(A/N: I do not own Naruto or anything else you read in this fic that is in fact owned by someone else.)
"Kakuzu I would like to talk to you, NOW!" Sasori ordered, Kakuzu looked over at the armless puppet master from the couch.
"Grrr, damn it! What does that short ass bastard want now?" Kakuzu thought, giving off a heavy sigh, boosting himself up off the couch.
"I decided to take a look at your ebay account about a half hour ago…" Sasori immediately got to the point.
"…Oh Christ" Kakuzu thought.
"So do you kind explaining to me, WHY a hundred and twenty two of my puppets are up for bidding!!!" The entire room fell silent, everyone in it turned to the pair.
"Errr… well you see, you weren't using them so I thou-
"SO YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD, NOT ONLY STEAL SOMEONE ELSE'S PROPERTY, BUT SELL IT ALL AND KEEP THE ENTIRE PROFIT!!! WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE!?!?!?" Sasori went completely ballistic, and was yelling at an unnatural level.
"…Uhh"
"THAT'S IT!!" A large dagger, shot out of Sasori's chest and was inches away from piercing Kakuzu's heart. "I SWEAR TO GOD I'LL KILL YOU IF I DON'T GET MY-
"WHAT THE HELLS GOING ON IN HERE?!?" The leader burst into the room, flailing his arms about manically.
"…well Sasori-san is about to kill Kakuzu-san" Kisame deadpanned, with a video recorder in his hand.
"WHAT!? Sasori what the hell, you know the rules!" The leader lectured.
"But Itachi tried to kill Orochimaru!" Sasori went all child like and began stamping his foot on the floor.
"Actually Sasori-san, Orochimaru attacked me first, I was forced to retaliate" Itachi shot back placidly
"Wait, so does that mean I can kill Kakuzu?" Zetsu totally miss-interoperated what the others were talking about, remembering yesterday when he 'spontaneously combusted', so he charged at Kakuzu baring his teeth.
"AAARRRGGG, DIE GREEDY MOTHER FUCKER!!" Zetsu was pretty much second away from eating Kakuzu whole when Hidan burst down the door to his room.
"WILL YOU ALL SHUT THE FUCK UP! IM TRYING TO PRAY IN HERE!!!" Hidan then launched his 3-bladed scythe at random and caught the tops of Zetsu's 'foliage', which sent him flying, and pinned him against the back wall.
"Whoa, this is getting good" Kisame snickered, wondering how all this would end.
"Kisame-san, what are you doing with that video camera?" Itachi pondered
"I'm trying to tape over my dad's stupid ass 'national geographic' lion porn"
"NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC IS NOT STUPID!!!" Itachi immediately got pissed off
"Oh shit…" Kisame knew he just screwed himself over
"MANGEKYO SHARINGAN!!!!!!!11!!" Itachi used Tsukiyomi on Kisame, sending him into a whole new dimension of pain.
"Tobi is a good boy"
"SHUT THE HELL UP TOBI! LOOK EVERYONE STOP TRYING TO KILL EACH OTHER!" The leader bellowed
"Will someone please, GET ME OFF THIS FUCKING WALL!!" Zetsu yelled unable to take Hidan's scythe out of his leaf head things, when a new voice boomed over the scene.
"WILL YOU ALL SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Sasori's ears perked up immediately, "I'm trying to work here" It was non other than Deidara.
"DEIDARA…" Sasori immediately got pissed off at his squad mate, he hadn't seen his face for 2 solid weeks, and of course had not seen his arms for 2 solid weeks. Deidara, who soon realised he dropped the ball by showing his face like that, immediately began thinking up plans to get the hell away from here as quickly as possible. "WHERE ARE MY ARMS?" Sasori's voice sounded like pure murder.
"Heh, hey danna! How's life?" After this Sasori gunned straight for Deidara, who blitzed to the other end of the living room, picked up Kisame's lifeless frame (thanks to Itachi) and was prepared to use it as a human shield. Sasori stopped running, and began grinding his teeth.
"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? VIOLENCE IS NOT THE ANSWER TO OUR PROBLEMS!!!" Hidan bellowed shaking his fists in the air
"…WE'RE ALL TERRORISTS! HOW IS VIOLENCE NOT THE ANSWER?!" Kakuzu shot back, completely confused
"Tobi is a good boy" Tobi commented
"SHUT THE FUCK UP TOBI!" Everyone else replied
"WILL YOU ALL SHUT THE FUCK UP! I'M ON THE FUCKING PHONE!!!" The female member of Akatsuki burst in the room, deciding to chip in her two cents.
"WE DON'T HAVE A FUCKING PHONE!!" The leader shout back
"SO WHAT THE FUCKS THIS IN MY HAND DICKHEAD?" The female member cocked, brandishing a mobile (cell for Americans) phone and waving it threateningly at the leader.
"HEY! I'M THE LEADER YOU CANT TALK TO ME LIKE THAT!" The leader was now well and truly pissed.
"WILL SOMEONE GET ME OFF THIS FUCKING WALL!!!" Zetsu screamed
"I'll get you down Zetsu-san, Tobi is a-
"DON'T YOU DARE FINNISH THAT SENTENCE TOBI! NOW EVERYONE JUST SHUT THE HELL UP!" The leader was just about ready to start killing people
"I'LL SHUT UP WHEN KAKUZU TAKES MY PUPPETS OFF EBAY!" Sasori complained
"KAKUZU, TAKE SASORI'S PUPPET OFF EBAY" The leader ordered
"NO WAY!" Kakuzu yelled
"AND WHEN DEIDARA GIVES ME MY DAMN ARMS BACK!" Sasori continued
"DEIDARA, GIVE SASORI HIS ARMS BACK!" The leader ordered
"NO, hmmm!" Deidara stamped on the ground
"WHY IS NO ONE LISTENING TO ME!!!?!?!??!?!!111?!?!1" The leader fell to his knees and began crying hysterically. Suddenly Itachi snapped out of using his mangekyo sharingan, and soon realised what was going on.
"You people are all idiots, I'm going home" Itachi took off, and walked out the front door.
2 minuets later…
"…wait a minuet, did Itachi-san just leave Akatsuki?" Kisame asked, even though he should now presently be in a coma.
"I dunno, I've been sitting here for like a half hour and I still don't know what's going on," Naruto said, flicking through random channels on the TV.
"Ah, a'ight then" Kisame said casually, "…hang on a second, WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!" Kisame skitzed looking back at the couch to find that the Uzumaki had disappeared. "Man I gotta stop taking this shit, it's screwing with my head" Kisame took out a random bag of white powder from the inside of his cloak, and threw it into the trashcan beside him.
"Tobi is a good boy"
"OMFUCKINGOD, WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! YOU STARTING TO PISS ME OFF NOW!!!" Hidan ordered
"I'M ON THE FUCKING PHONE, NOW EVERYONE SHUT UP OR I'LL KILL YOU ALL!" The female member screamed, warning everyone for the last time.
"I LIKE PIE!!!" Zetsu bellowed
Everyone fell silent.
"…What? I do!" Zetsu complained
"Dude even for a planet you're a complete idiot" Kisame joked, slamming his hand down on Zetsu's shoulder.
"Shut it, shark head" Zetsu cocked
"I agree with Uchiha, you people ARE all idiots. Why I joined Akatsuki in the first place I'll never know, I'm leaving" Hidan remarked, taking his 3-bladed scythe and began walking towards the door. The leader however, had began slowly calming himself down after his obsessive crying, enough to hear Hidan's comment. Who then jumped into Hidan's way blocking his exit.
"HIDAN, I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU WALK OUT OF THIS DOOR, I'LL KILL YOU" The leader warned
"I'M IMMORTAL YOU ASSHOLE, LETS SEE YOU TRY IT!!" The pair began staring lightning bolts into each other's eyes. Zetsu used this distraction to attack Kakuzu again, and Deidara had suddenly vanished from the scene. Sasori soon figured this out and took off after him.
"DEIDARA, I WANT MY FUCKING ARMS BACK!!11!" Only obsessive laughter could be heard from the hallways. The female member of Akatsuki sighed in annoyance, and walked back into her room.
"Yeah mom, the're are it again…" She droned down her mobile (cell)
"AAGGH, ZETSU STOP EATING MY LEG YOU PRICK!!" Kakuzu screamed in pain.
"NEVER!!!" Zetsu replied
"AAARRRGGGGHHH!!!"
Back in the open, a tactical squad ANBU black Ops from Konohagekure were in the process of a stakeout on the Akatsuki base.
"Okay, so we've been observing the hideout for a solid 4 hours and there is no movement what-so-ever on the outside, we need to get closer" The squad leader ordered.
"Right!" Two other shinobi replied.
"Wait!" The last ANBU said in amazement, "what the fuck…" The three other shinobi turned in his direction to find Itachi Uchiha walking towards them, undoing his Akatsuki cloak and throwing it to the ground, the same with his ring.
"HALT UCHIHA!" All four ANBU said in unison, drawing kunai.
"Tch, whatever you guys, I've had it with Akatsuki, so just put the kunai away, I'm not going to fight you." Itachi said placidly, taking out a bottle of acetone (nail polish remover!)
"…Wait, so you're just walking away from Akatsuki?" The squad leader was completely confused
"Yeah, I'm heading back to Konohagekure, And if your four are planning on attacking the Akatsuki base, believe me you should SERIOUSLY reconsider coming back next week or something." And with that, the Uchiha took off without another word.
"…Okay" The ANBU squad leader was still totally confused.
"…yeah" The three other members deadpanned
(A/N: YAY! Finally that's finished; I had lots of fun making this chapter! So I really hope you all had lots of fun reading it! And if you didn't then fuck you! But anyways, please review! I love you all for the positive feedback, I and would like lots more! Screw the flames, and pile in the suggestions pleasezzzzz!)
The Jar Head!
