Here we have a new chapter. It contains some language, so watch out for the f-bombs.
I'd like to thank every single reviewer so far, I can't mention often enough how important this is to me. From the short to the long ones, they are all my favorites ;)
And I want to thank luvcali for the S8 input and the Stevie Nicks talk which made me start over new with this chapter and it turned out better than I thought it would :P
Not surprisingly, the song for this chapter is "Stop Draggin My Heart Around" by Stevie Nicks. You find it on youtube again if you just type in artist and title.
Stop Draggin My Heart Around
It's
hard to think about what you've wanted
It's hard to think about
what you've lost
This doesn't have to be the big get even
This
doesn't have to be anything at all
November 2007
Hyde residence, Living Room
"He really did that? I somehow can't picture Hyde like that..."
"Well, you all couldn't see him in a serious relationship, right? Did you ever see him show any emotion except for the times Kelso did something extra stupid and he almost died laughing? Or when he got a little angry?"
"No..."
"See. Has to go somewhere, hasn't it."
"I think I never really thought about you two. I mean, I always thought you guys were just... A fling. But even Eric saw more in you. He was still making his jokes about you, but he said you made Hyde happy. Fuck, even Kelso was smarter than I was..."
"That's gotta hurt!"
Steven chuckled and got up. He stretched his stiff limbs and cracked his neck before walking off to the kitchen.
"I'm making some popcorn. Anybody care for a drink?"
"There's still some beer in the fridge in the garage, Steven. Why don't you get that for us?"
"Can I have one, too?"
"Steven, you are 20. The first time you came home drunk was when you were 16. You stole beer from us ever since and I only let you get away with it a few times because your dad told me to."
"Is that a yes?"
He yelled over from the garage and even though the microwave was on and the popcorn inside was popping they could still hear the giddyness in his voice. She heard Donna snort next to her and turned towards her, Donna's face was as red as her hair. Jackie scrunched up her face but within seconds she was laughing, too.
"So, what happened next? Did Dad go really insane and did the whole flowers, hearts and Bee Gees thing?"
"Think twice. Recall your Dad."
"Nah, I didn't think so."
"He just packed some clothes, threw them in his car and drove to New York. He just went without thinking twice, like he always did. But this time towards his problems, not away. I will never ever forget how he showed up at our apartment."
September 20th
New York City
Manhattan
Hell's Kitchen
Apartment Building
He had thought about this long and hard and still had no idea what to say. This is why he was now standing in front of her door, scratching his head and wondering what the hell he would say. Before his head could come up with anything his body took charge and knocked. Cursing under his breath he heard how the music was turned down, then he heard footsteps.
"If it's that creepy guy from downstairs again I'm gonna kick his ass!"
With those words the door opened and he saw that tiny blonde with the poodle hair and the raspy voice he had seen so many times on TV when he had nothing better to do. Or when he was impatiently waiting to get a glimpse at Jackie. Mostly that, but he would rather die than admit it.
Her name was Nina, he remembered that much.
"Well, hello there. Who are you, stranger?"
She leaned against the door and checked him out. She was wearing black leggins and a black shirt and a purple scarf was tied around her head.
"I'm a friend of Jackie. Hyde."
"I can't remember her mention that name."
He sighed and scratched his neck. This really wasn't helping.
"Uhm, maybe... Steven?"
From the way her facial expression changed he knew Jackie had talked about him. A lot, from the looks of it. Nina's mouth fell open as she stared at him, she gave him another head-to-toe checkup before her face started to twist. He carefully turned his body away from her and discreetly folded his hands in front of his crotch, he anticipated a hearty kick. But instead...
"Jackie, here's a visitor for you, girl."
"Nina, I'm not talking to that moron from downstairs. Why don't you fulfill your promise and give him a makeover with the baseball bat? Need to go over my piece for tomorrow. Damn those fucking rock people."
He couldn't help but smile about her.
"It's not that guy. It's Steven."
He heard something drop to the floor and some scrambling noises and curses. Then he heard footsteps. The door got yanked open and revealed not only a very messy apartment but also Jackie, her hair up in a high pony tail, leaving her neck and her shulders exposed, she was wearing a very pink sweater that was cut very low and barely hung off one shoulder, and very tight black jeans. And she was barefoot.
"What the hell are you doing here, Steven?"
She tried to scowl at him but he saw that she was trying to cover up that she was surprised... Of course she hadn't anticipated him here, she had thought they wouldn't see each other again until Christmas. And Hyde doubted that she would have shown up at the Forman's.
"I'm in town visiting W.B. at the hospital, so I thought I pay you a visit. Kitty gave me the address."
"I thought so... Even though I told her not to give my address or my phone number to anyone unless I allowed her to! Wait, your dad is in hospital? Why? And why are you still standing outside? Come in!"
She pulled him inside, still frowning, and threw some clothes off the couch to make room for him to sit down. She waited patiently until he had a good look around before addressing him again.
"So, what's with your dad?"
He didn't mention that his father was admitted to the hospital two days after he had arrived, last night. And that he had spent almost three days trying to figure out what to say to her.
"He just broke down... They are still checking him, by tomorrow they'll have the results. I guess he's just working too hard. But he had to move the headquarters to New York and expand even further. I mean, it's not like he has enough money...Well, whatever."
He tried his best to put his zen face back on but he really was worried. And it seemed like Jackie knew just that. Because she changed from bitchy to friendly and slightly worried in a heartbeat. She even looked at him, but he saw nothing but concern in her eyes. Not hurt, nothing.
"I am sorry Steven! I really hope it's just that. So, what are you doing now? And where are you staying?"
"I'll be here for a while I guess, so I will try to find an apartment, right now I am staying with W.B.. And what I'll do? Work, of course. One day I have to face all that corporate crap anyway, so I figured I could get into it now."
"Steven, that sounds so mature...and not at all like you."
He snorted and began to stare at his boots. The way she glared at him made him realize that just driving up here and anticipating her to jump at him was completely insane after all that had happened. She would probably only jump at him to try and rip his eyes out. Or do something similar painful. Perform open heart surgery with a spoon. Something like that. He sighed and rubbed his eyes.
"Look, I'm sorry to intrude like that, but you are the only person in New York that I know. It seemed like a good idea at that time."
"You know, lighting firecrackers inside a barn filled with hay sounded at that time like a good idea to Kelso, too."
"Jackie, could we stop that at least for tonight? I have enough on my mind already."
"Well, you have used me as a distraction often enough, Steven."
"I'm not only here to distract myself, Jackie. I really wanted to see you."
"Yeah, right."
The tone of her voice and the bitter laugh that followed made him cringe. This wasn't working like he had imagined at all. He had expected her to be crabby but they had agreed on being friends, hadn't they?
"Jackie, I...alright. You are not going to believe me anyway. I came here to talk to you. To New York, I mean. Of course I wanted to check in on my dad, too, but... Look, I am sorry that I didn't... The way we said goodbye wasn't right. And the whole thing... I just don't want it to end this way."
"So, we have sex and you go back home instead or what was your plan?"
He felt tiny beads of sweat run down his back, he had never struggled for words as hard as he did now. And the effort he made to explain his position, to tell her how he felt about this, was more than he could take.
"I'm just trying to be fucking honest with you Jackie!"
"Little late, huh."
"You know what, I'll go. This was a stupid idea to begin with."
"Where are you going?"
"Let me think... Back home?"
"Wait...Uhm... Are you hungry? There's this place around the corner, they have some pretty decent Chinese food..."
He shrugged and was about to give one of his standard replies when he realized the annoyed grimace she was trying to hide from him. This really was going to be a lot harder than he had thought.
"Sounds good."
November 2007
Hyde Residence, Living Room
"No, you can't stop there! Jackie, I will pin you to this couch if I have to but you will finish this."
"Geez, Donna, I have to pee. And this is really emotional for me, you know. I need a break and some cold water, I will be right back."
Jackie got up and almost ran to the bathroom. She sat down on the edge of the bathtub and buried her face in her hands. The memory of that night had been particularly vivid and she remembered the whirlwind of emotions he had stirred up in her again. Never before in her life she had felt so raw, so wounded, so hurt. But having him sit so close by, admitting he had come to see her, she had wanted to feel him so badly. And she had been so confused. Had wanted revenge and at the same time tried to will herself to make him leave so she would never have to deal with him again.
A sob tried to emerge from her throat but wouldn't come out. Jackie felt like she was choking and hastily got up to get to the sink and pour herself some ice cold water into a glass waiting readily. With closed eyes she relished the feeling of the water inside her and the invisible band tied around her throat loosened. She took a few deep breaths and went back into the living room. Before Donna could say anything she picked up the thread of her story.
"So, we went to that restaurant..."
September 20th 1981
New York City
Manhattan
White Lotus Restaurant
They had ordered their food and were now sitting silently in their booth in the far corner of the small restaurant, glancing at each other across the table from time to time. Jackie was still asking herself what exactly she was doing here. She didn't want to be around him anymore and was afraid he would rip out what was left of her heart any minute now to eat it right in front of her. A radio was playing in the background, songs were just changing to "Stop Draggin My Heart Around" by Stevie Nicks and Jackie felt like crying.
Baby,
you'll come knocking on my front door
Same old line you used to
use before
I said ya, well
What am I supposed to do
I didn't
know what I was getting into
"I don't even know what I am doing here. You have been the biggest fucking asshole in the history of assholes to me. I should be at home getting ready for my day tomorrow which is going to be one bitch of a day. Instead I sit here with my ex who couldn't make any commitment to me and chose to marry a skanky stripper instead."
"I guess I deserve that."
"You deserve a whole lot more, Steven. Be glad I feel sorry because your dad's in hospital right now or you would have to pull your ridiculous sunglasses out of your ass."
Sighing he took them off and placed them gently on the table between them.
"Better? You have spent too much time at the Forman's, though. Threatening to put something up people's asses..."
He saw the hint of a smile on her face and for the first time since he had knocked on her door tonight he didn't feel like it was such a bad idea.
So
you've had a little trouble in town
Now you're keeping some demons
down
Stop draggin' my
Stop draggin' my
Stop draggin' my
heart around
"So, what are you really planning? How long will you be here?"
"Could be that I'm staying. My dad has made some subtle suggestions and left hints even Kelso would have noticed. Looks like he wants to retire soon. And since Angie yelled "Not it" faster I am the only one left to inherit the whole deal."
It's
hard to think about what you've wanted
It's hard to think about
what you've lost
This doesn't have to be the big get even
This
doesn't have to be anything at all
"Steven, one thing. I'm sick and tired of you having your way with me. I can try and be friends with you, but if you are here for one giant burn, better go and leave now. You wouldn't live to regret it."
(I
know you really want to tell me good-bye)
(I know you really want
to be your own girl)
"Jackie, I promise I am not going to hurt you. I am here to try and somehow fix this."
"It's too late for that, Steven. I am willing to try and be friends with you, but I can't even guarantee you that. I am not going back to playing stupid games. I'm not like that anymore."
"I know."
He looked down at the table, wondering where the waitress was getting their food, it was taking a very long time now. He glanced at his watch-it had only been a little more than five minutes.
Baby,
you could never look me in the eye
Yeah, you buckle with the
weight of the words
Stop draggin' my
Stop draggin' my
Stop
draggin' my heart around
"It will take time. And if you ever go zen on me I will leave. Why am I even trying this? This is like a big joke. Damn!"
She got up and tried to leave, but Hyde grabbed her wrist and looked up at her, begging her with his eyes to stay. She tried to turn around and leave and when she turned her face away from him he could see the mask of anger fall and all there was was pain. He scooted nervously to the edge of his seat, trying to find words that would make her stay. Because he knew if he would let her go now it was over. This right here was his last chance. Again.
But this time it would be final and he knew.
People
running 'round loose in the world
Ain't got nothin' better to
do
Than make a meal of some bright eyed kid
You need someone
looking after you
"Jackie... There is no way I can take back what I've done. And I will not ask you to forget everything or forgive it and get back with me. Just... I'm sorry. I really am. And even that doesn't buy me a ticket out of this, I know that. I'm just asking you if you could see me being a part of your live, however big or small."
He felt like a complete idiot for saying this, still holding her wrist, looking up at her like a stray dog begging for some scraps. But if that was what it took to get at least back into her life he had to bite the bullet and do whatever it took. He could see her think, she was chewing on her lower lip, eyes darting around and her eyebrows pulled together.
"Can we get out of here? I don't feel like eating anymore, we can ask them to pack the food and go back."
Half an hour later they were sitting in the kitchen of Jackie's and Nina's apartment, Jackie had eaten something after all and was now leaning back in her chair, holding her stomach.
"Oh, I am so full!"
Nina entered the kitchen and pulled a tin out of one of the cupboards, it was labeled "Tea". She opened it up and took a little plastic bag out instead of a tea bag.
"Wait a second Jackie, what exactly is your friend doing there?"
Jackie shrugged.
"Point Place isn't the only place in the world where people do that, you know."
Jackie got up and followed her roommate over into the living room, so Hyde got up and went after them. Nina was currently rolling a paper with expertise. And Hyde knew his stuff, he had been doing it for years now.
"Wanna join?"
"Nina, this is like asking the US if they want more oil."
Hyde couldn't help but raise his eyebrow at that remark.
"Thanks for comparing me to the government, Jacks."
He pulled out a chair from underneath the table, turned it around and sat down. He started to like the blonde chick, she wasn't as stupid as he thought she would be. A person sharing this kind of interest couldn't be that bad.
Thirty minutes later
Hyde was still sitting on the chair at the table, both arms on the backrest and his chin on top of them. Nina was lying on the floor, head resting on a pillow, arms spread out to her sides. And Jackie sat across the table from him, her bare feet on it, a little toe ring sparkling at him much to his dismay.
"I'll go get some music, I will be right back."
Jackie got up and disappeared into the dark hallway where Hyde assumed she would go to her bedroom and gather whatever record she had in mind. He was pretty sure it had something to do with disco and was certain he wouldn't like it. He was already descending in his own world when he heard the thing he dreaded most-Nina asked him a question.
"So, you're the one, huh."
"Depends."
"Yeah, I know you're not the big talker but more the lonely wolf type, but if you hurt her I go after you."
This woman had nerves, he had to give her that. Hyde briefly considered hitting her, but he hadn't sunk that low-yet. But he felt dangerously close and if she kept pushing him he felt like he would slip.
"Amazing how you judge me after such a short time. And you also know what I'm up to, I'm impressed."
"No need to be snarky with me. Jackie told me enough about you. And a leopard doesn't change it's spots."
"Well, good to know."
"Try keeping that in mind. Jackie has friends now."
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"
"You know, people that care for her. Not friends of her boyfriend who merely accept her existence and keep betraying and hurting her."
Jackie walked back in and Nina got up, leaving Hyde speechless. The fact that a stranger would say something like that about his friends made him think though...
Remember to leave your review at the door before you leave. Thank you.
