Christmas Nigh; Adeste Fi!
Part 4
Big Bud and Warrant Officer Scoggins were in the kitchen downing beers that the older man had stored in his car. Jennifer Coates was the only other one in the kitchen area, busy getting herself a glass of water.
"Could that sermon have gone on any longer?" complained Big Bud rhetorically.
Jennifer, who wasn't intimidated by the sometimes crotchety master chief, made her differing opinion known. "I thought it was great. I liked that it was about faith. Made me start thinking that I might be able to believe again."
"Faith …" repeated the warrant officer, who was by far the most inebriated person at the house. "Faith--ful … Faith--ful--ness. … That's all the preacher talked about!" He suddenly started laughing. "Ffffaith-fffful … is a ffffffunny word," he quite literally spit out. Jennifer had to wipe her arm off from the splatter.
"Very fffunny," Scoggins confirmed for himself.
Amused, Big Bud asked, "Then why didn't you laugh at church?"
"Nooo," the warrant officer said seriously, " … I had to be good at church. No laughing." Of course, Scoggins immediately began doing just that again. "Plus," he snorted, "there was too much snoring going on!! … Ha, ha … Did you hear that lady?"
Big Bud joined full-heartedly in the laughter. "Now that was funny!" he agreed.
Jennifer tried to scold them. "It's not nice to make fun of people."
But really she was fighting the urge to giggle as well, remembering how Meredith had nodded off at church and began lightly snoring. Well, … lightly for a bear, maybe.
The poor Admiral had to elbow his date awake several times.
But Jennifer tried to fight the hilarity of the situation. She didn't think that it would be a good career move to mock the Admiral's girlfriend.
"No, we aren't making fun of her," objected Big Bud. "… I'm just sayin', … she must have thought the whole 'faithful' lecture was a little long too!"
Suddenly, Warrant Officer Scoggins burst out, "I'm hot. Is it hot in here?"
Always ready with a solution, Big Bud told him, "Have some ice." The older man got up and opened the freezer. "Hey, there's a bowl of ice cream in here … with a spoon in it."
"Probably little AJ's," said Jennifer.
"Well, the spoon is stuck in it; I'd better leave it out to thaw," decided the master chief, setting the bowl out on the table.
"I can get it out," offered the warrant officer.
"Nah," Big Bud discouraged him. "It's frozen metal. Too cold to touch."
The warrant officer picked up the plastic bowl anyway and examined the shiny spoon embedded in the frozen mass of chocolate. His tongue peeked out through his lips as he thought and thought how to go about freeing the instrument.
Observing all the elements in the sight before him made Big Bud think of something. "I bet if you lick the handle of that spoon, your tongue'll stick to it."
"Will not!" Officer Scoggins disagreed. "Not if you just lick it."
"Go ahead, try it," encouraged Big Bud. "I dare you."
"No." Greg Scoggins wasn't going to take a silly dare, he decided.
"'Cause you know it'll stick."
"It won't. Not on a spoon." The warrant officer knew that spoons are obviously meant to go into mouths, so they wouldn't be made to stick to anything inside it.
"Then I dare you to do it," challenged Master Chief Roberts. "Triple dog dare you!!"
"Alright," Scoggins was going to prove his honor … "You'll see."
Jennifer had been enjoying the scene in front of her, but finally decided to intervene. "I don't think that's such a good …"
She was too late. Warrant Officer Scoggins had his tongue fixed to the frozen metal object, which was embedded in the solid ice cream, firmly attached to the bowl.
"Ahhh!" He tried to pull it off. "Ipt'tuck!!"
It was a rather funny sight, and Big Bud was rolling with laughter. "I told you so!"
A deep voice interrupted them. "Is everything okay in …" Sturgis caught sight of the man who was in a sheer state of panic with his tongue stretched out of his mouth, stuck to a spoon, which was bound by frozen ice cream in a bowl. "… here?"
Jennifer smiled innocently. "I think that once the Warrant Officer gets his tongue free, someone should probably drive him home," she suggested.
"Guess I could oblige," said Sturgis. Since he had talked to Scoggins after dinner, he had found out roughly where he lived, which wasn't too far from Sturgis' own place. "I'm about to head out though. Jen, do you need a ride too? The weather's getting pretty bad out there."
"Actually, that would be great, sir," replied Coates gratefully.
The warrant officer was groaning, and whimpering, and working himself up into a greater state of anxiety. Sturgis decided to take charge of the situation. He grabbed Scoggins and led him to the sink, where he turned on the water.
"You're lucky this is just a small object and you're not stuck outside where it won't warm up," Sturgis told the man. He checked the water temperature with his fingers, and then told Scoggins, "Bend your head down."
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Meanwhile, in the living room, the Admiral had been teaching little AJ how to play checkers. Since he was telling the youngster where to move, he had control of both sides of the game. So it was easy to manipulate things to make little AJ win.
"Well, AJ," said the Admiral, "looks like you beat me this time. Good game."
Mikey asked his nephew, "You have fun?"
Little AJ nodded. "I got three piles. A'miral 'kingeded' me."
"Three kings," interpreted Mikey, impressed. "Good job, buddy."
"Yep, I won, … I won!" bragged little AJ with attitude.
Harriet reprimanded her son. "Don't gloat, AJ. It's not nice, and it makes other people feel bad."
"You sad you lost, sir?" the proclaimed winner asked of his opponent.
"A little," the older AJ answered. "But 'wise men ne'er wail their present woes.'"
"Huh?" little AJ eloquently questioned.
"Richard the Second, isn't it?" asked Meredith, who had taken a moment to place the quote.
"You're the Shakespeare scholar," replied the Admiral. Then addressing the young boy, he explained, "It means that, yes, I'm a little sad about not winning, but it won't do me any good to be upset about it now. … You and I will just have to play again, and maybe you'll let me win next time, okay?"
"Okay."
Just then, they heard some commotion in the kitchen. "I'll go check it out," volunteered Mikey.
Looking at her son, Harriet asked, "Did you thank the Admiral for the game? And for teaching you to play?"
"Thank you," little AJ dutifully said.
"You're welcome," replied the Admiral. "And thank you for the puzzle."
"We can put it together tonight when we get back to your house," suggested Meredith.
The Admiral wasn't quite that eager. "I don't know about tonight, but soon."
"Come now, AJ," she addressed her boyfriend. "We're two intelligent people. I think we can tackle this puzzle tonight …" Then she added rather suggestively, "… Unless you want to get started tackling other things as soon as we get home."
The Admiral panicked, literally turning red, partly out of embarrassment that she said that in front of others and partly from remembering her earlier comment about hoping for a baby, -- which was something he was not prepared to deal with at the moment. He quickly decided, "We'll do that puzzle tonight, AJ. Thank you."
The Admiral and Meredith gave their good Christmas wishes to all and left for the evening. Mikey came back out from the kitchen, laughing a little. At the curious looks he was getting, he explained, "Commander Turner has been, uh, getting the warrant officer to loosen his tongue."
"The warrant officer is keeping some kind of secret?" Bud asked, slightly confused.
Sturgis walked out just then. "Not exactly." He was followed by the man of topic and Jennifer.
"It was horr'ble!" declared Warrant Officer Scoggins.
"He's definitely not keeping quiet," Sturgis observed.
"Awful, - it wouldn't let go!" the drunken man complained.
"… Mishap with a frozen spoon," offered Sturgis as a small explanation.
Harriet's hand flew to her mouth, stifling laughter.
"He's in no shape for driving, but I'll take him home," Commander Turner assured them. "I'm going to drop Coates off too, since this weather is getting so bad."
"Sounds good," said Bud. "Thank you."
Warrant Officer Scoggins took that as a cue. "Thank you," he said to Bud. "S'been a wonderful night. …Thank you fer includin' me." Beginning in something drawn out, almost resembling singing, he repeated, "Thank you … very much." It soon turned into a very off key melody. "Thank you very much, … thank you very much, … 't'sthe nicest thing that anyone's ever done for me. … Thank you … very much."
Soon, Big Bud came out from the kitchen, and decided to join his drinking partner in song. "Thank you very much, thank you very much!" His version didn't have much tune either.
"Yeah, Dad probably shouldn't be driving either tonight," noted Mikey, thankful that his father was in a happy drunken state as opposed to another mood.
"I'll get the other bedroom ready for him to stay," said Harriet. It was good they had extra space in their new house so that Mikey and Big Bud could easily stay over.
"You ready to go, Coates?" Sturgis asked.
"Yes, sir."
They said their goodbyes and began to head out. Warrant Officer Scoggins stumbled in his drunkenness, nearly falling over.
"Whoa," said Sturgis, stabilizing the man. "Take it easy. One step in front of the other."
Jennifer encouraged him as well, "And soon you'll be walking out the door."
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TBC …
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A/N: How are you doing with picking up on the classic Christmas references?
Happy Independence Day to my fellow Americans!!!
-- Teacup (of JAG)
