Chapter 4: You Can Never See What's Clearly Before You
A/N:
I tried some experimenting with different POV's tell me how you
like it, because if you do I'll finish the story with them.
Going
to school that day was like going through hell itself. I saw Mike in
every one of my classes and there wasn't a damn thing I could do! I
have no classes with Jasper or Emmett and the only time I saw them at
all was at lunch. I could feel Mike's dirty eyes watching every
move I made; I could see Angela yelling at him. Note to self: Thank
Angela!
"How are you doing?" a cool voice breathed on my
neck. I wasn't panicked; I knew exactly who it was.
"Fine"
I gasped momentarily losing my speech.
"Newton, not
bothering you too much?" He breathed.
"No more than
usual" I whispered, fighting the urge to turn around to be flush
against him.
"Well come on then, final bell's in 20
seconds" He whispered, wrapping his arms around my waist, his hands
gently rubbing soothing circles on my hips, apparently thinking that
I might need the extra comfort when Mike waltzed in.
"Hey
Bells I was thinking maybe we could finish what we started yesterday,
yeah?" Mike asked, walking by me. I felt Jasper tense underneath me
and I tried to soothe him the best I could.
"Just let it
go. He's not worth it" I whispered.
"Come on you two!"
Emmett cried as he ran over and threw me over his shoulder.
"Emmett
put me down!" I chided trying to hide my laughter.
"Come
on Bella! You're one of us now!" Emmett chuckled, never slowing
his pace. I could hear Jasper laughing his ass off behind
us.
"Seriously Emmett put me down!" I cried banging my
hands against his massively muscled back. He either noticed my
hysteric tone or knew I wasn't kidding. He set me gently on the
ground and I did the only thing I knew how to…I bolted.
I could hear him and Jasper screaming my name but I didn't listen. I kept running until I reached the school fence and I clamored over it clumsily, but I never slowed. I knew there was no reason for this but as soon as I heard Come on Bella! You're one of us now! I knew it was all over. Everything in me just shut down. It had been so long since I was part of something that I actually wanted to I couldn't even tell if this was something I wanted to be a part of. I knew they would be nothing like I knew now but… I don't know. All I can manage to drag from my mind is that is I'm not ready. I know they would never hurt me but I don't trust. I never have and I fear I never will. Oh well. I've come to terms with that and I wish they would just let me go. My musings are interrupted as his strong arm wrapped across my waist.
"Where are you going?"
He whispers. God no! Please help me.
"Let me go Jasper"
I whisper, knowing it wasn't as strong as I would've liked but…it
was the best I could do.
"I can't do that" He stated
strongly. Wow how far did I make it from the school?
"I'm
not asking you to" I said my voice straining to remain
calm.
"Listen to me-"
"NO! Let go of me now!
I've had enough with people telling me what to do and forcing me
into things I don't want! Get your fucking hands off me!" I
screamed regardless to anyone that heard me.
"Fine. Go"
He answered, his voice seeming empty. I didn't need to be told
twice and I certainly didn't need to look at his face anymore. That
would only make it harder. I know that rule applies on everything.
Never look at faces and never get to know people. It just complicates
things a lot more than they need to be.
"I'm sorry
Jasper" I whispered and again I bolted. I knew this was wrong to
him, but never in a million years would I wish to hurt
him.
JASPERPOV:
Never
in a million years did I wish to hurt her but apparently I did. I
knew she felt really strongly about her leaving. Would I ever see her
again? Will she ever realize that I care about her? Will I ever get a
chance to know her? Will anyone ever hear her talk in her sweet voice
again? I have to let her do this! She needs to find herself before
someone else finds her for her. I love her and she never even saw
it!
"I love you Isabella Swan, I always will. Come back to
me when you find yourself" I said aloud, half of me wanting her to
hear and race back into my arms and the other half wanting her to
ignore them and go do what she needs to do, and only come back and
see me when she's ready.
"Please come back. But only
when you're ready" I said again louder, then that's when I felt
Emmett's big hand weigh down on my shoulder.
"I know you
love her Jazz, she'll comeback when she's ready, give her time"
Emmett sighed and dragged me back to our car to drive home before
Esme got worried.
BELLAPOV:
I
heard him. I heard him admit his love, I heard the broken tone in his
voice. It's better this way. I know now that I can never come back.
I can never love him the way he deserves. I loved my father and
that's all fucked up now. I loved Mike as a friend, that's fucked
up. It seems that everyone I love is fucked up, but I know it's me.
I don't want to hurt Jasper like I hurt them. He doesn't deserve
it, he doesn't deserve to be welcomed into my hell I call my life.
He says that I should do what I have to. I will no matter at what
cost. I won't hurt Jasper the way I hurt the rest of them. If this
is my last day on Earth, or if I live for a 100 more years, I,
Isabella Swan, will never return to Forks, Washington.
"I'm
sorry Jasper. I lo-" I stopped myself before I said anything else
that I knew would fuck everything up. I paused in my running just
long enough for me to turn back and see Jasper and Emmett getting
into their car and driving off.
"Move on and forget about
me Jasper, please" I said to the winds as they blew by and hit my
face brining rain in to mingle with the tears that fell loosely from
my eyes.
"Forget about me, I'm no good" I said one
last time and then summoned what little energy I had left and walked
away, never to look back on the small Forks High School
again.
EMMETTPOV:
I never knew how deeply my brother cared for Bella. I saw the long
glances at her that he sent, but other than that I never believed it
would be like this. I knew she was broken, I knew he was
disappointed. I knew I felt weird. I didn't know who to worry about
more. That's when I made my decision. I swerved the car around and
sped towards the direction I watched Bella disappear in.
"Emmett
what the hell man?!" Jasper screamed at me, his hands digging into
my dashboard. I know it was sudden but geez…don't hurt my
baby.
"Look I know you love her. Don't lie, or try to
deny it! If you let me do this now, it'll pay off in the long run"
I sighed prying Jasper's hands loose from the dash.
"Emmett
please-"
"No Jasper! She needs us more now than ever and
I won't let her close herself off! Now where was she going?" I
asked, my attention barely flickering from Jasper as I swerved
effortlessly around another car on the highway.
"I don't
know, she didn't say… maybe she's at the bus stop?" Jasper
suggested, his eyes flickering on the road.
"Right! Good
idea!" I exclaimed, why didn't I think if that? I stomped on the
gas, jamming it into the floor of my Jeep.
"Emmett what are we going to say when we find her?" Jasper asked, even I could sense his discomfort.
"I haven't a clue, I usually leave the whole word things to you" I sighed truthfully.
"Okay…not this time! You wanna do this, YOU do it!" Jasper exclaimed.
"I will!" I cried, jamming my foot harder onto the abused gas pedal. The car growled in resistance as it sped up to an unmanageable amount.
BELLAPOV:
I had a feeling that someone was watching me but I shrugged it off. No one knows what's happening and where I am…do they? Surely not. I ignored the feeling and kept walking. That was until I heard the tires squeal and the rumbling of a large car or truck. It resembled how my truck sounded as I pushed it over 50 mph. I shrugged it off and began walking at a faster pace. Finally as I felt the ground start to rumble under my feet I took off at a run. I stumbled over small bushes and large stumps as the sun began to disappear behind the far away mountains. As I tripped and fell onto the hard ground my stomach jumped into my throat. I could feel the familiar stinging in my heads as a warms liquid oozed down my arms, but none of that mattered as I saw headlights smash through a small hedge that surrounded me. The rumbling car was very familiar. It was them. They decided to come after me. Shit. I heard Jasper's voice call out as he screamed at Emmett to stop before he killed me. Oh how I just wished he would get it over with. But no! God wasn't done playing with me yet! Stupid god… Wait no this isn't god's fault it's mine. Everything's always my fault! I couldn't find the strength in me to try and get up; somehow I knew this was the end of it. I couldn't outrun Emmett and Jasper even if I tried. I knew it was over, might as well give it all up now and throw away myself and start all over.
"Bella! What happened to you? I thought you wanted us to help…" Jasper trailed off, practically begging for me to answer or give him some type of acknowledgement. He gently pulled me up by the shoulders and held me at arms length. I needed to find something in me that made me want to get away. I had to find something.
"Don't you ever do that again!" He commanded in a relieved voice. No, don't tell me what to do.
"That's not your choice now is it?" I asked impatiently, snapping my arms away from his grasp.
"Isabella-"
"NO! I'm sick and tired of everything! Get the hell off me and stay away! I'm sick of you!" I cried, knowing I was being unfair but knew it had to be done when he retracted himself as far away from as he could.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean that, please this time just let me go" I whispered and looked up to his face for the first time. He nodded silently as did Emmett in the background, with that I took my leave and stormed off having no clue where to go from here.
