Chuck opened his mouth, but no words came out. He didn't know what to say. He wanted to make Sarah feel okay, to make her feel better, but he knew lying wouldn't achieve that end. So Chuck made it simple. He told the truth.
"Sarah… I don't know what I want. No, that's a lie. I know what I want. Put simply, I want you. I want to be with you, all the time, to make you laugh and protect you and make you happy. And I want to make a difference. I've had a taste of saving lives, of being important, for once in my life. Before this all happened, I was a Nerd Herder. I literally had no impact on the lives of anyone around me. But now, I mean," Here Chuck paused and ran his hands through his hair, exasperated. "…I've stolen diamonds, and I've put away bad guys, and I've had some experience making a difference in the world, and I love feeling like someone's life will be different because of me. And I want all that. But I also want to be with my family. I want Awesome to take me white water rafting, I want Ellie to be indecently happy at any sign of our relationship, and I want Morgan to constantly interrupt at the very worst moment. I just can't figure out how to reconcile those wants."
Sarah knew what was coming. Chuck was going to tell her he couldn't rip himself from his family. He couldn't do that to them, and the worst part was, even though it would break her heart, she couldn't hate him for it. In fact, she would only love him more. She saw in his eyes the truth of his words, that he wanted to be with her, and the fact that he would put that aside…the fact that he would deny himself something he'd wanted for two years, just for his family…she loved him for it.
Sarah pulled away from Chuck's hand. She steeled herself to say what she needed to, to make it okay for him. She didn't want him to hurt because she couldn't handle something that was supposed to be status quo for her.
"I get it, Chuck. I know how you feel, I promise. I hope someday you can forget about me. I hope you find someone who will make you happy, because I can't." Sarah started to walk away, leaving a startled Chuck in her wake. This time, though, Chuck wasn't about to let her walk out of his life. He grabbed her arm, and pulled her back into him.
"You're not going anywhere. I told you, I want to be with you. And we still have two days before I have to tell Beckman what I want. And we're going to spend those two days thinking about this. Because there's no way I'm letting you walk out of my life. We'll find a way, Sarah." Chuck pulled Sarah into his chest, wrapping his long arms around her petite frame. "We'll find a way, Sarah. I promise."
Sarah looked up into the big brown eyes she could get lost in. She didn't know what she had done to deserve such a decent man, someone who cared about others so much more than himself.
Suddenly, a loud clatter from above them took Sarah and Chuck by surprise. She snatched her gun from her waistband as Chuck ducked behind her.
"Freeze!" She screamed, anger from being interrupted spilling over into her command.
"Relax, Walker. It's just me." Casey put up his hands and leisurely walked down the staircase. "Bartowski was having a fit because he didn't know where you were so I came over to make sure he didn't do anything foolish."
Chuck gave Casey a "Gee, thanks" look, and straightened up behind Sarah. He and Sarah stood side by side, both staring at Casey. Finally Sarah spoke up.
"Okay, Casey. He's here. I'm here. Anything else he can help you with?" Sarah was surprisingly eager to get back to their conversation, to feel his arms around her again, considering her aptitude-or lack thereof- for emotional talks.
"Nah. But my shift was almost over, and I think I'll start packing up. Got a couple favorite guns down here I want to make sure I take with me when Bartowski goes back to his Buy More-centric loser life." Casey grinned at his quip. Chuck snapped his head up, ready to retort, just as Chuck's cell phone rang. He pulled the iPhone from his pocket and saw Ellie's picture gleaming up at him from the touch screen's surface.
"Excuse me if I don't stick around and listen to your jabs, Casey. I have to take this." Chuck strode off in the direction of the holding cells, and Sarah followed him with her eyes. Casey noticed her forlorn look and grunted. A number 6, she thought. Sympathetic, and yet also incredulous.
"You knew what would happen, Walker. If you got involved with him. You knew this would happen." Sarah turned on him with fierce eyes, the usually warm blue frozen over, as if there were tiny orbs of ice instead of pools of reflective light.
"I didn't know about this. I didn't know that he would have this choice placed on his shoulders. You're telling me you don't feel for him? You've seen how he looks at us, with admiration, and you've seen him with his family. And now he has to choose? Tell me you don't feel any sympathy for him at all."
Casey looked up at her, his turn to be angry. "Yeah, Walker. I feel for the kid. You know who I don't feel for? You. You knew you'd have to leave him someday. And you knew falling for him would screw with your perfect record as an agent. And now it will. And it's a waste. Because you're…you were a great agent before him."
"And you don't think I'm a great agent now. Because I've shown that I'm human, that I have emotions? If he joined us, if all three of us were a team…we'd be perfect. With a little training, he could be a fantastic agent. The three of us work well together, whether or not I'm a hopelessly compromised…weakling." Sarah spat the word disgustedly.
"Sarah?" Chuck had surprised her. He had somehow crept up behind Casey and neither of them had noticed. She looked into his eyes and knew he had heard her. He had heard her talking about the team they could be. His eyes were swimming. She couldn't tell if she had caused him pain or happiness. "Um…Ellie wanted to talk to us. She asked for both of us. Is it okay if we go meet her?"
"Sure, Chuck. No problem, let's go." Just the prospect of being near Ellie brightened Sarah's eyes. She so loved feeling part of Ellie's family. She loved the idea that Ellie counted her as a sister.
Sarah and Chuck walked up the steel staircase as Casey shook his head. He didn't know what they were going to do, but he felt for them. Loathe as he was to show it, he really did.
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Sorry about the delay, folks. I wrote up to Chapter 3 in like, a day, it just poured out, and then I had to take a break, and when I came back to it, I didn't know where to go with it. I have about 4 different Chapter 4's saved on my computer. Still very vague about where I'm going with this, if you have a good idea, please let me know. Reviews are a lifesaver! Thanks and enjoy!
