a/n:

Has anyone realized that 15,000 words into this story, our pretty boys haven't even spoken once? Not even on the phone! Well good thing I'm going to fix that in this chapter :)

This chapter was veryyy hard to write. I hope I managed it okay. I was really unsure of how much of the song to put in this one, I've spent half the day deciding how many lyrics there should be and where. So I hope everything fell where it should.

p.s. The bit about the Twins flying the jet is canon! According to the Weebly website that is... They are pilots!


Track 09

One and Only


Logan had been driven to a private airfield by the twins once they had borderline kidnapped him. He had completely forgotten that the twins had the plane and even if he had, he would never have dared to carry out this plan on his own.

"Life isn't a romantic comedy guys!" he had insisted when they proposed "Plan B" to him for the first time in the limo.

They both had snorted at that. "You have been living in a romantic comedy for years Logan," Ethan had said.

"Look on the bright side..." Evan had said, "It's the first time you're not the villain in the movie!"

And now, 2 hours later, he was sitting in their private jet, too nervous to do anything but mull over the situation the twins had put him in.

As ridiculous as this all already was, to cap it all off, the twins were actually piloting the plane. They had insisted it was necessary considering they didn't have time to call in one of their usual pilots, but Logan had a sneaking suspicion that they just wanted an excuse to fly the plane, and subsequently, bother Logan.

"Ethan!" Evan shouted, "I think we forgot to fill the plane with gas!"

"Again!" his brother replied in a terrified voice.

"Would you two quit it!" Logan shouted from where he was sitting on the couch in the main part of the plane. "I'm kind of having a life crisis here!"

The two just laughed, and he heard the speaker crackle again, "Relax there little Knave. Everything will work out."

He had no idea how the two of them were always so confident. He knew this was desperate. He knew he would probably not even get to Julian if he had any amount of security or friends around him. And yet, here he was, sitting in the Twin's private jet, on his way to L.A. to try and make him understand.

"How do you even know where you're going?" Logan called to them, irritated.

"Instruments!" one of them shouted from the cockpit.

"We have the artificial horizon..." said the other.

"Which is better than the actual horizon," one of them finished.

Logan shook his head, he couldn't deal with the two of them right now.

He knew he was late. He knew he should have gathered the courage to do something about it when he still understood his feelings for his best friend. But he couldn't change what he hadn't done... so he just needed a chance to prove that he was worth the risk.

How did that song go?

I promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms

"Perfect," he muttered to himself huffily as he realized the artist of the song, "Another one."


Finally, after what felt like days, the wheels hit the runway. Julian had given up pretending to be asleep and had been sitting on the edge of his seat since the pilot had announced the start of their descent. He just wanted to get off this airplane and be by himself.

On that thought, he pulled out his phone. He had promised Carmen... He looked at Clark's phone number in his phone and had a quick internal debate. He had told her that he would be staying with him tonight before she could set up some security for his little house in Santa Monica.

Which is exactly the opposite of the point of that place, Julian thought to himself.

But he had also told Clark that he was sure he wasn't going to take the movie. He didn't want to have to explain why he was suddenly at his doorstep in Los Angeles only a week after Clark had left Julian's hospital bed. He had never fully explained what had happened in the art hall and he didn't intend to. Julian didn't even know if he had mentioned Logan to Clark or any of the other cast members for that matter.

Not tonight. He would tell him, but he couldn't take anymore of these emotions... quite frankly they were exhausting.

So he would go to the flat. His mother, in one of her more considerate moments, had bought him a tiny flat in Santa Monica, about 20 minutes outside of the city, in very strict confidence. With the help of about a dozen lawyers, she managed to put the payment in the name of one of Julian's distant cousins and the purchase and location were to be completely confidential. Even if they had wanted to disclose the location for a quick pay-off from the paparazzi, it wouldn't ever be worth it with the imminent lawsuit that would follow.

He put his phone away and decided that he'd rather be somewhere he knew... and more importantly he'd rather be alone tonight. He'd call Clark first thing in the morning and take the heat from Carmen later.

The passengers began shuffling off the plane and Julian blended in easily enough. He was wearing his Ray Bans and a stupid hat he bought in the airport after being recognized by a couple of girls.

Making his way out of the terminal he looked around for his usual driver. He spotted the familiar sign easily enough.

Anthony Garper, it said. It was a bit of a joke between the two of them. That was the name of the first role he ever took. A tiny guest star on an episode of X-Files when he was 6 years old. Andy, the name of his driver, smiled kindly at him when he spotted him. Julian went straight to Andy who had already gotten his suitcase from the luggage carousel.

"Nice hat, kid," Andy said, tucking the sign under his arm. He turned taking the suitcase and Julian followed.

Julian took the suitcase from him and Andy scowled.

"Thanks," Julian said, smiling a little. This was something he knew, and he felt a little bit of that weight in his chest lift.

"I hear you had a pretty scary time back there at Dalton," Andy said to the boy walking beside him.

"Oh, you heard?" Julian asked, "I didn't realize the story got out."

Andy laughed, that big bellowing laugh that Julian always made fun of him for. Julian was being sarcastic of course, the story had hit the newsstands the next day. He was on the cover of half the newspapers in the country. EW, Us, People and Teen Vogue called Carmen that night asking for personal interviews even though they were already running half-informed stories of the situation already and even though they had no idea if Julian was going to live through the night.

"You want to talk about it?" Andy asked, not pushing it.

"Not particularly," Julian said, comfortably.

Andy nodded. "You're the boss," he said easily and left it at that. He kept walking straight out to the car. Andy had long since stopped opening Julian's door for him because of the constant complaints he received for it. He did, however, take the suitcase from Julian and put it in the trunk.

"Where are we going?" Andy asked getting into the front seat and turning the car on.

"The flat," Julian said without an explanation. He saw Andy give him a fleeting look in the rear-view, but he didn't question it.

Thankful for Andy's naturally understanding attitude, Julian leaned back in his seat and finally felt his mind begin to settle.


Julian woke up when the car stopped in the driveway probably 40 minutes later. He was surprised that he had dozed in the car. When he opened his eyes, he was looking at the little house he loved so much.

This was his safe-place. He only stayed here when he wasn't on a movie and out of the spotlight. That way he was much less likely to be followed. It was one of the many places that he, Logan and Derek would stay during holidays. It was Julian's favorite, and he thought it might be Logan's too. Unlike Derek's houses, there were never any parents. And unlike Logan's, there was no security or rules. So when the three of them stayed there, they could just relax and be stupid teenage boys, a rare opportunity for them.

He actually breathed a sigh of relief as he looked at it. The sun was setting behind it in a way that made the pink tiles on the roof glow orange. The smell of sea-salt washed over him as he stepped out of the car and looked down the hill to the ocean below. The back porch had a wooden staircase that led down the sloping hill to the tiny secluded beach and private dock. With trees on either side of the sand, Julian didn't have to worry about being seen or recognized.

Andy pulled his bags out of the trunk and brought them into the house, walking ahead of Julian. Julian walked slowly along the stone path that cut through the bright green lawn. He stared at his feet and let the memories come.

"It's tiny!" Derek had said, half-teasing.

Julian glared, "Yeah, but it's mine."

"That's true," Logan said, "He is the only one of us who actually works for his money."

Julian smirked, "Barely."

Julian reached the front door and took a step into the house. Looking around he felt himself feeling more comfortable. Maybe he could get through all of this.

It was infinitely smaller than Derek's house in the Hamptons or Logan's penthouse in Paris. It had one bedroom, a bathroom and the living room which the kitchen was attached to. The entire back half of the house was the living room and the kitchen combined. The back wall was just glass windows that overlooked the ocean. Right then, as the sun set, the whole room had this pink hugh that made everything feel warm.

Julian peaked into the kitchen, remembering the few times they had tried to cook themselves proper meals without someone's father's assistant picking them up gourmet meals or cooks making them whatever they asked for. It was always disastrous and always hilarious. They usually lived off Kraft, cupcakes and toast when they were staying in the house.

He was surprised at how exhausted he was. But then again, it had been a bit of a draining day.

He stumbled over to the bedroom.

"I'll be off then kid," said Andy.

"Alright," Julian said with a yawn, "I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Whenever you need me," he said with a smile as he walked out the door and back to the car.

Julian went into the bedroom and began taking his sweater and jeans off. He heard the car pull out. The bedroom only had one king-sized bed which had created a bit of an awkward situation the first time they had stayed there.

"Two of us can sleep in the bed," Derek had said, "We'll just take turns who gets to each night and the third will get the couch."

Julian was about to volunteer sleeping on the couch just so he could avoid sleeping in the same bed with Logan, but Logan had beat him to it.

He smiled in a strange way, "No worries... I'll take the couch."

"It's fine," Derek insisted, looking hard at Logan, "We'll take turns."

"Maybe he'd rather sleep on the couch," Julian had said. Logan looked up at him then and Julian thought he looked grateful. Then he smiled.

"Couch is good for me," Logan said, yawning and leaving Derek and Julian to share the bed. "Besides," Logan said from the other room, easily heard because of the size of the house, "I wouldn't want to keep the two of you from cuddling."

Julian pulled on a pair of pajama bottoms that were on top of his suitcase. Not bothering to close the curtains, Julian stretched out on the bed watching the sky turn a deeper shade of pink. His mind full of memories, he was asleep before the sun set.


"Landing in 20 minutes ," one of the twins said over the loudspeaker.

"You can just tell me normally! You're ten feet away!" he said annoyed. He knew that he was just snapping at the twins because of how scared he was at the prospect of seeing Julian.

"One of you come in here," he said.

Evan came back a second later, letting his brother take control of the plane.

"I need Reed's phone number," Logan said.

"Why?" Evan asked, and he heard the question echoed by his brother in the cockpit.

"I need to get Clark's number," Logan said. "Derek said he was staying with him."

Evan gave the number up easily, and it took another awkward two minute conversation with Reed before he was calling Clark.

"Hello?"

His voice was familiar even though the two of them had never spoken.

Damn all these celebrities, he thought.

"Hi," Logan said, unsure of what to say next. "This is Logan... I'm a friend of Julian's."

He heard movement on the other line, "Is he okay?" Clark asked immediately, the worry in his voice evident. "I can come back to Ohio if he needs me," he said quickly.

Logan was surprised by the offer. The he realized what he had said. "Wait..." Logan said slowly, "He isn't with you?"

There was a pause on the other line, "No..." the other boy sounded nervous, "Is he supposed to be?"

Logan sighed, of course Julian would do this to him. "Yeah, well... kind of. It doesn't matter, I think I know where he is," Logan said.

"Is he okay?"

"Yeah," Logan assured him, "He's fine. I just needed to talk to him about something."

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"Yeah," Logan said, "I'll find him."

"Okay, call me once you do?" he said. He sounded really worried and, not for the first time, Logan wondered why he had never heard Julian talk about Clark. It sounded like they were close.

"Yeah, definitely," Logan said.

"Thanks," Clark said, then the line disconnected.

Logan sighed, a little annoyed. Of course Julian would do this. Of course he would go there instead of Clark's.

Stupid and reckless.

Logan usually thought this sort of thing was just Julian trying to get attention, but sometimes Logan wondered if it ran a little deeper.

At least he knew they would be alone.


Julian had been dead asleep for a couple of hours when he woke with a start when he heard his doorbell ring. He tried to rub the sleep from his eyes. His limbs felt so heavy as he sat up in bed. It took him a moment to remember where he was. But when he did he felt a tiny flare of panic in his stomach.

Stupid, why are you so fucking stupid Julian, he thought. He was by himself. And there was someone at the door. He mentally began going through the list of people who had this address and who could possibly be here at this time of night.

Carmen, Mom, Andy, Derek... and Logan, and he knew that there was just no way that any of those people could be here right now. Unless... he shook the thought out of his head. It couldn't be him. Best case scenario, Carmen had called Clark and sent him over to make sure he wasn't alone.

But things usually weren't the best-case scenario.

The doorbell rang again. His mind was racing. Should he go to the door? Should he call someone? He knew exactly where Adam was... he was handcuffed to a hospital bed in Ohio and would be on his way to jail soon. So there was nothing to be afraid of right?

He jumped when his phone rang on his bedside table. Logan's name flashed across his screen and his heart picked up even faster. Coincidence... he thought. Because Logan just couldn't be at the door, so close to him at that very second.

He didn't want to pick up, he didn't want to hear that voice, it might just break his resolve entirely.

But he wouldn't deny that he was scared. And if it wasn't Logan outside, then he wanted someone to know where he was and what was happening. But if it was him...

He answered it.

"Logan?" he said, his voice a little shaky.

"Yeah," he heard that voice. It made his heart jump into his throat, "It's me."

"Outside?" Julian asked, not sure which answer he wanted.

"Yes," he said. His heart was still beating erratically and his stomach gave a nervous jump at the confirmation. He didn't move for a moment.

"Julian?" Logan said.

"Yeah?" Julian said, still trying to process this.

"Please..." his voice was pleading, "Let me see you, I need to see you."

Julian held the phone to his ear, letting the silence fall for a moment. This felt so surreal, his head was still fuzzy from sleep and he didn't know if he could deal with seeing Logan again. He had fully intended on never seeing the boy again.

But he's here...Julian thought, and that song...and maybe, just maybe...

"Okay..." he said, his voice still shaking, now from nerves and fear.

He hung up the phone and waited a moment before he began to move. He couldn't hope... he just couldn't. Logan always disappointed him. He always had, he always will. Letting him in- if he even wants to be let in- would just be destructive. He's hurt you enough.

God, Julian thought, I have to get out of my head.

He stood in just his pajama bottoms and decided it might be more prudent to put on a shirt. He pulled on the first t-shirt he saw in his suitcase before walking out of the bedroom door. It was only a few feet from there to the front door, but he felt like each step took so much effort. Once he was standing on the doormat, he let his hand rest on the doorknob for longer than necessary, knowing that Logan was just on the other side.

Finally he opened the door... and he was really there.

He was standing with his hands in his pockets, looking uncharacteristically nervous. They didn't say anything for a moment and just looked at each other. Logan made no move to come in and Julian felt like his feet were planted to the ground. They just stared, both searching for some kind of hint.

Logan was the first one to speak, "I didn't think you'd pick up."

"Yeah," Julian said, resisting the urge to hit himself when he spoke too loudly, "Well... I didn't know who was at the door-"

"I didn't mean to scare you," Logan said hastily. "I should have called first. I didn't think of-"

"It's fine," Julian said firmly. He didn't want to talk about how skittish he became at the stupidest things now. It didn't make sense. He was probably the safest he'd been since before Adam came into the picture. And he wasn't even sure how long ago that was.

Logan stared at Julian, still looking for something behind the mask. Julian let himself look at those green eyes for a second before he forced himself to look away.

Not on meds, he noted. Logan dropped his eyes too, looking at Julian's shoes instead of the boy himself.

"Can I come in?" he asked, peaking up at Julian.

Julian wordlessly stepped aside and let Logan into the house. They stood in the front hall now, a little too far apart but still closer than Julian was comfortable with. It was Julian who broke the silence this time.

"Why are you here, Logan?" Julian asked, not revealing anything in his tone.

"The twins," Logan said, "They flew me in their plane."

Julian raised one eyebrow a little, "I asked why, not how."

Logan let out a breath. He couldn't ever remember being this scared when it came to things like this. He had always been the one to confidently push forward and make the relationship. But here he was, so nervous he had trouble keeping his hands from shaking. "I had to see you," he said finally, his voice quiet.

Julian raised his arms a little, "You see me."

Logan nodded. "You're here by yourself," Logan said, avoiding the invitation to start the conversation he had come here to have.

Julian nodded.

"You shouldn't be here by yourself," Logan said.

Julian looked up at him, and spoke with all the confidence he didn't feel, "He's locked up. There's nothing to be afraid of."

"Then why wouldn't you answer the door?" Logan asked, the reply came quickly. Julian's eyes narrowed just barely, and he chose not to reply. Logan felt a twinge of annoyance at the actor's attitude.

When Julian continued to stare at him defiantly, Logan spoke again, "Clark told me that you never called him and I know that Derek told me you were supposed to be staying with him tonight."

Julian stared. How did he even... but Julian regained his cool sarcasm quickly enough, "Been doing quite the background check on me, haven't you?"

"I shouldn't have to," Logan was getting a little angry, "You've been through enough without you tempting the fates by being reckless for no reason."

"I'm sorry," Julian said, coldly, "But I'm pretty sure that's none of your business. Not anymore anyways."

"It is my business!" he said his voice rising.

"How?" Julian asked, still with that calm that he knew infuriated Logan, especially when he was clearly already on edge. Julian would be a liar if he denied baiting Logan sometimes, who could never keep a handle on his emotions. "It's not like you care," Julian said crossing his arms.

"I DO care!" he shouted, furious. Logan saw the fear flash in Julian's eyes as he took the tiniest step backwards. Logan squeezed his eyes shut. His whole body was shaking. Julian just watched as the boy took a few steadying breaths.

Amazingly, he managed to subdue his anger enough to speak again. This caught Julian off guard more than anything.

"I do care," Logan said softly this time, "And I'm so sick of you saying that I don't." Julian fought to keep the mask up. He had never seen Logan be so open before. Logan continued, "I've always cared and you've chosen to ignore any efforts I've ever put into helping you. Ever," he said his voice rising now and shaking just slightly, "So, it's pretty selfish to risk your life when your life isn't only important to you."

Julian crossed his arms. He meant it as an act of defiance, but it felt like he was trying to hide himself from Logan's honesty, something he didn't know how to react to. He knew how to handle Logan's volatile emotions. But never had so much sincerity been directed at him. He managed to still fight back though, "And yet, my life wasn't important to you until it was actually at risk Logan... It was a little late."

Logan shook his head, he had managed to shove the anger back down. He looked down at Julian, "You don't have to believe me, Julian... but you're life has been important to me for longer than you know."

Julian eyed him, wearily. He wanted to accept the implications. He wanted to hear that song as his. He wanted to know that Logan sang like that because of him. He wanted Logan to be his and only his. But all logic told him that he had to resist this, despite everything his heart was telling him.

"So what, you came her to nag me then?" Julian said, a weak attempt at his usual sarcasm.

"No... that's not why I came here," Logan said. Julian waited for him to elaborate. Logan opened his mouth once, closed it again and stood there silently.

They stood there, awkward and unsure of what to do next. "Uhh," Julian said awkwardly, "Kitchen?"

"Yeah," Logan said immediately. They both headed for the kitchen, Logan not quite walking next to Julian but not behind him either. He sat down at the little kitchen table that they had eaten too many bowls of Kraft at over the years.

Julian sat across from him. Refusing to start the conversation this time, even though the silent tension in the air was killing him.

Logan wanted to hit himself. He had now passed up two moments to say what he had to say.

"The song I sent you..." Logan began.

"What about it?" Julian asked, coolly.

"Did you think..." Logan said, his voice trailing, "Did you think I sounded different?"

"Did you think I'd know the difference?" Julian asked coldly, staring at him.

Logan just stared right back. "Yes," he said bluntly.

Julian's eyes flashed before he gathered himself, "Yeah, you sounded different."

He couldn't tell him how incredible he sounded even though that song had been running through his mind all day and every lyric it harder for him to leave.

"Me too," Logan said. The silence fell on them again and Logan tried to ignore his fluttering stomach.

"It doesn't matter," Julian said.

"Why not?" Logan asked.

Julian felt his mask cracking, but pressed on anyways, "Because it took someone trying to kidnap me to make you do anything."

Logan took in a shaky breath and nodded once. "You're right, I'm way too late... but Julian," he said, his forehead leaning against his shaking hand, staring at the table, "When I saw him... and how he had you against the wall..."

A chill was creeping over Julian as he heard everything behind those words. It wasn't like it was the first time those thoughts had crossed his mind... he knew what easily could have happened.

Logan continued, "I can't get that image out of my mind... and I can't keep myself from thinking all of the things that could've happened... all the things he could've done-"

"Stop!" Julian said suddenly, his voice breaking through Logan's thoughts, "Please... stop."

Logan stared at the boy who looked so disturbed and distracted. Logan felt his eyes stinging seeing how it still affected Julian. Julian ran a hand violently through his hair before dropping his hand hard on the table. It was shaking and Logan instinctively reached out to take it. But Julian pulled it away, dropping his hand in his lap without even looking up.

"Don't," he said in a clipped tone.

The tiny rejection made Logan's heart falter a beat. "I'm sorry," he said, trying to keep the hurt out of his voice.

"It's fine," Julian said, looking distractedly away from Logan, not sure if he was reassuring himself or Logan. "Nothing happened... he didn't do anything to me."

He kissed you, Logan thought. Kurt had told him this in confidence and it had taken Blaine, Kurt and Derek to calm him down for long enough to know that he wouldn't run off and do anything stupid. He wondered if Julian knew. He wouldn't be the one to tell him if he didn't.

Staring at Julian's troubled face, he continued. "You don't know what it did to me," Logan said seriously, his voice thick with grief, "Since that night... I literally can't stop thinking about it."

Julian was still staring away from logan, "Yeah, and you're alone in that one, Logan." He said, in a feeble attempt at sarcasm. His mind was still filled with the images Logan had to remind him of.

"I want to help you Julian," he said fervently. Julian looked back at him, shaken from his disturbing thoughts. "When you told me that you didn't want to see me anymore at the hospital... it tore me up. I just had no idea how to fix things... how to fix you," he said.

"I don't need fixing," Julian said, anger creeping into his voice.

"You do," Logan insisted, "Please... let me in Julian."

Julian looked at Logan now, and Logan saw the dangerous flash behind his eyes.

When he began to speak, his voice was trembling with barely veiled fury, "I've been trying to let you in for years Logan. Up until now, it's been an open invitation. There was just no getting past that narcissistic head of yours... You want to fix me?" he asked, incredulous, "You're the one who broke me Logan!" Logan physically flinched at those words, but it didn't deter Julian, "You broke me when you stopped seeing me! You broke me when you fell in love with Blaine and when you hit me for the first time and when you didn't say goodbye when I left sophomore year," his voice cracked and he felt his throat burning as he fought the tears, "You broke me when you sang that duet with me and didn't mean a word of it. And you sure as hell broke me when you kissed Kurt after I- after I- after everything!"

The ringing silence that followed was almost painful. Logan took it... each word felt like a physical blow, but he took it. He was still coming to accept that he had truly made a wreck of this boy. For the first time Logan realized that Julian was ruined even before Adam was in the picture... and it was his fault. Not for the first time, he wondered if he should even be imposing himself on this boys life who was so clearly trying to escape him, even though his heart was screaming for him to wrap Julian in his arms and never let go.

Julian dropped his face into his hands, his elbows leaning on the table. "You broke my fucking heart, Logan," Julian said, his voice cracking on the name.

I know, it ain't easy giving up your heart.

Logan was overcome with an unbearable sense of shame and sadness, he leaned forward, wanting to hold him, touch him, kiss him. But he remembered Julian pulling his hand away before.

God, he was so ashamed to know that he had done this to Julian.

Nobody's perfect...

And he knew, that no matter what Julian would say or how he would react, he had to tell him now.

He began to speak, quiet but determined. "Do you want to know why I kissed Kurt?" Logan asked. His voice was steady and calm, for the first time that night. He didn't know if they could possibly work this out... if Julian could ever put these things behind him, but Logan was going to tell him either way.

Julian didn't respond, but he did drop his hands away from his face and he looked hard at Logan for a moment, almost daring him to say it. Logan assumed it was the only encouragement he was going to get.

"I did it," he began, steeling himself to say what he came here to say, but his words began to quaver again and he couldn't keep the emotion out of his voice, "because I thought that it wasn't possible for me to be in love with two people at the same time."

There was a beat.

Julian felt a tiny spark of hope that he tried to bury but Logan wouldn't take his eyes off of him.

Logan reached out and took Julian's hand before he could pull it away again. Julian took a sharp intake of breath and stared at their hands. Logan's hands were so much warmer than his. He looked back up, wanting so badly to believe it.

Logan squeezed his hand and didn't break eye contact. "And I was right," he said.

All of that careless emotion was on his face. Logan was baring everything, and yet it was Julian who felt naked under that gaze. The intensity of his eyes affected him too much.

Heart hammering, he pulled his hand away from Logan and stood. Logan tried to hold onto his hand but Julian walked away and Logan's hand fell on the table with a thump. Julian heard it and it as he walked a few paces away and hated himself for how hard it had been to pull away. But he had to because he couldn't see those eyes, not if he wanted to hold his resolve. And he had to... he couldn't let himself fall into this. He stood at the counter, his heart thudding against his ribcage.

Everything told him to stay away from Logan. For years he had been being ignored, hurt, used and then thrown away the moment there was no more use for him. His friendship with Logan was degrading enough as it was even without being in love with the boy. And yet, once Julian finally decides to give him up, Logan had to come across the country to tell him this, to turn everything upside down and make Julian feel like this... make Julian feel like Logan was the most important thing in the world... and maybe like Logan really was his.

I don't know why I'm scared,

Julian heard Logan's chair move as Logan turned to look at him. His next words terrified him more than anything.

"Do you still love me?" Logan asked, his voice soft.

I've been here before,

Julian visibly stiffened at the question.

Julian still had his back turned to Logan, his hands flat on the counter. He was staring at the marble between his splayed fingers. He felt like his heart might burst out of his chest. He felt like he was standing on a precipice and he was trying so hard not to fall.

He heard Logan get up out of his chair.

Every feeling every word,

"Julian," he said so gently, pleading. His voice was so close. Julian felt a hand on his shoulder and it sent electricity through his whole body. He turned around and there were only inches between them.

I've imagined it all.

Julian kept his head down, staring at his chest instead of his face. "Julian," he said again. Julian could feel his breath, warm against his cheeks. "Look at me," he begged, his voice wavering.

And he did. Slowly he lifted his eyes. First up to the collar of his shirt. Then to his pale neck and the stubble on his chin. His eyes fell on his slightly parted lips and past those cheekbones that drove him crazy... and right into those eyes, showing more expression than he'd ever seen in his friend.

"Answer the question," Logan asked, his eyes never leaving Julian's.

Julian began to shake, just barely. He couldn't look away, Logan's eyes were all that he could comprehend. He tried to fight the warmth spreading from his chest to his fingertips. He was blinking rapidly, trying to keep the emotions at bay.

Logan brought both of his hands to Julian's face, they were trembling. It was too much, he wasn't strong enough to resist this.

Julian shook his head fervently.

"No, you don't love me?" Logan asked, his voice desperate and his eyes pleading.

Julian shook his head again at the question. Logan's eyes drifted shut and he leaned in so that their foreheads were pressed together, their lips a breath apart.

You'll never know if you never try,

"Please," Logan whispered, his breath sending a thrill through Julian's whole body, "Please, kiss me."

To forget your past and simply be mine.

And Julian closed the distance between their lips.


:)

Thoughts? Anyone have any guesses about which Tracks I'm going to use? Anyone catch my (awesome) 90's movie reference?