Alice
I love watching the trees go by my window. With the speed of the car, they just looked like a green clouds floating around the dirt. I wonder what would happen if the clouds were green instead of white. It would be so cool! Or what if clouds alternate colors to purples, pinks and yellow! That would really decorate the sky.
I kept my eyes out the window instead of at the lady driving the car. She was pretty, she had black curly hair and a kind face, but she never looked me in the eyes. I hate that! Big people always feel so bad for me and I don't like it. I huffed
"Are you okay Alice" she said without looking away from the road
"Yep, just fine Miss Fetcher" I piped.
"Well you sounded a little morose there for a moment" she smiled, still not looking at me
"Morose?" I asked. I don't like it when big people use words I don't know
"It's just another way of saying you looked a bit gloomy. Is there anything you want to talk about?"
"Nah, I don't wanna talk about anything" I sighed. She won't understand. What's the point in telling her or any other big person my feelings if all they are going to do dump me to the next orphanage? This is my third orphanage in three months. It sucks. Nope, there's no point in telling at all. I rather just stay in my head….my sad damaged head…
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
Humm. Oh, ouch…ouwy ouwy ouwy
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
W-whats goin' on? Where am I?
"Doctor she's going into shock"
"Pass me the needle Nurse Hernandez"
Needle? What?
Aaaahhh. My hand is burning. What's happening?
My eyes started to haze
"Miss Brandon, try to look at me sweetheart" said the man
I stared back at him. He's tall with long black hair. His eyes are dark brown.
"Wha-what's happen" I moaned
"Sorry dear, but you've been in a terrible accident. Do you remember anything at all?" he asked
I thought about that….no. I don't know. I can't remember anything!!!
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
"She's going into shock again!" yelled the fat lady
"Alice, sweetheart, I need you to calm down" the doctor told me
I wasn't listenin'. Where am I? Who am I? What accident?
I stared at the doctor with wide eyes. I don't wanna speak to him. I don't know him. He's a stranger, but then again…everyone is a stranger. I don't know anyone
I moved to sit up but then a terrible pain stared in my head! Ouch ouch ouch!!!!
"Don't move your head too much, Alice. Listen to me." the doctor grabbed my little shoulders and eased me back into my bed. "Okay, I'm Doctor Jackson. You're in the hospital. You've suffered a terrible head injury and I think you have server amnesia."
What is this man saying? What's that word?
"Aminesia?" I whispered.
"No sweetheart, amnesia. That means you lost your memory due to the injury you obtained on your head" he explained
I stared back at him. So turns out…I lost my marbles. I have no more memory.
"How'da ya know my name?" I asked. I don't even know my name
He smiled. "Your parents had your information with them. But you don't have to worry about that right now. All you have to do is concentrate on getting better. If you feel any more pain, just push this button right here" he grabbed my hand and showed me the red button. When I push it the red light goes on. "When the light turns on, that means a nurse will come and get you some pain medicine, okay?" the doctor asked gently.
I nodded. Then my head hurt again. I pushed the button and the doctor smiled
"Good girl." He patted my leg and left the room.
"Okay, sweetie. It's time for you to get some sleep." The fat lady patted my pillow and I laid more into it. She gave me a paper cup with a pill in it. "Now sallow this up and you'll fall right to sleep." I opened my mouth and did what I was told. She smiled again and left the room.
I sat there waiting to fall asleep. I kept running into the same ole questions: What happened? Who am I? What do I do now?
I stared at the yellow ceiling, listening to the outside commotion. The noises of motors and voices lulled me to sleep.
I have been here for four weeks already. I have been through machines and giving blood samples ALL the time, but no one is telling me anything. Crap!
Other than my name is Alice Marie Brandon….big whoop there. I know my name! Yay!
NOT
I heard a nurse come in my room, but I just ignored her at first. I really don't want to bother her but then again….I don't know what else to do
I grabbed the nurse that was changing my IV
"Excuse me, but do you know who I am?"
"Um, yes. You're Alice Brandon. You have a head injury and y-"
"Yeah yeah, and I have amnesia. I know, but do you know who I am?"
"Personally? No I don't Hun, I'm sorry."
"Oh, well do you know who my parents are? Or if I have anyone that does know me?"
"I'm sorry Alice, but we are trying to find some relatives for you but we can't find any. Are you sure you can't remember anything?"
I laughed
"Nope, nada, zilch. If I did, I would tell ya…but I got nothin' just a black hole in my head."
"Well, I'm very sorry dear. But we will look for someone for you" she smiled and left the room.
I just frowned.
No one knows me. What am I suppose to do?
Just then Doc Jackson walked in.
"Hello there Alice, how are you today?"
"Confused" I told him honestly while he was checking my eyes
"Yes, I understand that. Well, I'm going to tell you something important and feel free to ask me anything, okay?"
"Sure" I smiled
"I checked your test results from the EEG, CAT and MRI scans and I found out that you have damaged the Frontal lobe in your brain. Not all of it though, just the part that contains your long-term memory. It seems that you're declarative and episodic memory has undergone serve damage."
"Oh, well that sucks." I told him. Even though I understood nothing he just said. But the look on his face told me it wasn't good news.
He laughed, knowing that I don't understand him. "Yeah, it does. But the good news is that you didn't damage it too much. Since you're so young your-
"Hey, I'm not THAT young I'm…I'm…I'm…" Wait, how old am I?
"You're seven years old Alice. And yes, you're young. Now listen up Alice, this part is really important" he gave me a stern look.
I nodded.
"Good. Well, the good news is since your young your damage isn't permanent, you-"
"What's permanent?"
"It means it won't last forever. In fact, your Frontal Lobe has already shown great improvement"
"Oh great!! I'm getting my memory back!!" I smiled up at him. He frowned
"No sweetheart, you're not" he sighed. "This just means that you're going to be able to store new long-term memories. You won't remember anything from your past, but you'll be able to store new stuff there that will stay with you always…understand?"
I looked down at my lap.
"Yeah, it means that I won't remember anything old, but can remember new stuff…until I get hit in the head again"
"Well, let's hope that doesn't happen. Also, we found out that you have no living relatives. Sadly, both your parents died instantly at the car accident. We used their information to get your medical information and past history. We also were trying very hard to find extended family members, but there were none. Both your parents were only children, you see. You're going to have to go to an orphanage from here. I'm so sorry about that sweetie, but you're going to meet a nice lady and she's going to help you find a place to stay. You're going to be leaving here soon. Huh, I'm sure your getting sick of the food here anyway."
"Your right, I hate the food here" I mumbled
"Most patients do. Well Miss Alice, I have to be going. But I will see you later, okay?"
"Sure Doc, see ya later"
That's the day I met Miss Fetcher. She picked me up from the hospital and took me to the first orphanage. She told me I was 'strong' and 'tough' and I could handle anything. I just smiled and rolled my eyes.
The first orphanage sucked big time. I mean, the only fed us once a day and they never let us use the showers! It was terrible. Most of us smelled bad and we were always hungry. So I came up to a plan to get out of there. I thought, since they already think I'm 'special' I might as well use that to my advantage.
So I went up to Madam Maria.
"What do you want?" she sneered
"I wanna leave!" I told her
"You can't leave until someone adopts you, you little brat!"
"But I wanna leave! If you don't let me leave, I'll tell Miss Fletcher that I saw you kissing Miss Janet on her mouth with your tongue"
"You little brat! You have no way of proving that" she launched herself at me.
I moved fast.
"Oh yes I do. I have pictures…see?" I held out the six pictures I took of them while sneaking around in their room.
Well, let's just say I was transferred to another orphanage soon after that. Miss Fletcher wasn't too happy about that because this second orphanage was for 'special' kids. Miss Fletcher said that I didn't need to be here, she says my head is fine. But I thought anywhere would be better then there. So I over exaggerated my dizziness and headaches every once in a while.
I was there for two days until someone finally spoke to me.
"Hi, I'm James. What's yours?"
I turned around to the voice and saw him. He's a tall guy. He has long blonde hair, long features and has grey eyes. His face looks friendly enough.
"Hello, I'm Alice"
"Cool Alice, so what's wrong with you? Cos everyone here has something wrong with them and I was just wondering what's wrong with you, you look so normal" he smiled, showing off his perfect teeth
"Oh I am normal, silly. But to answer your question, it seems that I lost my long-term memory in a car accident. And I sometimes get really dizzy and I have bad headaches, but other than that I'm good. You?" I asked looking up at him.
"Nothing. There's nothing wrong with me. I heard this place is the best orphanage around so I faked a multiple personality disorder. I heard it's hard to diagnosis, so it was easy for me to pretend that I have a bunch of people living inside of me. How old are you Alice?"
"I'm seven years old. You?"
"I'm fifteen years old. You know, you look younger than seven."
"Well, I'm tiny James. I think I'm always going to be tiny….can't help it" I shrugged my shoulders and smiled brightly up at him
"I like tiny" he whispered. I think I wasn't supposed to hear him say that. He cleared his throat, "So, want to go grab some food?"
"Sure, I'm hungry" I smiled
We walked down to the cafeteria together. We both love plain ole cheese pizza, so we grabbed some and ate together. We talked about our lives. Though, he was really disappointed in the fact that I didn't have much to say…I mean, I lost my past and all.
He told me about the twelve people he pretends to live in him. I laughed hard when he told me that four of them are girls. Lenore, Sandy, Dona and the youngest was Sonya. I asked him if I could meet one of them but he told me no. He said he only pulls them out whenever there's an adult is around.
James and I became best buddies fast. I never wanted to be away from him for even a second. He was smart and funny and awesome and just really really cool.
After my second week, I had to go to a head trauma therapy session. It was really boring and all I wanted to do was find James and watch Save by the Bell with him. But I had to be here and tell people that it is really difficult not knowing who you are or where you're from…even though honestly it's not. I don't have any reference, so I'm fine. But I have to pretend to stay here.
Once the session was over I ran to my room to look for James. Darn! He wasn't there. So I went to the TV room (jerk better not have started without me) but he wasn't there too. Where is he?
I went outside to the playground as a last resort and found him by the swings. He was looking down and didn't say hi to me when I called him. So I got closer to him, thinking he probably couldn't hear me
"James? Hey James what's wrong?" I grabbed at his shoulders and shook them. It must have shocked him because he snapped up and looked right at me mad. I mean really mad.
I took three steps back.
"What the fuck Victoria? What did I say? Never ever go into my room!!!" he screamed. He raised his hand up and slapped me across my cheek. Hard. The shock paralyzed me and I hit the floor. "I told you, you cannot go in there! That's MY room! Stay out!" he yelled and stormed off. I watched him go into the first building.
I just stayed there on the floor. What just happened? Tears started pooling in my eyes. Why did he just hit me? I pulled my knees to my chest and rocked myself. Tears stated falling down my cheeks. I couldn't believe he just did that. James is all I have and he just HIT me. I felt my cheek and it was hot. I knew for a fact that I was going to have a bruise. What did I do to him to get him so angry?
I don't know how long I was there, but I decided to go back in after the sprinklers turned on. I turned the corner of the TV room and headed towards my room. That's when I saw James there, sitting on my bed.
"There you are. Geeze Alice I was looking everywhere for you. Where did you go?"
"W-what?" I stuttered
"I was looking for you. I thought we were going to watch the new Saved by the Bell episode but I never found you. Where did you go?" he asked. Confusion clear in his eyes
"James, y-you h-h-hit me!" I cried and sat on the floor of my room. I was shaking again. I had him here in my room and I wanted him out. I spent all day crying because of him. Why is he acting like it never happened?
"What are you talking about Alice" he whispered as he sat right next to me on the floor. He reached for me and placed me on his lap. He pulled his arms around me and put his head on my shoulder while I was shaking and crying. "Talk to me"
When my body stopped shaking and my voice was semi-normal, I looked up at him
"You hit me James. You called me Victoria and said I was in your room. You hit me hard James! Look!" I cried, showing him the side of my face that he hit. His eyes widen
"Who hit you? What happened to your face?" he stroked my bruised cheek
"You did James! You hit me!"
"No I didn't Alice, don't be silly"
"James you did! You hit me!" I wanted to sit up from his lap, but he held me down
"Alice, I don't know why your blaming me for what happened to you. I honestly don't remember hitting you. You have to be making this up. Did you hit your head or something today? Maybe you fell and forgot."
"No I didn't James, you hit me outside!" I yelled. Why is he pretending?
He looked at me for a long time without speaking. He just stared into my eyes and occasionally he would look at my swollen cheek
"Fine Alice. If you're so bent up on this then fine! I did hit you. I'm sorry; I didn't mean to hurt you. I just thought you were someone else, okay?" He lowered his voice and whispered in my ear, "I would never hurt you Alice. I love you too much to hurt you."
I just sat there confused. What is he talking about? What does he mean that I looked like someone else? I looked the same as I always do.
"James, who is Victoria?"
"That doesn't matter Alice. I'm so sorry that I hurt you. It won't happen again. Look, I know you're tired and your eyes are all swollen. So I'll go and you get some sleep. Okay? Everything will be better in the morning. We'll get some pancakes for breakfast" he smiled. He leaned in and kissed my bruised cheek.
I tried to stay still while he kissed me.
He picked me up off the floor and laid me on my bed. He pulled the covers over me and kissed me again. "Sweet dreams Alice, I love you." He whispered and left the room
What the heck was that?!
The whole left side of my face hurts because of him. But what if he thought I was someone else. What if me and Victoria do look alike? What if I'm exaggerating this whole thing? I mean, he has never hurt me before. He says he loves me. And he's the only friend I have.
I forgave James the next morning while we were eating pancakes. I told him never to hit me again and he swore he wouldn't. Everything seemed to flow back to normal, thank goodness.
"Alice, what do you say we play hide-n-seek?" James asked
"Sure! Do you want to hide or seek?"
"I want to seek. I'll count to fifty and you go hide somewhere good. I'll warn you, dear Alice, that I thrive on my seeking skills. I think I'll surprise you on how fast I'll find you" he teased.
I laughed
"Yeah right, James. I'm the best hider ever! You will not find me, just you watch" I started off running towards the second administration building
"You'll see. One, two, three, four…." James started counting out loud.
I couldn't hear him count the rest because I was long gone. I went pasted the building then rethought my strategy here. I mean, he says he's the 'best' so I might as well give him a run for his money. So I decided the best place to hide is in the shed outside the playground. No one goes inside the shed. Kids say it's haunted because it's old and looks scary. I don't see anything scary about the place and it's a perfect place to hide from James.
I ran inside and shut the door. I looked around. It looks like no one had been in here for years. There were cob webs everywhere and enough dust to start a desert. I didn't want James to see me in through the window so I went up to one of the bottom cabinets. The space wasn't too big but I was small enough to fit inside. I crawled in and shut the little door.
I sat in there shaking in anticipation. I know he won't find me here. I am the best hinder! He cannot fine the fierce Alice Brandon! Ha ha ha ha!
I creaked open the cabinet door in order to look outside into the shed. I could only see a few dusty boxes and the shed's front door. But that was enough to know that James isn't near here. So I happily shut the cabinet door and made myself comfortable inside. The tiny space wasn't too terrible and I leaned my head on the side of the wall. I don't know how long I was out there until I finally let my heavy eye lids drop
Suddenly I heard a big Whoosh! And I fell out of something
I looked up dazed, only to be staring at a very angry James. Why is he angry? What's going on?
I looked around me and saw that I was still in the shed. On yeah! We were playing hide-and-seek. I peeked outside the window and saw that it was dark outside now. Oh I must have fallen asleep in the cabinet. I started to get back up but then realized that my whole body ached. Since I fell asleep in such a tiny space my body was sore. I stretched a bit and looked up at James
"James, I told you you wouldn't find me. I am the best hi-"
"Shut the fuck up!!" James yelled
I looked at him wide eyed. He was yelling at me again. He promised to never do this. Why is he so mad? Is he that competitive? I would have let him find me if that was the case.
"James, what's wrong?"
"Why did you try to leave me? I've been looking for you all fucking day! You promised never to leave me Victoria! And you just left. You know what happens when you disobey me, don't you???" James asked with a venomous glare.
"Wha…what are you talking about?"
"I said shut the fuck up!!!!" James yelled. I wanted to ask something else, but all the air was gushed out of me when he kicked me dead on my stomach. "I told you not to leave! I told you I loved you! Love means you don't leave!" He yelled and kicked me again in the middle of the stomach.
I gasped. Trying to get a little air in my lungs, I pulled my legs up so I was lying in the fetal position on the floor of the shed. I looked up to see James going through the boxes. I prayed for him to stop and leave but I can't depend on prayer. I have to get out of this shed. I tried to get up but my body hurt so much. I had to crawl to the door. I was almost there when James grabbed my ankles and pulled me back to the middle of the room. I looked up and saw him with something in his hands. When I realized what it was I screamed louder than I ever had in my life!!!!!!!
Oh. My. God.
I need to beg to him
I need to plead with him
I need to get out of this place!
"J-james p..please…don't do this…James…please..no!" I begged.
James didn't even phase. He rose up the baseball bat high in the air
"I told you, you'll never leave me! Now you try to get out the fucking door? No, you're not going anywhere!" he yelled as he swung the bat and I heard the loud crunch before I felt it.
He hit me painfully hard in my right leg. It hurt so bad I didn't even scream. I opened my mouth to yell but I couldn't. James swung the bat again at my stomach. Tears were forming in my eyes as I looked up. Why is he doing this?
"UGH, J..J…James…s-stop this…" I gasped
"Shut the fuck up Victoria! Why do you never do what I fucking tell you? You fucking bitch" He rose the bat up and hit me in the right side of my head. I felt suddenly dizzy. I looked up at him but suddenly couldn't see him. Blood started getting in my eyes. I went to move them out of my way but couldn't. James grabbed my right arm. I clenched my eyes shut. This is it. He's going to kill me. I had to do something, but what? Beg was the only thing I could do.
"James…p-please…no more…I can't take it…J-James…it's me…Alice!" I whispered as strongly as I could. I turned to look at him in the eyes. He reached out to my face and smeared off the blood from my eyes. I looked up at him and he was staring at my head. He reached up a finger and pushed it into my gash. "Oh God, James!!"
I felt more blood come down my face and I moaned in pain. I couldn't scream any more. My throat was so dry.
"S-s-stop, oh please…it h-hurts sssooo much…" I cried.
He didn't hear me. He just stared at me, watching the blood flow around us.
"You so pretty Victoria. I never want to live a day without you again" James leaned in and kissed me on my lips. I cried louder. This was my first kiss.
I shrieked away from him and moved my head away from his hurtful fingers. James sat up on his heels.
"So that's how it's going to be huh? You denying me again. So you didn't learn your lesson?" James started to get up again with the baseball bat, when I heard a loud bang on the front door of the shed.
"Oh my God! Get that boy!" someone yelled
I heard loud cries around me. I faintly heard James scream 'NO' but I didn't listen. I shut my eyes as hard as I could. I wanted to leave this place. I wanted to stop hurting.
I felt arms go around me but I didn't have the energy to move. I just stayed there and waited. Thankfully I heard a woman yell 'call 911'
By then I was knocked out.
I was in the hospital for three months from what James did to me. At first I was so scared that I was going to lose my memory again, but then I realized that I want my memory to go. I don't want to remember James and what he did to me. I don't want to remember what it felt like to get beaten up that badly. I don't want to remember the fact that my best friend almost killed me and that I'm all alone again.
I started to cry here in the car and Miss Fetcher looked over at me.
"What's the matter Alice?"
"N-nothing" I muttered as I dried my tears with my sleeve.
Miss Fetcher is now taking me to my third orphanage. I really don't want to go. I don't want to be around anyone that could hurt me. But Miss Fetcher told me that I was going to be fine. She said this is a small orphanage with good kids in it. She said that just yesterday another little girl just came in who also had something bad happen to her. That she was going to be my roommate.
We arrived at the new orphanage and it just looked like a big house. Miss Fetcher carried my bags for me. She walked upstairs with my bags; while I stayed down to meet my new temporary caretaker. She seemed nice enough. I saw Miss Fetcher come down from the room. She walked up and hugged me.
"Well Alice, you're all set up. Your room is the just up the stairs and it's the last one on the left. I hope you like it better here. You have my card, if anything bad happens please call me. Okay?"
"Okay" I smiled at her and hugged her back. Even though I don't like her too much, she's still the only constant person I have in my life.
Miss Fetcher left and I started walking up the stairs. I was really nervous. I hope this person is nice.
I walked into the room and saw the blonde girl there looking back at me. I looked deep in her eyes and saw something there. I know that look. That looked is mirrored back at her. We both have suffered.
While keeping eye contact with her, I sat on the wooden floor. I don't know what came over me, but something in the way she looked at me made me sad. I pulled my knees up to me and cried. I cried for the parents I'll never know, I cried for what James did to me, and I cried for this beautiful blonde girl that looks so sad. I continued to rock myself back and forth. It wasn't long before I felt another pair of little arms wrap around me. I looked up and saw the beautiful blonde girl; she had tears in her eyes too.
"I'm Rosaline…but you can call me Rose. Please tell me what's wrong" she cried.
I looked up at her and hugged her as tightly as I can.
"Please promise you won't ever hurt me, please. I can't handle it. Please don't hurt me" I cried
She hugged me back and I felt her smile faintly against my head
"I promise. I'll protect you."
A/N: Awe, I love Rose. So, there's little Alice. I hope you all liked her.
Show me some love and give me a review please.
Much love darlings,
Roxy
