A/N This has been eating at me for weeks and while I loved my original idea, this was just bothering me so much I had to change it. It still has the original plot and its will not be all flowers and sunshine. In the words of Kevin Hart, "Its about to go down."

Jacobs POV

I woke up this morning with the feeling that something important to me was lost. That unnatural feeling that bothered you in the deepest parts of your soul until it bordered on obsession and left you restless until it was found. I slowly got out of bed and began to wonder what it was that was making me anxious. The keys to my car were where I left them hanging on the nail by my door. My cell phone was on my night stand still charging after an all- night texting battle with Quil over something stupid and easily forgotten. I had left a note for dad to remind him of his pill schedule and I had visited my mother's grave already this week so really nothing was left undone or out of place. I decided that a walk down First Beach would clear my head. There was something pulling me to the cove and as I walk closer I noticed something in the sand gently placed on a rock, the pen still marking the page. It was Leah's journal.

"I knew she would never take me seriously about this. I should have commanded her to do it."

It was then I saw the words on the page. The man in me said "These are her private thoughts and they should be left only to her." But there was that feeling again, that I had to find what was lost. That thought compelled me to read it. "I know I'm gonna to be sorry for this later." The wolf inside me scratched the surface of my skin as I opened the cover to find Leah's handwriting in bold black Sharpie " READ THIS AND DIE." Underneath in the more sinister color of blood red was "(I'm not fucking kidding). "

I chuckled at this. Could she not even let her guard down even when she is alone with her own thoughts? Typical Leah. Couldn't she just deal with everything and get over it like normal people. Hell Bella had chosen Fuckward and I was still reeling but for the most part I found pleasure in my dark fantasies of what it would be like to kill him and finally get the girl. Yea, I'm fucked up but can you blame me. I just chose not to show it like Leah does. I suffer in silence cause we get enough emotional outbursts from the Leah/Sam/Emily not so secret saga. I want her to be happy again.

"Maybe a peek won't hurt."

There are something that you just have to talk yourself out of.

June 12- Unanswered questions... The quest begins

There are thing in this life that you never question. For as long as I can remember my main unanswered question was why there are things you never question. What was the purpose of that saying? Is it to get little kids off your back from asking questions that you have no answer too, or is it the answer to all questions that have no answers? Philosophically it is the perfect conundrum. It never occurred to me that I was the precocious type or even that I was a bit of a cynic. All that I knew was that life was a litany of unanswered questions and the answers that you did have, you often found that you wished you didn't. Like when you're a little girl asking your mother what the hell Tampax is and what a product with that name is used for only to be hit with mood altering craving and cramps that make you pray for the world's most powerful drug. Today I find myself asking this one question that no matter how much I ponder and how many people I ask, I still can't seem to find the answer. Why me?

I still can't seem to shake the fact that it happened. Sam left me for my best friend and my father isn't here to pick up the pieces because I murdered him. After years of always being careful and paying attention to my surroundings, I let my guard down only to be crushed by the weight of the bricks in the wall I built as they fell around me. All at once I felt powerful and powerless in the same simple breath. I was elevated to a place so perfect and simultaneously damning that I couldn't see the forest for the trees. It was a blissful sort of torture that was beautiful and cruel without trying to be. It was almost like I had the world in my hand while being crushed by the boot of an angry man. This is what I carry around with me all day. On the one hand, I am powerful, graceful and down-right deadly, while on the other, I am soft, weak, fragile and on the verge of shattering into a million pieces. I had love. I lost it. I had faith. I lost that as well. I am losing myself in a sea of feelings that I try so hard to control and for the better part of worse I am failing. I miss the intimacy one feels when connected to someone and for the life of me the fear of letting someone get that close again terrifies me. I let Sam in and he left me. I embrace my birth right even though it killed the man who gave me life. I follow a man who does not see me as more than a pain in his ass. There are moments when I want to scream for Jacob to touch me and then there are moments when I cringe at the idea of what I would feel. What would he feel? If I allow him in and he leaves me can I pick myself up this time? Could I leave La Push and all its memories and begin somewhere else? Could he love me as I love him? Can I be absolved from all the sins that I have committed and find pleasure in the blessings that I have while thanking the curses that brought them my way. So many unanswered questions. So many questions still not asked. So many feelings still not dealt with. The real me, still not found. Maybe Jacob could find me. Maybe I should try to find myself. The longest journey starts with a single step, but in my case the journey begins with the answer to an impossible question. Why me?

It wasn't until I finished that I knew what was lost. Leah had lost herself. That means I was losing her. I couldn't let that happen. It wasn't until now that I knew what I felt for her. It had always been there I just couldn't let myself feel it. I have always been there to try to help her through whatever pain she felt even if I got my ass handed to me on a platter. I was her Alpha. She was the only female shifter and yet I was too blind to see what her purpose was. She was MADE for me. It was my purpose to help her. It was my purpose to love her. It wasn't an accident Sam imprinted on Emily, he was Alpha by default not by birth and she was never his. It also wasn't an accident that Bella left me for that parasite and left me with all the love in the world to give and no one to give it to. I saw now that it would never be as easy as breathing because it's not supposed to be. Leah is what makes me a great leader. She pushes me. She tells me when I'm being an ass and when she punches me in the jaw I never have to worry about her breaking her hand. She isn't weak, at least not in the way that she thinks. She is strong and she is beautiful and she is broken and lost and is silently begging me to find her. The wolf inside me howled as if to say "FINALLY THE IDIOT GETS IT". I need to talk to Billy, because if I'm not mistaken I just realized I'm in love with Leah Clearwater.

"Yeah, I'm really fucked up."

NO ONE'S POV

Jacob ran home to find his father sitting on the front porch staring out into the forest in the direction from which he had just come. It was like Billy was waiting on him as he eyed him with a look of peace that his son had finally found the missing piece of his life.

Billy had sat back for months as Jacob silently wallowed in an ill-hidden form of self-pity, but figured that when the time was right the animal that was within his son would cause him to see what has been in front of him all along. In a cedar chest that was stored under his bed was the Book of Chiefs. In it contained the legends of his people and stories only meant for the eyes of the current chief to warn and guide his people in the time of the Wolf. It is written that there will be a time when the Cold Ones would return and there will be a great war. It is in this time a female will take on the role of Spirit Warrior and join with the Alpha to bring forth a generation that will bring an end to this war in a final battle for which the outcome is still unknown. She will be lost and in a time of tragedy and the love that will bond her to the Alpha will be a force that is far greater than that of any imprint.

Billy always knew that Leah had great purpose but pain seemed to follow the poor girl wherever she went. He also knew that Leah was gone. She had come to him that morning and asked him permission to travel to that sacred island where all the chiefs were buried in order to seek guidance for her life amongst the spirits there. He also knew that Jacob would go and find her and finally help her piece together her life and realize her place within the world and within her pack.

"She's gone isn't she?" Jacob asked the question he already knew to be true.

"She left this morning. You knew that already though didn't you."

That look of knowing never once leaving Billy's eyes as he stared at the man who was still a boy in so many ways.

"But I love her. Deep down I think I always have, I just couldn't see past whatever it was I felt for Bella. I have to find her and something tells me that you know where she is."

"She is in the place that all spirits go to find peace Jacob. "

Jacob shifted and took off to that forgotten place that he would one day bury his father. He was going to find what was lost to him and this time he wasn't coming back until he found her, healed her and in his own way found himself.

"Go and find that that was lost to us and bring about that that always was and forever shall be."

The old man smiled and picked up his knife and a log and began to carve. He silently prayed that Leah didn't kick Jacobs ass to much when he caught up to her.

"Hate to be a fly on the wall for that one."

He laughed loudly as the thought of grandchildren ran through his mind.