Fran Goes on Jerry Springer

Lisa's back and she's ready to shock us all. ZAP. No actual sex, but lots of incredibly raunchy and disturbing comments about Fran's privates and other issues.

"No Fran! I do not want pickles or Viera-flavoured carrots! I'd much rather just have sex with you again! It was awesome!" Vaan yelled. Fran was shoving pickles in his face.

"How about my lemons?" Fran asked, pulling yellow citrus fruits out of her shirt.

"Where the hell did those come from?!" Balthier yelled.

"Fran, does your shirt go to another dimension or something?" Jerry asked.

"Let's find out." Fran replied. She took her shirt off and everyone instantly realized the Viera did not wear a bra. Men started whispering comments. Vaan got a nosebleed.

"Ohmigods. Those are huge!" Vaan yelled excitedly.

"It isn't like you've never seen 'em before." Fran remarked.

"Are we censoring this? The last thing all the world needs to see is this Viera's breasts!" Jerry called out.

Fran looked insulted. "What is your problem? Don't you LIKE them?!" The Viera screamed.

"I do!" Vaan cried out.

"Just keep your pants on. I don't want to see any more of your secret parts. Put some clothes on, rabbit-elf!"

Fran got really mad. "WHO DID YOU JUST CALL A RABBIT-ELF? WAS IT ME? 'CAUSE IF IT WAS, I KNOW ONE HUME TALK-SHOW HOST WHO IS GOING TO HAVE HIS EYES RIPPED OUT!" The pretty Viera roared.

"Fran, just calm down. That isn't good for my little bunny-eared son or daughter." Basch said.

"What makes you think it's yours?" Vaan growled.

"I'm not even sure that I'm pregnant." Fran reminded them.

"And I also had sex with her. About fifty times." Balthier added.

"Yeah yeah. We know. Every man in Rabanastre got some from Fran. It's possible she isn't even having a half-Hume child, unless Humes are the only things female Viera can have children with besides male Viera. I just hope it isn't from somebody we don't know who she had a one-night-stand with." Vaan complained.

"Vaan, I seriously doubt you are the father. You only slept with Fran once."

"Best half hour of my life."

"And most awkward half hour of mine." Fran added, putting her top back on.

"Hey! What did you expect? I was a virgin!"

"That's no excuse for how you behaved! You kept thinking everything you did hurt me, even after I told you to stop it, and that I liked it! Even Nono was better than you, and he's a MOOGLE!"

"One time, Nono, she, and I had a threesome." Balthier stated.

"Just so you could both hump the Viera, I'm sure." Vaan hissed.

"What's wrong with that?" Fran asked.

"I'm just surprised you haven't had kids, with all that you do."

"Nobody was just lucky."

"Fran, shut up or I'm jamming every last one of those lemons up your pussy! And I guarantee that will hurt like hell!" Balthier warned.

"Would those even fit in her snizz?" Vaan asked.

"Why don't you shove them up Vaan's rear? That will hurt a lot worse!" Fran growled.

"I imagine they would fit, considering. That USB stick slid right in. And a lot of other things. " Basch remarked.

Penelo was upset that they censored Fran's breasts. She was definitely not lesbian, but she wanted to see regardless. Wanted to see what made Vaan want sex with the Viera. Maybe compare sizes. Penelo wasn't even fully developed yet. Why didn't Vaan like her? He could've been with her. She wouldn't have been miserable! Fran probably only had sex with him because he begged her to and she was giving "Free Samples" to anyone who asked!

"Ashe? How can I get Vaan to like me so he'll have sex with me?" Penelo asked.

"You did not just ask that. I'm not going to dignify the potty-mouth with an answer!"

Penelo pulled a bag of chips out of thin air. "Want some chips?"

"Ew, no. Those are salt n' vinegar flavoured. I only like Blue Cheese flavoured Doritos."

"Fran also told me your Doritos are now Viera flavoured too."

"I'm telling somebody to go get me some fresh bags. Remind me to order that Viera fixed if she isn't pregnant. That will solve the problems. Vaan will come back to you, Basch will be mine again, and Fran won't want to make anything Viera-flavoured ever again because she'll lose the hormones."

"That's considered cruelty to animals Ashe!"

"Hey, Balthier knows he's supposed to spay or neuter his pets."

Penelo threw the bag of chips, but the chips were magic so they went through the TV and hit Fran.

"Wow! It really is a magic box!" Penelo said. She got an idea, and jumped at the TV, but it didn't work for her. She just got hurt and almost broke the screen.

Fran liked the chips. She started eating them happily.

"These are going straight to my thighs, but what the hell? These are better than Viera-flavoured carrots!" Fran exclaimed.

"Fran, if you don't stop being stupid, these lemons will go in between your thighs!" Balthier growled. He took some of the chips. "Damn, these are good. WAIT A MINUTE! THESE AREN'T 'VIERA-FLAVOURED' LIKE EVERY PIECE OF FOOD LEFT ON THE STRAHL, ARE THEY?"

"I can fix that. You want me too? They're salt n' vinegar flavoured, so they'll really sting up there, but if you want Viera-flavoured chips, I'll do it for you." Fran said innocently.

"Don't even think about pleasuring yourself with chips on camera!" Jerry yelled before Fran could try to take her clothes off again.

"I've got an idea for a show about Viera having sex. We could call it Vieras Humping. My sister Mjrn and I could be the stars." Fran said.

"Talk with the producers. I doubt they'll even let you finish that sentence before they kick you out. Now, next we have two men who say they know Fran just as well as Vaan and Balthier! Meet Larsa Solidor and Al-Cid Margrace."

Next chapter? Larsa and Al-Cid tell their experiences with the cute Viera. Yes, we realize that Larsa is twelve. Lisa would love you forever if you kindly reviewed her.