Star Trekin'...Across Kingdom Hearts
On the Gummi Ship Nobody, under Superior!
Star Trekin'...Across Kingdom Hearts
Only going forward, 'cause-ah crap, I'm out of here.
Author's Note(s): Woot! It's that time again---I'M COMPLETELY OUT OF MY MIND AND HATING EVERY SECOND OF JUNIOR YEAR!!! My Beta can testify for that---
Beta's Note: Senior year rocks! Whoo! XD
Author's Note (again): ...Anywas, it's finally up. And...I would like to dedicate this chapter to the awesomely crazy-wait, can I actually do that without author's consent? Ah, what the hell. Right...I would like to dedicate this chapter to Fenny Piper!!! Your Wonderland parodies and crazy Orwell conspiracies are...well, crazy. Like 'shrooms. Yeah. (What happened to Walmart, man?! XD)
Second, to HeathelFuss.Thank you for your duct tape, mushroom, and dress idea! You will be happy with this chapter. Very happy. Happy like...Axel in Vegas. Wait-that's Lxord...
Third...TO EVERYONE ELSE WHO SUPPORTED/REVIEW/READ THIS FIC! I wuv you! X3
Beta's Note the 2nd: What 'bout me?
Author's Note (gaah!): ...Anyways...Enjoy this chapter. The next one won't come for a while. So many stories, so little-friggin'-short time thankstomofohomework...Grr...
Day Four
The horror of what is yet to come has not been written yet, so therefore it had never happened.
Unfortunately, this is not the case, and the horror came whether it liked it or not.
Once upon a time-or maybe twice-there was an unearthly paradise 2,000 light years within the far reaches of space. The world turned on its axis, as it always had for who knows how long. The only queer detail was that it was spinning on its axis upside down, which is entirely impossible.
Then again, time travel, motion-sensor game consoles that could play all generations of Nintendo games, God, homosexual acts, and Haley Joel Osment playing as Sora all seemed impossible, but they happened at one point or another and thus no one really cared. So the queer detail was written down on a scrap of paper and was thrown into the garbage disposal, destined to be forgotten for all times.
The world itself was strange, considering the fact that there was a time lag upon entering the atmosphere. Like falling into a deep, dark rabbit hole, the journey of falling into a deep, dark rabbit hole was indeed very much like falling into a deep, dark rabbit, the journey of falling into a deep, dark rabbit hole was indeed very much like...
Ooh, déjà vu.
That was what Luxord had thought when he had sat down for a never ending tea party with two of Wonderland's psychopaths. Like all déjà vu, he had a feeling that something bad was going to happen, but could not understand why.
"So, as I was saying," the Mad Hatter began, twirling his fingers in a dramatic way, "why IS a raven like a writing desk?"
Ooh, déjà vu, thought Luxord as he took a sip of the tea. He then quickly spit it back out---
---The tea was actually coffee.
"Some mad tea party it is indeed if you're to start serving coffee now," grumbled Luxord, pouring the dark contents upon the ground.
"Ah, my bad. Here, try this." The March Hare randomly grabbed a teapot and poured into another randomly grabbed teacup. He handed it to the blond man who had sat down with them since who knows when with a little toss. The teacup spun on the flying saucer upon which it came with and was caught by Luxord, who didn't bother to catch the saucer as well. The saucer disappeared into the bush.
Luxord sipped daintily and spit the liquid back out. "Coke?! What the---?!"
"Hmm...Nope, maybe this." The Mad Hatter grabbed a particularly large teapot with an equally large tea cozy. He struggled with it, poured it into another cup, and handed the cup to Luxord.
He took one look at it and poured it on the ground. "...Milk."
"Whoops. Here!"
"...Orange juice..."
"Maybe this one?"
"...Water."
"Well, that's one part down. Now all we need is the tea bag. In the meanwhile, here."
"...It's the bloody Dormouse."
"Twinkle, twinkle little bat," squeaked the Dormouse sleepily as it stumbled out of the cup and onto the table. It swayed to and fro as it walked, stopped in front of the random teapot. It climbed in and fell into the liquid with a plop, the lid falling neatly back into place. The two men and one rabbit watched keenly the whole time. Their waiting paid off; one minute later the mouse rocketed out of the teapot with a maniacal yell. It whizzed about in the air as if it was some rocket with crack as fuel, all the while singing/screaming, "TWINKLE, TWINKLE WHAT THE (BEEP)!"
Luxord and his companions applauded in awe. That was when a giant, ball-like thingy came crashing through the gates and rolled them up---
But we are getting a bit ahead of ourselves, dear reader(s). Let us go back to the actual beginning of this new chapter.
::: Sometime earlier that day... :::
"Wait...I know this..."
Axel rubbed his chin in thought while concentrating on the Superior. The said man rolled his eyes and repeated the action. He continually pointed to himself when Axel's bright green eyes brighten up when he finally understand the action's meaning. "'I'!" he shouted triumphantly. The Superior nodded and then opened his palm at him. He then closed it, then opened it, closed it, opened it...
"Oh, wait...wait...'give'? No, no," Axel said hurriedly, upon seeing the annoyed look on the other man's face. He closed his eyes and massaged his temples, trying to come up with the answer. So far, the only things that are occupying his mental space at the time are Roxas, Roxas, Roxas, Roxas, and drugs. Lots of drugs. LSD, crack, speed, marijuana, mushrooms...
Speaking of mushrooms..."Oh, I know! 'Want'!" Axel pumped the air with his fist when he earned a nod. He then went back to focusing on the Superior when the dark man proceeded on. This time, he balled up his hand, his thumb placed on the side of the fist.
"'A'," replied Axel with a smile. It was strange that he knew sign language (especially an American one), but he didn't care; he was on a roll.
They were now down to the last word. A drop of sweat trickled down the smooth, shaven side of the Superior's dark face. His white brows are furrowed together in concentration as he searches for a way to explain this last word through body language. Whatever action he chose, it must be a difficult one to interpret at all cost; should Axel win and guess correctly, he'll be forced to go by the name of Mansex for the rest of this mission. Everything was at stake. Here he goes...
The Superior's two hands shot out, palms facing in. He curled his fingers inward, the tips lightly touching. His thumbs swerved down, forming the point. Axel took one look at it and yelled out the winning word: "'Heart'! 'I want a heart!'"
"CURSES!" rumbled the Superior-or who we now must call 'Mansex'-in response. He glared at the laughing red head with a death glare that had once caused others to quiver and shake in their boots. Now, however, the Great Cosmos is a place of poor manners and no order. Death glares are now considered to be humorous, especially when they are sent by someone whose name is an anagram for gay smex. It is pity, really...
"This OOC-ing is really getting out of hand," grumbled Roxas as he stepped out a newly formed portal. He passed by a suddenly happy Axel, ignoring him in the process, and stood in front of the Su-...Mansex. "Sir, what is the mission?"
"Mission...? Oh yes, mission," Mansex coughed loudly in an attempt to regain his composure. "Let us retire then...to the Meeting Room!" He then snapped his fingers, the sound resonating throughout the white-washed room they are currently in.
Suddenly, without any warning, there was a flash of extremely bright rainbow colors. Roxas and Axel shielded their eyes from being blind when darkness took over.
The two lower members of the once united Organization became stranded in midair. They looked about wearily, both wondering if they had fallen into a portal without knowing. That theory was quickly blasted away when they saw Mansex's blown-up face bobbing around in the air. Written words, or rather gibberish tumbled out from his mouth, reading something along these lines:
MMM PIE WHY ILOVE P I E TH E Y AREVE RY GOODA NDDE LICIOU S CANT WAIT FORMO R E TO NIG H T ♥
Both Roxas and Axel took one look at one another and mouthed their thoughts together: WTF?!
They were suddenly transported into the Meeting Room, each sitting in his assigned seat. Mansex, in all of his superior anagram glory, rubbed his chin majestically as he looked down upon his two underlings. "Ah, yes...the katamari is truly a mystery of the world, perhaps even more mysterious than that of the heart. What is it that makes it behave so, allowing objects to stick to it in a very non-sticky manner?" He glanced about at the other ten empty seats, hard and cold from lack of warmth from one's behind.
Roxas sighed. "Perhaps it is not meant to be meddled with then, for the katamari is further than the heart is from your grasp for knowledge."
"Perhaps, Number 13...but unfortunately we must meddle with it, because it is God's wish-"
This God-person again? Roxas and Axel both thought at exactly the same time.
"-and if we are to right the wrongs that we've committed, we therefore must compensate through hard labor. Since I am leader, it is natural that the hard labor should befall those of lesser rank," concluded Mansex, much to the objection of the other Nobodies. However, before either Axel or Roxas could voice their thoughts on this, the dark man lifted one hand majestically as a gesture for silence. He then proceeded on, his deep velvet voice rumbling, "But now to the matters at hand. We, my insignificant Nobodies, have received a mission!
The mission hereby states as follow: As the Organization XIII That Never Was ("Man, this 'technically doesn't exist' thing is getting old fast," grumbled Axel under his breath.), we are to report to a distress call coming from a world known as...Wonderland. It is a colorful and whimsical world, but a warning-it is also a place of unreliable physics and irrefutable illogic. Everything, from the pretty flowers to the pretty people, is a code and a riddle-"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa there, Mansex. Did you say...Wonderland?" Axel asked, his eyes gleaming. Roxas gulped and turned away; he knows that gleam. It was a gleam Number 8 usually has whenever he comes up with an ulterior motive in the great scheme of life or when he was just really high. In this case, it was both. "Wonderland...The land of the 'shrooms, right?"
"If you are talking about those awesomely adorable White Mushrooms that never appeared in our game, then yes. If you are talking about the Black Fungus, then no-they only appear in Agrabah and Halloween Town. If you are talking about the Rare Truffles, then no-they only appear in-"
"Alright, we get it!" yelled Roxas, who summoned a katamari and threw it at Mansex's head in annoyance. The katamari attached itself to the dark man's forehead with a squeak.
Mansex coughed majestically behind one hand. "Yes, moving on...Your mission is to take place in Wonderland. Any questions?"
He was met with silence. Roxas and Axel stared at one another and shrugged. They were both about to open their mouth when Mansex quickly said in conclusion, "Excellent. Well then, tut-tut, cheerio. Number 8, Number 13."
Once again, the two lesser members of the once-organized Organization found themselves falling into suddenly evoked portals, or in Number 13's case, toppling backward due to his katamari thrown back at him by Mansex and connecting with his head. They went through the random flashes of colors and the darkness, reencountered Mansex's oversized head (OMG L OA DSCRE E N S ARE FUNARE THE YNO T?) before suddenly finding themselves falling down an enormous hole. There was an obvious time lag, for they traveled at the pace of a Large Body (which, as you know, isn't very fast, unless you've never played Kingdom Hearts before, but then, I question…Why the hell you are even reading this?!). However, the time lag was lifted and soon the two plummeted through the air and crashed against the floor below as hard as you would against the softest of pillows.
This all happened in about three seconds.
Roxas groaned and lifted his head easily, much to his surprise. "What...what happened?" he muttered to himself. He reached up to rub his head when he caught sight of Axel staring at him---
---Or WAS it Axel?
He still had the same wild red spikes and the same shiny green eyes, though not the same black regulation cloak. Instead, Axel now sported a pink with purple stripes zoot suit, complete with a pink and purple fedora and equally pink and purple shoes. On top of that, he had a tail, which flexed on its own in amusement.
"Axel?" asked Roxas nervously as he sit up. He then noticed the other man was keeping suspiciously quiet and that a surprised yet excited look was plastered all over his face. He then realized it was directed right at him.
Roxas gulped nervously and looked down, already having an idea that somehow his appearance had been altered as well. However, whatever he had in mind was not this: Roxas, the Key of Destiny, Number 13 of the ex-Organization, was wearing a dress. A frilly blue dress to be exact, complete with the frilly puffed-up sleeves and the frilly white apron whose pockets are way too small to be of any use. He also had on frilly white knee-socks and polished black dress shoes with golden buttons encased on the strap. To top it all off, there was a frilly blue ribbon tied onto his head.
"Oh dear God..." he moaned, struggling to stand up. To his horror, he discovered that as he did so, the area between his legs were particularly breezy. He closed his eyes and placed one hand over his hump and yes-he could feel the outline of woman-styled panties, no doubt frilly as well. Roxas groaned and buried his face in his hands. This can't be happening...
"Thank you, God," breathed Axel in ecstasy. He then grinned as how the wolf does when he caught sight of a voluptuous red head from a Droopy cartoon and slowly sauntered over. Roxas' eyes widen in fear and he tried to get away, but then Axel was immediately next to him and then---
"YOU TWO! THIS IS NOT A YAOI FANFIC UNLESS I PROCLAIM IT TO BE SO!" boomed the deep, velvet voice of none other than Mansex, the master of interruptions.
"You're kidding!" yelled Axel in dismay, while Roxas mentally cheered.
Roxas then turned around and swiftly kneed the red haired, pyrokinetic pedophile, who doubled over in pain. Seeing that it was his chance to escape this strange and rather OOC fanfic, Roxas lifted up the skirt of his dress slightly and tried to run down the hallway-path-thingy of the rabbit hole, only to collide against the much hated invisible wall from the previous two games. "You're kidding!" grumbled Roxas as he twitched on the floor.
"I kid you two not. Now, we have much work to do-summon forth your katamari!"
Once both Roxas and Axel recovered, they grumbled and summoned their handy-dandy notebook (ding!)-…I mean…katamari.
"Excellent...Now, go forth and combine them together!"
"If this is as close as we are to having a baby, then let's do this," smirked Axel, who swung his katamari-laden hands together to form one big ball. Roxas grimaced and rolled his eyes at the comment before doing the same. Then, in a flash of light, the two Nobodies pressed their katamaris together and before them stood a black and white katamari twice their height.
"You both understand the procedure?"
"No," replied the two blatantly. The sound of a crash echoed throughout the hall, with the only possible explanation being that Mansex had fallen off his seat and crashed to the floor below back at the Castle.
The moment of silence was shattered by a loud cough. "Just roll, dammit!" hissed Mansex. "Roll the bloody mushrooms up in-"
"Wait, why the mushrooms?" interrupted Roxas with a raise of his hand. It was his nature to be precise with everything.
Mansex groaned. "Because, that is our (beep)ing mission, Number 13! Now don't question me any more, for we are running out of precious time and have been delaying the story for long enough! Now, you two are to roll up the mushrooms and do so in-"
"Hey, after we roll 'em up, can we keep them?" asked Axel excitedly, waving one hand like a loony. When he was met by strained silence, he raised one short eyebrow and crossed his arms. "You said to Roxy about the no question part, okay? Not me."
"No, you may not. Now-"
"Why?"
"Because...just because!"
"Why, that's not a good answer-"
"NUMBER 8, SHUT UP!!!" yelled both Mansex and Roxas in frustration.
Axel shrugged. "Well, it wasn't."
"AS I WAS SAYING," Mansex seethed through his teeth. "You are to roll up the mushrooms, as large as you can, all in 5 minutes. If neither of you can accomplish this mission, expect great pain, suffering, and to live here for as long as your non-existent lives can let you."
Roxas' eyes shot up in fear; Mansex wouldn't dare! Then again, this was the same guy who went out of his way to change his outfit at the very last minute before the final ultimate fight between good and evil-a feat thought impossible and rather pointless. Speaking of that, he rather liked that particular design, with its fancy black swirls as a sort of symbolism for the darkness that consumed them. Maybe he should really talk to Mansex about bringing that back someday-
"BEGIN!!!" boomed Mansex in all of his deep, velvety glory, and he went out without another word.
Or shut up, considering that he wasn't technically there to begin with; Roxas and Axel couldn't care less.
"Let's get this over with," muttered Roxas, placing his hands firmly on the giant katamari. Axel did the same and the two rolled off down the hall way.
All and all, if Roxas may say so himself, the task was a fairly pleasant one. After all, here they are in one of the most gorgeous and beautiful worlds in the Great Cosmos, with a lovely musical track playing in the background (the Chocobo theme, as the author decided, because the chlorine put such pretty pictures in her head that day...) to serve in boosting morale, and looking for mushrooms. Okay, so the mushroom part was something that his partner was interested in, but that wasn't the point; it was the gorgeous and beautiful scenery that makes rolling up a bit more enjoyable---
---Wait a sec, thought Roxas. He narrowed his eyes at a large red flower next to a large boulder beside a large wall of grass blades as he rolled pass by it. Only a few moments later he saw them again.
And again.
And again.
"...Axel? Are we-"
"Going in circles? Yep," finished the redhead with a sigh. He stopped rolling with Roxas following and the katamari came to a dead halt. "I have absolutely no idea why though."
"Well, this is our first time doing this whole partner-rolling, right? I mean, we didn't exactly receive a tutorial on this," muttered Roxas.
"So THAT'S why!"
"Of course."
"And here I thought I was just high."
"...Axel, you're always high..."
"Not until I'm with you," leered the taller Nobody as he leaned over the shorter one, tipping his fedora hat forward in an attempt at sexiness. Unfortunately for him, Roxas was originally designed as an atypical teenage boy, and he easily shunned the older man's advance with a roll of his eyes. "But sex aside, I would like you to know that we have exactly three minutes left, with not a single mushroom."
Roxas blinked. "How...how would you know that?"
"Somehow...there's this really weird trippy time-tracker thingy at the high corner of my-and probably yours as well-peripheral vision."
"Wait-that really weird thing that says 2:59 minutes? Now 2:58? 2:57?"
"Pretty much."
"Oh." Roxas gulped nervously. "Crap, we're screwed."
Axel raised an eyebrow. "Not that I mind, got it memorized?" he leered again with a smirk.
"Too many times," grumbled the blond teen with a huff.
"Aw, baby, you know that it's all love between us," the older man cooed in retaliation.
"For the last time, we're (beep)ing Nobodies-we can't feel!"
"Oh, really? Then explain the-holyshitakemushrooms!!!"
Roxas looked up at his partner, an eyebrow raised in confusion. "Excuse me?"
The redhead stared straight ahead, his eyes suddenly lit up and sparkling like a couple of fireworks at a Disneyland theme park. Roxas followed his partner's view and gasped in joy. Sure enough, dead ahead of them, as a single White Mushroom.
Subtly, the BGM shifted from the Chocobo theme to that of the song 'Hallelujah', and back again.
"Roxas..."
"Axel..."
"LET'S (BEEP)ING DO THIS!" The two yelled at the exact same time. Together, they quickly put both of their hands onto the giant katamari and sped towards the White Mushroom. The said Heartless somehow didn't notice that a very large, black-and-white ball-thingy was bulldozing toward it, which was all and all very good for the two Nobodies trying to bulldoze it down. However, that's because the Mushroom doesn't need to notice, for it knew that it was not going to be bulldoze down. Which, needless to say, but we shall say it nonetheless, was bad and surprising for our two unknowing heroes.
The katamari suddenly stopped just a feet shy of its target. "What the-?!" screamed Axel in non-existential fury. "We're so close!"
"Why?!" moaned Roxas in agony as well. He pushed and pushed with all of his might, but alas! The katamari would not budge! He let go of the katamari and walked around it, wanting to find that stupid Mushroom on the other side and give it a piece of his mind. Frilly-style.
"Hey!"
Oops, author's bad. What she meant to say was Dressy-I mean...Cutesy-style.
"Stop thinking about my dress!"
Aw, but it's such a cute dress! Every girl would die to have one!
"Not to mention every guy would die to get into one," snickered Axel, "if you know what I mean."
In less than 0.5 seconds Roxas' uppercut connected with the redhead's jaw, sending him flying over the tall blades that were the grass. Axel was never seen again.
"Thank God," muttered Roxas with annoyance, and he turned back to his original task. What was it? Oh yes, giving the stupid White Mushroom a piece of his mind-with only a minute and a half left on the clock.
"One minute and a half left!" boomed the overly velvet voice of Mansex. "Gather those Mushrooms or you will face unspeakable horrors!" However, as far as Roxas was concerned, he was already facing the 'unspeakable horrors', which came in the forms of a redheaded nymphomaniac, an extremely pompous OOC superior, some sticky balls, and a frilly dress.
Especially the frilly dress.
Oh well, at least I'll be able to get one Mushroom, thought Roxas grumpily. He finally poked his head around the giant katamari and glared at the accursed White Mushroom. "Found you, you little (BEEP)," he growled at it.
The White Mushroom stared back at him with astonished yellow eyes, all the while swaying back and forth like a metronome.
Roxas sighed heavily. "How about letting me roll you up, so I can end this stupid game? I only have like...45 seconds left. Please?" the blond pleaded, though not very well due to his being a Nobody and thus failing at body gestures. To his surprise, the Mushroom turned its head to look up as if considering, before nodding. "...For real?"
The blond regretted letting down his guard for that one brief moment of assuming he was out of the woods. As soon as he had asked that, the Mushroom began to pantomime a message. It ran in place, all the while pointing toward a black opening in the wall down the road. A crooked pink sign with the words "TEA PARTY" scribbled in a child's hand writing was set above the door. Roxas took one look at the charade before groaning. "You want me...to chase you?" he whispered.
The Mushroom did a cheer, and disappeared with a poof. Roxas stared at the empty spot with wide eyes and the lower half of his jaw dropping to the floor.
"20 seconds!" Mansex yelled out.
"Shit!" screamed Roxas. He ran back to the other side of the katamari and began to push with all of his might, much to no avail. Or any caring that he had said a bad word several times in a roll, in a T-rated fic. "Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit-!!!"
There was now 15 seconds left on the clock. What Roxas needed now was a miracle---
---That was when something red collided against him, giving him the extra push the young Nobody had needed. The katamari began to roll and eventually picked up speed, heading straight for the "TEA PARTY"...
::: Now back to the beginning of the story, where we had left off... :::
"So, as I was saying," the Mad Hatter began, twirling his fingers in a dramatic way, "why IS a raven like a writing desk?"
Ooh, déjà vu, thought Luxord as he took a sip of the tea. He then quickly spit it back out---
---The tea was actually coffee.
"Some mad tea party it is indeed if you're to start serving coffee now," grumbled Luxord, pouring the dark contents upon the ground.
"Ah, my bad. Here, try this." The March Hare randomly grabbed a teapot and poured into another randomly grabbed teacup. He handed it to the blond man who had sat down with them since who knows when with a little toss. The teacup spun on the flying saucer which it came with and was caught by Luxord, who didn't bother to catch the saucer as well. The saucer disappeared into the bush.
Luxord sipped daintily and spit the liquid back out. "Coke?! What the---?!"
"Hmm...Nope, maybe this." The Mad Hatter grabbed a particularly large teapot with an equally large tea cozy. He struggled with it, poured it into another cup, and handed the cup to Luxord.
He took one look at it and poured it on the ground. "...Milk."
"Whoops. Here!"
"...Orange juice..."
"Maybe this one?"
"...Water."
"Well, that's one part down. Now all we need is the tea bag. In the meanwhile, here."
"...It's the bloody Dormouse."
"Twinkle, twinkle little bat," squeaked the Dormouse sleepily as it stumbled out of the cup and onto the table. It swayed to and fro as it walked, stopped in front of the random teapot. It climbed in and fell into the liquid with a plop, the lid falling neatly back into place. The two men and one rabbit watched keenly the whole time. Their waiting paid off; one minute later the mouse rocketed out of the teapot with a maniacal yell. It whizzed about in the air as if it was some rocket with crack as fuel, all the while singing/screaming, "TWINKLE, TWINKLE WHAT THE (BEEP)!"
Luxord and his companions applauded in awe. That was when a White Mushroom appeared out of nowhere on the table, spilling over many of the teapots and cups.
The March Hare glanced over at his partner. "Did you invited him?"
"I thought you did," replied the Mad Hatter with a sniff. "You always did bring the rudest friends about."
That was when a giant, ball-like thingy came crashing through the gates and rolled them up. Along with Luxord, who at that moment had found the correct cup that actually had tea.
"Bullocks," muttered the blond, goatee-wearing Nobody when he was suddenly blinded by an array of bright, flashy, extremely gay display of colors.
"Hmm, what do we have here?"
Roxas sighed inaudibly and wavered slightly. It had been a long and trippy day. Thankfully, he was finally out of the godforsaken dress and back in his uniform, even though he did felt a slight-SLIGHT-remorse at losing the feeling of no restriction in his nether region. Just a bit. It wasn't as if he was attached to it. Nuh-uh. Of course not.
"...Number 13..."
Nope, he wasn't attached to it at all.
"...What is that, in your hand?"
Roxas looked down and stared at the white, frilly bundle in his hand impassively. He then looked up at Mansex and gave a shrug.
Mansex stared blankly at his young subordinate and turned away, deciding not to question the matter further. "Anyways...let's review, shall we?" The large four-in-one katamari appeared in mid air and floated above Mansex's enlarged hand. "Hmm...I must say...I am most displeased. Here you have a fine, large katamari, and yet nothing to cover it. Except for this puny little Mushroom-" he pointed menacingly to prove his displeasure, "-this katamatari feels most...bare. Empty. Nothingness. However, I suppose that emptiness is a human emotion as well, is it not? Like when your beloved left you behind at home without saying a single word. And not only that, but he also forgot to leave dinner! He didn't make any dinner, so how was one supposed to eat?! Did he expect me to starve while he is out doing whatever it is he is doing, that no-good, bitchy, whiney, self-centered, blue-haired wh-"
For some unknown reason, Mansex stopped and caught himself before he could unveil any other disturbing facts. Or perhaps, it had something to do with Number 13's look, with his eyes nearly popping out and becoming deadly pale; a classic 'WTF' face mixed with a 'TMI' look.
The enlarged Nobody coughed loudly and continued on. "Like I was saying, emptiness and nothingness-both synonyms and states of emotion, and emotions do make up the heart. So therefore, I would like to conclude that...Oh, I forgot something." He moved his other hand, hidden by the shadow, and revealed a man with the most bewildered look upon his face. "Ah, goodness, Number 10, what were YOU doing, rolled up in this katamari?"
Number 10, Luxord, stared up wildly at the large mug that was his ex-Superior's face and then at Roxas, who shrugged grimly. The goatee man looked back at Mansex and quivered slightly.
"What? You were just minding your own business and paying your old friends a visit, all the while trying to get some tea, when a strange, outlandish ball came out of nowhere, rolled up your friends, the strange Mushroom that had interrupted your party, AND you as well, just as you had finally found tea?" mused Mansex as he tossed the katamari around. Luxord glanced back at Roxas with a curious look, at which Roxas merely shrugged again. However, as Luxord turned his attention back to Mansex, on the lines of complimenting the dark man's incredible insight, he was shunned by him. "I have no idea what you are talking about."
Much to Roxas' amusement, Luxord face-vaulted to the floor.
"But let us continue...with what is not much to continue. Therefore, I thus approve this near empty katamari..." he trailed off, as if trying to make the mood more suspenseful. As usual, no one cared, except for Luxord, who was new to this sort of thing. "...Of being a heart of a world!"
He had boomed the last part, making the two Nobodies jumping out of their skin, and chuckled in amusement.
As before, Mansex tossed the katamari up into the sky, where it flew past the atmosphere and into the great voids of space. A bright light appeared, the katamari changed, yada yada yada...
"Lo and behold...Meaningless Moon of the Thirteenth Cosmic that Never Was," Mansex said with a wave of his hand at the new star, a dull, black and white...round-thing covered in a checkered pattern.
"What the hell?" asked Roxas, once he was allowed to speak.
"It was named after you."
"...May I repeat: What. The. Hell?"
"Ah, Number 13," sighed Mansex with all of his exaltedness, "you will never understand the great workings of the mind of a genius."
"And thank God too," muttered Roxas underneath his breath.
"Oh yes...about your punishment." Roxas looked up, gulping nervously. The dark Nobody stared at him long and hard, which seemed to last about nine seconds or so. "At least you got a Mushroom," he finally said with a sigh. "Just be sure to next time try a bit harder and get some work done?"
"Yes, sir."
"And do tell Axel that he's due for a punishment should he return?"
"Of course, sir." With pleasure, thought Roxas evilly. A hurt Axel was a good Axel in his books.
(That was not kinkiness, by the way, the author would like to state.)
("Suuuuuuuurrrrreeee it isn't… ;p" the Beta snickered behind said author's back.)
"Good, you may go." At that command, Roxas disappeared in a portal. Mansex sighed again and too enveloped himself in a portal, but not before muttering, "The next time I see Axel, I'm going to kill him." The great, black, empty space was empty once more.
"...Hello?" Luxord called out. The darkness seemed to swallow his voice up, preventing an echo from forming. "Um...I'm still here...and what's going on exactly? Ah, bullocks."
::: Meanwhile... :::
"Crap."
Axel scratched his head and sighed. He was back at the red flower-for the thousandth time. "I swore that I made that left turn at the rock..."
And so ends...DAY FOUR.
Next time on Dragon Ball-I mean...Katamari Hearts:
Roxas vs. Lexaeus
Superior vs. bright colors
Luxord vs. extreme confusion
Axel vs...wait-he's still stuck in Wonderland. Hmm...
(Or IS he? Dun Dun Duuun...Olympus Coliseum!!! XP)
