Here 'tis, the next chapter. I'm having so much fun writing this, I'm neglecting a lot of the other things I should be doing! I'll continue working on it, but I do have to start getting other things done, so I'm not going to predict exactly when the next part will be up. Just a heads up… the rating on this story may eventually be going to M. Probably not for at least the next couple of chapters, though.
4: Moving Forward
Work-Related Interludes:
The First
McGee and Ziva stood in front of the plasma, tossing ideas back and forth as they looked over the paperwork displayed on the screen. They both felt they were close to making a connection; they just weren't sure exactly what it was yet. The elevator dinged; McGee turned around and saw Gibbs and Tony step off, both smiling. He hissed at Ziva, elbowing her in the side. She glared at him; he nodded his head in their direction. She turned to look. The smiles had dimmed somewhat, but hadn't disappeared entirely. She turned back to the plasma, speaking to McGee out of the corner of her mouth, "Something is definitely hinky, as Abby would say, yes?" McGee nodded.
Both men went to their desks, settling in and greeting their teammates. Tony seemed to be bubbling over with energy, while Gibbs was pretty much his usual taciturn self – except that he had a hint of a smile that just wouldn't quite go away. McGee wished it would; it was starting to creep him out, just a little.
The Second
Tony was going through a cold case file at his desk, trying to track down a missing Marine. McGee and Ziva were still trying to find the connection they were sure existed in their case files. Gibbs was up in MTAC with Vance, working on the latest snafu in the op they were running. It had been a pretty normal morning so far; Tony had gotten head slapped twice, once for teasing McGee about something having to do with hair care, and once on general principles. He'd looked affronted when Gibbs gave him that particular reason; Ziva had noticed, though, that he'd had trouble suppressing a smile. Not long after, Tony had gotten up to go to the men's room. Ziva had started to follow, but had been head slapped by Gibbs as he left his desk to go up to MTAC.
"Gibbs! What was that for?"
"Following DiNozzo to the men's room. I do not want to have to attend yet another sexual harassment seminar."
The Third
Gibbs came downstairs from MTAC to find two new things on his desk: a carton of Chinese food and a package covered in bows and wrapping paper with drawings of colorful balloons. At first he thought it was from Tony, but then he saw the note stuck on the package: Do NOT Open At Work! Not Tony's handwriting. There was a smudge in the corner of the note; Gibbs squinted at it, then held the package out at arm's length. He finally gave up and took out his glasses. Looking at the note again, he smiled and shook his head. He left the empty bullpen and headed down to see Abby, carrying the package.
He walked into the lab, finding Abby at her desk in her office in the back.
"Gibbs!"
"Hey, Abs. Thanks for the food and the present."
Abby got up and bounced over to him, giving him a hug.
"You're welcome! How did you know it was me?"
Gibbs raised an eyebrow.
"The smiley skull in the corner of the note may have tipped me off."
Abby bit her lip.
"Oops. I tend to draw those without thinking about it."
Gibbs gave her a quick smile and brandished the present.
"How come?"
"Can't a girl get one of her favorite guys a present just for fun?"
He stared at her steadily. She stared back, grinning wildly. He sighed.
"I'm going to regret unwrapping this, right?"
Abby's eyes widened.
"Gibbs! It's supposed to help!"
Uh oh. Gibbs remembered something… Tony told him in the elevator that he'd talked to Abby.
"Now I know I'm going to regret opening this."
Abby gave him a mischievous smile.
"Go on, rip it up!" She was getting excited about this, practically vibrating in place.
Gibbs heaved a mental sigh. He was pretty sure he had an idea of what was in there. He ripped the paper off the package anyway. Looking at the books in his hands, he could feel his face heating up. There were two of them: Get Closer: A Gay Men's Guide to Intimacy and Relationships, and The Joy of Gay Sex, third edition.*
"Abby!"
"Gibbs! Tony told me all about you guys, and you both need help! I already showed him a bunch of great websites; I thought you'd be more into books. You should definitely read the section starting on page 91 of this one." She grabbed Joy out of his hands, turned to the right page, and held the book out to him.
Gibbs glared at Abby, but despite his better judgment he took the book and looked at it. Couldn't read a damn thing. He glared at her again, and fished his glasses out of his pocket. Putting them on, he read the title of the section: 'First Time.' He shut the book emphatically and reached out to Abby, gently taking hold of her chin. He looked her in the eyes.
"Abs. I appreciate the sentiment behind this, but don't push it. Let us figure this out at our own pace."
Abby nodded vigorously.
"This is it, I swear! I'm just so happy for you guys, and now you have some great reference material to work with."
Gibbs shook his head.
"I've got to go, Abs. Have to put these in my car; can't very well leave them out on my desk." He gave her chin a little shake, then let her go, kissing her on the cheek as he walked by. He was just about out of the lab when he stopped and turned back.
"That reminds me… Tony asked me to give you this." Gibbs pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket. Tony had handed it to him as he walked past his desk earlier in the day.
"What is it?"
Gibbs still had his glasses on, so he read the note: "Abby, need reference material. Here's some data anyway: 2.8, 5.6 and 8.9." He looked up at Abby. "That last number has an exclamation point after it."
Abby gasped, and snatched the note out of his hands. She read it silently, then peered at Gibbs suspiciously as he was putting his glasses back in his pocket.
"Do you know what this means, Gibbs?"
He shrugged. "Not a clue."
The Fourth
Ducky came into Abby's lab late in the afternoon, carrying some tissue samples. He would usually send Mr. Palmer, but he hadn't seen Abby all day and wanted to at least say hello. He found her in front of her computer, looking at a bar graph and grinning widely.
"Hello, Abigail!"
She turned.
"Ducky!"
"I come bearing gifts, my dear. Tissue samples from the second victim in Pearson's case."
Abby smiled and took the vials, placing them on the counter and signing off on the evidence log. Ducky walked over to the monitor, looking at the graph.
"Ah, our friend the GSS." He leaned in to look more closely. "My, these last two days represent quite the change."
Abby bounced over next to him. "Isn't it great?"
Ducky turned to look at her.
"Do you know the reason for Jethro's recent happiness, my dear?"
Abby's eyes narrowed as she looked at Ducky, clearly trying to discover if he knew something or was just fishing.
"I might," she said slowly. "Do you?"
Ducky chuckled. "I might, as well. I can say that I believe it's something that, in hindsight, has been a long time coming, although those involved do need to be careful."
Abby nodded, still trying to assess exactly what Ducky thought he knew. "I think everyone's aware of that."
Ducky's eyebrows rose. "Everyone?"
Abby frowned. "I mean everyone who's everyone who knows something."
"Right.. who exactly is that?" Ducky asked.
Abby shifted nervously from one foot to the other. "Well, Gibbs for one, obviously… and me, if we're talking about what I think we might be talking about. And you, if it's really one reason and not two. Or more! Yikes. And the other person who's involved… who I can't name because it would be a violation of confidentiality and please don't push because you know I'll say something and I don't want to mess up!"
Ducky reached out and patted her arm. "Quite right, my dear. I have been Jethro's confidant on this matter, assuming it is the same one, and I'm glad to know the other party has someone to talk with as well."
Abby sighed. "I sure hope there's really only one matter here."
"Why is that?"
"I'm going to have to do the data analysis on the GSS, and multi-variable statistics are a bitch. And it would be great if we really were talking about the same thing, 'cause then we could talk to each other too."
Ducky nodded. "Perhaps I can speak with Jethro, and see if he can confirm or deny that the four of us do represent an 'everyone.' "
"Awesome, Duckman!"
Ducky grinned and turned to leave the lab. If Tony had been talking to Abby, he'd probably learned a lot already, and he'd share with Jethro… which, all things considered, would be advantageous in Ducky's mind, as he was not really looking forward to the idea of being a consultant on matters sexual. He was a doctor, but still… there were some things he just really didn't need to know.
Pizza and Baseball
Tony stood outside Gibbs' front door, pizza in one hand and six-pack in the other. He was dressed for a casual night in, but he wasn't feeling very casual. He took a deep breath… he was pretty sure his life was going to change but he wasn't entirely sure how he felt about that. He knew it was possible that they'd decide not to pursue the 'soul mates' angle, but he also knew that, having opened that particular box, it might be difficult to shove everything back in and keep the lid closed. He sighed. He wasn't going to figure it all out standing here by himself. He put the beer down on the ground, opened the door, picked the beer back up, and walked in.
Gibbs was in his basement, looking at the picture of Shannon. He heard the door open and shut, heard Tony's footsteps as he moved through the house. Once again he traced her face with his fingertips… he wasn't sure what would happen tonight, but he knew they'd make some sort of decision. Shannon had encouraged him to be happy, both in his conversation with her last night and years ago, when they'd had that talk every couple has eventually, and told each other if something happened to one of them the other needed to move on. Maybe it was finally his time to do so. Putting the picture back in the drawer, he shut it firmly, tugged a bit on the hem of his t-shirt, and headed upstairs.
He found Tony in the kitchen, digging out plates for the pizza.
"Hey," Gibbs said, walking in. He went for the beer, pulling out two bottles, putting the rest in the fridge, waiting for Tony to grab the plates and pizza and follow him.
Tony looked over at Gibbs. "Hey back. Finish up in MTAC?"
Gibbs made a face. "Would have, if the idiots in the field hadn't screwed up. Got at least one more day."
Tony sighed. "More cold cases, then."
"Yup. Got the impression Ziva and McGee are about to turn a few cold cases into one hot case."
"Maybe." Tony grabbed some paper towels to use as napkins, put them and the plates on the pizza box, picked them up and followed Gibbs to the table. They set everything down and seated themselves. Box opened, pizza revealed… each man grabbed two slices and settled in to eat. "They're convinced there's a connection, but it seems tenuous at best. Cases took place in all different parts of the country, no timeline that makes sense or connection among the victims that they've found yet. Only thing that's a possible link is the fact that all the victims were found in rental cars."
"So they're going on gut instinct?"
"Yeah."
"Good for them."
Both men ate their pizza and drank beer in silence for a while. Tony ate faster, and after three slices he sat back, drinking beer and staring at the wall. Gibbs chewed his pizza, watching him. He swallowed, drank some beer, and decided someone had better get the ball rolling.
"What's so fascinating about my wall?"
Tony started a bit, then shot Gibbs a small smirk. "Needs paint."
"You volunteering?"
"You wouldn't want me to. Ask McGee… my technique sucks."
Gibbs smiled. "Not real interested in talking about painting or McGee right now."
Tony nodded, looking down and starting to pick at the label on his beer bottle. "Yeah, I know. Just not sure what to say."
Gibbs watched his friend, who wasn't meeting his eyes. "Look, Tony… we could let it go. I could've stopped the conversation the other night, dropped it, and we'd have been fine. We're a team; that's not going to change."
Tony shook his head. "Don't think that'll work… Jethro." It was a little strange to say 'Jethro' instead of 'Boss' or 'Gibbs' but Tony didn't think either of those was appropriate to the situation.
"Why not?"
"Cause it's out there. I don't know that I can just shove it back in. Last night, when I was talking with Abby… I was letting her think I'd met a special woman, and we talked about soul mates. She was all into the idea, and I asked for an example, like how I'd know someone was really my soul mate… example she used was you and me."
Gibbs had some more beer. "You sure she wasn't on to you?"
Tony shook his head. "No way. When I realized I was really starting to panic, I told her the truth. No way she faked that kind of surprise and enthusiasm. Whatever this is, I think it's real. What I don't know," he looked up to meet Gibbs' eyes, "is what we should do about it. If anything."
Gibbs nodded. "Fair enough. So what do you think you want?"
Tony held Gibbs' gaze. Apparently whatever he saw there helped, because he straightened up and looked a little more confident. "I want to figure this out. I want us both to be comfortable with whatever we decide to do. What I don't want is halfway measures. And I don't want to jeopardize the team or our friendship… I'd rather shove this all back in the box, nail and duct tape it shut, and bury it six feet under if that's what we'd have to do to preserve the team."
Gibbs nodded. "I get that. And I agree – no halfway measures. If we're gonna try this, though, you need to understand that I don't do casual well. I can't guarantee that the team stays the top priority if we get involved. I let my job come before my family, and look where that got them. I won't put you at risk. And I'm not into sharing… if we're together, we're together."
Tony looked at him. "Exclusive, huh?"
Gibbs nodded. After a moment, Tony nodded in return. "Okay."
Both men stared at the wall, thinking. It really did need a fresh coat of paint.
After a few minutes, Tony spoke up. "So… I guess the question is, can we do this?"
"What… the relationship thing?"
"I was thinking the sex thing. As part of the relationship thing."
Gibbs smirked. "We could be platonic soul mates," he suggested.
Tony shot him a horrified look. "No, no, no. I refuse to be celibate for the rest of my life!"
Gibbs laughed. "Wouldn't want to condemn you to a fate worse than death," he agreed. "Probably a bad idea for me too; I turn into more of a bastard when it's been a while." Tony laughed at that. Gibbs continued, "So our options are go back to the way we were or get hot and heavy with each other?"
Tony stared at Gibbs; his lips twitching in amusement. "Before two nights ago, I never, ever would have put you and the words 'hot and heavy' together in my mind. Not in any meaningful way."
Gibbs gave him a mock glare. "I assure you, Tony, I am perfectly capable of hot and heavy."
"I didn't mean it that way, Jeth!"
Gibbs froze, a strange expression on his face. Tony winced. "Sorry, Jethro, I mean. Don't like the other?"
Gibbs shook his head slowly. "It's not that… no one's shortened my name like that since Shannon."
Tony sat there, unsure of what to say or do. Finally, Gibbs focused on him. "It's okay, Tony. I like it."
Tony relaxed a little. For a second there he thought he'd made a major mistake. "I guess the question is, do you think you can get hot and heavy with me?"
Gibbs looked, really looked, at Tony. His face, his hair, his arms, his chest, his hands… as he'd told Ducky, he'd always known Tony was a handsome man. "I think, Tony, that if I could get hot and heavy with any man, it would be with you. Ducky said what really matters is the person inside. I don't think I've suddenly turned gay, I think it's you. Just you."
Gibbs stopped talking, feeling a little embarrassed. He'd done more sharing of emotions in the past couple of days than he had in years. Tony was turning red; that made Gibbs feel better.
"What about you, Tony? That work for you… about me?"
Tony swallowed hard, then returned the favor, looking carefully at Gibbs. His brain flashed back to Gibbs getting out of the shower the other morning. Slowly, he nodded, then cleared his throat. "Abby… she showed me some websites. I did some research… spent most of the night trying to imagine you and me… I could picture it, Jethro… I really could."
Gibbs nodded. He wasn't sure if that made him feel more or less apprehensive. "Abs told me she did that."
Tony's eyes shot to Gibbs' face. "When?"
Gibbs got up and went into the living room, coming back with two books. He sat back at the table and handed The Joy of Gay Sex to Tony. "When she gave me these."
Tony turned redder, but started paging through the book. "I could send you some links, if you want."
"Where'm I gonna look at them, Tony? No computer here. Want me to prep for our sex life at the office?"
Gibbs went to give Tony a light head slap; to his surprise, Tony dodged easily, despite the fact that he was looking at the book. Tony glanced up, smirking. Gibbs laughed. "Tricky bastard, you could have dodged those head smacks any time, couldn't you?"
"Of course." Tony grinned cheekily.
"Why now?" Gibbs was genuinely curious.
Tony put the book down. "Because if we're going to get involved, we're going to be equals. Outside of work, I mean. You're still my boss; I don't want that to change. But you need to know that if you smack me outside of work, you can probably expect to get smacked back."
Gibbs grinned. "I look forward to it." He nodded toward the book. "Abs recommended page 91."
Looking intrigued, Tony picked up the book and flipped to the page. His eyes widened a bit.
Gibbs added conversationally, "I think I'm partial to page 82, personally."
Tony shot Gibbs a look, then flipped back to the new page. His face turned beet red as he looked at the illustration. He made a strangled sound and closed the book. "I'm really not sure I'm ready for that, Jeth!"
Gibbs laughed. "Don't worry, neither am I. We're gonna take this real slow, Tony. Best way I can think of not to screw up."
Tony heaved a sigh of relief. Gibbs grinned at him and winked, then stood to start cleaning up. "Why don't you go on into the living room, turn on the tv? I think the Nationals have a home game going on."
Tony frowned. "That ancient thing? What's the point?"
"Just do it, DiNozzo."
"Alrighty then, Gibbs."
Tony left the room. Gibbs noticed he was carrying the book. He heard the television turn on, then Tony was back in the kitchen.
"When the heck did you get cable?"
"Got it for my dad, for when he visits. Didn't want him to have to suffer through cartoons with the neighbor's kids again."
"Cool." Tony retreated back to the living room.
When Gibbs finished cleaning up, he walked into the room with two fresh beers. Tony was sitting in one corner of the couch, reading something in the book. He seemed to be getting over being embarrassed. The game was on; only the fourth inning, but the announcers were already talking about a possible no hitter for Olsen. Gibbs put Tony's beer down on the coffee table, and sat on the couch… possibly a little closer to Tony than he normally would have. Tony grunted thanks, apparently quite engrossed in whatever section he was reading. Gibbs leaned back to peer at the page; Tony moved the book and shot Gibbs a smirk.
"Just want to know what you're reading!" Gibbs protested.
"Maybe I want to surprise you someday." Tony waggled his eyebrows at Gibbs, who smiled and shook his head. Tony sat forward, had some beer, then sat back with the book again. Gibbs settled back in his seat, laying his left arm up on the back of the couch, not quite touching Tony, but definitely behind him. Tony, still reading, shifted back until his shoulders and Gibbs' arm were touching. Gibbs suppressed a grin, then settled in to watch the game.
Some time later, Tony glanced up to see Gibbs yawning and scratching his head. He tossed the book on the coffee table. "You're tired. I should go."
Gibbs shook his head. "Nah, hang out for a while longer. Still got a no hitter going, not gonna go to bed now."
Tony settled into the couch, then looked at Gibbs again. "Yeah, ok. But why don't you lie down?"
Gibbs turned to look at Tony, who patted his lap invitingly. Gibbs raised his eyebrows. Tony grinned. "I'm told I make a mean pillow."
Gibbs mentally shrugged, and shifted onto his side so that his head rested on Tony's legs, his own legs up on the couch. He tried to settle in. It wasn't easy. "Feels weird," he grumbled, not turning to look up at Tony.
"Would it be weird if I was a woman?"
Gibbs shook his head. "No."
"Then suck it up, Marine. You can return the favor sometime."
Gibbs laughed a bit, then focused on the game. He couldn't quite relax, though. After a few minutes, he felt Tony's right hand come to rest on his hip, while his left started combing through Gibbs' hair. For a moment Gibbs flashed back to being in a similar position with Shannon; he started to push the memory away, but then changed his mind. "Did this quite a bit with Shan," he confessed to Tony. Tony's hand stopped its movement through his hair for a second, then picked up again, almost feeling like a massage.
"Then I'm honored you're letting me do this… just relax, Jeth."
Gibbs finally did. After a while, between the pace of the game and the scalp massage he was getting, he fell asleep.
Tony continued to run his fingers through Gibbs' hair, reasoning that if he stopped, the older man might wake up. It amazed him that he was here, like this, with Gibbs. It amazed him even more that he was getting comfortable with it. He guessed that Gibbs not objecting to the idea of them being equals outside of work had helped a lot with that… Tony didn't think he could be in a relationship if he wasn't an equal partner.
The game continued. The no hitter went by the wayside, and Gibbs slept on. Tony thought he should be tired, but he really didn't want to leave Gibbs, which is what would happen even if he stayed over… neither one of them was likely to be ready to share a bed, even just to sleep. The game finally ended with Harris hitting a walk off single; the Nationals won 3-2. Tony guessed he really should wake Gibbs and head out. He changed the cadence of his touch in Gibbs' hair, and brought his other hand up to Gibbs' shoulder, starting to shake him gently. "Time to wake up to go to sleep, Jeth."
Gibbs shifted a bit, then took a deep breath, blinking his eyes open and turning onto his back. He stretched his legs, and did the same with his arms, putting them straight out over his head and the arm of the couch. Tony was momentarily taken aback seeing Jethro stretched out like that, in a vulnerable position. Jethro relaxed his limbs and looked up at Tony. "Wha' happen'd?"
"No hitter wasn't. Nationals won."
Jethro nodded absently, clearly focused on Tony's face more than on what Tony was saying. He moved, propping himself up with his left arm on Tony's thighs, reaching up with his right to cup his hand behind Tony's neck.
Before Tony quite registered what was happening, he was gently pulled down for a kiss. Jethro's lips met Tony's with soft, sliding pressure. There was just a hint of a tongue tracing Tony's lips before Jethro pulled back, looking Tony in the eyes. "Okay?" he asked.
Tony nodded, somewhat dumbstruck. "Very okay."
"Good."
Jethro moved forward. Tony cupped his own hand behind Jethro's head; their lips met again. This time Tony's tongue met up with Jethro's, each one brushing just a little bit against the other. Eyes closed, both men savored the taste and feel of each kiss. The kisses started to intensify, brief pauses for breath mingling with the slide and sound of lips meeting, caressing and pressing together. Tony's grip on Jethro's hair became a bit stronger, while Jethro's grip on Tony's neck turned more insistent. Jethro sat up without breaking the kiss, straddling Tony's legs. He leaned in, thoroughly taking possession of the younger man, his tongue invading Tony's mouth and exploring at will. Tony stiffened, just for a second, then relaxed as Jethro's tongue retreated, his mouth staying open, inviting Tony in. Tony returned the favor for a few moments, and then somehow both men backed off the intensity, turning long deep kisses into shorter lighter ones, finally pulling back altogether. They stared at each other. Tony was squeezing and rubbing Jethro's neck, while Jethro caressed Tony's hair and the side of his face. Slowly each man smiled at the other.
Tony stared at a grin the likes of which he'd never seen on Jethro's face. "Now that is a 10!"
Jethro laughed. Both men were suddenly aware of the sound of the tv again, the post-game analysis in full swing. Just like that, everything felt normal. Gibbs got up, extending a hand to Tony, who grabbed it and let the other man pull him to his feet. He expected Gibbs to let go, but instead he was pulled into a hug. It was a rather intense hug, with Gibbs holding on to Tony pretty strongly; not crushing him exactly, but definitely more than just a friendly pat on the back. Tony felt a wave of strong emotion run through him, and he found himself hugging Gibbs back fiercely. Again, they were strangely in synch as they each pulled away at the same time. Gibbs reached up to stroke the side of Tony's face, a look of fascination in his eyes.
"Thanks, Tony."
Tony nodded, his eyes searching Gibbs'. "Any time, Jeth."
Gibbs raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really?"
Tony smirked at him, and winked. "Well, maybe not in the bullpen, we might give McGee a heart attack. Or during a meeting with Vance… that could be very bad. Hey, if we get fired, we could become private investigators, like Magnum with a partner!"
Gibbs laughed. "You staying tonight?"
"Sure," Tony replied. "I repacked my kit, it's in the car."
Gibbs hesitated. "I'd offer to have you share the bed…"
Tony shook his head. "Couch is fine. We're off to a really great start, Jeth. Let's not push it."
Gibbs nodded, stretching as he went to pick up the empty beer bottles, then took them into the kitchen. Tony went to go get his pack from the car; when he came back in, Gibbs was standing in the living room, holding the other book Abby had given him. The one Tony had been reading was still on the coffee table.
Gibbs flashed Tony a wicked smile. "Coffee maker's plugged in. You can bring me coffee in the morning after I get in the shower."
Tony grinned back. "You got it, Jethro."
Gibbs turned to head up the stairs, then paused, turned around, walked over to Tony, and gave him a light kiss on the lips. "G'night, Tony." Then he was gone up the stairs.
Tony shed his clothes, grinning like a loon the entire time. He didn't know about kissing men in general, but kissing Jethro was something that needed to be repeated. A lot. And soon.
Author's Note
*Get Closer: A Gay Men's Guide to Intimacy and Relationships by Jeffrey Chernin, and The Joy of Gay Sex, third edition by Charles Silverstein and Felice Picano. I haven't read them; just went searching on Amazon. There really is a chapter entitled First Time, starting on page 91 of the second book. Page 82 starts a section entitled Face to Face. I have no idea if there's actually an illustration on it. And the Nationals really did play the Braves at home on the evening of May 6, winning 3-2 on Harris' walk-off single. Olsen pitched 7 1/3 no hit innings. I'm not a fan, just researched that too.
