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Chapter 4
When Jude started work at the guitar shop it helped some. At least she had something to do with her days. She would have an occasional fan come in, and ask why she wasn't recording, but for the most part her days were uneventful. She liked dealing with people. And the guitars really reconnected her to music. Just because she didn't want to sing, didn't mean music wasn't still her passion. It just seemed a little lost on her.
She liked the hours at the shop. She didn't have to get up too early, and it kept her occupied until six or seven every night. It was also fun hanging out with Wally. It reminded her of the old days. She was able to feel like her old self again, but when she would get home the sadness would wash back over her.
Most nights she'd cook a small dinner, and flip through channels until she fell asleep. She didn't want to bother anyone with her feelings. Some nights she'd sit on her back patio staring at the sky. One thing that never changed was she kept her journal with her. Lyrics never came to her, but at least she could write down her thoughts.
Tommy didn't want to smother her, so he didn't go over and check on her much. Sadie would stop by his office every day and ask about Jude. It seemed she wasn't even calling Sadie much either. That worried him. Jude was pulling herself away from the people that could help her.
"So, have you seen her?" Sadie asked one Friday.
"Her lights were out when I got home last night. When was the last time you talked to her?"
"I call a couple nights a week, but she doesn't answer. I stopped by the shop Monday during lunch, and she was giving a lesson."
"Did you know she says she's never singing again?"
"I had a feeling. Tommy I'm worried about her."
"Sadie, she has to deal with this in her own way. You have buried yourself in your work."
"Can you check on her?" Sadie pleaded. She wasn't match making; she just thought Tommy was the only one that could really help her.
"Sure." Tommy wished he had a clue how to help her. He didn't know what she was going through. He'd never had a good relationship with his mother. If she died, he wasn't sure if he'd even be sad.
"So what are your plans for the weekend?" Wally asked her while they were closing.
"No plans."
"Well, Spied and I are going to Kyle's apartment to hang out tonight. Karma, Alley, and Kris are taking a girls weekend with baby Ella. You want to come with us?"
"So just hang out like old times?"
"Yeah."
"Sounds good." Jude really liked the idea of hanging out with her old band. They brought out a side of she'd forgotten existed. She was able to laugh again.
She seemed to be hurrying out the front door when Tommy walked over. "Where's the fire?" He chuckled.
"Oh, hey. No fire. I'm just going with Wally and Spied over to Kyle's. The girls have taken baby Ella for the weekend, so we're all going to hang out."
"Yeah, Karma mentioned something about that." He was a bit bummed because he wanted to hang out a bit, but he was glad she was getting out with her friends. She'd been through a lot with the guys.
"Did you need something?"
"No, I just wanted to say hi. I'm glad you're hanging out with the guys."
She was a bit disappointed that she already had plans. A Friday night at home with Tommy would have been great, but Saturday would work also. "What are you doing tomorrow?"
"I have to be at G Major for a little while, but other than that, I don't really have plans."
"Then why don't you come over and I will finally be able to cook for you."
"Okay. That sounds good."
"Then tomorrow it is." She knew they could never go back, but it didn't mean they couldn't be friends.
Hanging out at Kyle's wasn't exactly what Jude expected it to be. Kyle was in college after all. It was crazy with loud music. "Dude, you came!" Kyle said all excited.
"This is what you do when your girlfriend leaves town? Throw wild parties." She laughed.
"Fiancée actually. We're getting married after graduation. I thought this would be a last hurrah."
"Congratulations, Kyle, that's great."
"Thanks. Grab a beer and have fun." He said before Spied and Wally pulled him off to the make shift stage in the living room.
She sat back and watched her former band having fun. Several times the guys tried to get her to jump up there with them, but didn't. It just wasn't something she could bring herself to do. She could remember when she lived for the stage. Something broke in her when she moved to London. Everything had happened so fast; getting back together with Tommy, getting a new record deal in London, and Tommy purposing. She didn't know what to do. When she found out her mom was sick, she felt like she was being punished. She felt like she was still being punished. Everyone had seemed to find their place in life except her.
She completely lost track of how much she had drank. It seemed to be a pattern with her since she got home. It helped her from focusing on her pain. She knew it was wrong, but couldn't stop. Spied had to help her in the house when he took her home.
"Life sucks, Vin." She slurred.
"It's going to be okay, Jude. We all are here for you."
Tommy couldn't sleep thinking about the next day. Could he and Jude really just be friends? He hoped so because he had to have her in his life. He'd been missing part of himself since she left for London. She'd been such a big part of his life from the minute they meet when she was just a fifteen year old punk kid.
He was sitting in his living room going over some lyrics for one of his artists when there was a knock on his door. "Spied, it's pretty late. What's up?" He knew Spied had been with Jude, and he didn't know what to think of him now being on his door step.
"I just took Jude home; her car is still at my place. I saw your light on and thought maybe you could ride with me, and bring her car home."
"Let me grab my wallet and put some shoes on."
The drive to get the car was very enlightening. Spied told Tommy that he too was worried about Jude. "I know she's been through something horrible. I know she and her mom got really close, but this is not Jude. We tried all night to get her to sing with us, but nope. Use to singing was what she did to get her feelings out. I remember her performing at open mic the night after her mom left her."
"How much did she actually drink tonight?"
"Enough that it took both Wally and me to carry her to the car."
"Vin, I don't know what to do, and even if I did; she wouldn't want my help."
When he got her car home, he used her house key to get in so he could leave her keys in the house. He found her bedroom just to check on her. There were dried tears on her face and she was all disheveled. Clutched in her hands was a picture frame. He carefully removed it not to wake her, and found a picture of the two of them that Sadie took at the pajama party they threw all those years before. That made him wonder if Jude had truly moved on, or was there a sliver of hope for them.
There you go. This chapter was really a filler. It shows Jude realizing what she is doing to herself, but not not stopping it. And it shows how worried her friends and family are about her. I wish this was the worst, but you know what they say; you have to hit rock bottom before you can get better. Can Tommy stop the bottom form coming, or will Jude continue to spiral out of control?
