yeah, I almost walked out; that's what she wanted."
He squeezed my hand and kissed me. "We're a team. We can do anything together."
Alexis was still mad at us, but was starting to cool off. By Christmas Day, she was able to sit down with us and open presents, and then sat at the dinner table with us, pretending to eat. It was useless to try to manipulate her into eating anyway. She'd be in treatment, soon.
I spent my evening making a wedding registry as well as a baby registry that night as we watched A Christmas Story. Because I wasn't far along enough, I made a list of basic baby things that weren't gender-specific while Richard looked over my shoulder. By the end of the movie, I was pretty sure I had thought of everything. It would be a while before we announced our baby, but I was excited about it.
"I've got to go upstairs and pack," Alexis said, getting up from her duvet cover nest on the floor.
"If you forget anything, we'll bring it to you," Richard said as she went upstairs.
"Thanks, Dad!" she shouted over her shoulder, dragging the blanket up the stairs.
He squeezed my shoulder. "She seems to be accepting her fate."
"It's not like jail or anything," Richard said. "She'll get over it."
"We're doing the right thing," I said. "I want her to get better. I want her to be there when the baby's born."
"In the delivery room?"
"Well… No. I want her there, though. Just a phone call away, and she can be there to wait on him or her."
"I'd like that, too."
The next morning, Alexis locked herself in her room and wouldn't come out. It was check-in day and we had to leave because this was my morning off. Richard tried pleading, threatening and ordering, but she refused. I was so angry, I almost got out my glock and shot the doorknob off, but Richard calmed me down when he got out a screwdriver. They had a long discussion, and she came out, completely tear-stained and puffy-eyed. We took her things downstairs and she got into the car.
I had wanted to kick her ass all morning, but had held back on account of Richard's patience with her. Now, I could literally feel terror radiating off of her. She was acting irrationally right now. I felt a little compassion for her now, which eased my frustration.
"This isn't as bad as you think," Richard insisted as he put the car into drive. Alexis sniffled. "There's no need to be scared."
"It's not like you're going to prison," I offered. "We'll come to see you as much as we can once you're allowed visitors."
"We'll call everyday until then. Twice a day, if you want."
I remember the care packages I got from my mother when I went to sleep-away camp in elementary school. "And we'll send care packages."
Richard winked at me. "We love you a lot, Alexis. A lot of people do."
A small sob escaped her lips from the backseat as she dabbed at her eyes with a tissue. I was so used to being able to read people, she was a mystery right now. I wasn't sure if she was just scared out of her mind or pissed off at us.
When we arrived at the clinic, she was panicking so badly that she couldn't even grab the door handle. A few members of the staff came by. "It's perfectly safe," I promised her as Richard was talking to the director. "You can get out of the car, now."
"I can't," she wheezed. "I can't eat. Kate, please, they'll make me eat! I can't, I can't eat, I have to be perfect or… or…"
"Or what?"
Her mouth tried to form a few words, and I realized that she was telling me something that I didn't understand. "Nobody could ever love me again," she mouthed. She gasped at herself, and clapped a hand over her mouth. An orderly reached past me to her.
"Alexis, it's time to get out of the car. Come on," he said, gently, taking her hand.
She let him lead her out of the car and put an arm around her, speaking to her gently with coaxing words. I watched him guide her into the clinic ahead of us while another orderly pushed the trolley with her bags on it into the building.
We went in with her when she met the director, who laid out the rules of clinic; no drugs, no alcohol, no food in the rooms, no computers, no internet, phones were given back at different times through the day, depending on how much they had improved, no pills of any sort, no bodily harm (including tattoos and piercings during her treatment), and cigarettes were given out certain times of the day for the smoke deck (Richard cracked a joke with her about smoking, but she was too tense to respond). It wasn't too different from the prisons I had been to for work, but she did get to keep her own clothes and sundries. "This is where we take her away," the director told us. "You can leave her messages everyday, once she gets to a certain level with her calories she ingests, we can allow supervised visits. She's going to be just fine. We'll give you a moment to say good-bye."
She left the room and Alexis burst into tears. "Dad, don't leave me here," she begged. "I'll start eating, I promise, just give me a chance! I won't go back to school, I'll go to therapy, just don't leave me!"
My bullshit meter officially broke. She wasn't strong enough at this moment.
"You are perfectly safe here," he promised. He took her into his arms. She sobbed for a few more minutes, she was a complete wreck. "I love you so much. I wouldn't put you in here if it wasn't going to save your life, alright?"
She snorted messily. I felt like I was intruding on their moment.
"Sweetheart," Richard said. "Just think of it like camp when you're by yourself. Make friends, talk to the other girls here… You'll be fine. You always have been… Make me proud."
She nodded and snorted again, lifting her head.
"You're my little girl, remember that."
"I'm not a little girl anymore," she responded finally.
"You'll always be mine, though. Go on. You'll be fine." He kissed her on the forehead and she tucked her head under his chin. "Don't ever forget. I love- we love you. So, so much. So many people want to see you get better."
She nodded gulped in a sob.
"We do love you Alexis," I added in, unsure. A part of me did love her; another part of me wondered how she could do all this to her father and was angry with her. I reached over and touched her tangled red mane, and she flinched away from me. "I can't wait for you to walk down the aisle as one of my bridemaids. You can do this. We believe you can."
The director knocked on the door and poked her head in. "Alexis? We're going to take you to the exam room."
"Exam?" Alexis repeated. "No, I'm not doing this!"
"We've already signed the paperwork," Richard said. "Give it a week. Just like camp."
I rolled my eyes. She'd be out of here approximately one-hundred and sixty-eight hours if he said that. "No, you're going to stick it out and be tough. Your grandma's a tough woman, too. Be like her. Like your dad said, make us proud."
"Never forget that we love you," Richard said, his voice cracking. I looked at him and he was in tears. "We love you," he mouthed. It was enough to make me cry, too.
"You've got a lot to live for," I said, thinking of this baby inside me, growing. I wanted to tell her all about him or her, that she was going to be a big sister after nineteen years of being an only child and this baby needed her to be there. It was terrifying to me to think that I'd have to tell this child one day that he had an older sister who died from self-induced starvation and we hadn't done everything to stop it. I decided to save that for a pep talk for when she was wanting to quit again.
The director led her out of the room.
Richard and I walked out of the office to the front desk. Richard was hardly holding it together as they handed us a folder full of support information, a book list, support groups, therapists, visiting schedules, the rules, what to expect of her schedule and time here. I didn't object when they referred to me as Mrs. Castle.
We walked out to car together, I was practically holding him up. He handed me the keys, not saying a word. I got in the driver's seat.
"Please, Kate," he said, tears running down his face. "Please tell me I did the right thing." I reached for him, feeling the now-familiar sting of tears building in my own eyes.
"You did."
