Hey guys! I'm back again! *Listens to angry yells of impatience* I know, I know. I'm really sorry I haven't updated in, say, FOREVER. I was busy with things that had nothing to do with painting Wolvie's claws pink and planning Jean's false baby shower.

Just to warn you...this chapter isn't what I expected it to be. It's basically an intro to the next chapter, where the *Actually Funny* stuff happens. So please be patient; I just wanted to get something down for you guys. Sadly though, it may take a while until I am once again able to post the next chapter. Until then, Review and Stay Awesome!!

Many Thanx to: GeekChic42, magic girlx, and Jinx of the 2nd Law!! I like to use many suggestions that reviewers give, so I'll be glad to take them, as long as you guys are offering them. =:)

Now then....off with the story!!

Chapter 4: The Evil Power of a Baby Shower

Ahh. A sweet breath of fresh air in the early morning.

"Lift the left side higher!"

So peaceful…

"Higher, I said!"

"I did!"

Relaxation galore. I closed my eyes and took in the savory peace of frustration. "The banner's going to be crooked, and when you realize that, you better not come crying to me!" Angel snapped to Bobby. Bobby frowned and climbed off the ladder, checking it for himself. "I think it looks fine." He answered. Rogue walked over to his side and studied it herself. "One problem though." She said.

"What?" Both boys asked.

"It's…well…." Rogue fumbled. Bobby looked her in the eye, concerned about his pride and joy (the banner). "Yes? It's?" He prompted. Rogue sighed. "It's wonderful." She answered. Bobby grinned in pleasure.

Pleasure!!? I almost choked on my glass of lemonade. Pleasure is not something I can have! Immediately I jumped up to correct the problem. "There are a few things wrong with it." I told Bobby bluntly. Iceman's grin crackled into a small frown. "What's wrong with it then?"

"We-ell, for starters, it's pink and Winifred's a boy, the writing looks tacky, and you spelled every word wrong." I scolded. Bobby's eyes bugged out as he made a mad dash to study it again. "It…it was b-blue…" He stammered. I patted his shoulder (and ignore Rogue's growls at me).

"There, there." I soothed. "It's not that bad."

Not that bad?? I couldn't have done better myself! It was a hot pink with little sparkles that fell down randomly now and then, with bright yellow writing that looked like the equivalence of a shiny banana, and it wasn't even written accurately! It read as followed:

Jane's Baboon Shower Services

"I don't think that will suffice." I told Bobby. Bobby pouted in confusion. "It had said, 'Jean's Baby Shower'." He explained. "Who could've changed it in three seconds when I wasn't looking?" I blinked innocently.

"I heard that that's been happening a lot." I informed them. "The person calls themselves the, uh, Banner Bandit. They've been changing banners all over Westchester ."

"Really?" Rogue asked skeptically.

"Yes! In fact," I said. "It was on the ten o'clock news…three days ago!" I added urgently, just in case they tried to rewind the ten o'clock news to see the segment on the Banner Bandit. Angel flew over the banner and nailed it even. "We don't have time to make another one." He explained when Bobby protested. "If we make it higher, no one will notice what it reads—especially with that font color." Bobby bawled in response. Rogue comforted him as best she could, but nothing came between Bobby and three hours of hard work, slaving under a bright lamp, working on a banner that changed in three seconds.

"It'll be okay." I soothed cheerfully. "Just make sure to come to the baby shower at eleven!" I waved to no one in particular and skipped down the wooden hall of the school. The fresh air was closed out, encircling the school because nobody had bothered to open a window. I headed over to Professor Xavier's office almost without thinking. As I leaned into the doorknob to enter, I realized he was speaking.

I muffled a giggle. Xavier talks to himself! Where's a recorder when you need one? Xavier's sad voice echoed hollowly through his room. "…trust her with what's she's been doing. I think this is all a plot, a new sort of enemy." He stated.

A gruff voice broke through. There's goes my Charlie Talks to Himself segment. Ah, well, I'll get it next time. "She's evil, if you ask me." Logan muttered, probably between slurps of his Coca-Cola. Beast grunted. "Is it possible that this is a different way to destroy us, a new way to defeat us?" He wondered aloud. My jaw dropped in anger. How dare they think I'm evil! That I'm trying to drive them…okay, fine, they were right this time. But next time they'd be wrong, okay? Dead wrong!!!

"Uh, Miss Vendetta?" I blinked and tried to shake off my blind anger. A little kid was looking up at me in confusion. "Are you supposed to stand in front of Professor's office?" He asked loudly. I shushed him as quickly as I could and pressed my ear against the door nervously. There was silence. I inhaled deeply. They'd heard him! They knew I was listening!

I gritted my teeth and faced the toddler. "You whisper in front of doors," I scolded softly. "Whisper!" The kid looked puzzled but finally nodded slowly. "Okay." He answered in a normal voice. I almost smacked my forehead. I know why Jean doesn't want to be pregnant; having a little brat like this can't be fun! The toddler looked at me in confusion. "Can I have a lollipop?" He asked.

"Whatever." I muttered. Then I brightened. "Uh, yes, actually! They're in Xavier's room! But you only get one if you barge in screaming 'Magneto's right!' over and over and throw a pan at each of their heads." I instructed. The toddler frowned. He was young, and rather dopey, but a flickering light bulb is glowing half the time.

"Isn't Magneto wrong?" The kid asked. I shook my head exaggeratedly. "Nooo, Magneto's right."

"Isn't he bad?"

"Yes. He's very bad." Very badly wounded if Mystique got a hold of him. "But he is right…handed! Yes, Magneto's right-handed!" I explained joyously. The kid's brain bulb pretty much died out about there. "Ohhh." The child said. "I get it. I say 'right-handed'?"

"No. They'll know what you mean by 'right'." I assured him. He blinked hopefully. "Really?" He asked with sparkling eyes. I nodded. "Yeah. Really."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Really-really?"

I suppressed a yell. "Yes." I answered through gritted teeth. The child paused in consideration, and asked again, "Really-really really?"

"What, are you copying off Spongebob?" I snapped, trying to keep my voice low still. "Really, they will! Now, go, go!" As most young children today, when ordered by a superior authority (a.k.a. Yours Evilly) blink and act confused in order to get out of doing something they don't understand. This kid, however, was different.

"Funny you should mention Spongebob!" The kid said gleefully, which I darkly realized at that moment he'd heard nothing past 'Spongebob'. "Because I'm just like him!"

"Your next-door neighbor's a squid and you live in a pineapple?" Hmm. Just think of all the Spongebob possibilities. Storm the Squid, Jean the Jellyfish, Scott the Swordfish… after this maybe.

The kid frowned. "Well, no. But I can absorb liquids and I like to sing. I also wear pants." He explained. Ookaay, this kid doesn't need to be driven insane; he reached that highway a loong time ago. "Well, that's nice." I cooed. "But I need to get going, and you need to get yelling. Don't you want a lollipop, you little br—kid?" Turned out, 'kid' wasn't such a great option either. Immediately, he stomped his foot down and pouted. "I'm like Spongebob!" He told me.

I winced and checked Xavier's office again. I could barely hear Xavier say 'Checkmate' and Logan growl in frustration. It was still safe, so long as the kid didn't yell again. "Shush it and keep it down." I whispered to the kid, who immediately pressed his foot against the floorboards again. "I'm like Spongebob!" He yelled out. I clapped my hand over his mouth, almost a bit disappointed when my silvery cat-claw nail didn't get him. "Keep it down." I whispered, shoving him discreetly into a fern. The kid blew out a breath. "Spongebob." It insisted. I sighed impatiently. "Look, ki—person, I've got a baby shower to plan and ruin, a bunch of people to annoy, and a whole thing of party favors to get shipped in. I'm swamped, and I don't care if you have sponge-powers and are named Bob." He grew quiet at that. Finally, in such a low voice that I hardly heard him, he mumbled, "My name isn't Bob."

"It's not?" Then why do you want me to call you Spongebob, you little punk?

"No." The kid looked up with a grin on his grimy face. "It's Frank." The horror almost overwhelmed me. Spongefrank??? "My friends call me Frankie." He added cheerfully. I forced myself to find new reserves of patience. "Okay, then, Frank the Spongebob Wannabe. Can you just go in there and leave me alone?"

"Uh-huh!" Bobbing his head eagerly, he dashed into Professor Xavier's office and screamed at the top of his lungs, "MAGNETO'S RIGHT, MAGNETO'S SOO RIGHT!!" On an afterthought, he added, "Where's my lollipop?"

"Vendetta!!" Xavier hollered in thought and voice, but it was too late. I was already making a mad dash back to the baby shower room with an evil grin on my face. He's your problem now, Charlie!

Best Baby Shower Bomb Ever

Kuh-zoooo! Rogue blew on the party favor and sighed. Shaking her head, she explained, "It just doesn't sound as cheery as it should." Who said baby showers are cheery? I wondered. My hope is that everyone's crying by the end of this one.

Xavier rested his head on his arm, which rested on his armrest. "This is rather boring." He admitted quietly. Scott snorted. "Can I go yet?" He demanded. "Hardly anybody showed up anyways!" I looked around and had to admit, he was right. Only Logan , Beast, Storm, Rogue, Xavier, Bobby, Angel, Kitty, Colossus, Frankie, Scott, Pyro and two of Frankie's toddler friends had showed up. Jean had been made to promise to be here in three minutes.

"Maybe we should eat the cake now." I suggested when Pyro started to fall asleep. Beast nodded. "Good suggestion." He answered, though he was obviously still wary of me. I pulled out a lovely cake that Rogue and I had made. "It's called a Diaper Cake." I explained as I put one down on the table. Rogue brought out the second one. "It's delicious." She promised.

"Ooh, yummy!" One of the toddlers screamed. He ripped off the top diaper and immediately began shoveling brown pudding into his mouth. The looks on everyone's faces were priceless, even Rogue's. I guess she didn't notice me slipping pudding into the diapers. Frank leaned over and stuffed some in his mouth too. "Delicious!"

"Children!" Xavier tried to order. "Children, I need you to—oh, gross!" Xavier rolled away into the bathroom to, uh, regurgitate. One kid looked up at Logan , its face and arms covered in pudding. "Yum!" It added cheerfully. Logan decided that then would be a good time to 'go check on the Professor' and ran all the way over there, 'just in case'.

I forced myself to stop my maniac laughter. "Relax, guys, its pudding!" I soothed. "I think." Scott and Angel decided to check on Logan and Xavier too, soon to be followed by Bobby.

Storm managed to pry the children off the diaper cakes. "STOP IT!" She yelled at them. "You're making everyone sick!" The kids looked at each other in confusion. Then, finally, Frank held up his hand, which was smeared in pudding. "Want some?" He offered Storm. Storm then decided to go 'make sure the women's bathroom was clean.' Kitty followed her too, just to be a 'helper'.

I giggled a little bit until everyone came back looking ill. "Nobody wants some of the chocolate cake?" I offered, holding up a rich, Hershey's chocolate cake. I figured out that they didn't any when everyone started moving—all Zombie-like—to the bathrooms again. "Oh, well: more for me." I stuffed the mouth-watering cake into the fridge and wiped my hands on my black shirt and blue plaid pants and glared at my clothing choice. Stupid school uniforms! When did we even get them? I didn't see any in the movies.

Jean arrived about then, walking cautiously into the room. "H-hi." She stammered out. "I've got s-something to announce, everyone." Xavier and Logan exchanged looks, and then flashed the glare at me. I pretended to be extremely focused on Jean as I tried to come up with a solution.

"I'll cut right to the point." Jean said shyly but clearly. "I'm not—"

"Having fun?" I cut in, leaping to Jean's side. Jean looked startled at first until she realized it was I. "I know Jean's not having fun." I turned to Jean and patted her shoulder. She flinched from my nails. "It's understandable, Jean." I faced everyone. "It's because we haven't started the Games!!"

"GAMES!!!!" The kids whooped.

"GAMES??" Jean sounded horrified. She grabbed my arm and dragged me closer to the wall. "I'm not even pregnant, Vendetta." She hissed in my ear. I shrugged. "At least let us have our party fun. Nobody will mention Winifred, I promise."

"Winifred??" Jean shook it off angrily and hissed, "It's a baby shower—the point is that there has to be a baby!"

I handed her a few pamphlets. "Then I'd go looking at these Adoption Agencies." I suggested as I raced back into the center of the room, leaving Jean frozen and gawking. The white-and-ribbon tables circled around us, with everyone standing together in the center. I stood up on one of the chairs and clapped my hands for everyone's attention.

"Okay, everyone!" I announced. "We're going to start the Baby Shower Games off simply. I need three contestants!" I studied the enthusiastic crowd. Kitty clung back beside Colossus, looking dubious, and Bobby and Rogue were glimpsing at the decorations, too busy muttering assurances to be volunteers. Frank and his friends dashed toward me, but I held my hand up in the traffic-cop style. "Sorry, but you have to be…older." I told them. I had enough trouble dealing with the stupid Spongebob-lover—I'm not dealing with his buddies Patrick and Sandy , too!

I looked at Xavier, who gave me a 'you must be kidding me' look. I guffawed and made a pleading look at Pyro. He became fascinated in the ruined diaper cake that nobody had bothered to clean up. Since I couldn't have Jean playing in this one, I made a quick decision.

I yawned loudly on the chair and conveniently dropped a string on the floor. As I stretched, it snagged on a chair leg. As if to get it off, I yanked it as hard as possible, moving it towards me. Three people fell as the string cut into their ankles.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we have our volunteers!" I praised and watched the three men struggle to get up. Logan , Scott, and Beast---sometimes it just works for ya', you know?

"Here you go." I handed each a moderately sized baby bottle. Logan looked ready to slice it up with his claws. Beast sniffed it and started gagging at the same time, as Scott demanded, "What's even in these?"

"Each is different—and a surprise!" I cooed. "Yay! Surprises!"

"Surprise! Surprise! Surprise! Yay!" The kids cheered. Storm and Jean exchanged a puzzled look. Xavier groaned deeply and started handing out Aspirin to the three men. Logan lifted his chin, undaunted.

"I'm not going to be afraid of a little girl and her mystery-bottle." He told me angrily. I shrugged, biting back a few insults. "Okay then. Drink it." I ordered, making sure to smile so as to seem innocent. Logan cleared his throat and pressed the bottle to his lips, and took a struggling sip.

Hsssssssssss. Logan 's eyes widened and he threw the bottle off his lips. I saw skin beginning to sizzle and disappear as the potion made its way down. "What's in that?!!" Logan struggled to say as his throat began literally burning away. He dropped to the floor and tried regurgitating some of it. I smiled innocently. "Acid!" I explained.

Hssssssss! Logan spat some out and waited until his skin began reappearing before talking again. "Not that!" He snapped, waving the darkish liquid bottle. "Whatever else that's in there!"

"Diet Coke." I explained. "And a little bit of Pepto Bismol." Needless to say, Logan gagged. I turned to Scott. "Drink it." I suggested. He scowled. "You gave him Diet Coke, Pepto Bismol, and acid, and mine's a similar color. I'm not stupid, Vendetta."

"A few arguments about that." I told him, and his visor glowed with ruby flames. "First, I prefer to call that particular concoction Diet Pepto Acid: much easier to say. Second, his was dark brown with hints of clear and pink. Yours is black, just black. It's not the same. Third, well…we'll get back to that when the poll results come in." Scott's fists clenched at his sides.

"Drink it! Drink it!" I chanted. The kids picked up the cry and chanted until Scott sighed and took a swig.

Pwefftth! Scott spat out the black liquid and began rinsing out his mouth with nasty tap water. "What was in that?" He choked. I grinned widely. "Motor oil and blended beetle." I explained. Scott managed to make it to the bathroom, this time not to check on Xavier.

Beast looked frightened by now and was trying to make his way to the EXIT sign. I grabbed his wrist, and with amazing force, dragged him back to the table with the single baby bottle. The yellow innards didn't swish when I picked it up. I kept my steel-trap grip and reached toward Beast's mouth with the bottle. He clamped his mouth shut.

"Come on, I went easy on the father-to-be!" I soothed. The kids whooped. You could barely hear Xavier yell, "What's exciting about watching people get sick with motor oil and acid?"

"I'm not the fath—mmmmfffff!" Beast's muffled words said under the bottle. "Drink, drink it now!" I ordered. Beast began slurping up the concoction but suddenly pressed his free hand against his blue forehead and dropped to the floor. I sniffed the drink as Storm hovered around Beast anxiously.

"Frozen banana smoothie." I explained. "Brain freeze."

"Oh, okay." Storm walked back to her seat. Colossus and Pyro dragged Logan and Beast into the men's bathroom, hopefully locking them in the stalls with Scott. I didn't know they all were trapped in the stall? Adamantium stalls, really? I didn't know! You have to be prepared to be innocent.

Xavier scowled widely. "Not funny, Vendetta." He growled at me. I shrugged casually. "Then we'll play a new game." I suggested. Xavier gulped, looking less sure all of a sudden. "What game would that be, Vendetta?" He demanded. I grinned back wordlessly and prepared the measuring tape.

"Aiiiiieeeeeee!!!" Jean shrieked, clapping her hands to her face. "That has to be wrong!" She gasped. Storm quickly ushered the shocked telekinetic to a chair. Pyro looked up innocently from a yellow band of measuring tape. "It doesn't lie." He told Jean with a shrug. "Your baby must be pretty big."

"I'm…I'm not…" Needless to say, Jean fainted, and I can't exactly blame her. I would too if I found out that the measuring tape it took to wrap around my stomach consisted of some big—and I mean, biiig—guy that Logan knew. I tried to say this but everyone started demanding what "X-Men Origins" was and I had to create a distraction involving a runaway carrot, a four-hundred-year-old pony named Nugget, three parachutes that claimed to be old lady underwear, and Pyro.

Hey! It worked, didn't it?

"That's impossible." Xavier said bluntly, studying the measuring tape for himself. Pyro frowned and pointed at it. "But it's accurate." Pyro reminded him. Xavier shook his head, reflecting the annoying florescent lights that I had made shine as bright as they could. They were starting to rival the sun itself. Storm slipped over to Pyro and Xavier. "Let me see that." She suggested, holding out her hand. Pyro blinked at her and his lighter clicked open.

"John…" Storm began. The black, charred measuring tape fell to the floor, burnt to a crisp. Xavier sighed, rubbing his forehead. "Let's just get this over with, shall we?" He suggested. I exchanged an amused look with Pyro. Poor little Professor. The fun hadn't even started yet.

To Definitely be Continued When I Am Able To

Be as awesome as always, and please review!!!! I'm planning to look on for some more ideas, so I'm still trying with this story, don't worry!